i struggle.

Dara Maclean is a christian artist who is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. Her lyrics are beautiful and so full of truth and raw feeling. She has a song "Yours Forever" Some of the words say the following:

Thank You for finding me when You did
You changed my life, now I believe
That love is all, that I'll ever need
I promise my heart and all that I am
I'm Yours forever my love


Can I just say... AMEN! I was just overcome today by grace and excitement over Christ finding me when He did and that He completely changed my life. I've been teaching women at my church about the book of Ephesians and on Sunday we really talked about what it looks like to be changed. 
I am so thankful for God and all He has done in my life and I honestly am just amazed by it. 
But that line - I promise my heart and all that I am-- is easy to say but some days hard to discern what that looks like. I truly and honestly want my heart and all that I am to be in Christ but there are so many nooks and cranes that unbelief hides in that I am wondering what it is I don't believe God for. 
I believe He sent His son
I believe His son died and rose again to save me
I believe He is able
I believe He is a gracious and merciful and loving but Just
I believe He will never leave me or forsake me
I believe He doesn't cause evil but allows it because He is bigger enough to work through it
I believe that He gave us free will, but He knows what we are going to do
I believe He gives me every good and perfect gift. Nothing is coincidence or by chance. I did nothing. It's all from Him. 

But i struggle with trusting His timing.
I struggle with having faith when I can't see whats next
I struggle with believing He will give me the words when I'm teaching or sharing
I struggle with doubt and wondering if I really should be teaching or sharing.
I struggle abandoning a desire for acceptance from those who don't understand my beliefs
I struggle with patience.
I struggle with forgiveness. 
I struggle with trust
I struggle. completely. 
i struggle with letting go of the past. my past mistakes, failures. my shortcomings. other peoples mistakes and hurts. 


I want to grow so much. i want to be running after God so fast and so hard that I'm not thinking about anything else, but it's hard. It's a constant renewal of my mind and a constant changing of my heart through prayer and being in the word. i struggle making enough time to spend a lot of time in the word. I struggle with fear of sharing and offending people even though saving someone's life shouldn't be offensive. 

So friends. I'm praying for the things I struggle in, and praying for women to teach me, keep me accountable and grow me. I've been so blessed with the beautiful friends God has given me and I'm excited to see some of them growing a lot lately. I believe He will continue to bless me and encourage me through these friends and I just feel a tug to be learning more. From what avenue I don't know, only time will tell. 

What do you struggle with? honestly. 
It's easy to paint the picture we have it all together but truth is: we are all big messes and the only thing thats good in me is Christ. I'm praying for you. That God would help you see the places you are struggle and would grow you in them. I'm praying the same for myself. So excited to see what He will do :)