There are some things on my heart I wanna write about. I need to study but keep mulling this stuff around so I feel like I should just get it out there so I can move on to pharm.
A lot comes with following Christ wholeheartedly. You change. First your mind starts to change with the new ideas and then those ideas become your heart. And your heart dictates what you say (out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks) and then what you say slowly becomes what you do. you change. and the thing is the things around you are static and may not take to all the changes well. You might lose people. You might change careers. You might gain people. you might move. You learn that everything you once thought or did was absolutely not where you are now. You are made new. You are made beautiful and sometimes the world can't handle that beauty. If I've seen anything its been saying goodbye to those in my life who didn't fit with my new life. It's not that I hate them, its just that at our core differ fundamentally and thus we don't have much in common anymore. It's not them. it's me. I changed. I have had several people in my life that this has happened with, and today was no different. I'd say my last "core" friend said goodbye today and though we haven't been close for a while, and though the changing I did is what put distance between us I do still care for her. She was one of my best friends but like I always tell you-- people aren't forever usually. They come into your life for a moment or a season and then are replaced not because thats what you intend but that's just how life works.
Theres a song by Kari Jobe called"Steady my heart"
some of the lyrics are:
The lyrics definitely kind of capture how I feel. It doesnt matter what I'm going through I can run to God and He will definitely comfort me. His word promises that. But this kind of gets to my second point of the day:
I'm a person who doesn't like to ask for help. My life has made me really independent and it's something I've prayed a lot about as I believe that relationally men should lead and women should help. As such God has really given me a teachable spirit which I thank Him for daily because that didn't come naturally. However, today I read an article by Mark Driscoll on true greatness (http://pastormark.tv/2012/03/12/how-to-become-great) and it says this:
-->2. Do You Allow Others to Serve You?
The truth of the matter is that one of the ways we serve others is by allowing them to serve us. Though Jesus is the greatest servant ever, he allowed others to serve him by housing him, feeding him, and financially providing for him. When others serve us, they grow in their unique gifting from God, just as we do when we serve others.I don't. I have always been pretty self sufficient and I think that maybe kept me from God a bit but He definitely showed me that I definitely need Him. It then took me a long while to understand to go to Him even with things like sadness or heartbreak. I guess "feelings" if you will. I'm the same way with people. I don't really share when I'm upset or hurt or when I need something. Maybe because I've always tried to make my life seem somewhat together that I never had time for that. Moreover- i like to focus on the positive not the negative. And I try and assume the best in people.I also always feel like I should just go to God for support and not other people. Or if I do mention it I try to minimize the situation as much as possible. Not saying any of these thoughts or feelings are based on truth but they are true in my life.
So why am I writing about friends and my deficiency in asking for help? because I've been really convicted by it in the last couple days. I'm not saying I'm going to start advertising my need for help. but.. I'm learning that sometimes God answers your needs through other means than just praying to Him. Like in my own life recently i've been come really close with a nice woman I met at church. She loves God, and we really bonded pretty quickly. She has helped me with some situations lately and really encouraged me. I think I could call her if I was really upset. I haven't done it. But i think I could.
Do note I'm not suggesting dependency in any relationship. that's not healthy. But there is a middle ground I think. I'm learning about it at least. While I still believe it is better to give than to receive as the word says... I guess the idea that you are robbing someone else of the ability to serve and grow kinda shocked me a bit. Another thing to learn :) God has so many lessons and I'm excited that He is continually teaching us.
I'm praying for you all that God would show you places where you can grow and that as your changing that He would stead your hearts in those times of transition. There are good things that come as well and blessings that are better than you could have imagined. In my own life I've been seeing that lately and I couldn't be more amazed at God moving in ways I never expected. I guess maybe I'm learning that not only have I limited God in my expectations but limited His ability to bless me but not allowing other people to help me with things.
<3
