In a recent article I read from my Facebook news feed on 10 of the Most Confusing Things Happening In Today's Hook-Up Culture that you can read here. I was struck by the article and it's opening. Paul Hudson, the writer behind this article begins with this:
"I can’t say that I’m for or against our generation’s hook-up culture. I like the idea of people being sexually open and free, but at the same time, I feel that a lot of people sleep around to bury other issues they may be having in their lives.
What it all leads to is a whole lot of confusion."
I don't know Mr. Hudson, but I do know that he is right on his statement that our culture leads to a lot of confusion. Confusion on what love is, confusion on what marriage should look like, confusion on the value of family, confusion on what is healthy or true. It amazed me that Mr. Hudson pointed out what so many of us know "a lot of people sleep around to bury other issues they may be having in their lives." There is so much truth and weight in this and it isn't really given much exploration. He continues to try and "clear things up" when in reality he displays how confused we really are, and offers no real solutions.
He starts with the understanding that we can't even be sure how to define if an interaction is a date or not and ends with that no one wants to be the first to say I love you. There 8 other points in the middle that tell readers it's okay to just have sex, no need to have dinner first if all you want it instant gratification, and yet reminds us that most millennials have slept with a large number of people due to his other points. I'll leave the white coat I wear off for this post but just a few quick facts:
(HPV is now the number 1 cause of throat cancer, and an STD you get from touching anyone between their belly button and their knees. It's not just from intercourse and condoms won't protect you. OK I'll stop there because that should be enough to get you to think twice before getting intimate from a physical health stand point).
Freedom does not look like hiding, freedom doesn't lead to destruction and disease, freedom doesn't have to be made "safe." Freedom is just as he said: open. True freedom is liberating and beautiful. Freedom isn't restricted. The sex that our culture has isn't free at all despite their effort to pursue "no-strings-attached" love making there are always strings when you share a disease with your one night stand. Furthermore, when you have intimacy with someone you are uniting your body with theirs, it's as much a physical act as a spiritual experience and such a perfect and beautiful gift is only free in the security of marriage. That's not popular but that's the truth. I don't have to protect myself from my husband. I love him freely and openly without confusion or consequence.
What marks so much about the article and our society is point number 10:
10. No one wants to be the first person to say “I love you.”
Honestly, if you’re lucky enough to find someone you love, especially while in the midst of our current hook-up culture, then you should let them know as soon as you think they would like hearing it.
Sure, it could scare them a bit — so I don’t recommend necessarily rushing it — but when you feel that the time is right, find some courage and tell them.
Hell, scream it off the rooftops if you have to. Remember, if you don’t say it, it’s likely that the next guy will. There are so many of us willing to “date” and “hook up” that when you miss your opportunity, you may not get another one.
We are encouraged in this to share if we love someone when we "think they would like hearing it." Yes that sounds free and open. We are then told it might scare them? ...Free? Open? Scary? One of these does not fit with the other. We apparently also need to not rush it (yet we are told in points 2 and 6 that there really is not an acceptable time frame before having sex (3 hours apparently is ok) and not to worry about going to dinner if all we want is sex. Essentially society says it is ok to get naked but don't dare say any words like "I love you" because THAT is dangerous.When did love become dangerous but sex became safe? That sounds like something out of backwards land (but then we live in a country that has places where it is illegal to feed the homeless and it's called "anti-food sharing laws." So we live in a world that thrives on flipping good to bad and bad to good.)
I won't claim that all the Christians have it right either. So many who would call themselves followers walk away from their marriages, their families, and support our culture of death all in the name of "choice." I promise the Holy Spirit does not tear apart marriages or encourage abortion. God is Love. God creates life. God is not a God of confusion.
The confusing part of all of this is our society has taken God out of relationships. They now view marriage as being between two people when it's always been between three: the husband, the wife and God. Even in the Catholic Church it's between 3, the priest doesn't marry you but you make a covenant with God. So who officiated my wedding? God.
Marriage was created by God to be a beautiful picture of Christ loving the Church and sex was a gift for marriage. Just as Christ said on the Cross "It is Consummated" in the original Greek, we too consummate our marriages through a physical and spiritual encounter. To consummate something means to bring to perfection or completion. Christ completed the passover He started in the upper room with those words fulfilling the old covenant by being the sacrificial lamb for us all and started a new covenant with His blood. He's not finished with us as many would claim in that exchange but He committed to redeem us and love us and never leave us or forsake us. Marriage is to picture that beautiful sacrificial, patient, kindness that is free and open. It's not scary its beautiful just as the Cross was beautiful.
It's become so common not only to tear apart this beauty with our actions but too many people tear it apart with words. They joke about marriage and sex even if they do view marriage in the same way I'm claiming which sends a horribly mixed message. To call your wife your "ball and chain" or to make jokes about intimacy with your wife or sex in general is to shatter the beauty that God gave us in these gifts, and shatters the picture of Christ loving His church. If you wouldn't say it about Christ loving the Church DON'T say it about your spouse or sex. Be consistent and help those who are confused. Boldly declare that marriage is a surrender to grow in holiness with your partner and that while that doesn't always mean happiness it ALWAYS means Joy if you soak your marriage and your life in the sweet blood of Jesus. With your words remember we are called to this:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." [Philippians 4:8].
I'll be completely honest and tell you I didn't know these things always. I had no idea what love was or what sex could be and I was one of those people who thought I could bury myself in a relationship to fulfill the desire I had for love and intimacy. It doesn't work. It's only when I knew that God loved me and allowed Him to show me grace that I could have any understanding of what love was, and that I could appreciate that kind of love from my husband.
Let's quit being a society that praises rushing into bed and start being honest about sex and marriage. Let's stop with the lies and telling the world that marriage is all rainbows and butterflies because it isn't it's challenging and it's that challenge that grows it into being beautiful. It's challenging for an acorn to become an oak treat but it's the process that's beautiful. Let's be honest about the blessing of waiting for marriage and the lies that are told to society about sex and birth control and marriage and hooking up. Let's pursue what is right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy rather than this confusion.
let's be clear.
let's love truly openly and freely.
Let's scream it from the room tops if we have to because if we don't share the truth the world will share the lies.
<3
