At 35 weeks they wanted me to be given Terbutaline to stop labor as I was having contractions, but I refused it, knowing I was just doing too much at work. I went home and rested and the strength and timing of those contractions stopped as long as I didn't do much. Fast forward a few weeks I made it to full term. We were ready to meet our child, but knew that baby could be in there for up to 7 more weeks. We were patient but ready. We had spent weeks going through classes for the Bradley Method hoping for a natural birth.
On Sunday December 11th around 3 pm my water broke. I was 38 weeks pregnant on that day. Having never been pregnant at first I was not sure as I was standing in the kitchen and a smaller amount of fluid went on the floor. I looked down as my husband came around the corner and said "Either I just peed myself or my water broke." I went to the bathroom and found I could empty my bladder so perhaps it was my water. I didn't think much of it despite this because while I was having contractions they weren't super painful and they weren't as close together as we wanted them to be before I went to the hospital. This is what we had decided was best during our bradley classes.
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| Prepping for Our Lady of Guadalupe celebration at our parish |
So I went about what I was doing- packing up Christmas presents. We had time to wait so no sense in rushing to the hospital. Well a few more gushes of fluid and we were certain that it was my water. There is no way my kidneys worked that fast. We had taken bradley method classes and wanted a natural birth so we figured labor would progress slowly. I had not made it to mass that morning, but had gone to help with RCIA. It was a tough morning and I was so tired, but Paul reminded me we might not have too many left. We had no idea how true that was. So we did some things around the house, put the hospital bag in the car, fed the dog, contacted our dog sitters and agreed to bring them the house key at mass. I told my husband I wanted to go to confession and to mass before this baby was born. It was the Sunday of Joy of Advent.
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Leaving to head to the hospital
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We got in the car, got to church and asked the priest for confession. He listened to us and told us he would pray for us. I wanted to experience this beautiful sacrament. We walked into the church and a large statue of our Lady of Guadalupe was there as her feast day is December 12th and our parish was having a procession with her that evening. I sat in the pew asking our Lady to help us. She is the patron saint of expectant mothers and I knew I was not only expecting, but very close to meeting my child. It was interesting that it felt as though several ladies from the church, not knowing what was happening seemed to be especially kind and encouraging during this mass. The mass was beautiful and it was exactly what I needed. I didn't know at the time how much I would need this encouragement through labor.
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| Last bump picture with what looks like our dog |
We walked toward my husband's class and a pretty large gush of fluid and a change of clothes later we got some things together for his students. I was eating snacks knowing that whenever I went to the hospital I wouldn't be eating so I was going to eat while I was on the outside. When everything was all set for my husband's students we went home so I could grab a couple more things we had forgotten and we drove to the city where I was delivering. My contractions were picking up in strength and timing, but I was breathing through them. We got a snack, and then we decided to walk around the pond outside the hospital. It had been decorated for Christmas with lights and music and made for an enjoyable walk. It was getting to where I had to stop for contractions. They were becoming more painful and about 4 minutes apart. They lasted about a minute. It was hurting quite a bit but I was determined to keep walking as long as possible. We were walking back to the car to get a water when a large gush of fluid happened and my contractions greatly picked up. I changed clothes and went into the hospital thinking we would meet our child on December 12th sometime.
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walking around the lighted lake
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We checked into labor and delivery around 1030 pm. I was having a hard time walking down the hall to sign in, but I was able to do it. Nitrizine test was positive, but I was only about 1 cm dilated despite all the contractions and walking. I was the 10% that had premature rupture of membranes. They admitted me around midnight. They told me to take a nap, but I knew my water was ruptured and it's only safe to have that for so long and my contractions were painful. So I got up, I bounced on a birth peanut (like a birth ball, but not as helpful in my opinion.) I slept about an hour while my husband slept about 4. I walked in the room back and forth, bounced and did everything I knew to try and stimulate an increase in labor. I noticed however my contractions seemed to be slowing instead of increasing and the fluid stopped. So, I decided to lay down. Maybe I needed rest to continue. 90 % of those who have premature rupture of membranes can naturally progress in labor.
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Checked in and ready to meet our little one
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A few hours later my doctor came in and I declined to be checked. Since I had slowed down we knew I wasn't close to transition and I wanted to minimize checks as to minimize risk of infection. I spent the next day doing what I could. Walking the halls, going up and down the stairs, bouncing... anything I could think of. I was praying for strong hard contractions and when 5 pm came and I wasn't having contractions and I wasn't having any fluid. Due to the amount of time passed I couldn't go home due to risk of infection so we decided to start Pitocin. I was the 10% that didn't progress, had been ruptured more than 24 hours, and had no fever - but we knew this kid had to come out sooner rather than later. So they let me eat and then hooked me up. You see to be on Pitocin you have to have monitoring and an IV. Before this I had requested no IV and no continuous monitoring. Now for our safety we had to. I could still get up, but it was harder. I had a blood pressure cuff on that really was the most frustrating thing of it all. So they started low and kicked it up every 20 minutes and my contractions were strong, fast and back to a pattern that could be timed. I labored like this all night and it was definitely a hard night. It hurt quite a bit and we used many of the bradley relaxation techniques. My husband did counter pressure, stayed with me, read to me and encouraged me. While the pain was bad I knew that God could use this. We watched the clock tick away December 12th and start December 13th. A night on Piton is a night like no other. Pain doesn't seem to really cover it, but my husband was amazing. He prayed with me and together we anticipated maybe we would meet our child. I was walking in circles as I was tied to the monitors around 5 am when my water broke again. It turns out it had resealed and that is why the fluid had stopped and why I had stopped progressing. Well the second time it was something like in the movies. Pain picked up which was exhausting. The next morning they checked and I was 4 cm. My water had been broken over 36 hours from the initial break. We were so excited progress had been made, but so sad that I wasn't further along. I had a new energy that morning despite no sleep. So I got up and tried to move despite the pain. The contractions picked up to an almost unbearable point. I was breathing and my husband was praying with me, reading to me, doing anything to help me. We were going through the rosary and the divine mercy chaplet, but it did get to a point where I could only listen to him. The contractions for hours were 2 minutes apart and sometimes up to 2 minutes long. They had to come turn down the Piton as they got so close together and so long that it was unsafe. At one point they were 3-4 minutes long and no break in between, but I knew this is what we needed to go through to meet our child. The lack of sleep was starting to get to me, but I just kept praying. That afternoon I was checked again and only 4 cm still, but it turns out my water had resealed... again. Yes. 3 times. My doctor broke my water which possibly was the most painful thing.
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Given the go ahead to push
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I lasted about an hour, but the contractions were so close together there was no break in between and I hurt too much to get up much less get to the bathroom to empty my bladder. A full bladder makes contractions more painful. At this point I had gone 29 hours on Pitocin without medication for pain. Up to this point, it had been 53 hours from when my water broke initially and we were looking at either a C-section or I needed to try an epidural to see if this would relax my body enough to progress. I was exhausted and we knew that even if I could handle the pain to get to 10 cm I would most likely not have enough energy to push when the time came. So as much as I did not want to I accepted an epidural, but even the Bradley Method says that there are cases where it is necessary. We were the exception. With this I was able to take a nap, which was the first real sleep I had in days. I woke up around 2 am telling my nurse I needed to push. She told me it was too soon and didn't check me. I told her again after a few contractions that I really thought I needed to push. It was my first child, but when they tell you that you will know when your ready they were right. They called the doctor and the nurse checked and said I was right, it was time to push. So we started before the doctor was there. A couple of good pushes and then the nurse is stat dialing my doctor saying that my push caused the baby's heart to decelerate. Turns out I have a tilted pelvis and while all my Bradley Method training had told me not to push flat, this was my only option if I didn't want suction or a C-section. So I laid flat and pushed and it honestly was incredibly difficult, but it worked. 15 more minutes of pushing and we had a head and an announcement that there was a lot of hair on this baby's head. The doctor asked if I could reach the baby and told me I could catch. So on December 14th at 3:09 am Fulton John joined the world and I caught my own child. I pulled the baby on my chest and my husband forgot to tell me it was a boy, but I knew because I watched him pee on me right after birth. It was such a relief to welcome this child. So many hours of pain and challenge and we knew God had a plan. Holding my little boy I then a few minutes later hear something along the lines of "crap" and my doctor is telling me that my placenta has fallen apart as my uterus was exhausted and they had to manually remove it. I can tell you the epidural didn't cover the pain of your doctor manually removing your placenta piece by piece, but it was okay because I was holding Fulton so the rest didn't matter and I would do this all again if it meant I could have this little boy.
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| holding our baby boy just after delivery |
Through our challenging labor of 60 hours I slept about 5 total during that time. What I've learned in my challenge is God sure multiples joy as we experience suffering. I want to share that as I know so many have had your own struggles in pregnancy.. labor and delivery... postpartum. I know that while there was great suffering the joy has been unbelievable.
What got me through was something I listened to Mother Angelica say while laboring early on. She said (paraphrasing) we experience suffering to grow us, to make us the holy people God needs in heaven. She explained that he has a unique plan for each of us and who he needs us to be to contribute to heaven. I had never thought of that idea. I know He needs us to be on our journey for our contribution on earth, but that I can contribute to heaven amazed my heart. That God needed me to be molded more through my experiences to grow in the holiness so that I can be a Saint for heaven that is helpful in what he needs astounds me. When I was a Protestant I thought about getting to heaven and even thought perhaps we just stare at God when we get there. Don't get me wrong I believe we will adore Him in a huge way in heaven, but it reminded me of St. Therese of Liseuix - that she said she wasn't going to purgatory that she was going to burn her imperfections here on earth so she could hurry up and get to heaven and spend it doing good on earth. It reminds me of one of my favorite things Our Lord said in scripture - he's telling the apostles to go get a donkey so he can ride through the town on Palm Sunday and gives them instructions to go and tell the man that they get this donkey from "the master has need of it". It's like if someone came up to you, stole your car, and as they were taking it said, "sorry the master has need of it." I can imagine their faces ,but yet they were obedient and got to see the plan and the glory some time later. For now I know the Master had need of our experience and I ask Him to continue in me what He needs so that I can spend heaven doing great things to help here on earth.
God bless you friends.
Anita
