Brought closer to God by the help of a sweet woman

Yesterday I got a text message that broke my spirit:

Mamaw has 48 hours to live please be praying for a peaceful transition xo.

Mamaw is my 98 year old great grandmother by marriage who took care of me from 3rd grade to 6th grade.  She is the women who knew things with my mom were not good and when I came to visit my grandparents she stepped up and said "Let me keep her." She is the woman who in 1st grade picked my up every sunday to take me to church and after we always had either Publix fried chicken or a whopper. A sunday treat. She taught me to make pecan pralines, she gave me my first driving lesson and she taught me to respect my elders. She loved me the best way she knew how but that was a challenge for her as time went on. She was developing alzheimers and no one knew.

I'll never forget the day in 4th grade where she didn't know me. She didn't know anyone. She didn't know what she was doing. Doctors called it transient amnesia with no known cause. I knew that day I was living with her not just to help me but to help her.

I remember the day when I became too much for her to take care of  but never too much for her to love.

I remember when she got mean because of her alzheimers and it became hard to separate the two.
I remember stumbling across the streaks of meanness that seemed blurred into her personality and I didn't know where these bumps began and where they ended.
I remember her helping me when I needed to buy a car.
I remember no matter how many times I had to explain who I was to her over the years as soon as she remembered and realized she would say "Anita- she loves the Lord."

memories.

now her memory has been really bad in the last few years. And I have moved away but while i know she won't remember my visit, i've still visited. This time though she is medicated for comfort. This time she wouldn't be conscious. So i don't go to say goodbye to the sleeping beauty.

Because of her I know God more. Because of her I love my bible. 

Friends who inspired you? Who brought you closer to God? 

In this season of advent thank them if you can and if you can't pray for their soul. 

Anita 

His Concern for me brings me to worship

Friends in this advent season I am learning so much about the need for God. This is something I know in my mind but something that has regrown in my heart in this season.  And this need for Him has overflowed in this season not only because I am focusing more on Christ in this season, but also because in seasons of difficulty you are aware more and more of your inadequacy and need for help.

-My job while I love it at times is very challenging. Every day is a learning experience and every day I need Christ to help me through. My patients can be a challenge.
-Being a wife is a job and I am always learning new things about my husband, new things about my role as his wife and new ways I need to grow. It's a blessing but it takes work and in that work I need Christ to help me be patient and kind and respectful and loving and submissive.
- Finances have been a challenge for us in that I have quite a bit of student loan debt. Between that and the bills we need to pay it is a challenge and I pray each day God will provide for us. He hasn't let me down but in this season it's been something on my heart and mind as the first payments of my student loans are due next month. It's a scary reality that we will be living for the next several years and we are praying that God will help us with this.
- I want a baby. Truly there is nothing that sounds better than holding a little one in my arms that God helped my husband and I make. I'm excited to grow our family. But I have to trust God each day in that now is not the best timing for because of the aforementioned jobs, finances, and time I need Christ to comfort me and help me to wait and be patient in this time and to protect my heart for the task of trying to conceive and the trials that can come with that. It's a while off for us, no babies in the near future unless God wills them.
-friendships are a challenge in some ways. both a blessing and a challenge. As God has been growing me and changing me it does affect my relationships and in that it's a challenge. It's also a challenge that we moved about 35 minutes away putting me further away from my close friends and that has been a struggle. A struggle to adjust to the inability to just run down the stairs to see a friend, and a struggle to not be able to meet in the middle as easily. While we do have friends where we are now there is a challenge.

Even in all that I know the Lord knows my troubles. In
Exodus 4:31 "The people believed when they heard that the Lord was concerned about them and had seen their affliction, they bowed down in worship."
Friends the Israelites bowed to the Lord for He knew them and not only did He know them, he was concerned for them. I know God is concerned for me. I know that Christ cries and prays for me in heaven. I know the Holy Spirit translates my tears and I know God has a vat of my tears He is saving. His word tells me these things. I know my name is written on His hand and that He cares for me. I know He will never leave me or forsake me. And that my friends is true for you too. That truth brings me to my knees, and softens my heart. That love brings me to repentance. His kindness blows me away.

Friends let the kindness and the concern of the Lord draw you to bow down in worship. Let knowing that the God of the universe loves you rock your world.

<3

A Season of Mary When The World Is in a season of Martha

Hello friends,
I apologize for my brief absence. I apologize to you, but mostly I repent to God in that I wanted this to help me stay on track to each day be learning new things and I have been learning a lot but haven't been documenting. I've been busy for busy sake. Too busy and that is a call to repentance.

In Luke 10:38-42 we see Mary and Martha. (Note not Mary- mother of God).

38 In the course of their journey he came to a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.
39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat down at the Lord's feet and listened to him speaking.
40 Now Martha, who was distracted with all the serving, came to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister is leaving me to do the serving all by myself? Please tell her to help me.'
41 But the Lord answered, 'Martha, Martha,' he said, 'you worry and fret about so many things,
42 and yet few are needed, indeed only one. It is Mary who has chosen the better part, and it is not to be taken from her.'

Friends how often are we Martha in this story. How often are we too busy to sit at the feet of Jesus? In this story not only do we see a beauty in Martha's willingness to serve but we see a place to call us to repentance when our serving brings us away from God. Here not only is Mary at the feet of Jesus but she being a Palestinian Jew brings a light to this passage that exudes a boldness to sit at the feet of Jesus even when at time when women were not to sit in this way. 

Jesus says only one this is needed and Mary has chosen that. That one thing? time at His feet. 

As Amy Carmichael pens in Calvary Love: "If I covet any place on earth but the dust at the foot of the Cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

In the season of parties and shopping and decorating and cooking and tinsel and lights and cards on top of the normal work and struggles of everyday life, it is easy to be Martha in a season where we are called to be Mary. Called to be seeking God in the season of Advent. Called to love Him and be open to Him growing us in new ways. 

"If you withdraw yourself from unnecessary talking and idle running about, from listening to gossip and rumors, you will find enough time that is suitable for holy meditation" - Thomas Akempis- Imitation of Christ. 

So often even without the season I'm a Martha. I'm worried and busy and planning and working and planning some more. But friends what's better in all seasons is to be a Mary. To sit at the feet of Jesus. To be quiet and listen to Him speak. To be open to listen and sit and wait on the Lord. And this truth overtook my heart today in the midst of Christmas shopping and I found myself on a bench in a garden in prayer and reading. And it was such a peaceful and beautiful time. The weather was perfect, and God was there and for some of time I was just silent. Just listening. What a blessing that time was. 

friends I encourage you to spend time with God. Be in the quiet in the still. Be at His feet. Let it prepare you for the celebration on December 25th. Let Him show you WHY He came to the world before you celebrate His coming. 

praying for you friends. 

<3

Emmanuel. God with us.

Barnies white Christmas icecream by publix is quite possibly my favorite frozen confection. I enjoy a bowl far too often but love the sweetness, the coffee flavor, the cold , the chocolate chips. There are some parts I don't like : it's runs out fast... It makes me cough because cold exacerbates my asthma.. I have to brush my teeth after because I hate the sugar feeling.. But it's my favorite.

While seemingly silly I think this is a perfect illustration of how nothing in life is perfect. There are two sides to every coin. Some days at easier to be on the negative side than the positive. There are people I know life this and I'm guilty of it on days too. 

It's makes it hard to picture heaven when you are rationale. The idea of a perfect place with no more tears sounds too good to be true. And yet our very reward of salvation is the gift of eternal life in heaven with God. And honestly I picture being on my face before God for all eternity. I can't imagine or fathom the idea of looking a perfection. Yet in this season of advent we wait and welcome the birth of perfection to walk among us. Emmanuel. God with us. He was here. He was talking and walking and breathing on this earth and he had moments of joy and moments of sorrow. It wasn't rainbows and butterflies all the time sometimes it was sweating blood. 

Friends know that He who is perfect can empathize with you in every moment. He cares for you and friends know that he is with us always. In this season remember the one who is perfect who came to take away the sins of the world. Let your focus be on Him.  Emmanuel. 

<3

Anita 

Joy from the Promises

"How happy you are to believe that the Lord's message to you will come true!” (Luke 1:45)

Friends on this 10th day of advent be encouraged by Marys attitude when God put Christ inside of her: her joy was overflowing that Elizabeth commented on it. She calls her blessed and note it does say "your so happy about how God has blessed you already" but rather Elizabeth is excited about how joyful Mary is as she trusts Gods promsise. Friends do you trust the promises God has for you? Do you overflow with joy before they have even happened? Friends I pray you will have the joy Mary had. Let it be what controls you instead of worry and fear. Let Gods perfect love cast out fear of the unknown and rest in the promises He has given you. I say this as someone who worries and need this advice As much as I give it to you. Please pray for me on this as I pray for your 

Peace and joy to you friends. 

<3

Anita

FOR WITH GOD NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE.

For advent day 7: Luke 1:34-37 was what we read tonight as we lit our candle for advent. Each night we read a little snippet of the Christmas story.


34 And Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I have no husband?” 35 And the angel said to her,

“The Holy Spirit will come upon you,
and the power of the Most High will overshadow you;
therefore the child to be born will be called holy,
the Son of God.

36 And behold, your kinswoman Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son; and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. 37 For with God nothing will be impossible.”

Can you imagine what it felt like to be Mary? Her first statement "I have no husband!!" So many sweet women I know are still praying for their husband. They are waiting patiently for the man God will send them and there are several women I know who have met and gotten engaged to the man they want to marry but are still waiting. Mary was betrothed at this point but not her clarity: I have no husband. Ladies no that no matter how close your relationship is with a guy until you are before God taking a vow anything can happen. An angel might not appear saying your going to bear the Son of God, but not only is it a time of waiting: life advent singleness, dating, engagement: these are all beautiful and purposeful seasons of preparation. Seasons of prayer. Seasons of pursuing God in a unique way and watching Him move. In each of these seasons there is no room for settling. No room for fantasy. No need for what you hope someone will be but rather the waiting for the one who IS the guy who will treat you like a treasure. These seasons are seasons of self evaluation. Marriage is a gift from God but a gift to not be taken lightly. It is a lifetime commitment, a covenant with God, a reflection of Christ loving the church and that reflection has been destroyed in so many ways that we can't afford to let it be cracked anymore. 

But for Mary, her season was altered by an angel appearing and giving her the promise that she would birth the Son of Man, the Word of God, the redeemer, the lamb, the Christ. She's told: BTW Elizabeth is 6 months pregnant...you know the one who is well past menopause and has no chance of getting pregnant? And then the words from the angel as if to answer Mary's silent thought of "what in the world? am I dreaming?" 

FOR WITH GOD NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE. 

nothing. 

Friends do you believe that? Do you believe that miracles happen and that nothing is impossible?

My heart has been touched by so many that have seemingly impossible circumstances and my prayer for them is the impossible. I believe God can do it if it is His will in His perfect timing. But I also know if He doesn't He has a purpose and a reason that is much more than I can see. I need this reminder in my daily life when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing, or where I am should be. I have to remind myself to trust what makes no sense.

Friends remember that with God nothing is impossible no matter how crazy it may seem. No matter how unprepared you feel. God will work everything out all you have to have is faith. 

<3

Anita

Therefore we must watch and pray lest time pass idly.

This post is a few hours late... 9 hours 37 minutes if we were actually to say it's advent day 6. I apologize.

Yesterday was a busy day of work. After work I rushed home to meet my husband, change and go to our church's annual christmas party. As we just started attending this church it was our first party with them but friends it was such a blessing.

The people were immensely kind. We sat with a couple we met the other night at a bible study, and another couple who we had not yet met. We were welcomed by everyone, dinner was great, and each table was to bring an appetizer. I brought a stuffed baguette I'll share the recipe at the bottom and give credit where credit is due. It's always nice when everyone likes what you bring. The conversation never dulled. They asked about my work and what I find most challenging. They met me where I was and offered to keep me in their prayers.  Both couples were immensely friendly and kept using phrases like "oh you should definitely meet so and so you were definitely get along." The music director and operations manager of the church spent a good deal of time talk to us and if you know us you know we were talking about theology and doctrine. It's nice to have people who thats what they want to talk about. I'm still reading Imitation of Christ but friends he makes a great point about talking.

Imitation of Christ: The Tenth Chapter

Avoiding Idle Talk

SHUN the gossip of men as much as possible, for discussion of worldly affairs, even though sincere, is a great distraction inasmuch as we are quickly ensnared and captivated by vanity.

"Many a time I wish that I had held my peace and had not associated with men. Why, indeed, do we converse and gossip among ourselves when we so seldom part without a troubled conscience? We do so because we seek comfort from one another’s conversation and wish to ease the mind wearied by diverse thoughts. Hence, we talk and think quite fondly of things we like very much or of things we dislike intensely. But, sad to say, we often talk vainly and to no purpose; for this external pleasure effectively bars inward and divine consolation.

Therefore we must watch and pray lest time pass idly.

When the right and opportune moment comes for speaking, say something that will edify.

Bad habits and indifference to spiritual progress do much to remove the guard from the tongue. Devout conversation on spiritual matters, on the contrary, is a great aid to spiritual progress, especially when persons of the same mind and spirit associate together in God."

Thomas Akempis reminds us that our words have an affect and that our conversation matters. He reminds us to edify one another and that talk of spiritual matters helps us to grow. Last night our conversations definitely helped me grow. 

We stayed late talking with a couple about medicine and politics and it was great to hear people concerned about the direction of our country, the poor, the homeless, the uneducated. It was great to hear people who wanted to live out their own walk with God as dramatically as they could. What an example friends you can be in how you live your life. Even in a short meeting or conversation you can shine the light of Christ without evening realizing it. That light comes from the devout personal commitment to a pursuit of a relationship with God. Friends - Seize the Day. Don't put off the time with God because you are "busy" when God never intends for you to be too busy for Him. 

During this advent season friends make the time to spend time with the Lord. However that looks for you spend the time. When we commune with our God it changes our hearts and that can change the world.  In this (well it was this) 6th day advent remember the God who loves you so much more than anyone else you know. Heed the words of Akempis : Therefore we must watch and pray lest time pass idly.

<3

People matter. Love them.

Today I felt like I couldn't do anything. To say work was a challenge is an understatement. I was humbled all day by what I did not and found help hard to come by. My allergies were bothering me, my patients were difficult both in personality and in medical problems and all the while I was praying. Praying God would help me to be His light. Praying I could make it to the end. Praying for guidance and patience and understanding. And when I was able to shut the computer after the day it was a relief to know He got me through. My job at first was seemingly on the easy side and now it's a moment by moment challenge but I know I am being trained and challenged for a purpose and I know that I'm getting a wonderful education.  

What I hold on to today are the patience that thanked me with a genuine gratitude. It's something I cherish dearly as I do my best to give each patient everything I can and to have their appreciation in not required but reminds me God is with me . It's the man who tells me he has a contract with God to live 200 years and thanks me for doing t part to help. It's the guy who tells me he would raher lose a year than eat vegetables or give up his biscuits and gravy. It's the woman who has a list she's had written out who is patient while I go over each with care and is patient when I say " I don't know but let me go ask someone who does". These moments touch my heart. These moments show me a beauty in people and remind me I'm treating someone's dad, grandmother, daughter, friend... Not just a chart. And in the world of managed care it's easy to feel like it's all about the chart. So blessed for these reminders and continuing to pray during this advent season for encouragement and help. For a renewed and stronger relationship with God and encouragement they He is not finished with me yet. Friends thanks for your support. Know that I'm praying for you as well. I encourage you to find the beauty of each person you meet as we are each made by the creator and are image bearers of God. Some of us reflect more clearly than others but we are all the makers handy work. In this season remember people not things are important and spend your time and talent loving people. Love them like Christ and I promise the return of how God shapes your heart for Him is amazing. Praying for you. 

Anita 

Blessings of Love, Kindness and Encouragement

Advent day 3-

Today has been a blessing of a day. After yesterday it's as though God spent the day reminding me He is in control. My morning was quiet calm and collected returning patient calls and working on charts and interpreting labs and listening to the news.  My afternoon was busier with the challenges of seeing patients. The difficulty of trying to stay on time, the praying for patience and grace for the patient who takes out their frustration on you, and the challenge of managing a multitude of issues in a short amount of time. But it was perfectly manageable and I had help. God provided in each moment.

Even when I had a run in with the fax machine trying to use my lunch break to work out applications for loan repayment situations and my kind nurse shared with the secret to sending. On this particular machine don't press 9. That application is important and this was just the best help I could have gotten.

I get home to a box outside and a husband who has made dinner. A beautiful sight as dinner again sounded like a foreign word and I was willing to settle for a granola bar and go to bed. But dinner was great and the box had a surprise and my husband had good news and a skype date with a best friend with a great gift that traveled from canada to california to me. A gift I'd hoped for and so grateful.
Then a great gift of a phone date with another best friend.

Surrounded by love today and I needed it. I needed the sweet kindness and encouragement. I needed the gift. I needed the love.

and you know friends--  I don't just need love and encouragement today: I need it everyday. Just today I was aware of it and I am so thankful for it.

Even my dog has been extra sweet today.

Something amazing friends is that God is always there giving love and encouragement we only need to turn and notice. Take time to notice His encouragement to you in the form of someone else's kindness, or in a beautiful day, or in a special blessing. Don't be confused though--> God is loving you and encouraging you even when the day is ugly, you don't feel blessed and no one is kind.

Friends praying for love and encouragement for you. Praying for this advent season to touch your heart and grow you closer to Him. Use these days  as a jump start to your journey.

<3
Anita