The year of Love

For the last several years I've prayed for a word of the year. It's not a limit on God to teach me one thing but a challenge for me to see what He is teaching me in one area. I pick an area I need to grow in,  He has taught me so much each time I've done this. I could sum up what He taught me in a million words as He is so faithful to grow us if we ask Him too... but in 2014 I wanted to grow in Love. 

It's not that I didn't love, or I didn't want to love. It's that I knew that so much of my heart wasn't filled with a love that I wanted it to be filled with, a love like Christ. 

In 2014 God challenged what I thought love was. 

He challenged me to love my patients in a radical way. To love them the way Christ would, but also challenged me to see Christ in each of them so that I could see that as I serve and love my patient I am serving our Lord. This didn't hit me at once, but slowly permeated me. I found myself holding the hand of many, having them bear their souls to me, and being challenged to look past whatever they were saying and just love them. Just encourage them. At times that was challenging as not all our charitable, and at times I argued with God "are you sure you want me to say that... do that?" And yet He was faithful to reassure me. It was amazing and as I did I found that that He produced such joy in my heart. 

He challenged me to love my husband more. To trust him more and to grow in my patience. Patience doesn't come easy for me, and all sorts of circumstances have challenged me to make that harder but I consistently prayed for my heart and for my husband in 2014 and I found He did grow me so much. I know that part of this growth has been because of the physical encounter with Jesus in the Eucharist, but I will explained that more in a bit. 

He challenged me to love people that at times felt unlovable. I find it is hardest to do this with people I know well, but I know that no one is unlovable, all are God's handy work and beautiful even if I struggle to see the beauty. I felt convicted when I knew my heart wasn't what it should be toward a given person or situation and yet I know that that feeling of conviction was God loving me enough to grow me. Such a report is challenging but so helpful. 

He's shown me that He loves me in so many ways. It's not only in the ways where He works out something in some miraculous way, or does what I want, but sometimes putting me somewhere challenging is His way of loving me to grow my faith, and help me grow my dependence on Him. I never wanted to look at it that way because it seemed difficult.

Encountering Jesus in the Eucharist has been amazing. Seeing Him love me to sacrifice His life for me, and then loves me enough to never leave me is an incredible miracle that is the ultimate example of love. I was confirmed in 2014 and got to partake for the first time. It's amazing and definitely a huge testament of love. I'm so thankful for it.

For 2015 I'm letting God continue to teach me and help me to TRANSCEND or : Go beyond the limits. Beyond the limits of what I think I know or can do, and beyond the barriers that I've set for myself. 

What is your word of the year friends?

<3

Anita

Home Sweet New Home

There are many things that have happened in in 2014 to my little family.
For the majority of 2014 I worked at a family practice office ( my first job ) and while it was challenging it was also rewarding. I was challenged to "separate my beliefs from my medical practice" and God gave me the strength to stand up and say no, knowing it could cost me my job and yet He protected me. He grew me to love my patients more than I thought I could ever love "strangers" and allowed me to love and care for and share with many. My last day was November 15th and on that day God gave me the grace of having many patients who I had seen previously who God allowed me to see. I didn't tell them it was my last day and yet the day was filled with people thanking me for taking good care of them, for telling me how valuable I am as a provider to them and letting me see some that I worried about that they were improving. It was great and both perfect and sad at the same time. Even if you are ready for the next adventure God will have you on, goodbyes are never fun.

In 2014 I was confirmed in the catholic church. You can read my conversion story here.
I made new friends, got decent at quilting, and being started being actively pro-life. While I always thought babies were adorable, I never prayed so much for the unborn as I did this year. I'm sure many more things happened but these were some of the more notable. 2014 isn't over and I'm sure there is more fun to come as God can do a lot in a short amount of time.

Now for another adventure to add to the 2014 list of notables and firsts.

Right now our home that we have been renting is in boxes and shambles. Seriously. Don't come over if you want to see a tidy home, but your welcome if you want to help pack. I am currently surrounded by boxes.

October 25th Paul and I went to go look for a place to live. We drove around and met with someone who had offered to help, but he wanted us to build a house. Building was not in our time frame and I didn't want to buy a house so looked and found that we had no good options for our price range with a dog in a safe neighborhood so we went home. I was frustrated but knew God would provide.

A little internet research and we found a place that my husband went to look at. I couldn't go because I had to work, but I trusted him. He liked the house and the neighborhood,  we applied, got approved and sent in the deposit. All was settled and I felt better. Then we get an email saying they needed our lease to start November 15 rather than December 1, even though we had been clear on wanting to start on December 1st from the beginning. 15 days difference but we said no thanks and we got our deposit back. Friends note this e-mail came after we were already in our minds moving into this house. If you know me the fact I agreed to live somewhere I had no seen was amazing but nonetheless this e-mail changed everything. Later we learned it wasn't the best area for us to live in. God saved us from a poorly built house in a not so great area despite it looking pretty.

November 5th Paul and I went to find a home to live in. We were determined.  We had some places written down, some appointments made and our friend Kevin agreed to help us out as he knew the area. We got in the car and he showed us around town, talked about some rentals and said he wanted to show us a house to buy. Again, I did not want to buy a house and was frustrated as no one was listening to me.

We pulled in the neighborhood and it was beautiful. The houses were nice and it wasn't super crowded as it is a newer development. We got to walk down to the house for sale, and learned it was a brand new home built for the parade of homes and now it was on the market. It had a lot of upgrades in it due to the nature of how it was built. We walked through but I wasn't buying a home.

As I looked around I noticed so many beautiful touches and details. It was as though the home was made with me in mind. The layout, the details, the kitchen, the space. It was beautiful and the price was reasonable. We talked about the benefits of buying a home and a lot of other details and Paul and I decided to walk down and look at the home one more time. I called a friend who knew a lot about real-estate from her husband and she gave us lots of good tips and things to ask. We asked and the answers were good but we were still unsure. On the ride home Paul and I talked and we decided to put in an offer. The application was filled out, the offer was accepted and a whirlwind began  on November 8th. We wanted to close on the house November 25th if possible. It was never promised but we hoped. For those who do not know... that's a REALLY short time table, especially if you aren't buying the home in cash but we knew God could do it.

The bank approved our loan and the paperwork was moving and we still were unsure if we were closing on the 25th. Friday the 21st we got a call in the afternoon saying we couldn't close due to the appraiser needing to use another house for comparison and that house wasn't closed yet and so there was no way. I said okay and signed the "at or before December 1st" paper. It was sad but I trusted God had a reason and I was going to trust no matter what that He would lead us.

Personally, I was stressed about the move and for Paul and I the number 25 has been a true testament that God is involved. It's not a lucky number and we don't try and make it happen but it and butterflies seem to show up and each time they do it is always for comfort for us. God used them while we were on the path to marriage, and throughout parts of our lives. It's hard to explain but we appreciate the personal way God comforts us.

I particularly needed comfort in the whirlwind of that weekend and so I prayed. I drew circles around the 25th in prayer and asked Gods will to be done but if He could use that as a comfort for me it would be greatly appreciated. On the 24th I called and was told, we don't think it will happen we need  5 different things to happen...(insert bank and real-estate verbiage that I don't understand). Okay was all I could say and the woman on the phone told me God had a plan and it would all work out accordingly. THANK GOD that He putting Christians in all sorts of businesses. I needed to hear that from a stranger.

So we went to bed on the 24th, woke up on the 25th and I went to mass. I had thankfully been able to go to daily mass since I quit my job and it has been so amazing for my soul. We sang that morning about how God had a plan and it was comforting to me. It hit me that the date was 11-25-14. meaning the month and year together 11-14 together made 25.  I counted mass as my comfort on the 25th and set up my home owners insurance and met with a friend. Got a little Christmas shopping done and then went home to clean. I called at noon and was told that they weren't sure if we could close on the 25th.

In my bathroom scrubbing the sink I just surrendered the whole thing to God saying I wouldn't call again or worry but I would just trust Him. My phone rang: "Anita get in your car and come close your new home." AHHHH!!!!!

Picked up my husband from work, drove and closed our brand new home. Sitting at the table we are told it was the builders 25th year in business. We finished the paperwork at 5:25 pm and we had no idea it was that time until I picked up my phone. We went out to dinner with Kevin and can I just say Bang Bang shrimp is probably one of my favorite things. We had never been to Bonefish Grille and this was amazing. Kevin shared it was day 25 of no alcohol and that I had encouraged him to give it up. Without even knowing it he was fasting and we were thankful.

After dinner we went to our new home, which by the way is a new build and doesn't show up on GPS. What did we do before GPS? That made for a fun adventure but a few houses on the street do show up so that makes it easy.

We had some fun in the rain outside and then taking pictures and setting up our Christmas tree...because everyone moves the Christmas tree in before anything else right? We are still figuring out how we want to celebrate the season of Advent and Christmas with our family but for now we only have lights and it might stay that way until Christmas.

We won't be moving in for another few days but I can't wait to be home.

So here's to adding another thing to 2014. We are homeowners of our very first home. Can't wait to introduce Gracie Lou, the sweetest labradoodle to her new home. She's excited to move.

<3
Anita

"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

Friends, 

I am reading an amazing book at this time by Frances De Sales called Introduction to the Devout Life. He writes some inspiring words on how to grow in true devotion to Christ. A particular passage that stuck out to me this morning is below:

"But, my daughter, you must not stop short in general affections, without turning them into special resolutions for your own correction and amendment. For instance, meditating on Our Dear Lord's First Word from the Cross, you will no doubt be roused to the desire of imitating Him in forgiving and loving your enemies. But that is not enough, unless you bring it to some practical resolution, such as, I will not be angered any more by the annoying things said of me by such or such a neighbour, nor by the slights offered me by such an one; but rather I will do such and such things in order to soften and conciliate them. In this way, my daughter, you will soon correct your faults, whereas mere general resolutions would take but a slow and uncertain effect. " -Frances De Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life.

Friends. What were Jesus's first words on the cross?

Luke 23:33-34 And when they came to the place which is called The Skull, there they crucified him and the criminals one on the right and one on the left. And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." 

The first thing Jesus did? Pray. Who did He pray for? Those who were crucifying Him, and inevitably for us in our complacency against true devotion. They were killing Him and He was praying for them. Friends this should radically move your heart. I'll say it again:

THEY WERE KILLING HIM AND HE WAS PRAYING FOR THEM!

Friends. would that be you? Honestly? Would that be you? Would you be praying for your murderer as they slaughter you? Would you be asking God for their forgiveness as they torture you? Would you be praying God forgive them if they nailed through your hands and feet into the wooden cross and pushed a crown of thorns into your skull? With your arms stretched out on that cross, in your difficult effort to breath would you hoist yourself up to say "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do?" 

How much does our sweet savior love us that in His death He provided this perfect picture. One sentence but an amazing message. Friends if we are to be imitators of Christ could we do this? Friends in this time of Lent we are called to be led to a place of repentance and forgiveness. Friends contemplate these words and apply them to your life. Hear the sweet words of Jesus speak to your heart as He prays for God to forgive you even in the places you know not what you do. Pray that the grace of the Holy Spirit would enlighten your heart to your sin and that such knowledge would lead you to repentance. 

Friends to true meditate on this can do nothing but bring you to tears. Tears of thankfulness to Christ of His compassion. Tears of repentance at your failure. Tears of heartbreak for others who know not what they do. 

What does Frances De Sales write: that mere resolution to be more forgiving would have little effect but meditation on Christ will help to correct your faults. Friends we can not on our own grow in forgiveness and repentance without Christ. So we must start with the cross. Start with His words. Start with His love. We are called to forgive as Christ has forgiven us. We are to pray for those who persecute us. We are to be known by our love. In context with Jesus on the cross his commands because sweet pleas. Friends: He loves you. He loved you so much He died for you and as He died He prayed for you and for your forgiveness even when you are ignorant of your sin. Let this move your heart to forgiveness friends. Let this rock your world.  Let this bring you to true devotion of Christ. 

"...devotion is the delight of delights and queen of virtues since it is the perfection of charity. if charity is milk, devotion is cram; if it is a plant, devotion is its blossom; if it is a precious stone, devotion is its luster; if it is a rich ointment, devotions is its odor, yes, odor of sweetness which comforts men and rejoices angels." - Frances de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life. 

Friends let true devotion to Christ grow in your heart this Lenten season. 

<3

Anita

Gods rules

I have written about my friends Gary and Michelle before. The kind fudge selling God loving people from St Augustine. They open their home and hearts to us with no pretense. Michelle grew up catholic and went to catholic school. She speaks of it with fond memories and says she was never smacked with a ruler, but has fond memories of a blue ruler with the 10 commandments on it. She recalls being a 4th grade student with this ruler reading the commandments over and over. 

She talks of feeling like she couldn't imagine ever breaking one of them and yet she say there as we handed her the ruler pictures above tearfully confessing she's broken them all. Somewhere between this ruler meditation and life things got messy. As she spoke I recalled my own childhood, involved in a baptist church in south florida singing about being in the Lords army and going to church everytime the doors were open. I was an awanas kid and I did sword drills better than most. I was moved to tears at my Christian youth summer camp as I nailed my sins to the cross. I believed in God and would tell anyone who would listen. The translation however from church to home wasn't there. At home we didn't pray. We didn't read the bible, we didn't talk about scripture and Gods rules. Instead I was told "don't do this... Don't do that." A logical person given no reason to follow what I was told figured some lessons I would have to learn the hard way but the ones I learned that way could have all been avoided had I been taught the why behind the what. Now I wouldn't change it it gives me a great testimony in knowing God can radically change anyone in His perfect timing, but I remember the days when I would sneak reading my bible by flashlight past my bedtime and I remember thinking how much I wanted to be like the great people in that book who loved God. I never walked away from church fully but I did not always live my life in life with those commandments. Even now in a place in my life where I'm trying to give everything I am to God I fail to keep those 10 commandments. It's my failure that reminds me of the need of my sweet savior. Not that I should not do my best but when my best fails grace takes hold. 

Amazing grace how sweet the sound. I'm so thankful for Gods kindness that while he gives us His standards He gives us a means to meet them . He gives The Holy Spirit to guide and comfort and the precious blood of Jesus to cover my multitude of sins. He wants my best but loves me at my worst. It's through His love that I'm led to repentance which yields a sweet grace for my soul. Friends don't misunderstand me. We are called to holiness but know that our works are a demonstration of our faith, an intractable  part of our faith. We don't work for our salvation because salvation is an unlearn able gift but we are saved for a purpose (Ephesians 2:8-10). 

Friends contemplate Gods rules and know that He has good works planned for you to do. He wants the best of you and for you. Let your failure of meeting the "rules" lead you to prayer and repentance so that you make be closer to God. Meditate on his word and remember the faith you had in your childhood. Remember how you couldn't imagine disobeying or not loving God (if you grew up in the church) remember He goes before you and with you and your not alone. 

My heart and my flesh may fail but Lord you are my portion forever -psalm 73:26 

Demanding More.

Hello friends,
I hope all is well. Day 2 of the Lent season here. I drank water. I didn't give up pop and coffee officially for Lent but I did think about it and as I thought about it I thought I would at the very least drink more water...which I did and I realized I am really terrible at drinking water but that I have much room to grow in this.

Today was a day of expectations both on my part and on the part of my patients. In a typical day I expect my patients will have things they want to discuss but today I found my patients by and large very...demanding. They wanted certain things, some which I could do others which I could not and at yet with each patient I tried to begin as patiently as I did with the last and be open and humble to what I need to do. At times it was tiring and trying and I couldn't help but think about how amazing it is that God patiently cares for and loves each of us and never seems to be tried or tired of our requests and petitions. While none of my patients knew how I was feeling I longed for rest. The past week we have had company and while it was a good week it left me with little time for extra rest and relaxation. I found today the fatigue caught up with me and yet by the grace of God I was able to keep it all together. My heart is blessed that tomorrow is Friday and that I am not on call this weekend. An opportunity to catch up on house cleaning and sleeping and reading and a reminder how much time I do have if I make the best of it.

And then I went after work to see my sweet sweet neighbors and their two daughters one of which is only a few days old. A different type of demanding was seen. The almost two year old who wanted milk and barney and attention and entertainment. A newborn who demanded to be held. A mother who gives everything she has to these two little ones with great patience and care.

And then home. Demanding rest with a puppy dog demanding attention.

While all of this may seem mundane I became keenly aware of how much I demand from God even if I would like to never admit I do that. How much I demand of myself with a to do list that is always just past reasonable to get accomplished. How much I demand of my husband particularly in needing time with him.

To demand. To require. To claim. To ask for urgently.

But God is a God of patience, of understanding, of timing. I've seen him move quickly and I've seen him more slowly but whether quick or slow I know its always perfect time.

If I'm going to demand... I need to demand more time with God. Demand more faithfulness from myself. Demand more commitment to holiness from my life. Demand more love from my heart. Demand more kindness and compassion and purity of heart for my patients. Those are what I should require. Those are what I should ask for urgently. Those are what I should claim.

Friends... what do you demand? What do you require? What do you ask God urgently for? I pray that you will grow to only demand Christ even among the various demands of the day. We may live in this world and be called to the demands of daily life but as christians...this is not our home. We have to keep that perspective. We have to have a richer view of the truth. We have to bring our petitions to God by first honoring God's petitions to us. We must trust He knows what is best and trust that He will provide what He sees fit.

Friends wherever He has put you: whether with customers, or patients or crying babies (or sweet sweet sleeping babies) or days of joy or trials... trust He put you just there in that moment for His perfect plan and for His perfect work. Trust Him and as you demand more of yourself rest in the grace and peace of Christ that He will give you the strength and courage to walk the path God calls you on.

<3
Anita

Repent and Believe the gospel.

Happy Ash Wednesday! To all my friends who do not celebrate this day ill briefly explain : on Ash Wednesday the season of lent begins a 40 day ( really 46 day) season preparing for Christ at Easter. On Ash Wednesday our foreheads our dawned with a cross made of ashes and we are reminded that from dust we came and to dust we will return. As the priest drew this on my forehead he said : repent and believe the gospel and a flood of emotions hit me. A knowledge of my sin and a reminder that my sin is a reminder of places of unbelief in my heart and that of that I need to repent. I say all this as if it's something I've always done but it isn't. I grew up southern baptist and I never celebrated lent or Ash Wednesday. I wondered what was on people foreheads on this day and did they know it was there. When I heard of lent I always heard it related to giving up some sort of unhealthy food or caffeine and thought it must be some sorry of spring diet. Now I know it's a season of fasting and repentance and almsgiving. It's a season of preparation. The reflection of the why Christ was crucified before celebrating his resurrection. A season of dedicationZ a reminder to run the race well. My hope this season is to spend more time in the word, more time in prayer and more time writing. Friends I hope if you don't celebrate lent that you will at the very least commit to prepare your hearts for the rememberance of the death of or Lord and the celebration of his resurrection, When we spend time realizing our need for a savior the gospel truly becomes good news. That good news should move our heart to repentance. That should lead us to a desire to be closer and closer to our saviors.

So friends ...repent and believe the gospel. 

Repent. Turn to God. 

Believe the Gospel and let the good news illuminate your heart and let your light shine . 

Repent. Believe. The two go hand in hand. 

<3 

Anita 

2014: New Year, New Word.

In 2012 I had a word: Discipleship.
In 2013 I had a word: Thankfulness.

In both years God grew me in these places. Did He grow me in other places?  absolutely -100%  But when I took time to notice him growing me in these particular areas in the last year it was amazing.

This year was a big year for us.  We grew a lot. We questioned a ton. We learned about the church and about God. We grew together. My husband got a new car, I graduated PA school, passed my boards and started my first job. We traveled together to New Hampshire, Delaware, Washington DC, Baltimore, MD, Tampa, St. Augustine and I went to Texas to help my best friend move and get situated. We moved into a house. We bought a washer/dryer and we have a big table to gather family and friends around. We learned to budget better. We completed Dave Ramsey and are running like gazelles. We loved each other more. We grew closer to friends. We studied the bible harder. We were blessed with a year of no skin cancer for me and a year of good health for Paul. We changed our diet cutting out GMO foods slowly but surely as much as we can. We were blessed enough to give more in 2013 than ever before. We trusted God with more and more and He blessed us more and more. I am excited and prayerful for 2014. Excited to see what God has planned. Excited to grow and learn and see what is in store for our family. I'm sure 2014 will have trials as did 2013, but I know that God has a plan and I have my husband by my side.

For me specifically this year not only blessed me with accomplishments and paychecks but I learned a lot. Specifically I learned to be thankful. I wish I could you I have mastered thankfulness: but what I've mastered is learning how often I'm not thankful. I have learned more about what the bible says about thankfulness and I have learned to make a habit of being thankful that is greatly improved form previous years.

In the last day of 2013 I was challenged. My work had applied for a specific type of loan repayment program that would really help us financially. It's something we prayed about a lot asking God to provide. Yesterday I found out the office was declined. We did not get loan repayment. In that moment was I thankful: No. I was sad. I trust God has a plan. God is helping me to see that plan, helping me to trust Him. And as I sit and ponder and pray about what word God wants to grow me in this year I'm met with so many words that mostly could be summed up in the following:

the fruits of the spirit : love joy peace patience kindness goodness gentleness faithfulness and self control.

I could be more loving. God is love and that is what He asks of us.
I could be more joyful (I learned that in my year of thanks) having my thankfulness overflow into joy.
I could use peace that surpasses all understanding.
I could definitely use more patience.
I could grow in kindness.
I could have more goodness flow out of me and learn more about God's goodness
I could be more gentle, and compassionate.
I could be more faithful, trust that God is faithful and trust Him.
I could have more self control and give more control to God.

so I asked my husband  and he suggested love because you can become more joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, general faithful and controlled. The greatest of these is Love. A word that as I had prayed about this so far had come up often.

So there we have it folks. Love.

Happy 2014.
What's your word of the year? What word are you seeking that God can teach you about in 2014. Friends know that even though I focused on 1 word, God used that word to grow me in so many other words and it helped make me more aware. It's not limiting God to one word but opening my heart to see how that 1 word God uses in so many ways.

<3