What my husband and I wanted was not protection from each other, rather we wanted a loving marriage that honored God but we weren't ready for children. I was finishing PA school and he was working as a golf instructor which together didn't add up to a financial situation that would accommodate children. We live far away from any family and we truly couldn't afford a baby. We learned how birth control would not only ravage my body, increase my risk of breast, liver and cervical cancer, but also led to the conception but denied implantation to babies. If they do implant many times they are starved and suffocated to death due to the thinning of the uterine lining. These truths blew my mind, how were women signing up for this stuff in the form of a pill, vaginal ring, patch, arm implant and shot? Because they don't know the truth. I knew if I thought eating genetically modified food was bad, I'd be a hypocrite to take birth control and I knew that no matter what I thought, those babies were precious and the idea of children not living without me even knowing a medicine I was taking was killing them broke my heart. How could I be against abortion, against the starving of children in 3rd world countries, and against the abuse of all people and take a medication that did this? I stopped immediately.
Then, I did what any determined woman who wanted intimacy with her husband but could not have a baby would do: research. I learned and read and absorbed so much and stumbled across natural family planning. It was challenging at first but now is the most amazing thing that we could have done. It has brought us so much closer in our marriage and has allowed us to learn much more about sex being a gift not a right.
Sex is a gift not a right.
Now 2 years later we have no children (other than our four legged fur baby - Gracie Lou.) It's not that we don't want them we absolutely do (hello baby fever) but while I know there is never a "perfect time" to have a baby the last 2 years were definitely not the time. We had to get a little bit more stable in our marriage and in our finances. Had we been able to afford it I would have been overjoyed to have a baby on our honeymoon. Our first year of marriage was my clinical year of PA school so my hours were busy and rotating through 9 different medical specialties each with varied demands. Now I'm one year out of school and working and my husband has a good job. We know that God will call us to parenthood sometime and while we haven't been able to say "we are ready" just yet we have allowed God to determine our readiness by being open to life. (Note this does not mean just "winging it"). We are faithful to practice what God declares in his word "the denial of ourselves for the purpose of prayer."
So how does NFP or what I would prefer to call "Fertility Awareness Methods" work? There are several methods to use. Some of the most popular are Creighton, Billings and Sympto-Thermal. I'll be honest and tell you we use Billings and it has worked for us. You can find more info on it here:
http://www.thebillingsovulationmethod.org
Essentially you monitor cervical mucus to monitor fertility and during the time of peak fertility you abstain from intimacy. Through NFP I can enjoy the marital intimacy with my husband but I can also trust God with my fertility, avoiding with just reason. Note: the catholic church is clear that couples should not limit family size out of selfishness. We won't restrict children to get to go on more vacations. We wouldn't say having a boy and a girl means we're "done" as if babies come in sets and once you collect them all your good. We follow the principles of the billings method and through God's grace He has not given us more than we can handle in the form of a baby up until this point.
Ok I know what your thinking...NFP for two years? She must just not be able to have a baby...or they must never be intimate. Both are wrong my friends. The effectiveness of billings is here: http://www.thebillingsovulationmethod.org/how-effective-is-the-billings-ovulation-method™/effectiveness-in-preventing-pregnancy.html
As you may know...or can read about in my conversion story... my knowledge of birth control led me to the catholic church but many non-catholics use this. Mother Teresa taught this to women all over the world. Sadly many catholics do not follow church teaching on this issue which confuses the masses but know this : The Catholic Church has never allowed any form of contraception. In fact, up until the 1930s NO CHURCH allowed or promoted contraception.
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| God knits every baby in their mother's womb. No exceptions. In a culture that makes babies a convenience, they make pregnancy seem like a formula. Add the ingredients...get the baby. |
The most important thing I share with women on this topic is the understanding that making a baby is not like baking a cake. You do not put the ingredients in the oven and get one. A couple who has natural sex with no protection could not get pregnant for quite a while without any medical abnormality on either persons part. God is the giver of life and there is no "planned pregnancy" as even if you are TTCing or (trying to conceive) you are praying and hoping but you have NO CONTROL. In a world obsessed with instant gratification and being in control this is challenging so we step in with methods that hurt babies and women to stop and speed up the process. We treat making a baby like a process where if you put in the right ingredients you then get a baby. However, ask any woman who has struggled with infertility and been told "you and your partner have no reason you shouldn't be pregnant." They will tell you it doesn't work like this. They will tell you that each child is a gift. In a culture where fertility is a disease then babies will be an inconvenience, a side effect of the "disease." The treatment? contraception and abortion. This is an awful reality.
When couples understand that God has called them to "be fruitful and multiply" (Gn 1:28) and trust God with their marriage and their fertility they are going to trust Him to give them only what they need. When a couple understands that sex is not just for physical pleasure but a spiritual experience to glorify God and renew your marriage vows they know that putting anything between you separating the "one flesh."
Matthew 19:6 says "Therefore, what God has joined together no human being must separate." God has joined sex to marriage. He's joined babies to the gift of sex. As husbands love wives like Christ loves the church we have to ask ourselves would Christ ever sterilize His love? No. Christ loves us freely and fully without limit or exception. Friends lets love our spouses in the same way. Let's love God in this same way.
Finally friends, NFP can be used to attain pregnancy and not just avoid. If your TTCing check it out it might HELP but remember all babies come from God and there is no magic trick or pill to getting pregnant. It can even be used if you have an "irregular" period, PCOS, or other condition that affects your ability to follow a normal cycle. Friends there are several methods for NFP: Creighton, Billings, Symptothermal.. ect. Please look into the true methods and DO NOT rely on a phone app as NOT ONE works. You are not a computer ladies, you are a woman and that app is only going to take a guess. You would have to know your body, follow the guidelines and take a leap of faith knowing whether your using it to avoid or TTC it's all in God's hands.
It won't be easy friends to trust God but it will be worth it. I know for my husband and I it has completely improved our communication, our understanding of each other, and has allowed us to honor God with our marriage and our lives without exception.
Note: I am not a certified NFP instructor but if you have questions I'm happy to answer based on what I know from my experience and research.
Thanks friends.
<3
Anita
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