Today I went to something called a Bridal Blessing. It's where married women share scripture and wisdom with a soon to be bride. I'd never heard of it but one of my lovely bridesmaids organized this. We had cupcakes and I got to hear from some amazing women who weren't there to tell me anything but the truth. They were honest in saying that submitting is sometimes hard, that arguing comes naturally and that they are still works in progress. They shared some of their difficulties. They shared some of the things they had learned. and overall "blessing" doesn't seem to describe what it was. It was amazing to hear from such God fearing women about what it really looks like and means to submit and encourage a husband.
I don't have a ton of experience or example in this. The marriages I've seen up close and personal the women run them. and when they don't get their way they react in a not so pleasant way. But some of the points they made were awesome. The ladies there were the first to admit that when they don't get their way its easy to argue, what's harder is to just turn to prayer. They shared that because God has given you this husband to lead you, when you have a problem with your husband and where He is leading you you really have a problem with God. They explained the importance of forgiveness. They read to me out of proverbs 31:25-31 and hebrews 11:8-12. They shared the importance of being a blessing, and that you need to trust God. That when you are serving your husband you are serving Christ. I loved their hearts and candid answers. They explained that they are still learning. One women even said "you just taught me that" when another was talking.
This is what I've been looking for in my church. Women like this. women who are honest and open. Women who share what they know but aren't afraid to say "I don't know" "I'm not good at this". REAL WOMEN. and how funny these women go to Real Life Church. (not a coincidence in my mind). But one they they said is that you have to trust that God's provision for you is your husband and in times where you might not agree or you might have difficulty to just be praying. The importance of prayer and specific prayer. To pray and pray and pray and see how that's powerful. I felt like for the first time I really was seeing "marriage preparation" and it was amazing. They said their church has something called "When two become one" and the amazing things that she learned from it. How awesome that a church has a program that is growing people. How amazing is it to see that the spirit has clearly moved in these women and I can hear it just in the brief time I spent listening to their story and testimony. They talked about the ministry of marriage. They talked abotu not getting too busy with ministry though and keeping time for eachother. I have so many things I heard that I liked that I can't even capture them all.
Last thought: one of the ladies told me this. the "flowery" part of marriage is that you have someone to love you and comfort you and care and that's wonderful and a blessing. But that's a small part of it. The growing and sanctifying, the ministry, and all the other things it teaches and shows you--- thats marriage. It's not just someone to love though that's what the world advertises, its a completely new phase of life.
i thought it was a beautiful explanation. I have a lot to learn but I'm excited for it and I have faith that God will help me. <3
Blessing definitely doesn't cover today!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Do the things you once did.
I was listening to a sermon this morning by Mark Driscoll from his new sermon series: Jesus loves His church. now I haven't listened to the whole thing just yet but one thing that struck me as He was talking.
Driscoll was talking about David and explaining how David was seen as great and still is in many respects but that to understand his greatness you have to know that David was great because of the presence of God and something that has been on my heart recently is that I used to on Sunday nights go and be apart of a prayer meeting. It was a group of people who didn't just sit and say prayer requests but simply prayed and I know that in that time I grew a lot. I'd never been apart of anything that was simply devoted to prayer and it definitely made a difference.
I'm reading a book right now called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson and it talks a lot about prayer and the power of it. As I've been reading it I've been thinking about that group and wondering why it stopped but that's neither here nor there. What was remarkable to me about Driscoll's comments on David was simply the power that comes from the presence of God. That's what God put on our heart and challenged our group to earnestly pray for. And I did. I prayed that God would just show up. And in some respects I would say that's all you need to pray for. But there is something beautiful about specific prayers in that you actually can tell when God answers them. When your prayers are vague there is no way to see if God answered them or not.
I kept thinking of a verse and I think it's something that God put on my heart. It's something He does with me. He gives me snipets of His word to focus on and this is the thought I keep having
"Do the things you once did."
So I look that up because I have heart that but don't have it memorized.
and then--- i find its Revelation 2:5 - Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.
and I see a verse on the side of that page that says Matthew 5:14 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden." This idea of a city on a hill has been rocking my world for a few weeks now. I keep trying to figure it out and conceptualize what God is trying to show me with it.
I'm someone who God is really clear with. I think thats because I don't get it unless He is.
Maybe what He is trying to say is that I need to start praying for the presence of God to show up for my church. thats what started our prayers before and we definitely saw God move. Maybe thats what I need to be doing. He has taught me a lot about prayer and its something that I find not to be just a thing I do but a true meeting with God. I'm not sure. I don't know what He's trying to tell me specifically but what I do know is that He's telling me something.
Or maybe in "Do the things you once did" He means a place? I don't know. Here's what I do know: God has been showing me A TON lately and I'm not sure what it all means but I'm excited to see where He is going to take it.
Praying for you friends. That you would see that the only greatness we can have is with Christ. That if you once had a relationship with Him and have stepped back that you would go back and do the things you once did. That you would commit yourselves to prayer.
In the book it makes this comment about a woman: she "...was more comfortable in the presence of God than in the presence of people." Is that you? If not I encourage you to open yourself up to God because I promise if you do He does AMAZING things!!!
Driscoll was talking about David and explaining how David was seen as great and still is in many respects but that to understand his greatness you have to know that David was great because of the presence of God and something that has been on my heart recently is that I used to on Sunday nights go and be apart of a prayer meeting. It was a group of people who didn't just sit and say prayer requests but simply prayed and I know that in that time I grew a lot. I'd never been apart of anything that was simply devoted to prayer and it definitely made a difference.
I'm reading a book right now called The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson and it talks a lot about prayer and the power of it. As I've been reading it I've been thinking about that group and wondering why it stopped but that's neither here nor there. What was remarkable to me about Driscoll's comments on David was simply the power that comes from the presence of God. That's what God put on our heart and challenged our group to earnestly pray for. And I did. I prayed that God would just show up. And in some respects I would say that's all you need to pray for. But there is something beautiful about specific prayers in that you actually can tell when God answers them. When your prayers are vague there is no way to see if God answered them or not.
I kept thinking of a verse and I think it's something that God put on my heart. It's something He does with me. He gives me snipets of His word to focus on and this is the thought I keep having
"Do the things you once did."
So I look that up because I have heart that but don't have it memorized.
and then--- i find its Revelation 2:5 - Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.
and I see a verse on the side of that page that says Matthew 5:14 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden." This idea of a city on a hill has been rocking my world for a few weeks now. I keep trying to figure it out and conceptualize what God is trying to show me with it.
I'm someone who God is really clear with. I think thats because I don't get it unless He is.
Maybe what He is trying to say is that I need to start praying for the presence of God to show up for my church. thats what started our prayers before and we definitely saw God move. Maybe thats what I need to be doing. He has taught me a lot about prayer and its something that I find not to be just a thing I do but a true meeting with God. I'm not sure. I don't know what He's trying to tell me specifically but what I do know is that He's telling me something.
Or maybe in "Do the things you once did" He means a place? I don't know. Here's what I do know: God has been showing me A TON lately and I'm not sure what it all means but I'm excited to see where He is going to take it.
Praying for you friends. That you would see that the only greatness we can have is with Christ. That if you once had a relationship with Him and have stepped back that you would go back and do the things you once did. That you would commit yourselves to prayer.
In the book it makes this comment about a woman: she "...was more comfortable in the presence of God than in the presence of people." Is that you? If not I encourage you to open yourself up to God because I promise if you do He does AMAZING things!!!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Wife swap observation
So tonight I had to do a project for school and while I was doing it I was looking for something mindless to put on TV in the background. I put on "Wife Swap" a show I've never seen--- but was amazed by what I saw. Two families swap wives and for one week they live by the family they are visiting's rules, the second they make up new rules. Wife number 1 is a very "free spirit." Her older son gets mistaken for a girl most of the time because he has long hair and wears a lot of pink. His room is pink. Her husband doesn't have a real job (He's a clown) and they don't "believe in gender roles). The second family is from texas and the mom serves her family while they eat dinner, she never sits while they eat simply provides for their needs. Her kids are "manly men" and her husband works on a ranch to provide.
Its interesting to see these women swap and while their families are completely opposite but neither are what God created them to be.
In the free spirited family, they do a better job of communicating, but everything is a joke. It's sad to me that he doesn't have a real job. He simply goes where he feels like it and doesn't try and make any sort of structure in his home. He definitely doesn't lead. But in the other more "traditional" family he is mouthy and rude and not kind at all. He doesn't ever say thank you, and while he does have a job, saying thank you isn't a lot of work.
Needless to say, I am excited that God has shown me that that is not what a family should be. I am more traditional in that I do not see a problem with a wife serving her husband with clearning and cooking and taking care of her family. I find it a blessing to be able to do things for my fiance. I love doing things for him. But I do see something amazing about the power of a thank you. I don't see a problem with the guy helping out around the house, and I don't think the men eating and the women watching to serve their every need is the way it should go either. That's not a family dinner. I don't see a problem with children having chores. The "traditional" wife used the food she made as a way to punish the free spirited husband. When he didn't do what she wanted she didn't let him eat. I don't think that is appropriate. Nor do I think that the free spirited wife making the traditional husband do everything is appropriate either.
A marriage should be a service. There are some ways that the wife can serve the husband in things he can't do and vice versa. I do see something beautiful about the wife respecting the husband, and then the husband lovingly caring for the wife. I believe in submission as the bible talks about it and I'll admit sometimes that is easier said than done but I'm praying a lot that God will continue to teach me about it as I havent' seen a lot of examples in real life. In some cases it's easy and in others more difficult but one thing that I know its not just about giving in it's about having a good attitude and trusting. The latter of which sometimes is difficult for me. One thing that I will say submission is NOT just an old testament custom that opresses women. Submission is actually not just for married women but for everyone. That something I recently learned.
"Submitting yourselves one to another"- ephesians 5:21
"Yea all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility; for God resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble" -1 peter 5:5
Now I know these verses I've heard them. That second half of the 1 peter verse I've quote several times. But it's funny look at them now that I see that perhaps I shoudl have looked at the first part of that verse too.
I've heard about submitting in marriage, I've heard about submitting to God but I'm learning more about submission in general. But remember that Jesus submitted to His father in all of His actions. Submission is in many areas. To God. to parents, to employers, to the laws of the land, to church leadership, ect. We must figure out what this means for us and remember that the word tells us that this is what God suggests. I might be writing more about this in upcoming posts because I have lots of thoughts but after watching a little bit of the show and am really saddened at how satan has twisted the beautiful thing that God created in submission.
:)
Praying for you friends. for some of you the idea of submission might sound scary, or sound out there. But i promise if you start praying for God to show you what true submission is, He will. He will help you see the beauty in it.
Its interesting to see these women swap and while their families are completely opposite but neither are what God created them to be.
In the free spirited family, they do a better job of communicating, but everything is a joke. It's sad to me that he doesn't have a real job. He simply goes where he feels like it and doesn't try and make any sort of structure in his home. He definitely doesn't lead. But in the other more "traditional" family he is mouthy and rude and not kind at all. He doesn't ever say thank you, and while he does have a job, saying thank you isn't a lot of work.
Needless to say, I am excited that God has shown me that that is not what a family should be. I am more traditional in that I do not see a problem with a wife serving her husband with clearning and cooking and taking care of her family. I find it a blessing to be able to do things for my fiance. I love doing things for him. But I do see something amazing about the power of a thank you. I don't see a problem with the guy helping out around the house, and I don't think the men eating and the women watching to serve their every need is the way it should go either. That's not a family dinner. I don't see a problem with children having chores. The "traditional" wife used the food she made as a way to punish the free spirited husband. When he didn't do what she wanted she didn't let him eat. I don't think that is appropriate. Nor do I think that the free spirited wife making the traditional husband do everything is appropriate either.
A marriage should be a service. There are some ways that the wife can serve the husband in things he can't do and vice versa. I do see something beautiful about the wife respecting the husband, and then the husband lovingly caring for the wife. I believe in submission as the bible talks about it and I'll admit sometimes that is easier said than done but I'm praying a lot that God will continue to teach me about it as I havent' seen a lot of examples in real life. In some cases it's easy and in others more difficult but one thing that I know its not just about giving in it's about having a good attitude and trusting. The latter of which sometimes is difficult for me. One thing that I will say submission is NOT just an old testament custom that opresses women. Submission is actually not just for married women but for everyone. That something I recently learned.
"Submitting yourselves one to another"- ephesians 5:21
"Yea all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility; for God resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble" -1 peter 5:5
Now I know these verses I've heard them. That second half of the 1 peter verse I've quote several times. But it's funny look at them now that I see that perhaps I shoudl have looked at the first part of that verse too.
I've heard about submitting in marriage, I've heard about submitting to God but I'm learning more about submission in general. But remember that Jesus submitted to His father in all of His actions. Submission is in many areas. To God. to parents, to employers, to the laws of the land, to church leadership, ect. We must figure out what this means for us and remember that the word tells us that this is what God suggests. I might be writing more about this in upcoming posts because I have lots of thoughts but after watching a little bit of the show and am really saddened at how satan has twisted the beautiful thing that God created in submission.
:)
Praying for you friends. for some of you the idea of submission might sound scary, or sound out there. But i promise if you start praying for God to show you what true submission is, He will. He will help you see the beauty in it.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Prayer
Today has been nuts. Seriously. God has brought a lot of things and I am amazed.
But one thing I want to write about is that prayer was talking about in my school today. Now I do go to a private school but its in no way christian. I study medicine and we talked about alternative medicine and prayer came up right after hypnosis but before meditation. My teacher, who from talking is not a christian, was saying that studies show that prayer can make a difference. She indicated that at some point that you just grab to believe in anything.
I almost had to stop myself from laughing. Anyone who has had God really answer their prayers knows that its not just grabbing at anything. It's praying to a soverign almighty God who has the power to work miracles. But it's heartbreaking to me that everyone doesn't know that God answers prayer. Even when I didn't know God--- I prayed in times where things were hard. It was my last ditch effort and you know what I found--- He answered them! God is faithful and He answers prayers and that simple truth is something that SO MANY are missing. It's that much more convicting to share. When the bible says in 1 john 3:17 "17 If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?" But what about prayer? why don't we call eachother out for not praying?
But then we got to this point in the lecture in reference to the fact that prayer can work when you pray for someone else. The slide said:
—"Raises ethical questions as the recipient may be unaware or the possibility exists to harm people from a distance, without their knowledge"
I've never heard of praying for someone being an ethical issue? What a sad world that praying for someone could be called into question. It says that a nation that says "In God we trust" doesn't know God nor do they understand prayer. When explained it was said that prayer coudl be like voodoo too in that it could bring harm to someone. That made me want to cry. That people could think that we could hurt eachother through prayer. As if any of us have power in prayer but really God has the power.
So friends- we need to start explaining prayer to people. We need to tell them that we don't have the power God does. I've never heard of someone praying ill on someone else but I can promise that God ahs the power to say "Yes" "No" or "later" and ultimately no matter what our prayers we have to understand it's "Gods will be done." Let's not let satan tell the lie that prayer is bad. Let's not let him have that foothold.
So friends- we need to start explaining prayer to people. We need to tell them that we don't have the power God does. I've never heard of someone praying ill on someone else but I can promise that God ahs the power to say "Yes" "No" or "later" and ultimately no matter what our prayers we have to understand it's "Gods will be done." Let's not let satan tell the lie that prayer is bad. Let's not let him have that foothold.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Super Mario Brothers.
anyone remember old school super mario brothers
I can hear the music in my head --do do do doo dodododododooo do do do do --- haha
No but really I skipped class a bunch freshmen year of college to play this game.
As I was talking to a friend today I realized... life as a christian is kind of like this game.
i mean i'm not a short italian man. ...
but sometimes I feel like I ate a mushroom and got bigger when God grows me.
Sometimes i'm having a mountain top experience and I feel like i have star power.
Sometimes I feel like i keep running into moles and plants that try to eat me but usually I find away around them or I master them.
There are sometimes I feel like i have fire power... the things that used to tempt me don't anymore.
Sometimes I fall down a gap in the game and God has to pick me up and put me back in the world.
Sometimes I get stung by the obstacles in life and it either makes me smaller or makes me fall.
Sometimes I clear through a phase in life and get to the castle and jump all the way to the top of the flag pole only to reach the next level and feel like I'm in over my head.
Sometimes God shows me secret passage ways to skip some of the hurt of the world.
Sometimes I go through big trials that feel like castles.
Sometimes I feel like I'm battle bowzer when spiritual warfare is rough.
Sometimes I feel like I'm underwater and just paddling to try and get out.
Sometimes I feel like I'm jumping around on clouds picking up tons of gold coins whether thats learning a lot or just feeling lots of blessings.
I'm always going through all of this though not to get to Princess Peach but to get to Christ.
but you know what. In the game I always found a way to beat bowzer and it usually wasn't hard. Sometimes it took me a little bit. But I usually figured it out.
The same is true with us when we are being met with spiritual warfare. Sometimes satan tries to attack us. he tries to make us less effective. but in the end- though sometimes a little harder than others there is always a way out. There is no level too hard just some take more practice. And each level we pass we find we get stronger and better at jumping, dodging obstacles and finding new blessings (in mario it was turtle shells and wings and frog suits. in real life its so many more things that help us make it through the level. whether its good friends, a word of encouragement, or simply mercy from God.)
Hope you can follow this train of thought. I thought it was a cool thought the Holy Spirit gave to me today. Something that helped me with my day.
:)
I can hear the music in my head --do do do doo dodododododooo do do do do --- haha
No but really I skipped class a bunch freshmen year of college to play this game.
As I was talking to a friend today I realized... life as a christian is kind of like this game.
i mean i'm not a short italian man. ...
but sometimes I feel like I ate a mushroom and got bigger when God grows me.
Sometimes i'm having a mountain top experience and I feel like i have star power.
Sometimes I feel like i keep running into moles and plants that try to eat me but usually I find away around them or I master them.
There are sometimes I feel like i have fire power... the things that used to tempt me don't anymore.
Sometimes I fall down a gap in the game and God has to pick me up and put me back in the world.
Sometimes I get stung by the obstacles in life and it either makes me smaller or makes me fall.
Sometimes I clear through a phase in life and get to the castle and jump all the way to the top of the flag pole only to reach the next level and feel like I'm in over my head.
Sometimes God shows me secret passage ways to skip some of the hurt of the world.
Sometimes I go through big trials that feel like castles.
Sometimes I feel like I'm battle bowzer when spiritual warfare is rough.
Sometimes I feel like I'm underwater and just paddling to try and get out.
Sometimes I feel like I'm jumping around on clouds picking up tons of gold coins whether thats learning a lot or just feeling lots of blessings.
I'm always going through all of this though not to get to Princess Peach but to get to Christ.
but you know what. In the game I always found a way to beat bowzer and it usually wasn't hard. Sometimes it took me a little bit. But I usually figured it out.
The same is true with us when we are being met with spiritual warfare. Sometimes satan tries to attack us. he tries to make us less effective. but in the end- though sometimes a little harder than others there is always a way out. There is no level too hard just some take more practice. And each level we pass we find we get stronger and better at jumping, dodging obstacles and finding new blessings (in mario it was turtle shells and wings and frog suits. in real life its so many more things that help us make it through the level. whether its good friends, a word of encouragement, or simply mercy from God.)
Hope you can follow this train of thought. I thought it was a cool thought the Holy Spirit gave to me today. Something that helped me with my day.
:)
memories
it's amazing to me how our memories work. one thing can trigger them. like the word memories brings me back to a childhood friend and i dancing around and mocking "Memories" by barbara streisand. If you've never heard it check it out and maybe you will see what we found so entertaining in the fourth grade.
Today driving to church I had a lot of thoughts on my mind and I thought about something I thought I forgot about. I used to drive to church and ask God that the sermon would speak directly to me so I would know He hadn't given up on me. Why? becuase there were those perfect sermons that seemed to be written just for you. They gave me a hope and I wanted that every Sunday.... really i wanted it everyday but I dind't know how to get it. When I'd ask for it and it didn't happen, I took it to mean God was on vacation, that I was far too lost. Now I know... He doesn't take vacations. He doesn't ever leave. If I don't feel Him around me it's not Him that's left its me. The idea of praying this almost sounds foreign to me now. but I remembered it as I was praying for the church I was driving to. That God would open oppurtunities. That He would be clear. That He would show me what He wants. I wouldn't say any of that was cleared up though the sermon was good. but it's my memories that let me know that He has a plan and I just need to wait on that.
but now as I sit in starbucks sifting through Clinical Pharm notes I remember a lot. I remember what it was like to work at sbux. I remember what it was like to be in undergrad. I miss my sorority at times. Not the parties or those things but the sisterhood. The idea taht you had people to call who would drop anything to be there. Thats what they teach you in the sorority. That if a sister needs you you better respond. Now how they teach it.... that can be questioned as to if its good. And the reason for meeting in a sorority... I wouldn't say it's good. When I joined I was told I was no longer just Anita but Anita DPHIE. Everything I would say and do would reflect on the organziation. While maybe for a time I needed this because I was finding my idenity in anything but Christ... now I look back at it and I am thankful for the lessons learned, but am happy to have moved on.
And on the rainy days.. I remember what it was like to drive back from the davie campus all those days in summer of 2010... some days that drive was hard. I feel like God broke my heart a lot during that drive while I was listening to the radio and thinking on life. He was growing me slowly. He knew that I'd move to Boca and the next day He'd wake me up early introduce me to a church that opened up to me right away and from there I'd grow more than I thought possible in one year. Now that I look back on it... it sounds crazy. I remember getting caught in the rain at the beach. I remember sliding in my old car through an intersection. I remember playing in puddles in my bathing suit in north palm beach. I remember choosing bible study over chapter meetings. I remember fasting for the first time. I remember hwo that 21 days flipped my life upside down to the point where I honestly didn't recognize it. I remember deciding I wanted a night to be about God and He introduced me to my wonderful fiance.
I've been learning a lot about what it means to deny yourself. A question was presented" What have you lost since you became a christian?" If nothing you might not really be denying yourself, picking up your cross and following Christ.
What have I lost?
pretty much everyone I was close to prior to summer of 2011. I still think about some of them. Like this girl Amber I was close to. or Leah who I grew up with. I wonder how they are. I miss them, but I know that there is a cost to discipleship. It's not them who changed. its me. and while I know FOR SURE that I changed for the better- the truth doesn't make things easier always jsut makes it tolerable.
I wouldn't go back and choose different. I won't' change back. I can't deny all that I've been blessed with. The shoes I'm wearing right now I got in the summer of 10th grade. Leah was with me and I bought them at journeys. That was summer of 2005. And just saying 2005... now THAT brings back memories. high school. bad choices. people i don't ever talk to. these shoes have been a lot of places. I've been a lot of places. and somehow it all led to this moment right now sitting in a starbucks writing a blog post, and being very cold. I'm thinking I should order a hot coffee soon....
My point is... it's all connected. God has a plan for each of these moments and its interesting to look back and see how He has moved and how He has changed me. I'm no longer asking Him to please not give up on me-- I'm confident He won't. I'm no longer finding my identity in anything but Christ. I'm no longer keeping up friendships that aren't bringing me closer to Christ. But there are some days where I remember where I've come from and where I'm hoping to go and I'm amazed. God has brought me through so much. if you told me i'd be where I'm at now this time last year I wouldn't have believed you. Sometimes I don't even believe it now. but sometimes I remember it all and i'm finding lately when I remember it it doesn't even sound like my memories. It's all so foreign to me that it sounds like some story I heard and I'm thankful for that.
I'm excited to see what He has planned and what new memories He will make for me.
Today driving to church I had a lot of thoughts on my mind and I thought about something I thought I forgot about. I used to drive to church and ask God that the sermon would speak directly to me so I would know He hadn't given up on me. Why? becuase there were those perfect sermons that seemed to be written just for you. They gave me a hope and I wanted that every Sunday.... really i wanted it everyday but I dind't know how to get it. When I'd ask for it and it didn't happen, I took it to mean God was on vacation, that I was far too lost. Now I know... He doesn't take vacations. He doesn't ever leave. If I don't feel Him around me it's not Him that's left its me. The idea of praying this almost sounds foreign to me now. but I remembered it as I was praying for the church I was driving to. That God would open oppurtunities. That He would be clear. That He would show me what He wants. I wouldn't say any of that was cleared up though the sermon was good. but it's my memories that let me know that He has a plan and I just need to wait on that.
but now as I sit in starbucks sifting through Clinical Pharm notes I remember a lot. I remember what it was like to work at sbux. I remember what it was like to be in undergrad. I miss my sorority at times. Not the parties or those things but the sisterhood. The idea taht you had people to call who would drop anything to be there. Thats what they teach you in the sorority. That if a sister needs you you better respond. Now how they teach it.... that can be questioned as to if its good. And the reason for meeting in a sorority... I wouldn't say it's good. When I joined I was told I was no longer just Anita but Anita DPHIE. Everything I would say and do would reflect on the organziation. While maybe for a time I needed this because I was finding my idenity in anything but Christ... now I look back at it and I am thankful for the lessons learned, but am happy to have moved on.
And on the rainy days.. I remember what it was like to drive back from the davie campus all those days in summer of 2010... some days that drive was hard. I feel like God broke my heart a lot during that drive while I was listening to the radio and thinking on life. He was growing me slowly. He knew that I'd move to Boca and the next day He'd wake me up early introduce me to a church that opened up to me right away and from there I'd grow more than I thought possible in one year. Now that I look back on it... it sounds crazy. I remember getting caught in the rain at the beach. I remember sliding in my old car through an intersection. I remember playing in puddles in my bathing suit in north palm beach. I remember choosing bible study over chapter meetings. I remember fasting for the first time. I remember hwo that 21 days flipped my life upside down to the point where I honestly didn't recognize it. I remember deciding I wanted a night to be about God and He introduced me to my wonderful fiance.
I've been learning a lot about what it means to deny yourself. A question was presented" What have you lost since you became a christian?" If nothing you might not really be denying yourself, picking up your cross and following Christ.
What have I lost?
pretty much everyone I was close to prior to summer of 2011. I still think about some of them. Like this girl Amber I was close to. or Leah who I grew up with. I wonder how they are. I miss them, but I know that there is a cost to discipleship. It's not them who changed. its me. and while I know FOR SURE that I changed for the better- the truth doesn't make things easier always jsut makes it tolerable.
I wouldn't go back and choose different. I won't' change back. I can't deny all that I've been blessed with. The shoes I'm wearing right now I got in the summer of 10th grade. Leah was with me and I bought them at journeys. That was summer of 2005. And just saying 2005... now THAT brings back memories. high school. bad choices. people i don't ever talk to. these shoes have been a lot of places. I've been a lot of places. and somehow it all led to this moment right now sitting in a starbucks writing a blog post, and being very cold. I'm thinking I should order a hot coffee soon....
My point is... it's all connected. God has a plan for each of these moments and its interesting to look back and see how He has moved and how He has changed me. I'm no longer asking Him to please not give up on me-- I'm confident He won't. I'm no longer finding my identity in anything but Christ. I'm no longer keeping up friendships that aren't bringing me closer to Christ. But there are some days where I remember where I've come from and where I'm hoping to go and I'm amazed. God has brought me through so much. if you told me i'd be where I'm at now this time last year I wouldn't have believed you. Sometimes I don't even believe it now. but sometimes I remember it all and i'm finding lately when I remember it it doesn't even sound like my memories. It's all so foreign to me that it sounds like some story I heard and I'm thankful for that.
I'm excited to see what He has planned and what new memories He will make for me.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
"Place"
Gracie lou is my labradoodle puppy. We go every saturday to doggie training classes and today we went and learned "place." For some dogs this is a bed but she gets hot easy so we chose a towel. The goal is that when i tell her to get in her place she won't be crated but she will have a place to be whenpeople come over or someone knocks on the door. it will take time to teach her but she eventually be attached to it like she is the crate. my hope is that one day I won't have to crate her. After one day she is doing pretty good. she can do it from about 5 feet away. the click you hear after she does it is a training method. Sadly finding a place for a dog is much easier than for us.
But when I moved here was the first time I had "My place." It was the first time where I didn't have a roommate. It was the first time where I had my own dog that I didn't have to share and that no one could take away. It was the first time I owned real furniture. The first time I really could come and go as I please and had no one to offend, no one to answer to, no one that would be annoyed if I stayed up all night watching tv. It's the first place I have actually used the kitchen more than 3 times. It's the first place that I had my own bathroom. It's the first place I didn't have to clean up other people's messes. In a way I view my apartment like Gracielou views her crate. It's where I run when I'm scared, where I sleep, where I stay when I don't know where to be and it's been mine. I don't view it exactly like this anymore but I'm super thankful that God gave me this place.
Now He's given me so much more. He's given me a fiance that I am SO grateful for. He's given me great friends whom I'm blessed to know. He's given me things I never had before like health insurance, and taught me truly what it means to be saved. He's shown me that despite my past mistakes He has a plan for me. I truly am so blessed. But no matter what happens here I know that this world is not my home. The bible has a lot to say that this in not our home.
Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."
1 John 2:15 "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."
And yet as believes we should have a place in the church together. When we read acts it talks about what it is to be a body of believers. I think its no coincidence my fiance and I are reading acts together currently.
Acts 2:42-47 says
42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
I read these verses and wonder if churches like this really exist anymore. Where is the place like this where Christ is being glorified, where people are together where people are providing for one another where people are learning and growing and falling in love with Christ.
One of my favorite book is Galatians. It tells us to bear one anothers burders. Paul says in 1:24 "And they glorified God because of me"
I wanna be that kind of christian. I want to be the type of person the bible tells us to be. I talked to my bible study this morning about things that are socially acceptable that are not acceptable by God. we talked about sex, abortion, drinking... and then other things like jealousy, gossip, lying, coveting. We talked about the idea that pick and choose parts of the bible but I don't want to do that. I want to be like Christ. I want to be a true follower and not a fan and each day I find there is so much to learn about that.
Sidewalk Prophets has a song "live like that" I love the lyrics. Read them over slowly.
Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I’m only just a memory
When I’m home where my soul belongs
Was I loved
Would no one else show up?
Was I Jesus to the least of us?
Was my worship more than just a song?
I wanna live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You
If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Reckless abandoned
Never holding back
I wanna live like that
I wanna live like that
Am I proof that You are who You say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true
I wanna live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You
If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Reckless abandoned
Never holding back
I wanna live like that
I wanna live like that
I wanna show the world the love You gave for me
(I wanna live like that)
Longing for the world to know the glory of the King
What will people say of me
When I’m only just a memory
When I’m home where my soul belongs
Was I loved
Would no one else show up?
Was I Jesus to the least of us?
Was my worship more than just a song?
I wanna live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You
If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Reckless abandoned
Never holding back
I wanna live like that
I wanna live like that
Am I proof that You are who You say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true
I wanna live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You
If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Reckless abandoned
Never holding back
I wanna live like that
I wanna live like that
I wanna show the world the love You gave for me
(I wanna live like that)
Longing for the world to know the glory of the King
I want to live like that. I want everything I say and do to point to Christ. and I'm that the church (not just mine specifically but all churches that call themselves christians) would adopt the desire to be like Christ. I pray that they stop being fans and start being followers. That they stop picking and choosing parts of the bible to believe. that they start actually being the hands and feet of Christ.
In some parts of my life I'm still figuring out my "place." I'm figuring out what it means to really be a servant in a relationship. I'll soon have patients to see and thats a new place. I'm a leader of a bible study and I'm figuring out that place. I'm attending a church that I don't really have a place in. But in all the places I could or should be in or maybe in the places I am in... the place i know about is that I am a child of God and a servant of Christ. and that place is the most important. Thats my permanent place and there is no where I'd rather be.
<3
Friday, June 22, 2012
"She has a life about her"
"She has a life about her"- this is how one christian guy I know described the woman he is looking for.
I've been thinking about that phrase. What does it mean and do I know women like that?
I think as women we are so quick to complain. Proverbs wouldn't be littered with verses on this if it weren't true back from the beginning of time. I also know a lot of women that are discontent. God has given me such a vision and such a desire to help women and I even had my good friend this morning describe her thoughts. she told me "I'm called to work with women" and what that looks like I don't know. But I do see a life about her since she became a christian. She is happy and trusts God that He has a plan even in situations that are concerning. I'm thinking that's what that phrase means. Someone who is confident in Gods plan and trusts Him. completely. I'll say that I do trust Him, but have I eliminated worrying from my life- NO. In an effort to not be complaining and sad I found that I just restrict giving my opinion. I found that if I stopped saying all my fears and worries outloud they didn't seem as big. But if they were just in my head I could say to myself "Thats not actually true what your fearing. God has a plan and it's perfect. Just trust that."
If your a woman and you find yourself having a hard time having a light about you-- FIRST ask God for help. Ask Him to help you be more like Christ. In the meantime try not voicing every thought you have. Finding the good things can help to change your way of thinking.
So friends. Try looking for the positive in your day. :) Have a life about you that makes people wonder about you. That life that only comes from the Holy Spirit. It's something so attractive but can't be done alone. :)
I've been thinking about that phrase. What does it mean and do I know women like that?
I think as women we are so quick to complain. Proverbs wouldn't be littered with verses on this if it weren't true back from the beginning of time. I also know a lot of women that are discontent. God has given me such a vision and such a desire to help women and I even had my good friend this morning describe her thoughts. she told me "I'm called to work with women" and what that looks like I don't know. But I do see a life about her since she became a christian. She is happy and trusts God that He has a plan even in situations that are concerning. I'm thinking that's what that phrase means. Someone who is confident in Gods plan and trusts Him. completely. I'll say that I do trust Him, but have I eliminated worrying from my life- NO. In an effort to not be complaining and sad I found that I just restrict giving my opinion. I found that if I stopped saying all my fears and worries outloud they didn't seem as big. But if they were just in my head I could say to myself "Thats not actually true what your fearing. God has a plan and it's perfect. Just trust that."
If your a woman and you find yourself having a hard time having a light about you-- FIRST ask God for help. Ask Him to help you be more like Christ. In the meantime try not voicing every thought you have. Finding the good things can help to change your way of thinking.
So friends. Try looking for the positive in your day. :) Have a life about you that makes people wonder about you. That life that only comes from the Holy Spirit. It's something so attractive but can't be done alone. :)
Thursday, June 21, 2012
basic necessity
We all have different things that make us feel loved and appreciated. For some it's hearing the words, for others its getting rewards. For some still its doing things for them, and spending lots of time with them, and for some its physical touch. I'm very much a mix of the quality time and physical touch. As such I'm slow to call people friends. Research has shown how important the power of physical touch is.
Here's some things you might have heard about before:
I've heard about these examples in countless classes throughout undergrad and graduate school but it amazes me that our culture is so "personal space" oriented. Don't get me wrong I don't like to be touched by people I don't know. But while physical touch in a sinful way is more prevelent, it seems that physical touch in a simple hug seems to be more rare.
I grew up in a church where everyone hugged everyone. You didn't have to know eachother you were part of the church family. Now it was a southern baptist church... so that makes a difference. But I notice the church I attend now I don't see people around me hugging a lot. Is that wrong or bad? No. It's just interesting to me that our culture has shifted (or maybe its just where I live now).
Regardless, there is something amazing about the power of a hug. Now I personally don't hug other men outside of my fiance. I do this out of respect to him, and there are a few exceptions like my cousins, my uncle, and a few other people but I just know its something that we waiting on and I don't think that I should just give that so freely to everyone. Hugging is special. and I believe that there is something personal about a hug.
There are lots of examples in the bible where Jesus used touch to heal people. While we might not be able to restore sight or the ability to walk I'd argue that we can still heal people on some level with a good hug.
Alright. I have a graduate paper to work on :) Hope if you are someone who is very distant that you will think about how to be warm and inviting to people. I'm not saying hug everyone but sometimes even just being friendly in how you speak to them can be helpful. As for family and close friends: cherish the time you have to hug them, because you never know when it will be your last. We aren't promised tomorrow and life is short so hug the people you love as often as you can.
Here's some things you might have heard about before:
"In the thirteenth century, King Frederick II conducted an experiment with fifty infants to determine what language they would speak if never permitted to hear the spoken word. So he assigned foster mothers to bathe and suckle the children but forbade them to fondle pet, or talk to their charges. The experiment failed because all fifty infants died. We learned hundreds of years later that babies who aren’t touched and cuddled often fail to thrive.
The world has recently been exposed to yet another example of neglected and abused children. Mary Carlson, a researcher from Harvard Medical School, observed an overcrowded Romanian orphanage, where row upon row of babies lay neglected in their cribs. The staff was hopelessly overworked, so the babies were rarely touched even at mealtime. What struck Carlson was the silence in the nursery. There was no crying, no babbling, not even a whimper. Upon physical examinations given at age two, Carlson found that the babies had unusually high amounts of a stress hormone in the blood called cortisol, which is known to damage the brain. Growth was stunted, and the children acted half their age" from this article
I've heard about these examples in countless classes throughout undergrad and graduate school but it amazes me that our culture is so "personal space" oriented. Don't get me wrong I don't like to be touched by people I don't know. But while physical touch in a sinful way is more prevelent, it seems that physical touch in a simple hug seems to be more rare.
I grew up in a church where everyone hugged everyone. You didn't have to know eachother you were part of the church family. Now it was a southern baptist church... so that makes a difference. But I notice the church I attend now I don't see people around me hugging a lot. Is that wrong or bad? No. It's just interesting to me that our culture has shifted (or maybe its just where I live now).
Regardless, there is something amazing about the power of a hug. Now I personally don't hug other men outside of my fiance. I do this out of respect to him, and there are a few exceptions like my cousins, my uncle, and a few other people but I just know its something that we waiting on and I don't think that I should just give that so freely to everyone. Hugging is special. and I believe that there is something personal about a hug.
There are lots of examples in the bible where Jesus used touch to heal people. While we might not be able to restore sight or the ability to walk I'd argue that we can still heal people on some level with a good hug.
Alright. I have a graduate paper to work on :) Hope if you are someone who is very distant that you will think about how to be warm and inviting to people. I'm not saying hug everyone but sometimes even just being friendly in how you speak to them can be helpful. As for family and close friends: cherish the time you have to hug them, because you never know when it will be your last. We aren't promised tomorrow and life is short so hug the people you love as often as you can.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
white noise
i'm a person who when i have a puzzle keeps rearranging the pieces in my mind to make them fit. But some puzzles you can't solve. sometimes your missing a piece or all the pieces you have are to different puzzles. It's something akin to white noise. inside your head.this it being 3 am...
There's a song by Casting Crowns called "The Voice of Truth". It says:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
but there are sometimes when I get so wrapped up in trying to piece together the puzzle that despite asking I don't hear the voice. I spent last night trying to hear it but I kept going back to my thoughts. irrititating. this must be what its like to have ADD. Try and focus on one thing.... and your mind goes one million other directions. But sometimes you get to a point where you know you need the voice to truth to tell you something. you ask but your having trouble "being still."
this post probably makes no sense. which is fitting.
at the end of the song it says "I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth" and since I have no idea what He might be saying right now i'm also going to choose to ask Him to help me focus outside of the whitenoise and listen.
God does speak through His word and that I just need to read..
i love proverbs...but it doesn't sugar coat anything:
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10)
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
sometimes you just need to read Gods word to cut through the white noise. and He begins to give you a beautiful picture of His grace and plan. I'm not saying this is instant all the time. Sometimes it takes a bit of prayer. but no matter the situation God has a plan and a purpose.
Yesterday I wrote about how God helped me avoid a car accident yesterday morning. I also talked about how sometimes He lets things happen to us to grow us, teach us, or make us more like Christ. These experiences shape us and sometimes they collide with eachvother to make a unique puzzle. I might not be hearing a whole lot in prayer at the moment but I will choose to listen to the voice of truth in His word. How God chooses to speak may differ but I'm so grateful He speaks to His children.
There's a song by Casting Crowns called "The Voice of Truth". It says:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
but there are sometimes when I get so wrapped up in trying to piece together the puzzle that despite asking I don't hear the voice. I spent last night trying to hear it but I kept going back to my thoughts. irrititating. this must be what its like to have ADD. Try and focus on one thing.... and your mind goes one million other directions. But sometimes you get to a point where you know you need the voice to truth to tell you something. you ask but your having trouble "being still."
this post probably makes no sense. which is fitting.
at the end of the song it says "I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth" and since I have no idea what He might be saying right now i'm also going to choose to ask Him to help me focus outside of the whitenoise and listen.
God does speak through His word and that I just need to read..
i love proverbs...but it doesn't sugar coat anything:
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10)
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
sometimes you just need to read Gods word to cut through the white noise. and He begins to give you a beautiful picture of His grace and plan. I'm not saying this is instant all the time. Sometimes it takes a bit of prayer. but no matter the situation God has a plan and a purpose.
Yesterday I wrote about how God helped me avoid a car accident yesterday morning. I also talked about how sometimes He lets things happen to us to grow us, teach us, or make us more like Christ. These experiences shape us and sometimes they collide with eachvother to make a unique puzzle. I might not be hearing a whole lot in prayer at the moment but I will choose to listen to the voice of truth in His word. How God chooses to speak may differ but I'm so grateful He speaks to His children.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Whales aren't easy.
"Somewhere between having a dream and following it lies faith"
Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
2 Corinthians 5:7 says "We live by faith not by sight."
Sometimes I wonder if verses like this were written just for me. I'm having a hard time with faith lately. I guess i should be clear in that sometimes in situations where we can see a solution its hard to truly trust it will work out. I know it will becuase I know who God has shown me He is and what He has shown me He does and I believe what He has told me. But the logical part of me that is objective looks at a situation all the sides and says "well logically i dont' see a solution." This is the thing about God. He sees things that don't exist yet and has a plan based on those things. So i just have to have faith in the things I can't see. hellooooooo hebrews 11:1. He has shown me time and time again He has the best plan and I know that. but maybe its not the faith that I have the problem with but more the patience with waiting for Him to show me how it's going to work out. Patience and I ... not always friends. I'm a person who as my friend Vicky would say is a "go getter" some people are some people aren't. I'm someone if there is a problem i want to fix it. If there is a mess I want to clean it up as fast as possible. If there is something that needs to be done I like to do it and move on. I'm a planner. I'm a promoter of the saying "If you fail to plan you plan to fail." in most instances I agree. Now I will say I don't do this in everything. Like if we are going out to dinner don't ask me where to go I can't plan that for some reason lol. I'm not saying being like me is the right way or the best way, but I will say in my life it has been helpful to me. It has also created a lot of frustration in times where God is holding the plan hostage and teaching me patience. He knows me more than anyone. He knows what I need and what He has put on my heart and He knows that I'd like step by step detailed instructions of what He wants and how and why but He doesn't give that. He teaches me faith. He teaches me patience. He shows me that while I want His will that I have to understand His will not in my timing but in His.
I have things that I feel like God has put on heart and when it's just you you can follow those things. But the beautiful, and challenging part of relationships is that it's no longer just you and what you and God decide but you have to take in to account another persons desires. It's something akin to knowing how to walk by yourself and then participating in a 3 legged race. It takes some work to get used to it. And yet you can look back and remember when you were learning to crawl. My point is each stage in life takes adjusting and learning which leads you to a better place but takes work to get there.
Moreover add in trying to let someone lead and respecting their choices and it can get difficult. The bible talks a lot about denying yourself to follow Christ and when I read those verses I always think about denying drinking or sex or things like that. But the more I'm learning I'm seeing its not just denying the obvious. It's denying sometimes things that you want. To say a relationship teaches you about service and selflessness is an understatement. I guess what I have learned the most is how selfish I am. Proverbs 31 talks about the qualities a good wife should have. No where in there does it say " She then did what she wanted." or "She then was all about herself." It says she did things like help the poor, took care of her family, got up early, was a hard worker, honored her husband.
I'm not saying Proverbs 31 isn't correct- because it is. What I'm saying is its hard. It takes faith. It takes an understanding and a trust. For some this comes easier then others depending on your life experiences and what God has taught you up until that point.
I feel like all the reading of books, and of the bible and hearing women at churhc speak doesn't prepare you for some of these things. It takes prayer and reading of the word to work through some of these things. Meditating on verses about faith. reading about women who had it and who exemplified what you should be. and if your blessed enough to have a mother or grandmother exemplify these things relying on that example. God promises not to give you anything He doesn't prepare you for you just have to have faith in that. Trust that He will give you the tools and in the mean time you get to exercise the thing some of us struggle most with: patience.
And yet. In all this He shows me that He protect me. This morning I was getting ready for school and I was realizing that I haven't really been going grocery shopping and planning things for lunch and such and as such I had nothing to bring to school. I grabbed some goldfish and a granola bar and figured i'll stop by 7-11 for a banana I was driving straight and was making a left on a green arrow. I thought mid intersection "you should speed up" so I did. and all the sudden I hear the screeching of tires as they slide across the pavement and the dreaded "CRASH". I didn't feel the impact so I knew it wasn't me, it was the car behind me. who was hit by a red light running car that smashed the passanger side near the front tire. Had I not sped it He probably would have hit my back tire area which could have turned my car as I was mid turn and caused me to hit someone or something else. He had a plan. (note I didn't know it was coming so I wasn't impatiently wanting to know what the plan was. but He had one nonetheless). I didn't go to 7-11. I checked to make sure everyone was ok and then got to school. I thought "how many times does God save us from things when we don't see it." I wonder if He was showing me that sometimes He keeps us far away from things that coudl potentially hurt or damage us. But sometimes, He lets them get really close to us where a half a second difference could have completely changed my day. Other times, He lets us go through the hard times to teach us and grow us to be more like Christ. No matter what He is allowing you to go through right now He has a plan. Just pray that He would help you have the patience for Him to carry it out. Remember patience isn't just waiting but contentment in waiting. I'd say while I'd like to say I've been patient in the last few months, I've become inpatient in the last few weeks. Reality is. A few months is nothing God has made people wait decades, and centuries. so I'm going to have to be patient and figure out what denying myself really means. For me maybe it means not finding a real mentor, not finding a womens group to learn from, not finding friends at my church, not finding a place i want to serve, not finding a place for my fiance and I to be part of together. Maybe denying myself means not building a new church family. maybe denying myself means being divided. Maybe it means slowly feeling disconnected from some of my friends and waiting to make new ones. Maybe it means wrapping myself up in my own study of the bible for a bit. Maybe it means continuning to pray but maybe it means accepting that sometimes God says no. sometimes He says later.
in the end I trust His plan :) I know whatever it is it's what's best. It just might now be easy. But hey Jonah probably wouldn't classify being in the belly of a whale easy.
xoxo
Anita
Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
2 Corinthians 5:7 says "We live by faith not by sight."
Sometimes I wonder if verses like this were written just for me. I'm having a hard time with faith lately. I guess i should be clear in that sometimes in situations where we can see a solution its hard to truly trust it will work out. I know it will becuase I know who God has shown me He is and what He has shown me He does and I believe what He has told me. But the logical part of me that is objective looks at a situation all the sides and says "well logically i dont' see a solution." This is the thing about God. He sees things that don't exist yet and has a plan based on those things. So i just have to have faith in the things I can't see. hellooooooo hebrews 11:1. He has shown me time and time again He has the best plan and I know that. but maybe its not the faith that I have the problem with but more the patience with waiting for Him to show me how it's going to work out. Patience and I ... not always friends. I'm a person who as my friend Vicky would say is a "go getter" some people are some people aren't. I'm someone if there is a problem i want to fix it. If there is a mess I want to clean it up as fast as possible. If there is something that needs to be done I like to do it and move on. I'm a planner. I'm a promoter of the saying "If you fail to plan you plan to fail." in most instances I agree. Now I will say I don't do this in everything. Like if we are going out to dinner don't ask me where to go I can't plan that for some reason lol. I'm not saying being like me is the right way or the best way, but I will say in my life it has been helpful to me. It has also created a lot of frustration in times where God is holding the plan hostage and teaching me patience. He knows me more than anyone. He knows what I need and what He has put on my heart and He knows that I'd like step by step detailed instructions of what He wants and how and why but He doesn't give that. He teaches me faith. He teaches me patience. He shows me that while I want His will that I have to understand His will not in my timing but in His.
I have things that I feel like God has put on heart and when it's just you you can follow those things. But the beautiful, and challenging part of relationships is that it's no longer just you and what you and God decide but you have to take in to account another persons desires. It's something akin to knowing how to walk by yourself and then participating in a 3 legged race. It takes some work to get used to it. And yet you can look back and remember when you were learning to crawl. My point is each stage in life takes adjusting and learning which leads you to a better place but takes work to get there.
Moreover add in trying to let someone lead and respecting their choices and it can get difficult. The bible talks a lot about denying yourself to follow Christ and when I read those verses I always think about denying drinking or sex or things like that. But the more I'm learning I'm seeing its not just denying the obvious. It's denying sometimes things that you want. To say a relationship teaches you about service and selflessness is an understatement. I guess what I have learned the most is how selfish I am. Proverbs 31 talks about the qualities a good wife should have. No where in there does it say " She then did what she wanted." or "She then was all about herself." It says she did things like help the poor, took care of her family, got up early, was a hard worker, honored her husband.
I'm not saying Proverbs 31 isn't correct- because it is. What I'm saying is its hard. It takes faith. It takes an understanding and a trust. For some this comes easier then others depending on your life experiences and what God has taught you up until that point.
I feel like all the reading of books, and of the bible and hearing women at churhc speak doesn't prepare you for some of these things. It takes prayer and reading of the word to work through some of these things. Meditating on verses about faith. reading about women who had it and who exemplified what you should be. and if your blessed enough to have a mother or grandmother exemplify these things relying on that example. God promises not to give you anything He doesn't prepare you for you just have to have faith in that. Trust that He will give you the tools and in the mean time you get to exercise the thing some of us struggle most with: patience.
And yet. In all this He shows me that He protect me. This morning I was getting ready for school and I was realizing that I haven't really been going grocery shopping and planning things for lunch and such and as such I had nothing to bring to school. I grabbed some goldfish and a granola bar and figured i'll stop by 7-11 for a banana I was driving straight and was making a left on a green arrow. I thought mid intersection "you should speed up" so I did. and all the sudden I hear the screeching of tires as they slide across the pavement and the dreaded "CRASH". I didn't feel the impact so I knew it wasn't me, it was the car behind me. who was hit by a red light running car that smashed the passanger side near the front tire. Had I not sped it He probably would have hit my back tire area which could have turned my car as I was mid turn and caused me to hit someone or something else. He had a plan. (note I didn't know it was coming so I wasn't impatiently wanting to know what the plan was. but He had one nonetheless). I didn't go to 7-11. I checked to make sure everyone was ok and then got to school. I thought "how many times does God save us from things when we don't see it." I wonder if He was showing me that sometimes He keeps us far away from things that coudl potentially hurt or damage us. But sometimes, He lets them get really close to us where a half a second difference could have completely changed my day. Other times, He lets us go through the hard times to teach us and grow us to be more like Christ. No matter what He is allowing you to go through right now He has a plan. Just pray that He would help you have the patience for Him to carry it out. Remember patience isn't just waiting but contentment in waiting. I'd say while I'd like to say I've been patient in the last few months, I've become inpatient in the last few weeks. Reality is. A few months is nothing God has made people wait decades, and centuries. so I'm going to have to be patient and figure out what denying myself really means. For me maybe it means not finding a real mentor, not finding a womens group to learn from, not finding friends at my church, not finding a place i want to serve, not finding a place for my fiance and I to be part of together. Maybe denying myself means not building a new church family. maybe denying myself means being divided. Maybe it means slowly feeling disconnected from some of my friends and waiting to make new ones. Maybe it means wrapping myself up in my own study of the bible for a bit. Maybe it means continuning to pray but maybe it means accepting that sometimes God says no. sometimes He says later.
in the end I trust His plan :) I know whatever it is it's what's best. It just might now be easy. But hey Jonah probably wouldn't classify being in the belly of a whale easy.
xoxo
Anita
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
So i'll spend myself til I'm empty and poor all for you
I'm supposed to be listening in class.
I'm supposed to be working on a paper.
I'm supposed to be studying for boards.
and yet. I'm writing a blog post.
ever have thing swirling around in your mind and you can't move on until you get those thoughts out? Maybe that is just me. So here goes.
God has put a whole burden on my heart to help people. But this means I want to help people that sometimes I can't help, don't know how to help or really don't need to be the one helping. I don't know why this is the case but it is.
And yet there are times where I could help and it just seems to insurmountable. It comes down to is there enough time in the day. How much is too much?
At the drive last week there was a line in a song we sang "So i'll spend myself til I'm empty and poor all for you" -- It's from a song called "You Revive me" thats been done by several christian artists but it hit me. We sing this but do we believe it? do we just say it or do we actually do it. So then when it feels like too much I want to say "well I sing that i'll do this so i should" but then thoughts like "you don't want to overwhelm yourself" " 'you already have a lot on your plate" and I wonder if those are reality or things that satan is just trying to tell me to make me less effective. How do you know? Ask for wisdom. I'm doing that. I just keep praying that God would be clear in His plan and that I would be like Mary and respond with "Yes Lord I'm your servant."
alright. we gotta have pretend patients to practice our diagnostic skills so I think that will end this post.
Hope you all are well. Keep putting God first and praying for His presence. :)
I'm supposed to be working on a paper.
I'm supposed to be studying for boards.
and yet. I'm writing a blog post.
ever have thing swirling around in your mind and you can't move on until you get those thoughts out? Maybe that is just me. So here goes.
God has put a whole burden on my heart to help people. But this means I want to help people that sometimes I can't help, don't know how to help or really don't need to be the one helping. I don't know why this is the case but it is.
And yet there are times where I could help and it just seems to insurmountable. It comes down to is there enough time in the day. How much is too much?
At the drive last week there was a line in a song we sang "So i'll spend myself til I'm empty and poor all for you" -- It's from a song called "You Revive me" thats been done by several christian artists but it hit me. We sing this but do we believe it? do we just say it or do we actually do it. So then when it feels like too much I want to say "well I sing that i'll do this so i should" but then thoughts like "you don't want to overwhelm yourself" " 'you already have a lot on your plate" and I wonder if those are reality or things that satan is just trying to tell me to make me less effective. How do you know? Ask for wisdom. I'm doing that. I just keep praying that God would be clear in His plan and that I would be like Mary and respond with "Yes Lord I'm your servant."
alright. we gotta have pretend patients to practice our diagnostic skills so I think that will end this post.
Hope you all are well. Keep putting God first and praying for His presence. :)
Saturday, June 9, 2012
update and thoughts
Hey friends.
It's been so long since I've posted. so much has happened.
I got engaged.
I finished my first year of school.
I've been wedding planning, finishing up a vacation and then doing the day to day hanging out with gracie lou (the best labradoodle ever), working on bible study, and trying to balance sleeping in the mix too.
I miss writing. things have been a little crazy.
I don't even know where to start really. Bible study has been going well. We finished Genesis and now are into Luke.
Last night I went and saw Kari Jobe sing. The song "We Are" was sung.
It says:
We are the light of the world
We are the city on a hill
We are the light of the world
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine
There are situations in my life lately where I'm having a hard time with that and its a theme that has been coming up a lot lately. At the Drive last tuesday Pastor Jeff talked a little bit about this idea of being a light on a hill and said that sometimes we are put on a hill to be a light to other people and how we look at them should be with compassion. We dont' get to decide when God is done with someone.
Sometimes though it's hard to know how to be a light. How to help. How to encourage. Sometimes God puts you in places where you feel completely out of place. And yet I know that God has done that to tons of people. I know anything is possible with God. I know that He does miracles. I just am not sure what to do. I'm guessing Mary didn't know what to do when she was told she was pregnant. And Noah was a little unsure of how to build a boat. I bet Adam was like "Uhm... I have to name animals? ... how?"
I trust Him. I just read the parts that say "walk by faith" and I don't know where to take a step. So perhaps I should jsut be still and wait for a door to open. Patience. Not my best thing.
Matthew 5:14 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."
gives a whole new meaning to "you can run but you can't hide..."
I'm sure none of this makes sense I just wanted to update.
I'm going to try and be writing more :)
I've missed it <3
It's been so long since I've posted. so much has happened.
I got engaged.
I finished my first year of school.
I've been wedding planning, finishing up a vacation and then doing the day to day hanging out with gracie lou (the best labradoodle ever), working on bible study, and trying to balance sleeping in the mix too.
I miss writing. things have been a little crazy.
I don't even know where to start really. Bible study has been going well. We finished Genesis and now are into Luke.
Last night I went and saw Kari Jobe sing. The song "We Are" was sung.
It says:
We are the light of the world
We are the city on a hill
We are the light of the world
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine
There are situations in my life lately where I'm having a hard time with that and its a theme that has been coming up a lot lately. At the Drive last tuesday Pastor Jeff talked a little bit about this idea of being a light on a hill and said that sometimes we are put on a hill to be a light to other people and how we look at them should be with compassion. We dont' get to decide when God is done with someone.
Sometimes though it's hard to know how to be a light. How to help. How to encourage. Sometimes God puts you in places where you feel completely out of place. And yet I know that God has done that to tons of people. I know anything is possible with God. I know that He does miracles. I just am not sure what to do. I'm guessing Mary didn't know what to do when she was told she was pregnant. And Noah was a little unsure of how to build a boat. I bet Adam was like "Uhm... I have to name animals? ... how?"
I trust Him. I just read the parts that say "walk by faith" and I don't know where to take a step. So perhaps I should jsut be still and wait for a door to open. Patience. Not my best thing.
Matthew 5:14 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."
gives a whole new meaning to "you can run but you can't hide..."
I'm sure none of this makes sense I just wanted to update.
I'm going to try and be writing more :)
I've missed it <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
