One Baby, One Sword

In 1 Kings 3:16-27 King Solomon is approached by two women who had babies. One baby died, one lived and they were arguing over who's baby was still alive. It was brought to Solomon's attention and He asked for a sword and offers to divide the baby in half. Solomon knows who the mother is as one woman says to cut the baby in half and the other would rather give up the baby than have it hurt.



It makes me really think about the things I cherish in my life and the value I place on them. The things we hold on to (like the woman who would take half a baby) end up loosing in the end but the things we submit are given back to us. We have to trust He will always provide. He will always give what we need. He will always be our strength and our portion. note the commonality is not us but HE. HE is everything and that is all we need to know.

So friends. This message is clear and concise: Stop holding on to it: whatever it is. submit it to the Lord and let Him bless it and bring it to you.  If you hold on to it you might end up loosing it or you might not receive the greater blessings God has in store. Just trust Him and continue to ask Him to show up and let Him do the rest!

I have fallen a little behind but with good reason. God has been doing some huge things, and I've been sick. The combination of the two has lead to a sudden decline in blog posts and for that I apologize. I have still been spending my time with the Lord I just haven't been writing here as I should. Forgive me.

I want to do a whole separate blog post on Christmas eve. God moved in a big way and it deserves to be recognized.

On Christmas day I went to church, and then went and handed out boxes of food to people who are less fortunate and maybe needed something. Two friends went with me and we prayed for the people and gave them bibles. I really enjoyed it but was having a mental battle the whole time of feeling sick but wanting to be there. I definitely think it was spiritual warfare but I won't explain why on here. Just some of the thoughts that crossed my mind were definitely not my own. I felt like I was arguing with myself. Dont' worry I'm not crazy I wasn't TALKING to myself nor do I have DID or any other personality disorder. If you have ever had this happen to you you know that its from Satan.  Since I know nonbelievers read this blog I won't go into detail on this as it won't make sense.

After a friend and I went to a pastor's house. This pastor I've felt a huge charge to pray for and have made that very clear to Him. I don't know why God has put Him on my heart so heavily but there have been several instances now where I have felt the spirit telling me to encourage him or pray for him or whichever.  Again, if your not a believer the idea of following a spirit can sound a little out there but trust me when I say that the spirit will guide your steps if you let Him. It was a great time of fellowship and a time of prayer which I know God will bless. God is stirring something HUGE in all of us and we dont' know what but something big is going to happen. CAN'T wait!

The night ended with watching a movie with a friend seriously feeling the weight of my illness. I didnt' really sleep that night at all and the whole time I just kept thinking about how thankful I was that this happened this week and not next week when classes started. I was trying to focus so hard on what I was thankful for that don't get me wrong I felt/feel terrible but its not the focus. If there is anything i've been harping on lately its

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  : ¹⁶ Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

note that 16 and 17 are short verses and He could have written this all as one but He didn't because it was meant to be focused on. It was meant to pause at. 1. Rejoice, 2. pray continually, 2- give thanks IN all circumstances. Why do all this ? for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. That's why. We always pray God's will be done and we have to do it. It tells right here some of what that is.  I believe I have written about this verse before but its something that I keep on my mind a lot. No matter what happens... thats what we are called to do. No matter if you sick, or hurting, or happy or sad, or dying or homeless or blessed with riches that the heart we are to have.

Alright friends. I want to leave you with that thought. I will attempt to unpack Christmas eve soon and update you on what I'm learning in 1 Kings.
Please keep me updated on what your learning. I've gotten a few messages in the past couple days about what this prayer time has meant to you and I LOVE reading them :)

Solomon's Wisdom

Hello Friends---

Onward into 1 Kings.  David has at the point died, and now Solomon is King and this is what the word has to say:

Solomon loved the LORD, walking in the statutes of David his father, only he sacrificed and made offerings at the high places. And the king went to Gibeon to sacrifice there, for that was the great high place. Solomon used to offer a thousand burnt offerings on that altar. At Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night, and God said, “Ask what I shall give you.” And Solomon said, “You have shown great and steadfast love to your servant David my father, because he walked before you in faithfulness, in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart toward you. And you have kept for him this great and steadfast love and have given him a son to sit on his throne this day. And now, O LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of David my father, although I am but a little child. I do not know how to go out or come in. And your servant is in the midst of your people whom you have chosen, a great people, too many to be numbered or counted for multitude. Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?”
(1 Kings 3:3-9 ESV)

I think it is important to note here that He talks about how David walked in steafast love and that the Lord was steadfast to Him.  It's so important to see how many times God shows us that we just have to live for Him He will bless you. Even going back to Adonijah from yesterday--- Solomon ends up killing Him in chapter 3 which I firmly believe is because He exalted Himself and decided He would be King without consulting the Lord.

And God said to him, “Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or riches or the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern what is right, behold, I now do according to your word. Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you. I give you also what you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that no other king shall compare with you, all your days. And if you will walk in my ways, keeping my statutes and my commandments, as your father David walked, then I will lengthen your days.”
(1 Kings 3:11-14 ESV)

Not only is God rewarding Solomon for seeking Gods presence  in the form of wisdom rather than material things, but also God reminds Him that if He will walk in His ways He will be rewarded.  Let's learn from this! Let's walk in his presence and seek His wisdom. It is with Him that all things are possible!!! I've just been blessed and washed over with that today and so thankful for that. He just keeps reminding me how far He has brought me and how much He has redeemed me. SO THANKFUL!!! Ah. Sometimes I'm just overwhelmed with how much He loves me and with so much love for Him.

Keep me updated friends! I want to hear what your learning!!!!

True Prosperity.

Hello Friends-
I hope are well. I want to continue in 1 Kings today--

1 kings 2:2-3 says ",,,Be strong, and show yourself a man, ³ and keep the charge of the LORD your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn..."

These are some of Davids last words right before He dies and I jsut think they are exactly where I need to land tonight.


1. Be strong
 Such an easy command to give but sometimes such a hard thing to do. However as I say that I have Nehemiah in my head saying "The joy of the Lord is your strength." It's not easy to be strong, but with the Lord we don't need to be we just need to have His joy and focus on that.

2. Show yourself a man.
 I think what He means here is to stand up and not be passive. To not just be strong but to show that you are a man of God and be actively pursuing Him.

3. Keep the charge of the Lord your God
He explains how to do this:  "walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses,"  What David is calling for right here is for obedience to the Lord as that is what God calls for as well.

...that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn.
Now this gives a glimpse of what we receive when we follow the Lord. Note this is not a ploy for the prosperity gospel but rather a further testament that if you honor God He will honor you.  Note also that it doesn't say "you will get whatever you want" it says you will prosper which doesn't mean the prosperity is coming to you it just means that you will be profitable in what you are doing -- which if we put two and two together: the Lords work will prosper if you are doing it.

So. Let's heed David's eloquent words and do as He says. Lets be strong, prove ourselves as men and women of the Lord, keep the charge of the Lord and watch his kingdom prosper. It is all for His glory and honor and praise and we are so blessed to serve such an awesome and loving God. I just can't get over the beauty of that verse and apologize that that is as far as I am going to go but just meditating on those two verses just tells us everything we need to be doing. ITS BEAUTIFUL!!!

Keep praying for Him to show up !!

Lessons from Adonijah.

Hello Friends!
Today I have moved into read 1 Kings. I think I am going to concentrate on this book a bit in the next couple day/weeks so just so you know where I am going.

Just to give you some background: David is still king but is getting really old and the opener has him ill in bed. So the question is -- Who is going to be the next king?  Now some of you may already know the story, and you know ultimately who David chooses but go with me on this.

In verse 5 it says "Now Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, “I will be king.” And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him."

I don't know about you -- but note that Adonijah just decided He was going to be King and I am pretty sure that is not how it works. We could say that in this text He was simply setting a goal-- just as I used to say "I'm going to be a physician assistant" before I was even accepted into the program. Which ever way He meant it, it is clear He isn't waiting on God to guide that plan.

How often do we do that? Make plans without consulting the Lord? Do those plans EVER work out?  In my experience rarely does anything that I want come to fruition unless it is God's plan. A few times the two have coincided but its not the norm. God has a perfect plan for us and his hand is behind everything we do, and yet we try and go it alone sometimes. Personally, I don't want to be in charge of my own life and my own destiny because I have a limited view that is obstruction by time, and humanity and I would rather have an all knowing, all powerful God planning my steps than fo rme to have to blindly guess what road I should go down. I want Him to lead the way.

Well in the case of Adonijah-He didn't become King -- Solomon is chosen. Would things have turned out differently if He prayed on it? who knows. But I do know this. Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." This doesn't mean that if you delight yourself in the Lord you will get whatever you want. What it does mean is if you delight yoursel fin the Lord He will PUT desires in your heart that are according to His plan. That's how we can say with confidence that if you follow Him things will work out for the good of those who love Him. Because our desires become God's desires and of course He gets what He wants.

Let's learn from Adonijah and not declare what we will and will not be unless we are declaring we are a servant of the Lord.All other things He will decide and He has a plan for and we need not worry or be anxious for them. Let us just rest in the promises and wait for God to lead us where He has us. Let us continue to pray for his presence and as He shows up He will show us where we need to go.

God for us.

Tonight at the Drive was an excellent night of learning and fellowship. I wanted to recap some of the points made and expand a little on one:

Tonight it was discussed that God is in us. That He knew us and planned for us before the foundation of the world was set and I pray that you know that not only does He know us but He loves us. It was then discussed that every moment of your life is guided by the hand of God for his purpose and that when He gives you a new heart you will turn toward Him and be saved by his grace. Those sentences are a lot unpack if that is foreign to you and pershaps a topic for another time. What I want to focus on is that no matter who you are Gods hand has been there. Even if you are a mess God has been there.

What wasn't said tonight, but I want to tell you is that if you have been a mess God loves you anyways, but if you know your a mess you need to turn from that and run toward God and He will make you new and clean. Don't let knowing that God loves you stop be justification for you to continue to live your life away from Him. It's one thing to know God its another thing entirely to have faith in Him and trust Him and obey Him. Knowing that God loves you and living your life like you know it is the difference between whether or not you have been given a regenerated heart or not.

Remember Ephesians 2:8-9 says "⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast."  This means that salvatoin is a gift and I pray that you take that gift and make the most of it. Don't waste your life. Don't waste your gift. run after Him because He is for you. Run after Him BECAUSE He loves you. Don't let the knowledge stay in your head but guard it in your heart and put it into action. Do not keep separate what you know and what you do.

Keep praying for His presence and remember that He is for you no matter who you are. Let that knowledge make you for Him in all that you are and in all that you do.

To understand the good you have to know the bad.

Dear Friends-

Today I write to you about something that most wouldn't write about. I normally write to you about the good that is found in the Lord, but to understand how good the good news is you must understand how bad the bad news is. I think a lot of times we forget that there is an evil entity that exists and has people working on his team. We only tend to think about the fact that the Lord will protect us as it says "

Psalm 32:10
Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.

This is true. The Lord will keep you and protect you if you pursue Him, but I firmly believe in spiritual warfare. I believe that Satan wants nothing more than to make you feel alone, and broken, and unredeemable and that God is more powerful than that and He will in his perfect timing overcome that and save you, but I do believe that after you are saved Satan will realize He has lost a soul to the Lord and then though He can't keep you from Christ He will try and make you less effective in that He will scare you into thinking that you shouldn't share the gospel. He will make you feel alone and like an outsider. None of this is true. Our God is good and holy and there are people around you but you can't forget that who the Son sets free is free indeed.

I have been reading a work by C.S. Lewis called The Screwtape Letters. It is a compilation of letters from supposedly an older demon instructing him on how to make christians less effective. Let me start by saying I don't know how Lewis got these letters, if He wrote them or what but I do know that they present some interesting insight and as you read them you see where they really do reveal areas where we need to be guarded.

In letter 7 it says this:

"Once you have made the World an end and faith a means you have almost won your man and it makes very little difference what kind of worldly end he is pursuing. Provided that meetings, pamphlets, policies, movements, causes and crusades matter more to him than prayers and sacraments and charity he is ours.- the more "religious" (on those terms) the more securely ours."

I quote it only to make a point ---and the point of many of the letters is to distract us from our cause. In one it talks about that if the demon can get you running after a charitable cause rather than God you won't notice the difference but you won't be doing the Lords work. It's an interesting account and I hope to compile a short list of things we can all be watching for from this. But here is what I want you to take away: If you are saved by the grace of God you have a power inside of you that is stronger than any one and anything. He will guard you and protect you and the more you run after Him and the more you know the word (the sword of the spirit) you will know that the lies that Satan feeds are just that: LIES. If you are weak in your walk and not pursuing Him it can be hard to see this contrast that must be present. If you can't tell what is from God and what is from Satan then I would thoroughly encourage you to really search yourself and your heart and figure out if you are serving the Lord wholeheartedly or not. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then I'd encourage you really read your bible as there are a ton of places where the word talks about Satan. For instance:

2 Thess 3:3
3The Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 

We have to remember the need for the good news that is Jesus Christ and that is to save us from the sinful, wicked, ways that we are accustomed and to breathe into us a new life. He cleans us from our natural and makes us understand slowly and in small part his supernatural ways. We do not and will not ever know everything about God here on earth but we can know this: Our God is greater, stronger, and higher than any other. Of course, we don't love to think about these things, but I think it important for you to know that you need to guard your mind and heart against the common. You need to actively pursue Christ each and every day, every moment. Don't be lukewarm as Christ warns against but remember that an incredible, loving savior died for you so that you might have life and have it more abundantly. He made you and is the truth and the light and if you aren't moving toward God you are moving away from God. RUN toward Him not out of fear but out of confidence and adoration for the miracle of salvation.

If there is anything I have gotten from reading this is that Satan hates it when we pray, so he distracts us from it. Let's be on guard and run after the protector. Let us not allow the normal to infiltrate us, but rather we need to be running after holiness. We need to remember that we are called Saints and to not be conformed to the pattern of the world but to allow God to renew our hearts and spirits and to fight with God not against Him.

Keep praying for His presence for He is the source of strength and He alone is the power. Let Him be these things for you. Let Him be your strength when you have none. Let Him be your hope and your promise. Let His presence be your everything and remember that without Him we are nothing.

Childlike not Childish.

Today has just been an incredible day starting with hearing RC Sproul preach and ending at Ale house for dessert with some great people. In between those evens and including those events was completely God honoring time.  This isn't a blog about my life though but I felt it important to tell you that I had a great day of God's presence. Most of all I want to share one quick story.

Tonight a group of us met for a night of prayer that was unlike any I had ever seen. We meet each sunday night and each week the presence of the spirit got stronger and stronger in an impressive way. tonight though what astounded me most was a little girl that is maybe 1 a year and a half. As we were singing praises to God she kept reacher her hand above her head and pointing up toward heaven. It was BEAUTIFUL and though she may not know what she is doing it was a huge testament that again all we need is Him. She can't walk well, talk much, feed herself, do anything because she got the most basic principal-- LOOK UP.

It was beautiful because too often we get caught up in the all these details but all we need to do is point up and realize that that is all we need. We need to have childlike faith as the word says:

Matthew 18:3 " "Truly I say to you, Unless You turn around and become as young children, you will by no means enter into the kingdom of the heavens."

Note that childlike and childish are not the same. Having innocence like a child and a teachable spirit and the fervor for the Lord is great, but you walk with the Lord is anything but childish. It must be something you RUN after. He wants all of you and nothing less. So as you keep praying for his presence and Him remember that He wants all of you and all of your heart and then you can have Him.You can be childish and not realize that He calls for obedience but childlike in that you are willing to follow Him and not try and lead yourself. Let the man with the plan guide your steps.

I'm praying for each of you tonight. That you may know of God's grace and that He will put in you the desire to run after Him. The peace and joy that comes from doing that is unmatchable.

Stop Planning

Hello Friends!
I hope you are doing well and that this day is a blessing for you. Today I'm writing a little differently in that I'm not writing about a song or a passage in particular but an idea. An idea that I feel like God has been putting on my heart in a powerful way that some of you might need to hear.

Here it is: STOP PLANNING!!!

Alright- let me expound on it. Let me explain what I mean.
We say that we know God has a plan and that is absolutely biblical. We then great a plan for how to follow the desires He puts in our hearts-- which is not terrible. Here's the part that I need you to understand. As part of your plan you put an end destination. I.e. you decide God is calling you to ministry so your end goal : get a job as a Pastor. NO. You end goal needs to be somewhere that God decides. I think so many times we limit where it is God wants us and we forget that His eyes are not our ways. We forget that God can see all and yet we place limits on what we can do? It's as though we forget that we are no more.

Galations 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

If we believe this. IF and ONLY if we have completely and totally surrendered to Lord and His will and HIS plan-- then why do we think that there is a limit to what we can do if CHRIST LIVES IN YOUR AND ME!

I say this to myself to-- in that I of course have an idea of what I hope the high points of my life end up being. I have end result goals that I hope to reach but ultimately our only goal is bring God glory and if thats the goal than there is not end result to that until we are with Him. We can never cross that off the list of things we need to do and then move on. Because He will continue His work in us until we leave this world then we have to remember that there is a plan to that. There is a hope for that. There is a plan that is not our plan and it doesn't have the limitations that we put on it.

All this to say when you are running after the things God is calling you to --whatever they are-- don't forget WHO is calling you. Don't forget WHO you are when you are in Christ and stop putting limits on His power.

As you ask God to show up stop expecting Him to show up how you want Him to. Stop being the one to set the standard because the standard God sets is perfection and if you live your life like absolute perfect is a possibility through Christ then you won't be satisfied with anything but Him. Your heart and mind were made to satisfied in Christ and thus when you set human limits on what you can be and achieve you are limiting yourself from being satisfied.

STOP TRYING TO CREATE AND INVENT WHO YOU ARE BUT LET THE CREATOR HANDLE THAT! Let Him renew your mind and spirit and push you toward Him. Let Him take you to new places that are higher than any place you ever thought you could go.

I've got this illustration for you. . A new baby can't do anything but lay down. They can't see much and work hard to learn to roll over. They never imagine that one day they could be running marathons because they probably have never seen it. The things you can think of are about as far as rolling over for a new baby. But God has a marathon in mind-- something you have never thought you could be or achieve. So trust Him and let Him put the parameters on your plans. Just walk in faith. 2 Corinthians 5:7"For we walk by faith, not by sight."Stop living for yourself and LIVE FOR HIM.



I'm about to be super open with you here. Super open with you on how we can be so disillusioned to put limits on what He has for us. --- In my own life I had a plan of what I thought God was calling me to. I thought I'd finish my bachelors, marry a man who was completely wrong for me, and procreate. I thought that being in a relationship meant that you were going to work hard all the time and that you wouldn't really ever be happy but you made it work anyway. I didn't know that someone who loves you should encourage you and name you beautiful not only with their words but with their actions. I didn't know that my friends could be there when I needed them. I didn't know men could love God as much as or more than I do. I didn't know there were really men who could read the bible with you or men who would know the word. I honestly thought that it was another "woman" thing that we just had the gift of communication and men didn't. SO WRONG.  I didn't know that having expectations WASN'T  ridiculous. I didn't let God set my standard but I was settling for what I thought I could have until I completely surrendered to Him and said "Lord if this is what you have for me make it so clear that I can't deny it but if not take it away right now." 5 minutes later (NOT EXAGGERATING AT ALL)-- out of no where-- it was gone. gone forever. A conversation that started like any other conversation in a matter of seconds with no anger or resentment turned into an end to what I thought was best for me instead of what God had planned for me. THAT was the best I could come up with and God had so much more planned. I was trying to roll over and God wanted me to do a triathlon.

What did God come up with? He took all the mediocre people out of my life and replaced them with incredible God fearing men and women that are pulling me toward Christ and now away from Him. He moved me to Orlando and gave me community like I have never seen before. He put me in a masters program. He gave me the best dog ever. He gave me confidence in Him alone. He gave me courage. He took away my negative, unteachable spirit and gave me a joy and a hope that amazes people. He redeemed me. The best part is HE ISN'T DONE YET. He has so much more planned. So much more coming and thus I'm letting Him plan. I'm not put restrictions on the grace He can give me. He has given me a much higher standard for the people I interact with and He has put people in my life to meet that standard and taken everyone away who doesn't.

I pray that God keep showing up for you in big ways and that you keep sharing that with me. I pray you not settle for what you can come up with but let the Lord set your standard. Let Him direct your steps and let Him decide your limits. Don't put parameters on how much He can bless you. Let Him give you a hope and a future. 

Jeremiah 29:11 Says "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." He has declared it that He has the best plan for you --for your best interests so LET HIM. LET HIM plan for you because when our God is for us there is NOTHING against us.

Stop planning and let the one who has the plan tell you what to do.

It's not much but it's all I have.

If you have read 1 and 2 Samuel then you know that David was called to King, He went through a ton of trouble but God gave Him favor-- He turned away from God and sinned with Bathseba and God redeemed Him, He continued to go through war and strife and heart break but the Lord delivered Him. If you haven't read it I recommend it but know that David's story is not that different from ours. He chooses us as His children, we sometimes run toward it, sometimes run away from Him, sometimes rejoice, sometimes we cry out in pain but all things work together for those who love the Lord.

Today I read quite a bit of 2 Samuel but had to stop when I got to chapter 22 and just marvel in awe as David details out everything the Lord has done for Him. I would copy and paste the whole thing here but instead I will just talk about the parts that stuck out the most but PLEASE go read it. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+22%3A1-51&version=ESV


He starts off praising the Lord for being his strength, crying out that He was facing death and that the lord delivered him.  Verse 4 says "I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
   and I am saved from my enemies." How beautiful is that!!! HE SAVES if we only call upon Him. It might not be how we think He will but He does. He might not take you out, but He might change our hearts. He is WORTHY TO BE PRAISED. I love it. It's just one line in 51 that just encompasses the beauty that the Lord is.

David then explains some of where He was and how God down in a powerful and mighty way to deliver. But in 17-21 you see something really great. It says :

 ¹⁷ "He sent from on high, he took me;
   he drew me out of many waters.
¹⁸He rescued me from my strong enemy,
   from those who hated me,
   for they were too mighty for me.
¹⁹They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
   but the LORD was my support.
²⁰ He brought me out into a broad place;
   he rescued me, because he delighted in me.

 ²¹"The LORD dealt with me according to my righteousness;
   according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me.

How beautiful!  I bolded the parts of this that are so powerful to me. It's not just that He saves, its not just that He comforts its that He is the support behind us. That we don't have to be anything but willing to let Him fight for us. We just have to surrender. What's even more beautiful is that it says He does this because He delights in us.  How amazing to thing that the great I am, the Alpha, the Omega, the soverign Lord, the Holy of hollies, the redeemer, the savior DELIGHTS in us?! To think that that is even possible when He is all knowing and knows how messed up we truly are just blows my mind. To think He can see beauty in us when we are so far from clean is what amazes me about the Lord.  He knows my doubts, my faults, my insecurities, the mistakes, the past, the future everything about me and somehow He still loves me and finds me to be beautiful. How can He do that? because of Jesus. Because Jesus washes our sins away if we only ask Him to. If we only believe He will redeem us. Isn't that crazy?! That He had to do so much and we have to only accept Him? Doesn't seem like a fair relationship does it-- and then to think that despite that its so one sided that HE DELIGHTS IN THAT?! Ah. I just can't get over that. I pray that I be a delight to Him more and more each day. That I give Him all the glory and praise that is possible to give with my life. I know I will fail at times, I am always going to be a sinner but I pray that He doesn't just have to find delight in me when I fail but that I could truly touch His heart with my love for Him.

Verse 31 says: ³¹This God— his way is perfect;
   the word of the LORD proves true;
   he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

He is my strength and shield and refuge. He is my redeemer. He is perfect and that He would even give me the time of day is just something I am thankful for each day. I think this amazes me so much because I know all the times I've chosen other things, all the times I've been worse than I needed to be and thus I am so thankful that He would redeem even that which I knew I was doing. Luke 7:47 has Jesus saying "Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” I identify with the woman He was talking about. I have many sins and feel more love and thankfulness because I have been forgiven a great debt. The word says all have fallen short of the glory of God and I know that-- but when you know that you fell farther from that then you even needed to it's amazing that He would accept you. It's amazing to me that a God I knowingly rejected and denied would love me and DELIGHT IN ME.  To that all I can say is He deserves my highest praise. That my life be an offering solely and completely. That his great love and forgiveness for me be met with pure gratitude. I still fail Him everyday because I can never be perfect but I do know that He will continue to love me and I will spend my life working to bring Him more delight.

What's more beautiful is the last 2 verses:

⁵⁰ "For this I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations,
   and sing praises to your name.
⁵¹ Great salvation he brings^[j] to his king,
   and shows steadfast love to his anointed,
   to David and his offspring forever."

 He doesn't just do all these things I speak of once or for a moment or for a day but He promises to be these things FOREVER. Not just until this month or week or year or even just for our lives. FOREVER. For all of eternity. He is steadfast and constant and that's something to rely on. 

So all my life, all of me all I can give for Him who gives so much more. It's not much but I'll give Him all I've got.

Satisfy me Lord.

Hello friends! I apologize for the late post today. Today was my last day of finals and I then needed sleep. As I sat down to write I put on pandora like I always do when I write and this song by Tenth Ave North came on called "Satisfy" and as I was listening to it the following just really stuck out to me:    When the day is closing in
Like the stars in the night I am falling
Into the pull of the earth and it's affection
In me, oh lord, can you create
A pure heart cuz I'm afraid
That I just might run back to the things I hate

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Yeah, I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give 

I just found it to be so beautiful and so appropriate and it's something that I pray for all the time. God can be everything we need but it's his strength that helps us know that. I've been praying for God to show up in an overwhelming way, and I'm praying that He do that in the lives of those around me that don't know Him. That He show them that nothing in this world will satisfy them, nothing will give them joy. I want you to know--incase you don't-- that He is the only constant. The world will pass, your life will pass, the days will pass, the moment, but He remains the same. He is ever present and all knowing and knowing that is INCREDIBLE! How freeing that is to know that He has it covered? That He can fullfill all our needs? What's more exciting is He gives us more than just what we need, He gives us things we want-- like great friends, places to live, food to eat, and opportunities to serve Him. 
If you do believe that-- and you are someone who has been "forgiven much" then you are incredibly thankful. I pray that even if you have been given little that you see His grace and mercy in your life that He might renew you. That He might satisfy you.
I think it is easy to try and look for things to satisfy us but they always disappoint. I see this most in people who look for someone to "complete" them. You are not half a person even if you feel like that sometimes and thus people should not be completely you-- thats called codependence-- but rather be wonderful additions to your life. You should be looking to Him and not someone else to comfort you, to be your strength, to meet your needs. When you can see it that way its easier to have grace for the people in your life. It's easier to just appreciate the sweet things they do instead of expecting them to be more than they can ever be. It's Christ alone who can make you whole. No person, pet, or thing can do that for you because people disappoint you even when unintentional, pets die and things lose their newness and novelty but the Father can renew his mercies each morning. 
What it comes down to is He is faithful a quality lacking in society. He keeps His word always. He doesn't change in his steadfast love.  It's something that we can't find anywhere else which is why it is so great. So how do we get this satisfaction? We pray for it. We pray He closes our minds and hearts to anything that isn't of Him. We read the word as father comes from hearing the word of God. We pursue a life of thankfulness because if you draw near to Him HE WILL draw near to you. You need only to ask Him. Ask Him to show up in a real way for you that is undeniable. Ask Him to be your All in All. Ask Him to be your bridegroom. Ask Him to simply COME.    So as I continue to pray for Him to show up I pray that that continue to satisfy me. That I might continue to find Him beautiful. That I might remember that He is more than anything in the world offers. That I might remember He is all I need and be thankful that He gives me so much more. Ask that His spirit give you a pure heart so that you can see him as Matthew 5:8 says "Blessed are the pure of heart for they will see God." To be pure of heart is to purely and wholeheartedly run after the things that bring Him glory. That bringing Him glory be your sole focus. May run after Him and may we see Him. I pray that His presence be so strong in me that other people see it. That my love for Him might bring Him glory and that His presence in me might bring other people to Him to further glorify Him.  I pray that He alone would satisfy me.

I'm giving in to something heavenly.

Hello friends!
Thankful for this morning. Thankful to be able to write and spend time with the Lord and so thankful that He speaks to me so clearly. Yesterday He just kind of kept drilling the same message into me all day long. Through songs, through facebook statuses, through conversations, through church... and this morning. I maintain that God is a loving, soverign, holy God who is also a comedian. I think I love that God is funny.

So remember back in 1Samuel I used this verse---> 

I Samuel 2:30 Therefore the LORD, the God of Israel, declares: 'I promised that your house and your father's house would minister before me forever.' But now the LORD declares: 'Far be it from me! Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained.

If you haven't been reading for that long don't worry. It's to make the point that if we Honor God He will honor us, if we despise us we will be disdained (refused or rejected).

Alright note that He doesn't mean in one situation. He doesn't mean --> tuesday at 1 pm you dishonored me so therefore I will reject you. He is talking about your life as a whole. Your running after Him or you aren't.

Alright brief overview of David dishonoring God in 2nd Samuel 11--> there was a married woman named Bathsheba who He saw bathing, and He coveted her, slept with her and then plots her husbands death to cover it up AFTER tricking him into believing that it was his kid that she got pregnant with didn't work. --(sidenote: doesn't this sound like somethign that would be on Maurry? haha. and people think the bible is outdated)

Alright so murder, adultry, coveting, sounds pretty much like David wasn't honoring God right? It says in the text that the Lord was displeased (11:27)

So He's going to be rejected right? Well ---> NO. The difference is that this verse in 1 Samuel leaves out that we are called to Honor God, but when we don't IF we repent than we can be redeemed. Important point I'd say as we are all sinners and we are all going to dishonor him at some point each day but we are redeemed with the blood of Christ.

HOWEVER.

It takes Nathan -- David's good friend rebuking Him to make Him see that something is wrong. He has a revelation in verse 13:

Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.”Nathan replied, “The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die.  


Then we see that though He realizes his fault, that his actions do have consequences. God uses them to do bigger things in His life (ultimately to bring him to repentance and to write some of the beautiful Psalms like Psalm 51)
 " But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the LORD, the son born to you will die.” 

Now we would love to the story to stop there right? He sinned, He was punished greatly, the end. But God is way cooler than that and despite all that God gave him a son Solomon who ends up later being King and honoring God, having great wisdom and though He slips up too is a  blessing to the name of the Lord and David.

My point? Yes we mess up, Yes if you repent you can be redeemed, and yes God will use your mess-ups to teach you other things.

Alright so here's where I tell you what God taught me....and is teaching me.

I would love to say that I have always lived for Christ, but I haven't. While there were times I served in the church, or went even, the GENERAL PATTERN of my life up until my sophomore year or so of college was a path of self satisfaction. I did my will and not God's will and though He is gracious and has chosen to redeem me and use those experiences for His good because He is THAT awesome, they weren't without consequences.  I think that God gives us gifts and abilities and personality traits that shape us. One that He has given me is this desire to care. I've spoken before about doing everything as though you are working for the Lord wholeheartedly and though I didn't know that verse always it was something I've always believe in. You get out of things what you put into them and so I put everything into everything I did --- even if that meant everything into not honoring God. As such, that gave me my own sets of consequences from my sin --> NOTE: God doesn't punish those who are saved, but He does use sin to work together for His glory.

One of my consequences is learning that the world can be hurtful. It's given me this wall that I've kind of written a bout before that I kind of put between myself and other people which in some cases is good for a purpose. The consequence is not being a wall and being strong, but rather having one to divide you from the world.  This can look several different ways-- some people (Christians) use this as an excuse to separate themselves from anyone who isn't a believe. Others- like myself-- simply draw a line at some point and say that we will be open and caring up until that line. Once you hit that line however we are guarded. All of this most likely is out of fear. Fear of consequences of letting people cross that line as we have before.

Difference though: God uses everything to work together FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE HIM. (Romans 8:28). Why am I bringing that up? Because it's something that separates David's fall to sin from those of the world--> when you have love and favor from the Lord then  as you honor Him He does as promised and honors you.  If you haven't always honored the Lord you will remember those times and the times where you didn't have a line or a wall or wisdom and you will remember the consequences to them but you may forget--> and by you I mean myself. --> is that despite the fact you remember the times where you have hurt you forget that they were before you LOVED HIM and so of course those situations ended in brokenness. Not holy brokenness for a purpose but brokenness. (Not suffering well but simply suffering).

So I, and you if you do this too, have to remember that God will honor you as you honor Him and as such it's not that you won't have trials but those trials will still ultimately be for the glory of the Lord and when you delight in the Lord then bringing Him glory is WONDERFUL. There's nothing I want more than to serve and know the Lord and as such when trials come my way as a christian I can rejoice in the fact I have been redeemed and I can "suffer well."

Thus lesson of the day yesterday--> STOP BUILDING THIS STUPID WALL BECAUSE YOU FORGET THAT YOUR GOD IS A REDEEMER AND THAT YOU NOW LOVE HIM AND HE WILL WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THAT. STOP BEING AFRAID.

1 John 4:18 " There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."

Verse that showed up in one form or another EVERYWHERE! As I have been praying that God make me more open, I think He needed to show me why I'm not open--> fear --> and needed to show me that He can and will perfect that if only I will let Him.

So that's what I'm praying for. That that perfect love just overwhelm me as his spirit continues to show up in my life and that give the trust and confidence that He will help me discern where it's safe to not have a wall. i'm not saying be a door, i'm not saying not be wise i'm just saying at some point let people cross the line. Don't be afraid of that because people can't see the true love of God from you if you never love them. Be confident that He is ALWAYS working on you and making you more like Him so any consequences that come from doing His will be to bring Him glory and thus even if they are not happy they are still AWESOME because you get another way to Honor Him.

I'd like to say that since I understand that I'm now completely fearless (short of my irrational fear of spiders) but I'd be lying. What I can say is that I'm work in progress and I know He wouldn't be beating me up with this lesson if He didn't have a purpose. So His will His plan His purpose I surrender to that. THAT is what I want and whatever comes with it.

Of course I wouldn't end this post without a song of some sort.

Sanctus Real has a song-- Something Heavely. Which says this :

I give everything, I surrender to whatever your doing inside of me it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace. And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see I'm giving in to something heavenly This is something bigger than me. Larger than life. Something heavenly!!!

So as you pray for Him to show up all around you know that with his spirit comes a peace that surpasses all understanding and thus you aren't giving into the world and giving into to just letting this hurt you but rather your giving into something bigger than you. Larger than life. Something heavenly! 

...starting with the posting of this blog because this is super personal normally I wouldn't say all this. I'd be more covert but I'm giving in to something heavenly. 

Thankful in ALL Circumstances

Dear Friends,
I hope you are well. I'm full swing into finals week with a test everyday and praying that God give me strength to keep going. Thus- I find it important to talk about rest. Do you ever feel exhausted even though you slept? That is how I woke up this morning. Exhausted. Wondering how in the world I was going to fit in everything I need to get done today. I decided getting into the word was right where I needed to go so I picked up 2nd Samuel-- and for some reason thought I had only read through the first chapter (clearly not because I wrote about Uzzah in chapter 6 yesterday.... ). So I reread from 2-6 and then into 7. It wasn't until I got to Uzzah that it even rang I  bell that I had already read these things and I have no idea why because I usually have pretty good retention for reading information. Those chapters are all about David-- going through the MANY hurdles before He would become king of Israel.

As I was reading all about this person killing that purpose and this person chasing that person I literally thought "man I thought I was tired poor David just wants to be king and every time He turns around someone else is giving Him a hard time. His enemies, his sons, Saul's sons, his wife, not to mention ALL of 1 Samuel. It kinda put my exhaustion into perspective.

And then God pretty much said .... "just in case you weren't sure where your heart should be right now" and the very next line I read is 2nd Samuel 7:18


Then King David went in and sat before the LORD and said, "Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?

Woah. -- now I have to say we talked about this church on Sunday in church in relation to accepting that sometimes God tells you No because He has something better in mind for you. Here God had just told David know and so He was praising Him for his blessings. Thankful in all circumstances. 

As I read that verse this morning it took on a whole knew meaning. It was as though God had me re-read some of the trials David endured to remind me He had to have been tired. To remind me that even then He was saying "HOW DID I GET SO BLESSED!?!?!" A phrase I utter often in awe that such a loving God would choose to bless me beyond my salvation. Saving me was MORE MORE MORE than enough and then He continues to know me and love me and each day it blows my mind that He could do that. David- despite the fact He didn't finally become King over all of Israel until He was 37was just in awe of how much God had blessed Him. My point? He had to have been tired and yet his response was thankfulness in all circumstances. 

Gratitude is a way of life not an emotion. It's something we have to pursue. I have to confess that I wasn't grateful as my alarm was going off at first this morning. I for a moment was focused on my tiredness, my stress of school, me, me, me and I forgot to say thanks God for allowing me to wake up. For giving me a new day. My focus was wrong and God quickly put it back into place. It was no accident I re-read all of those chapters this morning. He was showing me that I am incredibly blessed even to be tired. I'm blessed that He has a purpose for me and that should make up for any feeling I have.

As I read the words not only were they convicting it was as all in a moment my mind was put to ease. It was as though sleep wasn't what I needed but in reality ALL I NEED is Christ. It might sound weird for me to say that I need Him above sleep because that is a requirement for survival right? But I KNOW that I serve the author of time. I KNOW that I honor God and He will honor me. I KNOW that He will be my strength and that when I call He will answer. I KNOW IT! But this morning I needed Him to move all the things I know in my head and remind my heart of them.

So convicting-- and if your reading this and thinking "I can't believe she wasn't thankful to wake up" there might be something that you forget to be thankful for. Maybe not sleep but maybe people? maybe your job? maybe your health? your family? Be asking God's presence to just show up in a radical way and show you what you need to be thankful for too.

I must also confess that I was wondering how I was going to have the time to read, blog, shower, walk my dog, study for my test this morning, get ready, and make it to school on time. Obviously the spirit squashed that thought already, and I don't like confessing I thought like that to you but you have to know that as much as I pray and pray that God would continue to make my heart completely pure the truth is I'm human and I'll always fall short. I don't want you to think that I have it all figured out because I don't. I will always be a sinner and I just pray God continue to not be too tired to deal with me and that He forgive me when heart is wrong.  If I must boast... I will boast in my weakness so that you will KNOW what Christ has done for me.

Matthew 11:28 says "²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." 


I have a feeling that the context of this verse isn't specifically for finals week in PA school haha. But remember God's word is TIMELESS and TIMELY. Meaning it will apply forever. How true that my beautiful Lord promises to give me rest even from this. I know He will be my strength even when I have none. 


So this morning I submit these lyrics to you from a song that in times of great despair I've found comfort in. Finals week is nothing in reality, but just a couple days where I need to sift through a massive amount of material. I'm not being tortured, I'm healthy, I'm maybe a little caffeine overloaded but in reality I have SO MUCH to be thankful for. First and foremost that I have a God and secondly that He has chosen to have such a close relationship with me that He would speak to me so clearly this morning. Something I've always loved that Mark Driscoll said once is "On days we are feeling overwhelmed it's curious to ponder how God can know everyone & everything & not only keep up with it all but still patiently care." If anything I should be thanking God that HE isn't tired because I know how much He puts up with from just me.

The song is In Christ Alone and its something my heart is meditating on this morning. Particularly this first verse:

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

Friends. As you keep praying for God to show up in your life I hope that you find your hope, strength, rest, faith, foundation, love, peace, understanding. I pray He is your All in All and your comforter. Ask Him to show up when your tired, not just physically or mentally but when your soul longs for rest because its in Christ alone that you will find that. And when you put everything into Him everything else will fall into place. Pray that He clean your heart from yourself and your sin that you might be pure of heart so you can see God as Matt 5:8 promises.

So no matter what comes my way --- Thankful In all Circumstances. Even when your hurt or tired or He says No or your stressed.  In Christ alone that can be a way of life and not a statement and for that I'm thankful <3

You're beautiful, my Lord

Dear Friends,
I hope you are well. This begins week 3 and I am so excited for the big things I know God will continue to do. As I continue in 2 Samuel a few things I wanted to share.

So between chapters 1 and 6 David becomes King of Judah and then of Israel after Ish-Bosteth (Saul's son dies). In chapter 6 we see that in verse 5 they are all celebrating and worshiping God and bringing the ark of the covenant into the city of David and this guy named Uzzah makes a terrible mistake in 2 Samuel 6:6 "But when they arrived at the threshing floor of Nacon, the oxen stumbled, and Uzzah reached out his hand and steadied the Ark of God."  Doesn't seem like a big deal right? The oxen stumbled and Uzzah steadied the Ark of God with his hand. He was being helpful right?

wrong.
The next verse tells us there was a consequence for this "Then the LORD's anger was aroused against Uzzah, and God struck him dead because of this. So Uzzah died right there beside the Ark of God." (6:7). 

harsh right? He was trying to help and here God just struck Him dead. In reality, Uzzah violated the law of God and God unleashes his wrath on him as punishment. How quick do we forget that our God has this power. Many times we focus on the love of God and forget the power of God and the holy standard to which we are held. Of course we can't meet that standard without Jesus, but in this time they didn't have Jesus. They still had sacrifices, they still were waiting for a savior and the ultimate sacrifice.

What we may not want to think about, but is absolutely true is this-- that wrath is still our God today, we just have the opportunity to let Jesus be our sacrifice to atone for our sin.  It is a personal choice and should we not choose Him we are subject to the pain that the world endures without Jesus. He told us He alone is the way, truth and light and no one comes to the father except through Him. He told us the path is narrow. He told us many will say Lord, Lord but He will say I never knew you. Jesus, though the beautiful lamb of God knew of the wrath of God and came to save the world from it and not condemn it.

We must get this. This can't be overlooked. We have an altogether lovely and worthy God who is all powerful and all knowing who loved us enough to send his son to save us. HOW BEAUTIFUL!! Such beauty requires a response on our part, that we might understand that because He died for us we are called to live for Him. We are loved, and He does want us, but the truth of the story of Uzzah though only a few lines reveals that because God is holy He must hate all that is unholy and thus that is why we are called to holiness. We can not be this by ourselves, and thus Jesus paid for our shortcomings. A price He didn't owe.

Why am I detailing out the truth of salvation? Well in part because you have to know this, and I will be responsible if I do not tell you the truth. But mainly-- when you understand how great and powerful our God is, and the pain and suffering that He could have left us subject to, when you understand how bad the bad news is then you really can appreciate how good the good news of Jesus is. It's stories like these in the bible that we do not hear about often but it reveals God's standard. Though we will always fall short of it, we have to run with all our might toward it. We have to live for Him.We can't be luke warm. Note I am calling you to believe not to earn your salvation. Running after God is merely a response to understanding the price He paid, but you must believe it in your heart. You must understand that going to bible studies, and prayer meetings and reading the word will not save you. Works will not save you but faith alone will and that faith is demonstrated through obedience and passion for the Lord. I pray that you run after Him in such a way that when you stand before Him He is pleased to see you. Let that be our desire to capture the heart of the savior. Let our motivation in all we do to bring glory to Him for that is our purpose.

I just think it is beautiful. absolutely beautiful and a song called "Beautiful Lord" by Leeland I think just has the most appropriate lyrics. It says:

When the storm is raging all around me
You are the peace that calms
My troubled sea
And when the cares of this world
Darken my day
You are the light that shines
And shows me the way

Oh, the beauty of Your majesty
On the cross You showed Your love for me!
Beautiful Lord
Awesome and mighty
I'm captured by this love I see
Beautiful Lord
Tender and holy
Your mercy brings me to my knees
It's Your mercy that has made me free
Beautiful Lord

When my sin is all that I can see
Your grace remains the shelter that I seek
And when my weakness is all I can give
Your gentle Spirit gives me strength again
And oh, the beauty of Your majesty
On the cross You showed Your love for me

And I am lifted by Your love to sing!
It's Your mercy that has made me free!

You're beautiful, my Lord
You're beautiful, my Lord

Let us see and speak of the beauty of the Lord. My Lord. He loved us in such a crazy and radical way, and thus the only response is to love Him back in a crazy, radical way. A holy and perfect God died for you that you might have life. Reread that-- let it soak in.

A HOLY AND PERFECT GOD DIED FOR YOU THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE LIFE! 

which just leaves me with one thing to say-- You're beautiful, my Lord.

Friends as you are praying for Him to show up-- if you haven't fully accepted Him. If you haven't put your entire heart, hope and faith in Him please do so. There is no elaborate ceremony, no monthly fee, no contract to sign. It's a response to God that you understand He wants a personal relationship with you. It's not about religion or rules but about letting him REDEEM you. Simply humble yourself and admit you need him, believe in Him that He alone is worthy of praise, and tell Him. Tell Him that your willing to live for Him.

Please don't keep waiting to start running after God. Please. We aren't promised tomorrow and I just want you to have the awesome love and peace that only God can provide. Accepting Him isn't the end-- its the beginning of the race. It's the horn being sounded and now you run with all your might until you get to the finish line. So on your mark, get set, GO. If you believe in Him, you are free to pursue Him with complete abandon. Take advantage of that.

As you keep praying for Him to show up know that He's there. He's always been there. You just have to turn around and walk toward Him. Simply turn and say "You're beautiful, my Lord" and He will show you a beauty that is not of this world. I want that for you, but not as much as He does. If you have any questions about anything I posted here or you want to know more please email me at anitahelton@gmail.com

I'm praying for you that you might see his beauty, and not his wrath at the end of your race. Don't run alone. If you will ask Him to show up full time, He will never leave you or forsake you. So just ask, and I promise He won't disappoint.

Kindred Spirits

Dear Friends-
I hope your praying has been going well and that you are writing down what God is teaching you in this time. Like I have seen previously the things God has been teaching me have been BIG and it has been beautiful.

One of the big themes has been the importance of building Christ founded relationships in all areas of my life. The beauty of what Christ can do surpasses what the world can do. The spirit gives us the fruit
Galations 5:22-23 " But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." These qualities are beautiful and its the spirit and fruit that you possess that will attract people.

I wrote a couple of blog posts back about Daniel and Jonathan and the bond that they had that was a connection of their souls. A beautiful testament to true gospel partnership. In 2nd Samuel 1 David is told that Saul and Jonathan have died and it breaks his heart so much that He gives this prayer of lament. To lament something is to weep or mourn and when you find something so beautiful of course your going to mourn when you lose it.

In 1 Samuel 1: 25-26 David speaks these words:

 ²⁵ "How the mighty have fallen
   in the midst of the battle!

   "Jonathan lies slain on your high places.
 ²⁶I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan;
very pleasant have you been to me;
    your love to me was extraordinary,
   surpassing the love of women.

The rest of the prayer mentions Saul as well, which is beautiful in itself that David could mourn someone who tried to kill him so many times. But the beauty I want to focus on for this post is
this idea that we can suffer well. I heard a sermon on it yesterday that discussed Philippians and encouraged that you can chose to let God refine you through your struggles, that you can suffer for his glory that you might have a testimony and share what God has done for you or you can simply mourn. You can let God strengthen you or you can walk away from Him.

This beautiful account of Jonathan and David was a love "surpassing the love of women." Why would He say this? Men love women right? Yes-- they do but what David loved here was the soul connecting friendship that I don't know if He had with any of his 3 wives (back in the day this is how they did it--- not ok now). This connection is deep and all knowing that even if you don't know every fact about someone you know the true heart of them when it is consumed by Christ and that connection is deeper than any superficial friendship the world can offer. David, though heartbroken, understand that there was purpose as he writes Psalm 119:71 "It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes".  Whether He was talking about this specific situation or not it is still a testament to the fact that God can turn a mess into a message.  I would agree--- though some things have been hard to endure in my life there is a hope that comes from knowing that it was God's purpose for his glory. I'd consider that when we truly understand the suffering that Christ went through our suffering almost becomes insignificant.

Run after God so that you might have fruit of the spirit that attracts  other people who are running the same race so that together you can run and bring more glory to God and that you can experience true gospel partnership here on earth. Definitely not as cool as a relationship with God but a beautiful thing that He can use to encourage you and sharpen you and grow you. Someone who can help you see the good that is in the times of trial. Someone who can love you more than those of the world but can understand the very essence that is your soul. When your running after God and someone else is as well it's almost as though you know them without knowing them because you know that everything they do is for the purpose of the kingdom.

David describes the love that He and Jonathan have as "Extraordinary" meaning "beyond the usual." How accurate! True relationships built on Christ are just that... completely beyond the usual. They call for a high standard and I believe that is why we are called to sharpen one another. We have that ability only if we are filled with Christ.

I'm so thankful for the people that God has put in my life that are like this relationship that Jonathan and David had. It is overwhelming how helpful those relationships can be in that they grow you, just as the afflictions did to David, the understand God more and more. To understand His love, His law, and to understand that no one will ever understand the beautiful Lord's ways.

Like David, these friendships will have an end on earth but the beauty is that we are promised eternity and I don't know if we will have time to even notice if anyone else is there because we will be so consumed with the awe of God but if we do notice it will be a beautiful reunion.

It is hard to build these relationships at times because we are human and we are afflicted with the pain and destruction of the world and so it can be hard to be open enough to allow for this. In Phillipians 2:19-24 we see another deep spirited friendship of Timothy and Paul :
"¹⁹I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, so that I too may be cheered by news of you. ²⁰For I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare. ²¹For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. ²²But you know Timothy’s^[a] proven worth, how as a son^[b] with a father he has served with me in the gospel. ²³I hope therefore to send him just as soon as I see how it will go with me, ²⁴and I trust in the Lord that shortly I myself will come also.

Timothy and Paul had a trust that can't be explained because they knew that they stood for the same things. So in a time where Christians were being persecuted and it was not always safe to say you followed Jesus Paul and Timothy worked together for the purpose of the Lord and that bonded them. That gave them a trust and peace that surpasses all understanding.  Paul has no one like Him that is also running after God. It shows us that running after God together bonds you as more than superficial friendships but kindred spirits

Philippians 2:12 says "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling," I'd argue that we should do that together. These friendships are so peculiar and uncommon.

Like Jonathan was more than thankful for David, like Paul was thankful for Timothy, let us be thankful for those in our lives that are running with us. Let us build these deep spirited friendships and realize their value. Let us be thankful and let these friendships bring a stronger presence of the Lord.


Pray that God show up in your relationships that you might have gospel partnerships. That you might have these deep spirited relationships. Value them and hold onto them that they might make you more like Christ.


So friends. I'm more than thankful for you and our friendship if it is built on Christ. It's so rare to have and I'm so blessed to have even one friend that is like that. I'd say that they are God ordained friendships that you can't look for but if you don't have them be praying that God would bring you people to run with and if death separates you know that we have been promised eternity!!!

Turn the page.

Hello dear friends!!

I have been learning a lot-- so much so that I can't even really put it all into words and I'm sure if you have been reading these blog posts you've thought "you don't have words? are you kidding?" haha but Ive been trying to explain what God has been putting in my heart and I think my blogs have only been scratching the surface of everything so this one I'm going to try and put some things together. Bear with me.

Alright -- finished 1st Samuel. Basically David kept running around avoiding Saul, David had opportunities to kill Saul and David just kept honoring God and explaining that He was doing so. The book ends with Saul dying and it's over and I gotta say it's funny because the whole book people keep saying "David you will be King" and here it ends and David is in fact not yet king. I know He becomes King in 2nd Samuel but there is something beautiful that we must note: God called David to be King, the chapter ended and it hasn't happened yet. Why is this beautiful? BECAUSE THIS IS OUR LIVES! God calls us, he turns over chapters in our life without us reaching those things just yet and thus we have 2 choices: keep pressing ahead with perseverance, or give up.

So many times in our lives the chapters ended, but then book hasn't and we get so stuck on the endings and goodbyes we don't see the new chapters that He is bringing us too. I say "we" but let's be real-- I'm writing this so what I mean is "I do this sometimes and I really should not." If I've learned anything in the last 2 weeks it has been how much God is moving and changing my heart and it has been incredible.  He has renewed his mercies and grace each morning and I just don't think "joy" "happiness" "delight" cover what I've been feeling.

When I moved to Orlando it was the end of a chapter. A significant chapter of my life. I was moving away from my closest friends, people I thought God had put in my life for big purposes, from all the things that had distracted me from running after God. But when I moved here I stared at the last page of that chapter. I replayed the goodbyes, I consumed myself with school, and literally counted the days until graduation (27 month program). He continued break ties and clothes chapters of different areas of my life and honestly I kind of felt like I had moved here out of obedience to God and felt like well.. this must God teaching me something but I don't get it. I'd never felt so alone. I was so busy staring at the end of the chapter that I wasn't seeing the new chapter that was unfolding here in Orlando. I seriously think from May to September He was just breaking me. Breaking me of everything that the last chapter had contained. Everything. Every desire, every plan, everything. I thought well this sucks but its alright I have school and my health...

And then I failed a test. Not as earth shattering as it used to be (I used to have pride in my grades but this test was showing me once again that I'm worth more than my grades).

And then I got positive results back from biopsies and had to have surgery in two places to remove melanoma.

So then what did I have? nothing but Jesus--and that really was EVERYTHING I needed. A pastor at church says all the time "For God to show you that all you really need is Him He will take you to places where all you have is Him." That's where I was.  Sure I was meeting people at church but meeting new people takes a bit and so in the intermediate I was just in this time of confusion. Confusion as to whether or not I was where God wanted me. To explain how I knew Orlando is where He called me is another blog but I knew He called me here but I wasn't sure if I was called to stay. I even really considered during the fall break withdrawing from the program. I felt like well I came here because you wanted me here but I don't know what is next.

Then I started leading a group at school during lunch talking about how to use your faith as a PA.
Then I started having God put people in my life that I knew He was calling me to grow and disciple.
Then I got a dog.
Then I started to see that God had things for me to do here but He couldn't use me until He was ready. Just like He coudln't make David king just yet.

In the last 4 months God has changed everything. you name it He changed it. He has grown me in epic proportions that I really can hardly keep up with all He is teaching me. He really solidified some lessons that He had been teaching me my senior year of college and it was as though He said "alright you get these lessons now lets test them"

Point is-->God has the master plan and even if the chapter ends and you can't see the starting page of the next one He is writing a beautiful testimony for you. Hold on to that.

Be thankful IN all circumstances. Run after Him. Pray for his presence and be content with nothing else. He has a way and a plan and He will redeem you and use you but first you might have to get through 1 Samuel. you might have to run in circles and try not to die, and try not to kill anyone. (not literally but if you have read the chapter you get it). And when you finally get to the new chapter it will be better than anything you could have dreamed up. 

Not that you wont' have trials (hello David and the heartbreak that is behind psalm 51). You will. 100% guaranteed. But each new chapter gives you new strength and things to pursue and it really is truly beautiful.

Alright-- so I'm told I should just write from the heart in this blog so here goes:

The biggest time I learned about this focusing ahead thing was with my mom. I don't talk about her much because there isn't much to say but here goes-- My mom wasn't the "ideal" parent to say the least. She was an addict who didn't protect me or really ever show that she loved me. (not harping on a sad story just you can't understand the story without that fact). So for like.... my whole life... I knew that she was a mess and I learned really quick she wasn't ever going to be what I needed her to be  but when you are a child who has parents that are less than ideal a teeny tiny part of you hopes they will one day get it together no matter how much you know without a shadow of a doubt that she never will. It was a sunday morning-- and i wasn't at church ironically enough. I was severely lacking in this-- and I got a phone call from a 702 number (Nevada) and answered. It was a police officer telling me that my mom had passed away. A lot of things happened from this but I'm telling this story for a purpose so we are going to focus on this : that teeny tiny part of me that wanted my mom to be my mom couldn't exist anymore because hope was lost in that. It was a reality check where my fear of the truth became true. I was a sophomore in college and literally didn't know how to process it-- so i just kept going. Finished the semester, dealt with her arrangements and my family and the mess and just kept going. It took me quite a bit to see any good from that situation. I was looking at the last page of the chapter. When I finally got to looking at the new chapter He did BIG things. He allowed me to use this to help others. He gave me a new strength, a new spirit and most of all it showed me I needed to put all my hope in Christ because He was the only one who wouldn't disappoint. he then spent the next 3 years slowly taking away anything else I had any hope in. 

Let me say this. Do NOT be sad in any way for me because you have NO IDEA how much God has blessed me. I tell you this story for this purpose: if you can just get to the start of a new chapter. If you can just stop looking at the last page and move ot the first you can move from running around with no purpose. You can really live and really let God use you.

Even me writing this is God growing me to allow me to be more open and less guarded. I'm not so great about talking about feelings and the like but here I'm telling you some of my innermost feelings-- but only to help make the point that we are all like David. We are all called to something and we may not be in a time of that something until we get to the next chapter.



Final thought because I refuse to write a blog and not have scripture in it if its about God's promises and prayers:

Romans 8:18 says "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

This verse I used to read over and over again in times of brokenness. To remind myself that He had a plan. To remind myself of Philippians 1:6. To remind myself to persevere and I know He isn't done with me just yet so I know that this small amount of glory revealed so far is NOTHING compared but He uses everything. Every tear, every story, everything for his Glory and slowly when you are willing to turn the page-- He will give you just a glimpse of it.

Keep praying friends. Keep pressing on. Finish strong and wait for the glory that will be revealed.

Turn the page.

Mizpah

This morning I read 1 Samuel 20 which is an account of David and Jonathan and Jonathan's attempt to protect David from Saul trying to kill him. Saul is Jonathan's father and yet Jonathan cares more about protecting David perhaps because their soul's were joined together as I wrote about before.

This beautiful friendship that they have is something that I never hear about when I hear teachings from 1 Samuel. You never hear "David-- soulmate of Jonathan" or "David- Jonathan's best man" you hear David "a man after God's own heart" David "the king" I'd argue though that the greatness that David is known for is because of the Lord and his friendship with Jonathan. That friendship that is a sanctifying friendship built on Christ and who's whole goal is to edify each other and grow eachother. Something built on the perfect love of Christ and not on the evil of the world. It's beautiful and rare and something so rare about a friendship like this perhaps because there are so few people that are spirit led. The bible says the path is narrow, the harvest is plenty but the workers are few, and that is for sure true. To see Jonathan's commitment to David we can read verse 4:
4 So Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you yourself desire, I will do it for you.”

Here jonathan is willing to help David and it's beautiful his commitment to him  and you know that their friendships is kindled together by God so the strength in that is incredible. We see the impract of this in their farewell in 41/41:
 41....And they kissed one another; and they wept together, but David more so. Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, since we have both sworn in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘May the Lord be between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants, forever.’” So he arose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.42 ‘May the Lord be between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants, forever.’” So he arose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city.

I can see this. A heartwrenching all out crying goodbye. I've had a few of these in my life and I definitely think the thought "there is nothing good about goodbye" is flowing through their heads. But what I love is that they say "May the Lord be betweeen you and me and between departed" they see what so few see that God is bigger than ourselves, bigger than our plans and desires and bigger than any space that could separate us.

This is mizpah-- seen in Genesis 31:49. "And Mizpah; for he said, The Lord watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another."" It's a bond that is from the Lord alone that when separated has strength. Many people wear a split mizpah coin with their beloved and I always found it to be such a beautiful testament to his power and grace.

What I get most from this and why I stopped at 20 alone is that I think many times we get stuck in where God wants us physically and we forget that God also has built us for relationship and that design includes not just with Him but with His people. It's the people He puts in our life, that won't be perfect, that will fail us, but that are absolutely beautiful. The bible tells us it is not good for us to be alone and I think this is alone from God and alone from His spirit. It tells us in Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”  This right here. He is with them. That is why Jonathan and David are so close. It's not because of themselves but because God with with them. Imamnuel is the basis of their relationship and that is strong so no wonder they don't want to depart. 


Ecc 4:12 says ""Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." This verse is used many times in weddings because it signifies that one alone is not God's design, two is stronger, yet two people rooted in God is a strength that is beautiful.

From experience I can tell you that my friendships and past relationships that were not rooted in Him were not strong. They were not full of peace and understanding. They did not have patience. They were not slow to anger and quick to love. Thus, they were not of Him and if there is anything I've learned from Jonathan and David is that is what we should want. The friendships and relationships that say "I will do it for you, I will help you, I will be there, and together we will do God's will."  Francis chan did a thing on marriage (http://raychoi.org/2011/08/08/francis-chan-and-his-wife-lisa-talk-about-marriage-pt-2-of-3/) He makes the comment that if two people are following the spirit you are going to go in the same direction because there is only one spirit. I recommend it. I'd argue the point he makes is true for friendship too. Jonathan and David weren't lovers they were the best of friends and their souls were woven together by the spirit. BEAUTIFUL!

So I'm thankful for God giving me friendships like jonathan and David in my life. This christimas instead of buying things for people I'm writing to thank them for being what good and perfect gifts from above (James  1:17). Not that they are perfect but that the God in them IS perfect and it's that that we are built on. I don't have many friends like this. I could probably count them on one hand. On both hands if I count those who maybe our relationship wasn't founded on Christ but He has become a part of it. I want to thank them for being a blessing in my life so that there is no question that if God called us to separate like He called Jonathan and David that it would be Mizpah. That the Lord would be between us. I don't want to leave it to chance that they know I care and yet this is somethign I don't do well. I don't do the sharing of feelings and emotions for people well. It's a weakness and I need to strengthen it as I serve a God that is Love and I'm called to be like Him. Not that I don't love I just don't express it well. I want to be sure they know wihtout a shadow of a doubt that I believe they are God given. I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm there for them and I appreciate where they have been there for me. I think this is what people truly want instead of stuff. They want to know they are loved and cherish. They want to know that you care. They want to be valued and wanted. So this Christmas that is what I'm giving.

As I write these letters I keep telling myself that despite that I feel like some of them say too much and maybe are too deep that I hope to convey this bond between Jonathan and David. They knew eachother, they accepted eachothers faults, they comforted eachother, they served one enough out of love, and they loved the Lord. That sounds like the perfect gift to me.

As we continue praying I pray for God's presence in all my relationships and friendships. That everything be built on Him and not on the world. That we be three strands not easily broken, something that can only happen with Him in the center.

1+1=2 but really equals 1 if you add Him. and it's a stronger 1 at that.
That's the standard. Connections between people that are sanctified through Christ, led by the Holy Spirit and covered in grace from God. There will be conflict. There will be mistakes, There will be learning but if that's the heart of it- that is my idea of perfection. That's what I'm thankful for this Christmas and each and everyday that God would bless me that much to give me friendships that are like Jonathan and David.

One last little bit--- Mizpah means "look out" and "watch tower"-- I'd argue that this is not just to have God look out for the bond, not just to look out for eachtoher but more importantly that both people are looking out toward God and following Him. Looking up not left or right that makes it work.

I've seen this around and I'd argue that in those two bottom corners you can put any two people. If both of you are running toward God it will definitely bring you closer together not just in marriage but in all relationships that are spirit led.

I pray that you find this. That you find Mizpah which comes only from his presence!

We can the caring that can be built on him and what a spirit led friendship or relationship should look like in 1 corinthians 13:
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 

So whether your David- star of the show or Jonathan- the supporting man-- look for these types of relationships and be praying that Gods pressence spread even into all relationships that you have