Baby Cakes and NFP: the truth about family planning and birth control.

When you hear the phrase "Natural Family Planning" you might think one of a few things: doesn't work, calendar/rhythm method, babies.  This is what I thought. I thought "safe sex" was when you used some form of "protection" to prevent pregnancy or STDs. What I couldn't tell you was why I needed "safe sex" in my marriage where sex was meant to be. Why did I need protection from my husband who I promised to give myself freely to without reservation? There isn't one form of contraception whether hormonal or barrier that is 100% (not even tubal ligation or vasectomy). No matter what you choose you are "playing the odds." 99% effective...84% effective.... 10% effective... These are all numbers for commonly used methods.

What my husband and I wanted was not protection from each other, rather we wanted a loving marriage that honored God but we weren't ready for children. I was finishing PA school and he was working as a golf instructor which together didn't add up to a financial situation that would accommodate children. We live far away from any family and we truly couldn't afford a baby. We learned how birth control would not only ravage my body, increase my risk of breast, liver and cervical cancer, but also led to the conception but denied implantation to babies. If they do implant many times they are starved and suffocated to death due to the thinning of the uterine lining. These truths blew my mind, how were women signing up for this stuff in the form of a pill, vaginal ring, patch, arm implant and shot? Because they don't know the truth.  I knew if I thought eating genetically modified food was bad, I'd be a hypocrite to take birth control and I knew that no matter what I thought, those babies were precious and the idea of children not living without me even knowing a medicine I was taking was killing them broke my heart. How could I be against abortion, against the starving of children in 3rd world countries, and against the abuse of all people and take a medication that did this? I stopped immediately.

Then, I did what any determined woman who wanted intimacy with her husband but could not have a baby would do: research. I learned and read and absorbed so much and stumbled across natural family planning. It was challenging at first but now is the most amazing thing that we could have done. It has brought us so much closer in our marriage and has allowed us to learn much more about sex being a gift not a right.

Sex is a gift not a right.

Now 2 years later we have no children (other than our four legged fur baby - Gracie Lou.) It's not that we don't want them we absolutely do (hello baby fever) but while I know there is never a "perfect time" to have a baby the last 2 years were definitely not the time. We had to get a little bit more stable in our marriage and in our finances. Had we been able to afford it I would have been overjoyed to have a baby on our honeymoon. Our first year of marriage was my clinical year of PA school so my hours were busy and rotating through 9 different medical specialties each with varied demands. Now I'm one year out of school and working and my husband has a good job. We know that God will call us to  parenthood sometime and while we haven't been able to say "we are ready" just yet we have allowed God to determine our readiness by being open to life. (Note this does not mean just "winging it"). We are faithful to practice what God declares in his word "the denial of ourselves for the purpose of prayer."

So how does NFP or what I would prefer to call "Fertility Awareness Methods" work? There are several methods to use. Some of the most popular are Creighton, Billings and Sympto-Thermal. I'll be honest and tell you we use Billings and it has worked for us. You can find more info on it here:
http://www.thebillingsovulationmethod.org

Essentially you monitor cervical mucus to monitor fertility and during the time of peak fertility you abstain from intimacy. Through NFP I can enjoy the marital intimacy with my husband but I can also trust God with my fertility, avoiding with just reason. Note: the catholic church is clear that couples should not limit family size out of selfishness. We won't restrict children to get to go on more vacations. We wouldn't say having a boy and a girl means we're "done" as if babies come in sets and once you collect them all your good. We follow the principles of the billings method and through God's grace He has not given us more than we can handle in the form of a baby up until this point.

Ok I know what your thinking...NFP for two years? She must just not be able to have a baby...or they must never be intimate. Both are wrong my friends. The effectiveness of billings is here: http://www.thebillingsovulationmethod.org/how-effective-is-the-billings-ovulation-method™/effectiveness-in-preventing-pregnancy.html

As you may know...or can read about in my conversion story... my knowledge of birth control led me to the catholic church but many non-catholics use this. Mother Teresa taught this to women all over the world. Sadly many catholics do not follow church teaching on this issue which confuses the masses but know this : The Catholic Church has never allowed any form of contraception. In fact, up until the 1930s NO CHURCH allowed or promoted contraception. 

God knits every baby in their mother's womb. No exceptions.
In a culture that makes babies a convenience, they make pregnancy seem like a formula.
Add the ingredients...get the baby. 

The most important thing I share with women on this topic is the understanding that making a baby is not like baking a cake. You do not put the ingredients in the oven and get one. A couple who has natural sex with no protection could not get pregnant for quite a while without any medical abnormality on either persons part. God is the giver of life and there is no "planned pregnancy" as even if you are TTCing or (trying to conceive) you are praying and hoping but you have NO CONTROL. In a world obsessed with instant gratification and being in control this is challenging so we step in with methods that hurt babies and women to stop and speed up the process.  We treat making a baby like a process where if you put in the right ingredients you then get a baby. However, ask any woman who has struggled with infertility and been told "you and your partner have no reason you shouldn't be pregnant." They will tell you it doesn't work like this. They will tell you that each child is a gift. In a culture where fertility is a disease then babies will be an inconvenience, a side effect of the "disease." The treatment? contraception and abortion. This is an awful reality.

When couples understand that God has called them to "be fruitful and multiply" (Gn 1:28) and trust God with their marriage and their fertility they are going to trust Him to give them only what they need. When a couple understands that sex is not just for physical pleasure but a spiritual experience to glorify God and renew your marriage vows they know that putting anything between you separating the "one flesh."

Matthew 19:6 says "Therefore, what God has joined together no human being must separate." God has joined sex to marriage. He's joined babies to the gift of sex. As husbands love wives like Christ loves the church we have to ask ourselves would Christ ever sterilize His love? No. Christ loves us freely and fully without limit or exception. Friends lets love our spouses in the same way. Let's love God in this same way.

Finally friends, NFP can be used to attain pregnancy and not just avoid. If your TTCing check it out it might HELP but remember all babies come from God and there is no magic trick or pill to getting pregnant. It can even be used if you have an "irregular" period, PCOS, or other condition that affects your ability to follow a normal cycle. Friends there are several methods for NFP: Creighton, Billings, Symptothermal.. ect. Please look into the true methods and DO NOT rely on a phone app as NOT ONE works. You are not a computer ladies, you are a woman and that app is only going to take a guess. You would have to know your body, follow the guidelines and take a leap of faith knowing whether your using it to avoid or TTC it's all in God's hands.

It won't be easy friends to trust God but it will be worth it. I know for my husband and I it has completely improved our communication, our understanding of each other, and has allowed us to honor God with our marriage and our lives without exception.

Note: I am not a certified NFP instructor but if you have questions I'm happy to answer based on what I know from my experience and research.

Thanks friends.
<3
Anita

Our Lady of La Leche and Baby Ariana

On October 11th 2014 I traveled to St. Augustine with my husband and one of my best friends, Suzanne. I had a heavy heart as we drove up as baby Ariana, a sweet infant in the NICU of South Carolina was in critical condition. God had blessed her with life on 9/17/14 and she was given to Brianne and Daniel to love and care for her for a short time. We at the time had no idea what God would plan from there but we knew that He had a plan. She has been beautiful from her first day and while all I've seen are pictures and updates I loved her as if I knew her personally. Knowing it was the feast of Our Lady of La Leche we had to go to the shrine just a few hours away and pray for Ariana. We had to pray for Brianne and Daniel. We had been storming heaven with prayers and asking all the angels and saints to join in with us and each day we celebrated to know she was alive. As doctors tried to give up Brianne and Daniel didn't, they fought for care, food and water for her, they asked for some positive news and asked for love and compassion. They were ready to take her no matter what whether healthy and happy or in a wheelchair, on a feeding tube, on a respirator, they loved without limits. They knew she was perfect no matter what happened. They knew she was created by a loving God and they cherished being entrusted with her care for as long as God allowed it. For Paul and I, other than giving and praying that's all we could do and on this day we were both teared up offering to God all of our intercession. Praying for comfort, praying for peace, praying His will to be done. 

As we got there and I got on my knees in the warm little chapel the stories hit me:

My friend who loves babies so much whether human or furr babies and she and her husband are struggling with the weight of infertility. I know God's promises. His timing.

The coworker who is so sweet and she and her husband have the cross to bear of infertility as well. 

It came flooding back sitting in that restaurant with a friend telling me she lost a baby through miscarriage. 

The text messages from another that their princess went to be with Jesus due to early delivery.

The pictures of all the babies lost to abortion and the fight of Osceola County to STOP Planned Parenthood from claiming the lives of the innocent children. I prayed for the community as they not only stop abortion but that they would say YES to adoption, fostering, respite care, and love for the children that are unwanted or the families or are unequipped. 

The e-mails I have received of women who have read my blog and are stopping birth control and trusting God with their fertility. 

The close friends I have who have had struggles during their pregnancies and our prayers for health babies and health deliveries. 

The mommies who come in who hurt as they break their bodies to provide nutrition for their children through breast feeding. I prayed for strength for them and that they wouldn't give up. 

My own struggles of wanting a baby but trusting God to lead us to a place where we could even consider that. We are faithful to not use contraceptive but through just reason have been avoiding pregnancy and yet my heart so much wants to grow with love for a baby of our own. Praying that God would prepare my heart as I have no idea what He has planned for our family but we will take it. We will love the babies He gives no matter the cost and no matter how He gives them. We are openly a family that says - if you don't want your child please drop it off at our house. Your going to have an abortion? Give it to us instead. We don't know when God will use our openness but someday He might and we will welcome with open arms all the beautiful babies God will bless us with because each is just that: a blessing. 

At 25 years old, with only a four legged furr baby that sounds like a crazy thing to accept- as many babies as God will give us, but God has brought us there, both Paul and I and I know that it is by his design we have that heart and not of our own will.

In a society where babies are treated as an inconvenience and birth control treated as a right up there with the importance of air and water I sat in awe. In awe of how backwards we have become to name fertility as a disease with a treatment. To hear my patients say "my husband got fixed" as if he were "broken" before shocks me. Friends, these stories and more I contemplated on a tiny bench, next to my husband as I saw tears stream down his face in prayer. I knew without him even speaking he was praying for the same things I was and our afterward conversation confirmed it. It's amazing to have your husband be on the same page as you are, down to having the same prayer intentions without even rehearsing them. 

As I sat in mass and the Bishop Esteveze shared on the importance of Our Lady of La Leche. He explained that she is the first depiction of Mary that was celebrated in the United States. She features a breast feeding Jesus and provides intercession for healthy deliveries and babies. She provides hope for couples struggling with infertility and God answers prayers for visitors to this shrine every year who bring back their babies in thanksgiving. He shared how many couples struggle to get pregnant and how precious babies are. He charged the faithful to hear: babies are a gift, each and every one. 

As I sat there I continued to pray. The mass was beautiful with so many faithful there to celebrate the feast and so many children could be heard throughout the mass. It was beautiful among the words of the gospel to hear the babies giggle and cry. Their very presence blessed my heart as I prayed and listened. 

"While he was speaking a woman from the crowd called out and said to him, "Blessed is the womb that carried you and the breasts at which you nursed." He replied "Rather, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it" -Luke 11:27-28. 

Here we see Jesus not rebuke the mother of Jesus but emphasize her attentiveness to God's word and the need for our attentiveness. Jesus loved His mother and she was the first disciple so willing to follow where God called. She is to be blessed for her faithfulness. As catholics we recognize her call to "Do whatever He tells you." We don't worship her, but we don't ignore her. We are thankful for her example as we are thankful for the example of all the saints. 

I got out of mass and met Haley from Carrots for Michaelmas. She was a sweetheart and I encourage you to go check out her blog here: http://www.carrotsformichaelmas.com

Another faithful catholic family and it was so great to meet them. It was her blog I've used to encourage mommies that babies are welcome in our mass. Please read this post: How My Kid's Didn't Ruin Mass

As we walked the streets of St. Augustine I held my husband's hand. He wasn't feeling well at all and yet he was so selfless with his time letting Suzanne and I explore and never once complaining. 

Friends please pray for them and all the mommies and babies out there. Pray for healthy babies and healthy deliveries, healthy breast feeding, and healthy families. 

Friends let's love babies. Let's love women. Let's love families. Let's provide for the needs of one another and let's love the least of these, the innocent children. Let's stop hiding the struggle of women to conceive and let's stop treating fertility as a disease. Let's love without limits and let's trust God with our lives, our bodies and babies. 

For Ariana I will remember and celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of La Leche each year, to remember that no matter if you can't even speak or walk or eat you can be used as an instrument of God. 

"Naked I came forth from my mother's womb, and naked I shall go back there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord!" - Job 1:21

Please be praying for Ariana just as we are. I know as much as He has challenged Brianne and Daniel He has given them so much. Faith, family, friends, love, Ethan, and He has so much more to give to them. So much grace for them. I see an amazing love for Him in them and I am so blessed to know them.  For now all I can do is ask you to pray for all involved. 

I pray that Our Lady of La Leche will intercede for Brianne and that in Gods timing that He will provide for them the desires of her and her husbands heart. 

<3

Synod on Marriage and Family: Tending the Vineyard

To begin we should discuss what a synod is: an assembly of the clergy and sometimes also the laity in a diocese or other division of a particular church. A synod is a gathering and the catholic bishops and laity are gathering in Rome.

This particular synod taking place in Rome today is part 1 of 2 that will take place in 2014 and 2015 to discuss the family and the crisis in family that has occurred. Pope Francis opened the synod with a prayer and an explanation of the expectations of the gathering. "Today the Prophet Isaiah and the Gospel employ the image of the Lord’s vineyard. The Lord’s vineyard is his “dream”, the plan which he nurtures with all his love, like a farmer who cares for his vineyard. Vines are plants which need much care! God’s “dream” is his people. He planted it and nurtured it with patient and faithful love, so that it can become a holy people, a people which brings forth abundant fruits of justice."

We see a call to follow God's dream for His people and in the new evangelization that call is for all of us who proclaim Christ to care for His vineyard. A special calling on the clergy is given to lead and guide but we are each called to be that holy people that the bishop of Rome is referring to. 

Pope Francis explained: "We too, in the synod of bishops, are called to work for the Lord’s vineyard. Synod assemblies are not meant to discuss beautiful and clever ideas, or to see who is more intelligent… They are meant to better nurture and tend the Lord’s vineyard, to help realize his dream, his loving plan for his people. In this case the Lord is asking us to care for the family, which has been from the beginning an integral part of his loving plan for humanity."

Not only are we called but we are challenged. As Francis further explained we are tempted by greed and many other things in our work to further the gospel but we must be repentant and let the Holy Spirit lead us. Francis explained "We are all sinners and can also be tempted to “take over” the vineyard, because of that greed which is always present in us human beings. God’s dream always clashes with the hypocrisy of some of his servants. We can “thwart” God’s dream if we fail to let ourselves be guided by the Holy Spirit. The Spirit gives us that wisdom which surpasses knowledge, and enables us to work generously with authentic freedom and humble creativity. 

My Synod brothers, to do a good job of nurturing and tending the vineyard, our hearts and our minds must be kept in Jesus Christ by “the peace of God which passes all understanding” (Phil 4:7). In this way our thoughts and plans will correspond to God’s dream: to form a holy people who are his own and produce the fruits of the kingdom of God."

Friends how much is this challenge also for us. How often do we thwart God by taking over and opening ourselves open to hypocrisy. I am so blessed to have a sweet friend, Jessie who was sharing just today with me how the convenience of hypocrisy is all around us and we must be strong and bold to stand up for our faith despite the consequences.  We can not be people of God and not proclaim Him with our lives and our families. We can't love Him and reject His plan for us. 

We see so much our world has let family fall apart. Talking with someone last week we learned she doesn't know one couple who has not been divorced. Reflecting on my own family I know one, but they are functionally divorced sharing separate bedrooms in their home. Circumstances happen: abuse, death, challenges, and the challenge of satan to destroy the family is prominent. With the increase of cohabitation, pre-marital sex, divorce and pornography being seen as normal and good, and "bad" being prudence and chastity we see a contradiction.  Friends, the hope of this synod is to remind us the importance of family and to receive an encouragement of our clergy and our world to support marriage and family. When you strengthen marriage, you strengthen family and when you strengthen family you strengthen the community. When the community is stronger the world is stronger. 

Friends start in your own home: your own marriage, your own family. This is step one to changing the world for the glory of God. We are called to live for Him in all that we do. 

You can read the full homily by Pope Francis here: http://www.catholicherald.co.uk/news/2014/10/05/family-synod-full-text-of-franciss-homily-at-opening-mass/

I'm praying for you friends. Let our lives be a living offering to Him. Let's change the world and start by looking in the mirror. 

Friends let us be praying for this Synod that it will be a reminder to us and the world how important family and marriage is and what a gift these are from God. Let us be praying that the Holy Spirit will guide our families and our lives into truth and that we will be a people holy and righteous before God. 

Altar Call

As many of you know I grew up southern baptist. I remember each sunday amid the beautiful organ playing as we sang "I surrender all" or some other beautiful hymn, we would all get quiet for a moment to listen to the preacher. He would share a thought, a kind word, a reminder and then he would say.

"Now I know some of you haven't accepted Jesus. I want you to come up here and pray with me and accept Him as your savior." 

Each sunday we did this and we would celebrate anyone who went down to the front as we believed that they were choosing Jesus for their savior and then they were saved. Now as a child I didn't ask questions about this practice but I found it beautiful. People who were genuinely ready to love Him and accept Him walked down, met the pastor and He prayed for them. As we finished singing we stopped and were introduced to the person who now was to proclaim Christ and we waited a Sunday or two for them to be baptized so we could celebrate again. The words might change but the message was the same:

Come forward.

Accept Jesus.

Jesus Saves- let Him save you.

I remember the Sunday I walked up. I was nervous as I knew all eyes were on me but I knew God loved me and I believed Jesus lived, died and was buried and rose again from the dead. I knew He shed His blood to pay the price for me sins and I knew that if He died for me, I needed to live for Him. I was 9 years old and while I couldn't tell you all the theology behind what I believed I with my child-like faith was certain about the truth of Jesus. 

As an adult and now a catholic I see the priest call us to the altar every mass.  All of us. 

I grew up learning Catholics believed they could worked for their salvation and was told it's a gift you can't earn. Now as a Catholic I see how untrue that is- Catholics believe it is a gift too! Each day that I can attend mass I kneel and as a choir we say "Lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the words and my soul shall be healed." These words echo the words of the Centurion in Luke (7:1-10) asking for the healing of his servant. Just as the slave was healed we too ask to be healed despite our sin and failures. We know this is a gift as catholics and we please Jesus with humility. 

We as a church are called:

Come Forward

Accept Jesus.

Jesus Saves- let Him save you.

As I approach the Eucharist, I know I'm approaching the throne of God. I bow and accept the gift and grace of Christ that He freely gives in the divine mystery of the sacrament. I leave my heart there with Him and wait for the next time I can come forward and accept Jesus knowing that He alone saves and knowing that His love alone will help me. 

Friends: whether your catholic or protestant we all have some sort of alter call. Some sort of opportunity to come forward and accept Jesus. I pray that as we accept Him that we will see how beautiful He is and how loving He is and none of us are worthy of the love He so freely gives us. I'm so thankful that every day the opportunity to come forward and accept Jesus is available in the Catholic Church and every day I rededicate my life to Him, asking each day for Him to guide me and grow me in holiness. 

Friends. Let's not become complacent to accept Jesus. Let's accept Him everyday, in every deed, in every word. Let us not simply stand for Him once, but give our lives to Him. Let us see in just a few verses early in Luke 6 as He says 

"Why do you call me "Lord Lord" but not do what I command? I will show you what someone is like who comes to me, listens to my words and acts on them. That one is like a person building a house who dug deeply and laid the foundation on rock, when the flood came, the river burst against that house but could not shake it because it had been well build. But the one who listens and does not act is like a person who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the river burst against it, it collapsed at once and was completely destroyed." - Luke 6: 46-49

Let us be a people that come to Him, listens to Him, and acts accord to His words. 

Let us all remember :

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God;9it is not from works, so no one may boast.10For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them. - Ephesians 2:8-10.

Saved by GRACE, through FAITH, for good works. We can not separate these. 

So friends:

Come Forward

Accept Jesus.

Jesus Saves- let Him save you.

<3