Persistent in Prayer

Ever wonder if you can bother God by asking Him the same thing over and over? I have wondered. You see I know He is all knowing and I know He hears me and so I ask in prayer for things of my hearts desire praying only if Gods will. I find my heart asking and than believing the lies that the enemy feeds me : Don't ask again He's busy.

As if the God of the universe who knit me together in my mothers womb could be too busy. As if He could care less about me than I do myself. Its a lie in an effort to shut down prayer because friends we know there is power in prayer. It's a lie that makes us feel as if we can't approach Our Lord with our needs when He tells us to ask, seek and knock. He wants us to bang down the door in prayer. He wants us to push and persist.

He listens better than the best friend you have ever had, and meets you exactly where you are. He loves you no matter what you've done or haven't done and invites you into a personal relationship with him. You see God knows my deepest needs and cares and yet He patiently listens to me in all I have to say whether in vocal or contemplative prayer. He does this not only for me but every single person on the planet. How grand His love is for us.

Scripture reminds us to persist in prayer.


Luke 11:5-8
And he said to them, “Suppose one of you has a friend to whom he goes at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread,6 for a friend of mine has arrived at my house from a journey and I have nothing to offer him,’7and he says in reply from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door has already been locked and my children and I are already in bed. I cannot get up to give you anything.’8I tell you, if he does not get up to give him the loaves because of their friendship, he will get up to give him whatever he needs because of his persistence.


Luke 18:1-8
Then he told them a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary. He said,2“There was a judge in a certain town who neither feared God nor respected any human being.3And a widow in that town used to come to him and say, ‘Render a just decision for me against my adversary.’4For a long time the judge was unwilling, but eventually he thought, ‘While it is true that I neither fear God nor respect any human being,5 because this widow keeps bothering me I shall deliver a just decision for her lest she finally come and strike me.’”6The Lord said, “Pay attention to what the dishonest judge says.7 Will not God then secure the rights of his chosen ones who call out to him day and night? Will he be slow to answer them?8I tell you, he will see to it that justice is done for them speedily. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?”

The saints remind us

" Through communion with Him, the Holy Spirit makes us spiritual, he returns us to Paradise, brings us to the Kingdom of heaven and into adoption as sons, he gives us the confidence to call God Father and to participate in the grace of Christ to be called a child of light and to partake in eternal glory" - St. Basil 

I am his daughter and He loves me patiently. He has adopted me and I can imagine him saying "My beloved I am with you always" when the lies of his absence creep into my mind. You see no matter how alone I may feel at times I never am. He never leaves me side. Yours either friend. He's right there next to you.

Friends we weren't commanded to pray sometimes, occasionally, once in a while. We were told pray without ceasing. He wants to be asked. He wants to be sought. He wants to be pursued.  He wants our lives to be prayerful acts for Him and His glory.

So friends what have you asked Him for? Have you been persistent in prayer? Have you sought the Lord and fasted? Have you prayed without ceasing? Have you approached the throne of grace with your petitions? Finally friends.. Will you love Him even if He says No? Will you trust Him and His timing? When we seek Him and pray He doesn't always do exactly what we want, how we want and when we want but He does always listen, always answer and always has perfect timing. 

Friends you are beautiful and loved. 

Persevere in your requests to the Lord. Pray without Ceasing and Trust that He is with you.  He isn't too busy, He hasn't forgotten, He is listening, and waiting.

---

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Suffering Is a Call To Conversion

It's amazing the depth of just a sentence. In a world of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter posts we have learned to sum our thoughts and lives into short sentiments that portray our thoughts, actions or feelings. The weight in Pope Francis' tweet though is amazing.

Suffering is a call to conversion.
Our frailty and vulnerability call us to conversion.

Friends it amazed me to think about this as I recently went on a Christ Renews His Parish retreat at my church and now am planning the next retreat. I won't go into detail about it but know that I would recommend it to anyone, it's a great experience. If I learned anything in meeting the ladies from CRHP and my experiences in my own life I see so much truth in the Holy Father's words. As I listen to the stories of those around me and think of my own I find the commonality of those who turn to God in times of challenge, and forget about Him when things are good.  I'll admit that for a period of my life this was my relationship with God. I never meant it to be that way, I would have told you I believed in Him no matter what the season. It's only in retrospect that I can tell you that I only really ran to Him when things were more than I could handle.  I didn't look for guidance unless I felt lost. I didn't look for comfort until I felt scared. I didn't really look to honor Him I just didn't want to anger Him. It was the challenges and trials in my life that helped me to rely on Him and as I relied on Him I learned each time that He never would leave me or forsake me. When I felt far from God it was because I had moved and it was my challenges that helped me walk back. Now God doesn't cause bad things to happen but He allows  things to happen and works through them. It's the trials in my life: the tough days, my mom dying, my grandmother getting alzheimers and passing away, relationships ending, work difficulties, the hard days in PA school, the bad days, the good days, all of them have helped me to move closer and closer to God. I've come to know that my relationship with Him is everything and my closeness to Him makes a huge difference in how I handle the suffering in my life.

I am so thankful for all the lessons He has taught me in the midst of the messiest days of my life. It's my frailty and vulnerability that shows me my consistent need for a savior.  Friends turn to Him in the good days and the tough ones. He alone can fill your needs and give rest to your soul.

Let your frailty and vulnerability remind you of your humanity. Let your humanity remind you that you were created and you need your creator. Let your suffering call your heart to deeper conversion.
<3

It's Only When We Are Vulnerable That We Have True Community

I have been so privileged in the past couple of weeks. So amazed and blessed. I can't put my finger on why...but God has graced me with the privilege of having people share their stories with me. Stories that we mostly would not normally want to share and yet one by one they have come into my life to share. It's been beautiful to hear the challenges, the joys and yet it's also brought so much reality and truth to my heart.

It's been the women who's husbands have left after many years of marriage for someone else and yet their strength to attempt to forgive, to honor God, to move forward. The beauty of their struggle and yet each story I've heard in the last few months with these circumstances seems to amaze me in their strength. I have to be honest I didn't know how common infidelity was, and know that I never think infidelity is beautiful: it's heart breaking. What is beautiful is the strength of some of those I have met to deal with the situation and circumstances with grace. 

It's been those I've meet with challenges with children whether infertility, miscarriage, the loss of a child through abortion or the challenge of choosing adoption. I've been privileged to meet many with unique stories but the commonality that being a parent is hard and facing that struggle with beauty and grace. It's listening to the mom who's child has a new diagnosis or disease, the friend who shares her children are wearing her out with attempts to parent, and the challenge of parenting well despite our own sinfulness and challenges. It's shows a beautiful picture of how great our God is to be our loving heavenly Father and listen and care so patiently for each of us.  The struggles of motherhood that I don't know personally as I don't have babies of my own yet, but struggles I understand within my own experiences as a child.  It gives me so much to pray about, that God would prepare Paul and I for parenthood and His timing. If there is anything I've learned from these beautiful stories is that I must certainly grow in my understanding and dependence of our Lord if I am ever to parent well.  It is only from Christ that I will learn selfless love. While I can learn many other things from many other people it will be at the feet of Jesus that I learn how to care children, and subsequently how to love all of God's children around me. 

It's the stories of loss of a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a child from many circumstances. It's the family member who cries over their loved one's challenges. It's the commonality that when our loves ones hurt we hurt too that teaches me so much about how when we hurt our Savior's heart hurts too. I think back to times in my life of heartbreak and challenge and now see that as I felt the temptation to lend to despair, which is a lie as we are never alone, that God too felt my hurt and counted my tears precious one by one as His word tells me. 

It's pain, disease and death that meets me in so many places whether at work or in my daily interactions. It's the reminder that we aren't meant for this world and yet the struggle of honoring Him no matter how low the valley or high the mountain top of each day.  I used to think it was in the hardest times that God felt farthest away but now in retrospect I can see that is when He has been closest. It's been in the challenges I've run toward Him and in the joys at times I've thought I could handle things on my own. If I've learned anything in my life it's that no matter how wonderful or tough the day I can't do it alone and it's all by the grace of God I'm where I am. 

Friends in all the stories that have been shared with me in my life by friends, neighbors, patients, strangers, each has become a precious gift to me. Whether you know it or not when you share with me you teach me that the very beauty in each of us is our humanity. I admire the struggle it takes to be human that is displayed in such a varied yet similar way. No matter the story or the person involved our desire for peace and happiness is evident in all of us and it's the beauty of the fight for that that overwhelms my soul. 

Don't be afraid to share your story. I'll tell you the truth of your story is more beautiful than the mask you could wear to cover it. It's only when we share that we can let others know they aren't alone. It's only when we are vulnerable that we can have true community. Somewhere along the way I was taught the lie that we should pretend that everything is fine no matter if it's not. That we shouldn't share the reality of our lives or the truth of our story but rather should blend in. This lie is unhealthy and untrue. It's only when we know what someone is going through that we can offer a hand to help, offer a prayer, or know to say "you too? I thought I was the only one." 

thank you friends for your stories. Thank you for letter me pray for you. thank you for showing me more about God even when you didn't know you were doing it. <3 

I pray my story can do the same for you.

Much later, when I understood what perfection was, I realised that to become a saint one must suffer a great deal, always seek what is best, and forget oneself. I understood that there were many kinds of of sanctity and that each soul was free to respond to the approaches of Our Lord and to do little or much for Him — in other words,to make a choice among the sacrifices He demands. Then, just as when I was a child, I cried: “My God, I choose all. I do not want to be a saint by halves. I am not afraid to suffer for You. I fear only one thing — that I should keep my own will. So take it, for I choose all that You will.” – St. Thérèse of Lisieux, The Story of a Soul.

Confession Grows Humility

Confession is probably one of the best graces of the catholic church. There is nothing like being in a room with your sin and feeling the weight of your sin while simultaneously feeling the fullness of God's grace hit you. No matter how much sin you drag in you can leave it all at the feet of Jesus. It's incredible.

A commonly misunderstood practice in the Catholic church, confession is a sacrament of grace. God's grace is all around us but it is specially poured out in the sacraments and it's something indescribable.

During advent many Catholics go to confession in preparation for Christmas. It's a beautiful time as we reflect on the WHY Jesus came, before we celebrate the WHAT, that we would be called to not only identify our need for a savior but take part in the gift that allows us to have an outpouring of His grace.


Many believe that catholics "confess to the priest" and if I could count the number of times people have tome me that they confess directly to Jesus I would run out of fingers and toes. The amazing things is, what many don't realize is I believe the same thing. I confess my sins to Jesus directly. He tore the veil in the holy of holiness in two and he paid for the gift of prayer. Of course, I would have been one of those people sure that catholics didn't know about the veil tearing and certain that I had a more personal relationship with my savior, but friends I stand corrected. I won't tell you what the church teaches but I'll let the catechism tell you.


VI. THE SACRAMENT OF PENANCE AND RECONCILIATION

1440 Sin is before all else an offense against God, a rupture of communion with him. At the same time it damages communion with the Church. For this reason conversion entails both God's forgiveness and reconciliation with the Church, which are expressed and accomplished liturgically by the sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation.38

Only God forgives sin

1441 Only God forgives sins.39 Since he is the Son of God, Jesus says of himself, "The Son of man has authority on earth to forgive sins" and exercises this divine power: "Your sins are forgiven."40 Further, by virtue of his divine authority he gives this power to men to exercise in his name.41

1442 Christ has willed that in her prayer and life and action his whole Church should be the sign and instrument of the forgiveness and reconciliation that he acquired for us at the price of his blood. But he entrusted the exercise of the power of absolution to the apostolic ministry which he charged with the "ministry of reconciliation."42 The apostle is sent out "on behalf of Christ" with "God making his appeal" through him and pleading: "Be reconciled to God."43

Reconciliation with the Church

1443 During his public life Jesus not only forgave sins, but also made plain the effect of this forgiveness: he reintegrated forgiven sinners into the community of the People of God from which sin had alienated or even excluded them. A remarkable sign of this is the fact that Jesus receives sinners at his table, a gesture that expresses in an astonishing way both God's forgiveness and the return to the bosom of the People of God.44

1444 In imparting to his apostles his own power to forgive sins the Lord also gives them the authority to reconcile sinners with the Church. This ecclesial dimension of their task is expressed most notably in Christ's solemn words to Simon Peter: "I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."45 "The office of binding and loosing which was given to Peter was also assigned to the college of the apostles united to its head."46

The confession of sins

1455 The confession (or disclosure) of sins, even from a simply human point of view, frees us and facilitates our reconciliation with others. Through such an admission man looks squarely at the sins he is guilty of, takes responsibility for them, and thereby opens himself again to God and to the communion of the Church in order to make a new future possible.

In summary: yes I confess directly to Christ. Yes I drag my sins to the feet of Jesus to have Him wash me white as snow and yes I know that when I sin I offend NOT ONLY GOD (who is most supreme) but also the beautiful body of Christ in my brothers and sisters. As a member of that body, I want to ask for forgiveness not only from God, but from the body,

The priest is also there to encourage confession. While I confess at the time of sinning to God I also hear the audible words of the priest. Yesterday He said to me as I began to share my shortcomings, He patiently said "God is just to forgive you and wants to forgive you." Our God lends to clemency, he lends to mercy. It's amazing.

Some articles that might help you:

http://www.catholic.com/blog/tim-staples/is-confession-in-scripture-0

http://www.catholic.com/tracts/confession




I'm sure that there are hundred of more resources and much more to say but if I leave you with anything its the knowledge that confession is beautiful. It's an indescribable grace that grows your heart to want to love and serve the Lord. It can be challenging to humble yourself to your sin and open your heart to it but He is just to forgive and opens His arms wide not only in our hearts and minds by helping to absolve the guilt of sin, but also through the kindness of the priest who serves as a tangible reminder of what God is doing to join is not only to God but to the church.


Friends please if you have never been to confession know that its a grace that is beautiful and to be experienced. Don't just throw rocks at it, having never done it. It's something that has been practiced by the church since the days of Christ and is an amazing gift of the Church.


Go to your confessor; open your heart to him; display to him all the recesses of your soul; take the advice that he will give you with the utmost humility and simplicity. For God, Who has an infinite love for obedience, frequently renders profitable the counsels we take from others, but especially from those who are the guides of our souls.
--St. Francis de Sales

Confession is an act of honesty and courage - an act of entrusting ourselves, beyond sin, to the mercy of a loving and forgiving God.
--Pope John Paul 2

Friends even if you aren't catholic as God to forgive you for the things you are afraid to share with Him and for the things you've done this year that weren't honoring to Him. Ask for His grace and forgiveness as your first gift this Christmas. 

<3

Baby Cakes and NFP: the truth about family planning and birth control.

When you hear the phrase "Natural Family Planning" you might think one of a few things: doesn't work, calendar/rhythm method, babies.  This is what I thought. I thought "safe sex" was when you used some form of "protection" to prevent pregnancy or STDs. What I couldn't tell you was why I needed "safe sex" in my marriage where sex was meant to be. Why did I need protection from my husband who I promised to give myself freely to without reservation? There isn't one form of contraception whether hormonal or barrier that is 100% (not even tubal ligation or vasectomy). No matter what you choose you are "playing the odds." 99% effective...84% effective.... 10% effective... These are all numbers for commonly used methods.

What my husband and I wanted was not protection from each other, rather we wanted a loving marriage that honored God but we weren't ready for children. I was finishing PA school and he was working as a golf instructor which together didn't add up to a financial situation that would accommodate children. We live far away from any family and we truly couldn't afford a baby. We learned how birth control would not only ravage my body, increase my risk of breast, liver and cervical cancer, but also led to the conception but denied implantation to babies. If they do implant many times they are starved and suffocated to death due to the thinning of the uterine lining. These truths blew my mind, how were women signing up for this stuff in the form of a pill, vaginal ring, patch, arm implant and shot? Because they don't know the truth.  I knew if I thought eating genetically modified food was bad, I'd be a hypocrite to take birth control and I knew that no matter what I thought, those babies were precious and the idea of children not living without me even knowing a medicine I was taking was killing them broke my heart. How could I be against abortion, against the starving of children in 3rd world countries, and against the abuse of all people and take a medication that did this? I stopped immediately.

Then, I did what any determined woman who wanted intimacy with her husband but could not have a baby would do: research. I learned and read and absorbed so much and stumbled across natural family planning. It was challenging at first but now is the most amazing thing that we could have done. It has brought us so much closer in our marriage and has allowed us to learn much more about sex being a gift not a right.

Sex is a gift not a right.

Now 2 years later we have no children (other than our four legged fur baby - Gracie Lou.) It's not that we don't want them we absolutely do (hello baby fever) but while I know there is never a "perfect time" to have a baby the last 2 years were definitely not the time. We had to get a little bit more stable in our marriage and in our finances. Had we been able to afford it I would have been overjoyed to have a baby on our honeymoon. Our first year of marriage was my clinical year of PA school so my hours were busy and rotating through 9 different medical specialties each with varied demands. Now I'm one year out of school and working and my husband has a good job. We know that God will call us to  parenthood sometime and while we haven't been able to say "we are ready" just yet we have allowed God to determine our readiness by being open to life. (Note this does not mean just "winging it"). We are faithful to practice what God declares in his word "the denial of ourselves for the purpose of prayer."

So how does NFP or what I would prefer to call "Fertility Awareness Methods" work? There are several methods to use. Some of the most popular are Creighton, Billings and Sympto-Thermal. I'll be honest and tell you we use Billings and it has worked for us. You can find more info on it here:
http://www.thebillingsovulationmethod.org

Essentially you monitor cervical mucus to monitor fertility and during the time of peak fertility you abstain from intimacy. Through NFP I can enjoy the marital intimacy with my husband but I can also trust God with my fertility, avoiding with just reason. Note: the catholic church is clear that couples should not limit family size out of selfishness. We won't restrict children to get to go on more vacations. We wouldn't say having a boy and a girl means we're "done" as if babies come in sets and once you collect them all your good. We follow the principles of the billings method and through God's grace He has not given us more than we can handle in the form of a baby up until this point.

Ok I know what your thinking...NFP for two years? She must just not be able to have a baby...or they must never be intimate. Both are wrong my friends. The effectiveness of billings is here: http://www.thebillingsovulationmethod.org/how-effective-is-the-billings-ovulation-method™/effectiveness-in-preventing-pregnancy.html

As you may know...or can read about in my conversion story... my knowledge of birth control led me to the catholic church but many non-catholics use this. Mother Teresa taught this to women all over the world. Sadly many catholics do not follow church teaching on this issue which confuses the masses but know this : The Catholic Church has never allowed any form of contraception. In fact, up until the 1930s NO CHURCH allowed or promoted contraception. 

God knits every baby in their mother's womb. No exceptions.
In a culture that makes babies a convenience, they make pregnancy seem like a formula.
Add the ingredients...get the baby. 

The most important thing I share with women on this topic is the understanding that making a baby is not like baking a cake. You do not put the ingredients in the oven and get one. A couple who has natural sex with no protection could not get pregnant for quite a while without any medical abnormality on either persons part. God is the giver of life and there is no "planned pregnancy" as even if you are TTCing or (trying to conceive) you are praying and hoping but you have NO CONTROL. In a world obsessed with instant gratification and being in control this is challenging so we step in with methods that hurt babies and women to stop and speed up the process.  We treat making a baby like a process where if you put in the right ingredients you then get a baby. However, ask any woman who has struggled with infertility and been told "you and your partner have no reason you shouldn't be pregnant." They will tell you it doesn't work like this. They will tell you that each child is a gift. In a culture where fertility is a disease then babies will be an inconvenience, a side effect of the "disease." The treatment? contraception and abortion. This is an awful reality.

When couples understand that God has called them to "be fruitful and multiply" (Gn 1:28) and trust God with their marriage and their fertility they are going to trust Him to give them only what they need. When a couple understands that sex is not just for physical pleasure but a spiritual experience to glorify God and renew your marriage vows they know that putting anything between you separating the "one flesh."

Matthew 19:6 says "Therefore, what God has joined together no human being must separate." God has joined sex to marriage. He's joined babies to the gift of sex. As husbands love wives like Christ loves the church we have to ask ourselves would Christ ever sterilize His love? No. Christ loves us freely and fully without limit or exception. Friends lets love our spouses in the same way. Let's love God in this same way.

Finally friends, NFP can be used to attain pregnancy and not just avoid. If your TTCing check it out it might HELP but remember all babies come from God and there is no magic trick or pill to getting pregnant. It can even be used if you have an "irregular" period, PCOS, or other condition that affects your ability to follow a normal cycle. Friends there are several methods for NFP: Creighton, Billings, Symptothermal.. ect. Please look into the true methods and DO NOT rely on a phone app as NOT ONE works. You are not a computer ladies, you are a woman and that app is only going to take a guess. You would have to know your body, follow the guidelines and take a leap of faith knowing whether your using it to avoid or TTC it's all in God's hands.

It won't be easy friends to trust God but it will be worth it. I know for my husband and I it has completely improved our communication, our understanding of each other, and has allowed us to honor God with our marriage and our lives without exception.

Note: I am not a certified NFP instructor but if you have questions I'm happy to answer based on what I know from my experience and research.

Thanks friends.
<3
Anita

Our Lady of La Leche and Baby Ariana

On October 11th 2014 I traveled to St. Augustine with my husband and one of my best friends, Suzanne. I had a heavy heart as we drove up as baby Ariana, a sweet infant in the NICU of South Carolina was in critical condition. God had blessed her with life on 9/17/14 and she was given to Brianne and Daniel to love and care for her for a short time. We at the time had no idea what God would plan from there but we knew that He had a plan. She has been beautiful from her first day and while all I've seen are pictures and updates I loved her as if I knew her personally. Knowing it was the feast of Our Lady of La Leche we had to go to the shrine just a few hours away and pray for Ariana. We had to pray for Brianne and Daniel. We had been storming heaven with prayers and asking all the angels and saints to join in with us and each day we celebrated to know she was alive. As doctors tried to give up Brianne and Daniel didn't, they fought for care, food and water for her, they asked for some positive news and asked for love and compassion. They were ready to take her no matter what whether healthy and happy or in a wheelchair, on a feeding tube, on a respirator, they loved without limits. They knew she was perfect no matter what happened. They knew she was created by a loving God and they cherished being entrusted with her care for as long as God allowed it. For Paul and I, other than giving and praying that's all we could do and on this day we were both teared up offering to God all of our intercession. Praying for comfort, praying for peace, praying His will to be done. 

As we got there and I got on my knees in the warm little chapel the stories hit me:

My friend who loves babies so much whether human or furr babies and she and her husband are struggling with the weight of infertility. I know God's promises. His timing.

The coworker who is so sweet and she and her husband have the cross to bear of infertility as well. 

It came flooding back sitting in that restaurant with a friend telling me she lost a baby through miscarriage. 

The text messages from another that their princess went to be with Jesus due to early delivery.

The pictures of all the babies lost to abortion and the fight of Osceola County to STOP Planned Parenthood from claiming the lives of the innocent children. I prayed for the community as they not only stop abortion but that they would say YES to adoption, fostering, respite care, and love for the children that are unwanted or the families or are unequipped. 

The e-mails I have received of women who have read my blog and are stopping birth control and trusting God with their fertility. 

The close friends I have who have had struggles during their pregnancies and our prayers for health babies and health deliveries. 

The mommies who come in who hurt as they break their bodies to provide nutrition for their children through breast feeding. I prayed for strength for them and that they wouldn't give up. 

My own struggles of wanting a baby but trusting God to lead us to a place where we could even consider that. We are faithful to not use contraceptive but through just reason have been avoiding pregnancy and yet my heart so much wants to grow with love for a baby of our own. Praying that God would prepare my heart as I have no idea what He has planned for our family but we will take it. We will love the babies He gives no matter the cost and no matter how He gives them. We are openly a family that says - if you don't want your child please drop it off at our house. Your going to have an abortion? Give it to us instead. We don't know when God will use our openness but someday He might and we will welcome with open arms all the beautiful babies God will bless us with because each is just that: a blessing. 

At 25 years old, with only a four legged furr baby that sounds like a crazy thing to accept- as many babies as God will give us, but God has brought us there, both Paul and I and I know that it is by his design we have that heart and not of our own will.

In a society where babies are treated as an inconvenience and birth control treated as a right up there with the importance of air and water I sat in awe. In awe of how backwards we have become to name fertility as a disease with a treatment. To hear my patients say "my husband got fixed" as if he were "broken" before shocks me. Friends, these stories and more I contemplated on a tiny bench, next to my husband as I saw tears stream down his face in prayer. I knew without him even speaking he was praying for the same things I was and our afterward conversation confirmed it. It's amazing to have your husband be on the same page as you are, down to having the same prayer intentions without even rehearsing them. 

As I sat in mass and the Bishop Esteveze shared on the importance of Our Lady of La Leche. He explained that she is the first depiction of Mary that was celebrated in the United States. She features a breast feeding Jesus and provides intercession for healthy deliveries and babies. She provides hope for couples struggling with infertility and God answers prayers for visitors to this shrine every year who bring back their babies in thanksgiving. He shared how many couples struggle to get pregnant and how precious babies are. He charged the faithful to hear: babies are a gift, each and every one. 

As I sat there I continued to pray. The mass was beautiful with so many faithful there to celebrate the feast and so many children could be heard throughout the mass. It was beautiful among the words of the gospel to hear the babies giggle and cry. Their very presence blessed my heart as I prayed and listened. 

"While he was speaking a woman from the crowd called out and said to him, "Blessed is the womb that carried you and the breasts at which you nursed." He replied "Rather, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it" -Luke 11:27-28. 

Here we see Jesus not rebuke the mother of Jesus but emphasize her attentiveness to God's word and the need for our attentiveness. Jesus loved His mother and she was the first disciple so willing to follow where God called. She is to be blessed for her faithfulness. As catholics we recognize her call to "Do whatever He tells you." We don't worship her, but we don't ignore her. We are thankful for her example as we are thankful for the example of all the saints. 

I got out of mass and met Haley from Carrots for Michaelmas. She was a sweetheart and I encourage you to go check out her blog here: http://www.carrotsformichaelmas.com

Another faithful catholic family and it was so great to meet them. It was her blog I've used to encourage mommies that babies are welcome in our mass. Please read this post: How My Kid's Didn't Ruin Mass

As we walked the streets of St. Augustine I held my husband's hand. He wasn't feeling well at all and yet he was so selfless with his time letting Suzanne and I explore and never once complaining. 

Friends please pray for them and all the mommies and babies out there. Pray for healthy babies and healthy deliveries, healthy breast feeding, and healthy families. 

Friends let's love babies. Let's love women. Let's love families. Let's provide for the needs of one another and let's love the least of these, the innocent children. Let's stop hiding the struggle of women to conceive and let's stop treating fertility as a disease. Let's love without limits and let's trust God with our lives, our bodies and babies. 

For Ariana I will remember and celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of La Leche each year, to remember that no matter if you can't even speak or walk or eat you can be used as an instrument of God. 

"Naked I came forth from my mother's womb, and naked I shall go back there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord!" - Job 1:21

Please be praying for Ariana just as we are. I know as much as He has challenged Brianne and Daniel He has given them so much. Faith, family, friends, love, Ethan, and He has so much more to give to them. So much grace for them. I see an amazing love for Him in them and I am so blessed to know them.  For now all I can do is ask you to pray for all involved. 

I pray that Our Lady of La Leche will intercede for Brianne and that in Gods timing that He will provide for them the desires of her and her husbands heart. 

<3

Courage In Medicine

Dear Friends
From September 25-27th I went to the Catholic Medical Association Conference. It was an amazing event with 3 days of being surrounded with more than 600 providers, clergy and families discussing how to uphold the Catholic faith in the science and practice of medicine. We had some great speakers such as Cardinal Burke, Brandon Vogt,  Ashley Fernandez, Mary Jo Anderson, Bishop Noonan and Bishop Conley and Sister Mary Dreiger. There were even more than I can name, and more than that there were an abundance of wonderful people who love God and wanted to love people in the field of medicine. I wanted to recap some of the main themes of the conference.

1. Courage: Between good and evil there is no safe place to stand.

To be a christian health care provider requires courage. To be a christian requires courage. To be both requires.... LOTS of courage. So many challenges face a provider to uphold the hippocratic oath, to do no harm and protect life. So challenging it is to do this in a society that does not celebrate life, but rather treats it with carelessness. God is not looking for the best equipped. He's looking for the willing- Mary Jo Anderson. We were exhorted by Rev. Robert McTeigue to remember we are the God's servants first, providers second and the first is inextricable from the second. He encouraged endurance which he described as the stubborn and patient commitment to the greater good even in the face of the seemingly impossible. He also reminded us that courage is only possible for one who is vulnerable.   Ashley Fernandez MD, PHD pushed us to "Be the Anvil." He encourages us that the anvil helps to shape objects just as much as the hammer does but it does so through a strong unmovable force. The anvil lasts longer than the hammer and despite the pounding of the hammer provides the strength of the pound of the hammer from it's resistance. We are to be anvils in our society and hold up with strength the truth proclaiming Jesus Christ in our careers. We are to be immovable, strong and steady knowing that a dripping water hollows out stone not through force but persistence.  Finally Bishop Conoley urged us "You are called to be saints- nothing more nothing less."

"You must put on the armor of God if you are to resist on the evil day; do all that your duty requires, and hold your ground." -Ephesians 6:13

2. Conscience: Following the path of truth. 

Cardinal Burke began the conference sharing that our conscience is to lead us to what is right and true. Our hearts and our conscience need to be trained to Jesus and is a messenger for Him. Rev. McTeigue shared that our conscience needs trained so that we may formed good habits which are natural and humanizing by pursuing the cardinal virtues. There was a great deal of discussion on how America is stripping away the conscience clause to help protect those who do not want to violate their beliefs and replacing it with the mandate that we have to do what our patient feels is best for them.  We were challenged to be courageous and stand up for truth. Our fight against evil starts by looking in the mirror and conforming ourselves to study and prayer. Without true study and prayer we can not grow in faith and we can not be prepared to discuss the science behind the truth of things like abortion, contraceptives,  and end of life care. Truth is a conformation of the mind to reality and the truth does not constrain us. The truth will set you free. We were challenged to share the truth that hormonal birth control is abortifacient (meaning it causes abortions), that sterilization surgeries violate our hippocratic oath as they take a working system and breaks it. We were challenged to share that people should not be denied the minimum standard of care no matter how sick, injured or old. Finally we were challenged to see Christ in our patients and to remember "when you do for the least of these you do for me."

3. Challenge: " We live in a time that calls for sentinels and public witness. Every Christian in every era faces the same task. But you and I are responsible for THIS moment. Today. Now. We need to "speak out" not only for religious liberty and the ideals of the nation we love, but for the sacredness of life and the dignity of the human person, in other words, for the truth of what it means to be made int he image and likeness of God."- Archbishop Charles Chaput.

We were reminded of the challenges and called to defend the most vulnerable and pursue the direction of the new evangelization with passion. Dr Dutkowsky reminded us "The ground is never more level than at the foot of the cross. There is no separate cross for Downs Syndrome, Muscular Dystrophy, Cerebral Palsy, ect." We were challenged to protect the weak, the sick, the injured, the least of these. Sister Mary Dreger reminded us "You are to be the model of the Divine Physician, You are to make Jesus known. A medical profession does not contradict the profession of christian." We were pushed to know it won't be easy and could challenge our lives, our comfortability, and our jobs. As our country moves from true religious freedom to merely a freedom of worship we are loosing and the only way to fight this is to work together (Freedom of worship only protects against practices in home and in church. It does not protect against public expression of worship).


The 3 days were incredible and it was amazing to be challenged, and encouraged to uphold the faith in my career as a PA. It can be difficult when you feel you are alone in this work but just from being back to the office one day I can tell those 3 days, even though I haven't had time to process all of it, have changed the way I see patients. I know God is sanctifying me through my profession and growing my faith. He is challenging me. He is growing me and He is asking me to have courage in medicine, grow my conscience and accept the challenge to define my life and my practice by Jesus Christ no matter the cost.

Finally, I was reminded the following:

Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are- St. Augustine

A righteous anger about how life is treated with a lack of respect by a culture that glorifies death. We are reminded not to conform to the pattern of the world and to take courage as we can provide hope. God blessed me today with a patient who told me just that "you gave me hope today" and the words melted my heart challenged me even more to provide the hope of Jesus Christ through love. 

"The Truth of Christ needs not only be understood, articulated and defended but to be proposed joyfully and confidently." - Pope Benedict XVI. 

<3

I Can't Separate My Beliefs From My Medical Practice

If I were to introduce myself I would tell you my name is Anita and I'm a physician assistant. If you don't know what that is it's a member of the health care team that can diagnose, and treat medical conditions just like a doctor would, but we work as part of a team. We work with our doctors, we help fill the need and the gap.  As a PA I can take care of people, and I find that I am less involved in the business side of medicine. I love it but it has it's challenges.

What I might not say in my introductory sentence is that I'm also a christian. Being a christian greatly affects the way I practice medicine. I once was asked to separate my medical practice from my christian beliefs to which I had to say "I can't. I am trying to be kind to my patients, because God gives grace to the humble and He opposes the proud. I try to love my patients because God loves me and calls me to love others. I work hard because scripture tells me to work like I'm working for the Lord. So no I can't separate my beliefs from my practice." I have to tell you God definitely helped me with the words on that one because I wanted to say "what? is that really a suggestion?" God gave me grace and patience and love in that moment that I needed and so often He helps me with my patients. 

He helps me to comfort the man who's wife is in the hospital with Alzheimer's and she dying from what I don't know what as I ask him how He's doing and with a cracked voice he says "I don't cry" it's my heart that breaks. 

It's the man who comes in and has no one. He told me how his wife died and he drives around with her ashes in the passenger seat. I met him during my clinical year and I still pray for him because it took everything I had to hold in tears during that visit. It's God that helped break my heart for a man I never met. 

It's the lady who is living in a hotel because she can't afford anything and makes too little on social security to qualify for subsidized housing (yes you read that right so makes too little) and she's telling me that she doesn't understand how God can't see she needs help. It's the words He gives me to share with her that He hasn't forgotten her but loves her and has a plan. 

It's the woman who tells me the reason she is sick is because she doesn't believe enough, because she's been told the lie that if you have enough faith you won't hurt. It's having the courage to share the truth with her:  Jesus had more faith than anyone and He hurt. He cried. He sweat blood. It's not a lack of faith that causes illness. It's having faith despite illness that makes you strong. 

It's the girl who is full of anxiety because she's been treated like garbage by too many people and it impacts her daily life. She's not a christian, but will listen to me encourage her and says thank you when I tell you I'm praying for her. It's a thank you that's genuine, and the visit I forgot to tell her she asked me if I still pray for her which let me know even those who don't believe in God don't mind if I talk to Him for them. 

It's fighting for my patient, when someone else finds it easy to walk away. It's the specialists, and insurance peer to peers and the pharmacy calls, and the staying late that I do because I want to take care of people the way the Great Physician would if He had my job. 

It's the patient that I find difficult to be patient with, who at the end thanks me for being so kind. It breaks my heart knowing that I wasn't kind in my heart and her words feel like knives. It teaches me. 

It's the woman who says there is no way she is pregnant short of a miracle because she has PCOS and has tried for years.... and I get to share tears of joy that she is pregnant and it's not a stomach bug! It's God that helped me encourage her and has me still praying for that baby.

See it's my beliefs that make me the provider that cares about her patients more than I ever could on my own. It's the Holy Spirit that helps soften my heart and mold me to be the type of provider that isn't afraid to connect. It's God who helps me ask the woman in my office what she means when she says "things are tough my son" instead of avoiding it to keep a short appointment. 

It's God that helps me to keep integrity, to stand up for the truth no matter how uncomfortable and to  treat my patients like they are family. I've worked hard to learn names and not refer to people as "the guy with melanoma" or "the lady in room 2." I'm not perfect at it, but God has helped me. 

It's evident He helps me in the test I think to order that I've never ordered, but suddenly a moment from my clinical year floods my mind and I find myself doing the right thing. It's Him helping me with the radiology report that says "repeat in 3 months" for the CT, instead I do a PET scan going with my gut and it's positive for cancer. 

I wish I could tell you I am loving, kind and patient with each of the people I care for but I'm not. I fail. I get stressed about being on time, and get impatient and forget to do things, forget to call and ask how the patient I sent to the ER ended up doing, but I'm growing. I'm learning and I'm trying so much to let my beliefs shape how I care about people because it is only then that I will be a good provider. 

I pray that God continues to shape me and continues to help me love people. I pray He continues to help me uphold the oath I took to do no harm, and helps me to be humble enough to admit when I've made a mistake. I pray that He helps me to stand strong despite challenges that come with being a christian provider and that He will help me to trust that all of the people He puts in my care are His patients and I'm just is helper. 

There are patients I can do nothing for but pray for and that's a lot.

No one told me this but I've learned: no matter what area of medicine you go into your not just a persons medical provider, so often your their counselor too. It's God that helps me when they ask me the tough questions: why do bad things happen to me? why did God allow this? why did God forget me? Why did they hurt my son? Why did my husband die? Why did my insurance get canceled? Why did my disability get denied? It's these questions and more that I am so thankful that God helps me admit when I don't know and share what I do. 

No one told me that there would be challenges to maintain and have integrity, or to stand up for life but God has given me the strength and worked out the details. I won't go into all those challenges in this post but know that if your being challenged to keep your beliefs at work your not alone. It might be in a big way, or a small way, but don't give up!! :)

So friends, if your in the health care field don't separate your beliefs from your medical practice. I don't talk about God in every patient room, but I use the love He has shown me to love and encourage my patients to steward their health, to offer up their suffering, to not take their family for granted, to find joy, to trust that it will all work out in time and to know that even the ones I have to help sign up for Hospice are encouraged that life is beautiful and each day is a gift no matter what that day looks like.

If your a patient somewhere look for a provider who cares, who spends time, who listens and who looks at you and not just the computer screen. Know that your provider is a person too and don't forget to encourage them, they might need it. Maybe you can show God's love to your doctor who doesn't know Him because we can't tell patients not to talk about things :)

Friends no matter what your job: work like your working for the Lord. Love People. Love God. Show the world the beauty of the christian faith as they will never see it as good or true if they don't believe it's beautiful.

I'm sure it's a challenge to be a christian in any field. What are some of the challenges you face? How do you get through them?

<3

Anita

Is the Eucharist Scriptural or Just a Tradition?

Since I posted my conversion story (here) and since I started telling people I was becoming Catholic, I've been asked many times questions that involve the same topic:
Why? What's the difference? How did you have your first communion when you became Catholic when you grew up baptist? What's the biggest difference between Catholics and Protestants? What is the Eucharist? How did you come to believe Jesus was really present in the Eucharist?

Those questions are a small sample of what I've been asked...but probably the most important question has been: Where is scripture does it say Jesus is present in the Eucharist? This was my question. I didn't care if 2000 years of tradition said it was Jesus, I came from a Protestant church and it had to be in the bible for me to believe it. Now I know the church came before the bible, the church put together the bible and determined what letters were inspired and what weren't but at the time of me studying about the Eucharist the bible was the only authority I would submit to and the bible led me to believe the tradition and the Church. (Note 1 Timothy 3:15 claims that the Church is the foundation and pillar of Truth, the bible never claims to be the authority but the Catholic Church does not teach anything contrary to scripture. )

So to understand we would have to go back to some of my first mass experiences. I had agreed to go to mass, because at the time I felt that the protestant church I couldn't go to - they didn't stand up for the unborn, they can't agree on doctrines and they are all founded on the bible and led by the Holy Spirit but going in different directions. I love my protestant friends and I wanted to go to protestant churches just to be with them but if I was to be obedient to where God was leading me I would have to at least consider the Catholic church. That to be said- I was determined to find something wrong with the Catholic Church....so I was considering it with a bias. If I could find something wrong well then at least I could go anywhere because they were all wrong.

Many things aren't divisive in the catholic church. They believe in Jesus, they care for the poor, the believe in charity, they have a hierarchy but so do many churches, they love babies, they believe in eternal life.... none of this was that crazy or outside of what I believed just maybe they explained some of it a little more. What I couldn't understand was the Eucharist. My husband told me "It remakes present the sacrifice of Christ." to which I heard "They are re-sacrificing Jesus?!?!! Don't they know Hebrews says that His sacrifice was once and for all. Heretics." ...And I was ready to leave it at that. See I didn't actually want to know the truth I wanted to believe what I wanted to believe. But the more I prayed the more I felt God really challenging me at least to know why I don't believe the Eucharist. So I began researching it and reading whatever I could.

I did a post a while ago on the historical writings about the Eucharist. Here. 

I want to go through Scriptural support in this post. Brace yourself. I'll try and be concise but it might be long.

1 Corinthians 10:16 The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not a communion in the blood of Christ? The bread which we break is it not a communion in the body of Christ? 

This verse baffled me. Paul writes that it is a communion which means coming together to 1. He didn't write that we are in communion with each other when we do it, nor did he write that when we do it to call it communion. He said is it not a communion in the blood of Christ? Is it not a communion in the body of Christ? He says this as if it were obvious. Remember the new testament was written for Christians.

1 Corinthians 5:7-8 Christ our Passover lamb has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the feast! 

Here Paul recounts that Christ is our Passover lamb but what does that even mean? If we look back in scripture to Exodus we see the Passover instituted:


The Passover Ritual Prescribed.

1The LORD said to Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt:2 This month will stand at the head of your calendar; you will reckon it the first month of the year.3 Tell the whole community of Israel: On the tenth of this month every family must procure for itself a lamb, one apiece for each household.4 If a household is too small for a lamb, it along with its nearest neighbor will procure one, and apportion the lamb’s cost in proportion to the number of persons, according to what each household consumes.5Your lamb must be a year-old male and without blemish. You may take it from either the sheep or the goats.6You will keep it until the fourteenth day of this month, and then, with the whole community of Israel assembled, it will be slaughtered during the evening twilight.7 They will take some of its blood and apply it to the two doorposts and the lintel of the houses in which they eat it.8They will consume its meat that same night, eating it roasted with unleavened bread and bitter herbs.9Do not eat any of it raw or even boiled in water, but roasted, with its head and shanks and inner organs.10You must not keep any of it beyond the morning; whatever is left over in the morning must be burned up.

11This is how you are to eat it: with your loins girt, sandals on your feet and your staff in hand, you will eat it in a hurry. It is the LORD’s Passover.12 For on this same night I will go through Egypt, striking down every firstborn in the land, human being and beast alike, and executing judgment on all the gods of Egypt—I, the LORD!13 But for you the blood will mark the houses where you are. Seeing the blood, I will pass over you; thereby, when I strike the land of Egypt, no destructive blow will come upon you

14This day will be a day of remembrance for you, which your future generations will celebrate with pilgrimage to the LORD; you will celebrate it as a statute forever.15For seven days you must eat unleavened bread. From the very first day you will have your houses clear of all leaven. For whoever eats leavened bread from the first day to the seventh will be cut off from Israel.16On the first day you will hold a sacred assembly, and likewise on the seventh. On these days no sort of work shall be done, except to prepare the food that everyone needs.17Keep, then, the custom of the unleavened bread, since it was on this very day that I brought your armies out of the land of Egypt. You must observe this day throughout your generations as a statute forever.18From the evening of the fourteenth day of the first month until the evening of the twenty-first day of this month you will eat unleavened bread.19For seven days no leaven may be found in your houses; for anyone, a resident alien or a native, who eats leavened food will be cut off from the community of Israel.20You shall eat nothing leavened; wherever you dwell you may eat only unleavened bread.

Promulgation of the Passover.

21 Moses summoned all the elders of Israel and said to them, “Go and procure lambs for your families, and slaughter the Passover victims.22 Then take a bunch of hyssop, and dipping it in the blood that is in the basin, apply some of this blood to the lintel and the two doorposts. And none of you shall go outdoors until morning.23For when the LORD goes by to strike down the Egyptians, seeing the blood on the lintel and the two doorposts, the LORD will pass over that door and not let the destroyer come into your houses to strike you down.

24“You will keep this practice forever as a statute for yourselves and your descendants.25Thus, when you have entered the land which the LORD will give you as he promised, you must observe this rite.26 When your children ask you, ‘What does this rite of yours mean?’27you will reply, ‘It is the Passover sacrifice for the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt; when he struck down the Egyptians, he delivered our houses.’” Then the people knelt and bowed down,28and the Israelites went and did exactly as the LORD had commanded Moses and Aaron.

So some important things to point out: 

1. A lamb without blemish was to be sacrificed. 1 Peter 1:19 " but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect."

2. They were to paint the doorposts ( note growing up all I remember learning about was this part...not number 3). Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace-

3.They were to eat the lamb and God spent a lot of time explaining how and where and to eat it. 1 Corinthians 5:7-8 Christ our Passover lamb has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the feast! 

4. This day will be a remembrance - 1 Corinthians 23:26 23 For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body which is for  you. Do this in remembrance of me.” 25 In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” 26 For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

Now I would have given you 1, 2, and 4 as a protestant but number 3 I would have said... well thats just crazy until I read what Paul said in Corinthians in the aforementioned verses. This wasn't enough to convince me though. 

In the old testament I found: 

Leviticus 7:15: The meat of the thanksgiving communion sacrifice shall be eaten on the day it is offered; none of it may be kept until morning. 

- According to levitical law Aaronic sacrifices had to be eaten to bring you in to full communion with God. Christ is our sacrifice.

Nehemiah 9:15- 15 For their hunger you gave them bread from heaven, and for their thirst you brought water for them out of the rock, and you told them to go in to possess the land that you swore to give them. - God provided for them bread from Heaven. - Jesus is the bread of heaven (john 6)

Psalm 78:24-25 24 he rained down on them manna to eat, and gave them the grain of heaven. 25 Mortals ate of the bread of angels; he sent them food in abundance.- Jesus is the bread of Heaven (john 6).

Ezekiel 2:8-10; 3:1-3 8 But you, mortal, hear what I say to you; do not be rebellious like that rebellious house; open your mouth and eat what I give you. 9 I looked, and a hand was stretched out to me, and a written scroll was in it. 10 He spread it before me; it had writing on the front and on the back, and written on it were words of lamentation and mourning and woe.; 3 He said to me, O mortal, eat what is offered to you; eat this scroll, and go, speak to the house of Israel. 2 So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat. 3 He said to me, Mortal, eat this scroll that I give you and fill your stomach with it. Then I ate it; and in my mouth it was as sweet as honey. - Ezekiel was to eat the word of God which in John 1:1 we see Jesus is the Word of God.

and several more. Honestly if I listed all the eucharistic foreshadowing the post would be infinitely long.

To go through all the scripture of the new testament... I'd have to write out almost the whole new testament but I think it can be summarized into John 6 and then explaining some of the misnomers about John 6:


The Bread from Heaven

22 The next day the crowd that had stayed on the other side of the lake saw that there had been only one boat there. They also saw that Jesus had not got into the boat with his disciples, but that his disciples had gone away alone. 23 Then some boats from Tiberias came near the place where they had eaten the bread after the Lord had given thanks.24 So when the crowd saw that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there, they themselves got into the boats and went to Capernaum looking for Jesus.

25 When they found him on the other side of the lake, they said to him, ‘Rabbi, when did you come here?’ 26 Jesus answered them, ‘Very truly, I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves. 27 Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For it is on him that God the Father has set his seal.’ 28 Then they said to him, ‘What must we do to perform the works of God?’ 29 Jesus answered them, ‘This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.’ 30 So they said to him, ‘What sign are you going to give us then, so that we may see it and believe you? What work are you performing? 31 Our ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, “He gave them bread from heaven to eat.”’ 32 Then Jesus said to them, ‘Very truly, I tell you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. 33 For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.’ 34 They said to him, ‘Sir, give us this bread always.’

35 Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. 36 But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe. 37 Everything that the Father gives me will come to me, and anyone who comes to me I will never drive away; 38 for I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me. 39 And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. 40 This is indeed the will of my Father, that all who see the Son and believe in him may have eternal life; and I will raise them up on the last day.’

41 Then the Jews began to complain about him because he said, ‘I am the bread that came down from heaven.’ 42 They were saying, ‘Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How can he now say, “I have come down from heaven”?’ 43 Jesus answered them, ‘Do not complain among yourselves. 44 No one can come to me unless drawn by the Father who sent me; and I will raise that person up on the last day. 45 It is written in the prophets, “And they shall all be taught by God.” Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to me. 46 Not that anyone has seen the Father except the one who is from God; he has seen the Father. 47 Very truly, I tell you, whoever believes has eternal life. 48 I am the bread of life. 49 Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. 50 This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. 51 I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live for ever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.’

52 The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, ‘How can this man give us his flesh to eat?’ 53 So Jesus said to them, ‘Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day; 55 for my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink. 56 Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them. 57 Just as the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever eats me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like that which your ancestors ate, and they died. But the one who eats this bread will live for ever.’ 59 He said these things while he was teaching in the synagogue at Capernaum.

The Words of Eternal Life

60 When many of his disciples heard it, they said, ‘This teaching is difficult; who can accept it?’ 61 But Jesus, being aware that his disciples were complaining about it, said to them, ‘Does this offend you? 62 Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? 63 It is the spirit that gives life; the flesh is useless. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. 64 But among you there are some who do not believe.’ For Jesus knew from the first who were the ones that did not believe, and who was the one that would betray him. 65 And he said, ‘For this reason I have told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted by the Father.’
66 Because of this many of his disciples turned back and no longer went about with him.67 So Jesus asked the twelve, ‘Do you also wish to go away?’ 68 Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69 We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.70 Jesus answered them, ‘Did I not choose you, the twelve? Yet one of you is a devil.’ 71 He was speaking of Judas son of Simon Iscariot,[i] for he, though one of the twelve, was going to betray him.

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Now let me say right now I could do an entire post on just John 6 and one day I might, but it was reading and praying over this passage that led me to all the other verses. It was asking God to show me what this meant. God taught me a lot and I'll make some quick points about it.

1. Manna is the prefiguring of Christ in the Eucharist. 

Manna is the bread of heaven, the bread of angels and in Jewish tradition it was rained down from heaven from the heavenly temple to the ground.  (Exodus 16 describes this) This bread fed the Israelites as they wandered in the dessert for 40 years and was so special to them they kept it in the tabernacle.  Manna actually comes from the word " man hu" meaning "what is it?".  It was a miraculous bread from heaven that they couldn't explain. It was a miracle. Remember back in Psalm 78 God commanded the doors of heaven to open and he gave the bread of angels.  This manna was so special they kept it in the tabernacle with the 10 commandments and the Rod of Aaron. The Jews had obligation to see the face of God and they fulfilled this by lifting the Manna up on a table and visiting the bread of Heaven. As I learned more I realized how close this is to the Eucharist, where catholics each day go and visit Christ in the Eucharist in adoration and consume Him at mass. It was amazing to me how Jesus fulfilled the promise of the Manna in the old testament and then met the Jews requests John 6:31-34 "31 Our ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written, “He gave them bread from heaven to eat.”’ 32 Then Jesus said to them, ‘Very truly, I tell you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. 33 For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.’ 34 They said to him, ‘Sir, give us this bread always.’"

2. Jesus was very clear He was not speaking symbolically. If you read the first 5 chapters of John each time Jesus says something that people don't understand and they misquote, misunderstand or misspeak He corrects them. In John 6 however, Jesus doesn't leave any room for interpretation:

48 I am the bread of life. 49 Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. 50 This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. 51 I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live for ever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.’52 The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, ‘How can this man give us his flesh to eat?’ 53 So Jesus said to them, ‘Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day; 55 for my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink. 56 Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them. 57 Just as the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever eats me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like that which your ancestors ate, and they died. But the one who eats this bread will live for ever.’

Verse 55 tore my heart and soul apart" For my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink." I couldn't find anyway to twist that into "symbolic" or "possibly not true." But it was my next point that I think really drove home the point.

3. Jesus again, was very clear. John 6:60-69:

60 When many of his disciples heard it, they said, ‘This teaching is difficult; who can accept it?’ 61 But Jesus, being aware that his disciples were complaining about it, said to them, ‘Does this offend you? 62 Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? 63 It is the spirit that gives life; the flesh is useless. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. 64 But among you there are some who do not believe.’ For Jesus knew from the first who were the ones that did not believe, and who was the one that would betray him. 65 And he said, ‘For this reason I have told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted by the Father.’
66 Because of this many of his disciples turned back and no longer went about with him.67 So Jesus asked the twelve, ‘Do you also wish to go away?’ 68 Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69 We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.

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So Just as in the first 5 chapters of John there is a clarification asked for "This teaching is difficult; who can accept it?" Can you imagine? Your Jewish and Jesus just told you to eat His flesh and His blood. You know you can't drink blood thats against the law, and eat His flesh? He must be crazy or He must be establishing a new covenant. He doesn't even say "Yea thats what I meant I'll give you time to soak it in. He's bold He says "Does this offend you? Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before?" And we know He does ascend (see Acts 1:6-12). It's amazing how He responded and it changes everything. He didn't correct himself. He didn't say it was a symbol. In fact He says "The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life." No where in the bible is the

Spirit symbolic. The people knew He wasn't joking or lying or speaking in code because what did they do ? They turned their backs and no longer went about with Him. They left Him! So He turned to the 12 and said "Do you wish to go away?" It's as if He was challenging them: you leaving too? I'm not backing down on this one. But Peter beautifully says "lord to whom can we go? you have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know you are the Holy One of God."


It's only possible for Christ to be present in the Eucharist through God. Through a miracle. If he wasn't God it would just be bread and wine. But God can do anything including turn bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ and He does each day in the Catholic church.

4. Jesus taught them to pray for this:

Matthew 6:9-13
‘Pray then in this way:
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
10 Your kingdom come.
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us
13 And lead us not to temptation but deliver us from evil

Give us this day our daily bread. What does that mean? Am I asking for the steak I hope to have for dinner? Am I asking for the cheerios that I had this morning? Am I asking just that God would provide food and drink in the midst of praying for so many spiritual matters?

1. Gods will
2. FOOD?
3. Forgiveness
4 Grace
5 Protection from sin
6. Protection from Satan.

For me number 2 in this list just never seemed to add up. The word in the greek for daily is epiousios. Epi means on or above. Ousia means "being substance or nature" So Epiousios is most closely : Supernatural or Supersubstantial.

This isn't a new idea of this either. For example:

Saint Cyril, bishop of Jerusalem (313-386) wrote " Common bread is not super substantial, but this Holy Bread is supersubstancial"

So how much more does this list fit for what we pray for?

1. God's Will
2. Christ's presence.
3. forgiveness
4. grace
5 protection from Sin
6. protection from Satan

For me there was no denying this. I couldn't twist my way out of it. I couldn't find one verse that said "Communion is symbolic," or even one word that I could take out of context to say that.

I'm sure there will be a lot of comments but the ones I've come across in conversation:
1. "Isn't Jesus speaking about Him Spiritually being in Eucharist not Physically?

Paul wrote: 1 Corinthians 10:16: The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not a communion in the blood of Christ? The bread which we break is it not a communion in the body of Christ?

2. "Jesus says He is a lot of things: a door, a vine, ect. So how do you know He's being literal?" 

As I spoke above He is pretty clear in John 6 that He is literal, but we can see that He is not literal in the various other places He calls himself a door or a vine.

in John 15 He calls himself the Vine. No one asks Him if He is literally the vine as they do in John 6.
In John 10 He calls himself the door but again no one asks Him if He is literally the door as they do in John 6.

They know He isn't kidding or speaking metaphorically in John 6 and they quiz Him on it, they walk away from Him because He is serious.

The most important thing is to remember Luke 1:37: For with God Nothing is Impossible
God definitely has the power to do this miracle and it is so beautiful.

3. "You believe in re-sacrificing Jesus? don't you know He was sacrificed once for the forgiveness of sins"

This was a struggle for me. Hebrews is clear the sacrifice is complete, and catholics would agree. The mass however is a sacrifice in that it remakes present that sacrifice, meaning we have the presence of the sacrificed lamb through a miracle of the Holy Spirit. Now remember the jews were to put the blood of the lamb on the doorposts and eat the lamb. The mass is called an "unbloody" sacrifice meaning we aren't re-killing Jesus. That's what it means when the Catechism says "the sacrifice of Christ and the sacrifice of the Eucharist are one single sacrifice." That's also why the Eucharist is termed the "unbloody Sacrifice," because the bloodshed was in the slaying of the Lamb, not the eating. In the Eucharist the Church is as it were at the foot of the cross with Mary, united with the offering and intercession of Christ. Catechism-1370. Catholics are not repeating the sacrifice of Christ but rather celebrating that He offers Himself on our behalf for eternity to the Father. It is because the death of the lamb was sufficient that we celebrate the Eucharist.

Protestant early church historian J.N.D Kelly writes that in the early church "the Eucharist was regarded as the distinctively Christian sacrifice...Malachi's prediction (1:10-11) that the Lord would reject Jewish sacrifices and instead would have a "pure offering" made to him by the Gentiles in every place was seized upon by Christians as a prophecy of the Eucharist. Didache indeed actually applies the term thusia, or sacrifice to the Eucharist... It was natural for early Christians to think of the Eucharist as a sacrifice. The fulfillment of prophecy demanded a solemn Christian offering, and the rite itself was wrapped in the sacrificial atmosphere with which our Lord invested the Last Supper. The words of institution "Do this" (touto poieiete), must have been charged with sacrificial overtones for second-century ears; Justin at any rate understood them to mean "Offer this"... The bread and wine moreover are offered "for a memorial (eis anamnasin)of the passion." a phrase which in view of his identification of them with the Lord's body and blood implies much more than an act of purely spiritual recollection (Early Christian Doctrines 196-97)

When I was part of various parts of the protestant church I could never understand how Jesus was to be everything for me. I could understand how He could fulfill me spiritually but being such physical people there was no physical way to connect with Christ. Now that I'm Catholic, I can physically encounter Christ through the Eucharist. Christ promises to never leave us, to be with us to the end of the age and He is, both Physically in the Eucharist and Spiritually. How beautiful. It's a miracle that it turns in to the true flesh and true blood of our Lord Jesus Christ through a miracle of the Holy Spirit.

In the Eucharist is contained His body,blood, soul and divinity and it's to that Catholic kneel, bow, and genuflect.

I know this is a lot to take in and you might have questions. Don't hesitate to comment or e-mail me at beautifulgoodtrue@gmail.com


God bless you.
Love,
Anita

I was Married, Confirmed and had my 1st Communion all on the same day.

On May 17th 2014 I had one of the biggest days of my life. 

At 3 PM Paul and I had our marriage concelebrated in the catholic church.

At 430 I was Confirmed and brought into full communion.

3 sacraments. 1 day. An amazing day of graces. 

But had you told me even a year ago that this is what I would be doing with my Saturday...I wouldn't have believed you. If you told me you did these things a year ago I would have not understood why in the world you would consider that an important day as joining a new church for me consisted of simply walking in and saying hello. As a protestant I never, ever wanted to be catholic. If you haven't read about how I got here please do so here.

This day came after lots of tears, lots of challenges, lots of heartache. It came after lots of learning, lots of growing and lots of steps of faith. I won't go into the details of this at this time, nor am I going to go into what went in to getting to each part of the day in this post. 

Paul and I got there about 245 pm. We walked into the chapel to meet Father Richard. He prayed and blessed our marriage, our wedding rings and thanked us for bringing our marriage to the church. His words recognized that we had been married and didn't say we hadn't but affirmed that our marriage was not just between us and God but to be brought to the church. 

Then I had to go and meet with Bishop Noonan and acknowledge that I believed in the doctrines of the Catholic Church and in what it is that the Eucharist is. I do. 

We then processed into the church, sat with our sponsors and awaited to be confirmed. Bishop Noonan spoke :  He gave a beautiful homily that I would have agreed with before I was ever Catholic and it reminded me so much more how my faith has not changed but grown, expanded. 

And then we were called up and anointed. The bishop traced a cross on our foreheads with this wonderful smelling balm. It was a moment of beauty and peace and grace, preparing me for the gift of the Eucharist. 

We sat, and the liturgy of the Eucharist  began. As I walked forward my mind and heart was flooded with emotion. I was about to encounter Christ physically. When I was part of various parts of the protestant church I could never understand how Jesus was to be everything for me. I could understand how He could fulfill me spiritually but being such physical people there was no physical way to connect with Christ. Now that I'm Catholic, I can physically encounter Christ through the Eucharist. The words to describe what it felt like are hard to come up with. A warmth and a joy filled my heart that could have knocked me over. All in a moment I felt full of His love. It made real in my heart just what His sacrifice for me was and how amazing it is that He loved me that much. His promise to be with me to the end of the age and to never leave me for forsake me suddenly had weight in my soul. I was mixed with tears of joy and sorrow. Joy to encounter Christ and sorrow for how sinful I am and how unworthy I am for such a gift. I looked back at my husband and saw his eyes welled with tears as if he could feel it all too from his seat. I watched him go up and rejoin the church, taking the Eucharist for the first time and saw his face as he was overwhelmed by the same flood of grace. I finally understood why the mass was focused on this moment. I finally could attest that it's NOT just a cracker and wine. I could finally confess that communion in the protestant church had never been so radical on my heart, even though it had met so much. It stretched my heart all in a moment to overflow and it's a feeling that hasn't shaken each time I've gotten to participate in the Eucharist since (9 times over the course of my vacation, as I went to daily mass).  I wish the words I've drafted could really paint the picture for you but I don't feel they do it justice. All in a moment it's like a ton of bricks hits your heart and yet you feel the arms of Christ wrapped around you. This gift is blessed. This truly is a sacrament of grace. This truly is Christ: body, soul and divinity. 

 A final picture with the bishop, and I was off to thank my family and friends for being there, knowing that many of them observing could only speculate in part as to what the Eucharist might be, but praying they would one day experience the joy and grace of this gift.

My sweet friends were there to celebrate with me and some graciously opened their home to celebrate this occasion. So thankful to celebrate this time with loved ones. (I didn't get pictures with everyone so I'll leave out pictures with friends so not to leave anyone out.)  So blessed to be part of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.

What was your confirmation like? Have you been confirmed? Ever thought about being catholic? Ever wondered what the Eucharist is? Have questions? Don't hesitate to e-mail me or comment: beautifulgoodtrue@gmail.com

<3
Anita