What My Colorectal Surgery Patients are teaching me.

Hello Friends,

I typically do posts about the things I'm learning in my rotations, and I'm two weeks in and ready to share.  So far my rotation has been great. I have learned a lot, gotten to participate in surgery which I always enjoy. If surgery had a better schedule I would want to do it hands down. I enjoy it. I enjoy that what should hurt someone- cutting, and cauterizing and removing tissue or parts of organs does the opposite: It heals and helps. It's such a beautiful paradox that I can't wrap my mind around and I love it. I love the cleanliness of the OR, and the structure. Somehow, poop is less disgusting in the OR. It's almost like stepping into another world when you go through the OR doors and I love that.

But I also love seeing the lady on the 3rd floor at 7 am. Talking to her and her husband and finding out how she is doing. I love being on the 14th floor at 6 am and getting to tell our patient from yesterday that she is NOT humpty dumpty as she so suggested but rather no matter what her abdomen looks like, she is beautiful. I like talking to the elderly woman who teared up after she was told she was having surgery. I liked encouraging the man afraid of a colonoscopy, and seeing him believe me and schedule one with the doctor not even indicating he was afraid to begin with. I enjoy talking to the gentlemen who needs surgery as I'm walking him to the waiting room and having him want to know my opinion on if the doctor is a good one. (which I was able to honestly assure him that he is). I like meeting people where they are and getting to talk to them, encourage them, and let them know they are seen.

What I have gotten to see most is that a situation is what you make it. You can choose to focus on the solution or the problem. I see it in our patients all the time. They focus on the pain of the operation rather than the cure to their cancer. They focus on the fear of the colonoscopy rather than the reassurance that they don't have cancer. The worst part: I do the same thing.

I focus on the lack of finding the perfect job, rather than seeing that there are thousands that don't have a job, or a home or food. I'm selfish at my core and it shows me that June is no different: God is still hammering thankfulness into me this year and while I would like to say I'm thankful in all circumstances reality is I'm not. And that breaks my heart. I'm sure it also breaks God's heart and but thankfully He is still working on me. :)

Hope your doing well. Let me know what your learning from the unlikely places :)

<3
Anita

Who says it has to be itsy bitsy?- Jessica Rey

There is a video floating around the internet on the Evolution of the Bikini. Many videos float around the internet but I have to tell you I am often skeptic to click and watch whatever "everyone" is posting. However, after ignoring it, a friend encouraged me to watch this video:

What Jessica Rey talks about here is how the bikini evolved, it's initial impact and what has now evolved from the bikini today. She touches on the beautiful topic of modesty, and is using her talents to afford women more choices for modest bikinis in her bathing suit line. http://www.reyswimwear.com/
Personally I can't wait to order one of these swim suits and encourage you to support her business as well. 

I can remember back to my teen years of watching MTV, and there was an episode where they were coving the MTV summer beach bash speaking about bathing suits and telling everyone that when it comes to swimwear : Less is more. As a fair skinned, lanky teen who was awkward- the idea of wearing strings for a bathing suit made me completely uncomfortable. I can't tell you how many times I've heard a discussion about clothing being too skimpy or revealing for one person's taste and the person desiring to wear the clothing retorts "It covers more than a bathing suit." 

While I understand that some people enjoy showing off their lady bits on the beach, perhaps listening to Jessica Rey and her report of Princeton Universities findings on how men view women in small amounts of clothing should make the ladies of the world really do a double take. 

When I was single I came to a place where I realized that how men talked to me or treated me was largely dependent on what I wore. In college I wore more clothes on the immodest side of things. I grew up in south Florida, and the beach was in walking distance from my university making shorts, tank tops and flip flops a staple in my wardrobe. The type of men that I would attract seemed to be guys who were more interested in my body than my heart. As I realized this, I decided I wanted to attract my husband my heart, because when I'm 80 and wrinkled and I've had 5 kids I am not going to look like I do now, and I wanted my future husband to still love me. So, I started to coverup. I found that the type of men I attracted then were more polite and patient. When I said I was waiting for my husband they weren't scared off, and honestly I think it's because when I was dressing in a revealing way, I was saying something with my attire, and saying I wanted a man to love and treasure me with my mouth. I was sending a mixed message. 

I was blessed to meet my husband, because if you ask him he will tell you that when we first met, and while we were dating, he couldn't tell you what curves my body had. He was pursuing me because he saw something more than outside appearance: he saw me, he saw my heart. 

1 Peter 3:1-4 says Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Now I've heard countless women read this verse and think: I'm supposed to wear a potato sac, not brush my hair, and not accept a diamond ring. No. What I believe it is saying here is don't focus so intently on the external appearance, because while you might have the perfect outfit if you don't have a gentle and loving and kind spirit, than clothes and jewels and hairstyles won't change that. What Peter is writing about is character. He is telling women to be beautiful not just from the inside, but from the outside as well. He is sharing the very sentiment of God, who tells us He knows the number of hairs on our heads, He has our name written on His hand and He knows our heart and intentions. Peter is reminding wives in particular but truly all women that makeup washes away, clothes wrinkle and fray, but joy can't be hidden. 

"We need to teach girls that modesty isn't about covering up our bodies because they're bad. Modesty isn't about hiding ourselves; it's about revealing our dignity." -Jessica Rey

Ladies, true beauty is not only skin deep. True beauty is in a heart after God. So don't break out the potato sacs and moo moos, but remember that you send a message with your clothing and you can make that message say whatever you want. Why not let it say more? 

In this post I'm not going to go into the other facets for modesty: the importance of not tempting men, the importance of knowing your body is a temple for the Lord, ect. I wanted to just cover the idea of beauty. If you would like me to write more on these other topics, or on something else feel free to comment and let me know. 

Friends: what makes you feel beautiful? Let me know 

xox

Anita 

Wrong Numbers

Hello friends,
It's been a bit of time, but I have been busy with ER and studying and life really.

God is still teaching me about thankfulness this year... and specifically humility lately.

I had a funny story so I thought I would do a quick post.

So as a PA student soon to be PA I have been applying for jobs. To be honest I've only applied to ones I've really wanted and there really has only been one job thus far I really wanted. Sure I've talked to a few people who have mentioned some options to me, but I've been praying for direction and clarity. So I e-mailed a gentleman about this job a while back, and I don't really hear much, but I figured well I'll follow up because it sounds like something special.  When I do a conversation is started. Phone calls, text messages, e-mails are exchanged with questions being asked of me to figure out how much I want to make, what my experience is, what languages I speak and such. All of these questions culminated in what I hoped for : We would like to interview you on Saturday.

A second gentleman for this office contacts me by e-mail this morning stating he was given my resume and has been trying to call me but it's not going through.

my first thought was: Is something wrong with my phone? did my resume not e-mail correctly? The idea that something on my resume could be wrong after how many times I had read it and edited it was not a first thought in my pride.

but what was really the problem: my number was incorrect on my resume.

After going back through I still can't figure out what happened because when you open it on my computer the number is correct, but when you "quick view it" (sorry windows friends this is a mac feature) it's wrong. An extra 1. A mistake. And as to how this happened I have no idea but honestly it's neither here nor there. The truth is mistakes happen, no matter how many times you proofread your resume or how many other people you have look it over.

And this extra number, this mistake, well it's kind of like life. Mistakes happen no matter how much you try and prevent them but I believe in a God who makes messages out of messes and who loves me no matter how many mistakes I make.

I should tell you I was completely embarrassed at this incident. (not quite as embarrassed as in the fourth grade when my pants fell down in front of my class, but perhaps a close second.) There was no way to explain it, and all I could do was take responsibility for it that no matter what happened I failed to get an accurate number transmitted.

Thankfully God is gracious, I was e-mailed of this problem and asked to call or send the correct number. Grace. 

It would have been easy for the mistake to have ended communication, but it didn't. And while I will probably apologize a couple more times for this with a genuine sorrow for the confusion, I'm thankful. I thankful that the God of the universe is so patient and caring and kind that even when I mess up, He loves me just the same.

I called, apologized, and talked with the gentleman. He made a joke about it, but was extremely nice. Extremely kind. He showed me grace and even if He doesn't hire me I'll always appreciate that.

Grace. 

Yesterday was a demonstration of that when after almost 2 years my first dermatologist biopsy results came back benign. A miracle as I had been told "surgery was coming" and yet we prayed. My husband prayed. My friends prayed, I prayed, and God answered.

So to the wrong number: you better believe I'll self e-mail my resume to double check probably for the rest of my life, but will I ever be perfect: no. I'm human. But I have the creator of the universe directing my steps, and showing me mercy. I did of course read the whole resume very slowly one more time before sending an apology and a corrected copy.

Hopefully the job works out despite the mishap, as the more I pray about it the more I feel like this could be it. It's where we want to be, doing what I want to do, giving me an opportunity to educate patients, and allowing me the ability to learn from a large practice of doctors and other PAs. If I learned anything in ER is that no matter who your patient is there is a need to meet them right where they are and love them in their brokenness.

Isaiah 41:10 -Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Ill accept His plea to fear not. I'll accept humbly the responsibility for my mistakes and I'll be thankful and count it as joy the lessons He is patiently teaching me. I'll remember that no one ever actually died from embarrassment and that if God has a plan sometimes it's not just a plan to get me to a destination sometimes it's a plan to teach me a lesson or two as well.