What is Natural Family Planning? FAQ and Answers

How did I end up doing NFP?

As a Physician Assistant student I learned that birth control "stops implantation." This BLEW my mind. As a newly married woman who was in the middle of the 27 months of educational experience they call PA school I honestly felt I could NOT get pregnant. I barely had time to eat, or sleep and with my clinical year starting 7 days after I got married I didn't think I could safely carry a child at the time. Moreover there was no way we could afford it. So a few months before we got married I went on birth control. I wasn't told anything just prescribed and given a years worth of refills. Sitting in the marathon of slides that is PA school's didactic year one stuck out during an OBGYN lecture. It was about birth control, listed the side effects including cancers, blood clots, weight gain, mood swings, etc. As I copied notes to help myself absorb the information and help me pay attention I found myself writing "Stops implantation." That night as I studied it hit me.... stops implantation...implantation of... a BABY...OH MY GOODNESS! It was if like a ton of bricks the reality hit me and honestly I thought I had jumped to conclusions and that I didn't have complete information so I spent HOURS that night ripping through the internet trying to find...is this true and was the "well it's only some birth controls" that I had heard passed around really true? I searched to find just ONE birth control that did not have abortifacient properties and I couldn't find one. All the package insert information that I could read online on the pharmaceutical companies websites listed in various words that it can affect a baby that is conceived from implanting. How? By starving and suffocating it though lessening blood supply that carries oxygen and sugar (food), by making it get to the uterus too early to implant and by thinning the lining so it physically can't implant.

Stunned I told my husband "we can't use this stuff" and I got no fight because God has been challenging his heart that maybe it wasn't best for no uncertain reason.

So newly married... no birth control.... growing up in a society that teaches unprotected sex leads to babies I knew we couldn't just "do nothing" or "wing it." So I researched. I studied. and through the rest of my most frequently asked questions on the topic I'm going to share what I learned.

Isn't NFP just doing nothing? isn't it the rhythm method?
NFP is NOT doing nothing - it's actually a process to learn.  It's not .... checking the calendar... (which essentially assumes every woman has a 28 day cycle and that we all ovulate on day 14 and simply abstains on that day) but is more fondly called Fertility Awareness Methods and provides through a various number of methods standard ways to monitor fertility. Some methods monitor cervical mucus, temperature, cervix position, use fertility monitors... and some use combinations of this.

What method do I use?
When I started I used Billings. It was easier to learn than some of the others and I failed to be able to take my temperature at the same time daily due to my changing rotations. I was not checking my cervix as I personally was not interested in that. Billings monitors cervical mucus only and through some guidelines helps you determine your fertile window. When trying to achieve pregnancy... go for the window and when your trying to avoid... keep the window closed. It's fairly simple in concept, takes some effort to learn and ultimately grows you in patience.

Now we are using Creighton which is a bit more specific than Billings but both are similar in that they monitor cervical mucus.

What about condoms? 
While from a medical standpoint condoms don't hurt you per say they don't help you unless your having multiple partners and at risk for STDs, they may help but not fully prevent infection. Even if you don't have a latex allergy, can handle the experience of a condom and have a husband who will use them...some things you may not know is it is healthier to not use one. (Note: I'm talking to people in committed monogamous relationships.) The female cervix actually absorbs sperm and this can be a natural antidepressant, and can help the female body learn to recognize the male DNA as "self" and some studies indicate this may lesson miscarriage. While there are tons of causes of miscarriage lessening the chance is always a good idea.

Ultimately though for us it boiled down to what was biblical and was not biblical. Genesis 38 starting in verse 8 tells the story of Onan. It says Onan spilled his semen on the ground. He interrupts sexual intercourse to prevent procreation. For Onan he was selfish. By Levirate law he marries his brothers widow and since he died without children (Deut. 25:5) by law the first born male would be considered the son of the deceased man. Onan by spilling his seed on the ground gets the dead man's property and his wife but if he has no children with her the property remains his. God didn't take that lightly and he struck Onan dead/ slew him also.  Now some will say that that Onan was struck dead not for "spilling his seed" but because he broke the law. However in Deuteronomy 25: 5-10 explains levirate law:  death wasn't the penalty for not taking your brothers wife and not having children. Simply: you handed over the sandal... meaning you lost the brothers property and there was great humiliation (someone might spit in your face).  So if it wasn't because Onan broke the law and refused to give children to his brothers name, than the only other thing he did was interrupt the marital act. Anything that interrupts the act then is not honoring to God. No pulling out, no condoms or other barrier methods. Marital intimacy is fully between a husband and wife. To be one flesh you can't have a piece of plastic between you. Just saying.

Keep in mind a compromise to birth control and NFP is NOT barrier methods. This isn't a meet in the middle spot. Note I'm not advocating for sex among the masses to be without condoms. Even Pope Benedict explained greater good on this issue. The lesser evil would be to prevent disease for those who are in HIV rampant areas or in Pope Benedict's example a male with HIV using a condom. In this case your protecting life first but ultimately using a condom is still sinful. In a monogamous marriage with no HIV or communicable disease there is no grave moral reason to use a condom.

Doesn't using NFP/not using any birth control mean you will end up with 19 kids?
No. God alone gives life. Ask any mommy who has tried for a baby and they will tell you they aren't "planned". Women who try for babies don't always get them and women who use condoms and birth control together sometimes end up pregnant. The conclusion then would not be to jump to contraception/sterilization with the idea "God will give me a baby if He wants." Yes God can give you a child despite your tubal ligation or birth control but to trust God fully means to trust Him with your fertility. That means being open to whatever He brings. Using NFP is a natural way to avoid pregnancy and while it is as or more effective than most birth controls when practiced properly we aren't doing anything to alter the marital act before, during or after. We leave marital intimacy whole every time. For us we have been using NFP for over 2 years and we have no children. We have avoided pregnancy with the understanding that if God gave us a baby we would be overjoyed.

If you have done NFP for over 2 years and have no children are you infertile?

Nope! My charts show that I have a fertile pattern.

If you use NFP to avoid does that mean you never have sex?
No!!! It just means during the fertile window when trying to avoid we abstain.

What if you don't have normal periods ? 
There is no "normal." There are general parameters but ultimately we all vary as we are all unique even down to our cycles. (And yes a cycle is not just a period. Every day for a woman is part of her fertility cycle).

Does NFP put everything on the woman?
No. NFP requires both spouses to be involved, and open to life. For us we weren't on the same page at first and it took a while to figure it out but ultimately we have grown closer and learned more about my health than we ever would have known on BC.

Why doesn't my OBGYN/ Family practice doctor know about this?
As a health care provider myself I tell you my patients teach me a lot so don't be afraid to share.  Having just educated my OBGYN that NFP is NOT just the rhythm method she was shocked even after medical school, a residency, and a fellowship. You see in allopathic medicine (MDs, PAs) we literally don't learn NFP. We learn birth control and we learn that people try the rhythm method and it doesn't work. No other information is taught in most program and training and unless someone shares or looks into it ...we don't know. The urge many times is to abandon the doctor because for those who do NFP many times it feels as though providers push birth control but a healthy conversation to explain that NFP is scientifically based can at least create an opportunity. That to be said there are wonderful NFP only providers and Naprotechnology doctors all over.

So when you say natural... what if you can't get pregnant?

There are many ways to naturally enhance pregnancy and promoting life is always a good thing. Some medications can help as well as specially trained professionals in Naprotechnology can offer options many OBGYNs don't as they honestly haven't been trained to do so. Invitro Fertilization does allow lives to be formed that do not survive and does separate the procreative process from the marital act. Anything that makes a baby without the natural marital act is well... not natural. For those attempting to be natural and to protect life these are not options. I could go into more of why but that would be a long response and good for another blog post. 

Does NFP take all the fun out of sex?

Nope. It takes away the selfishness of sex in my opinion but not the fun. However, the physical part of sex is only part of it and ultimately it isn't "just fun" it's fun and unitive, body and soul. 

What if you just had a baby and don't have a cycle? or have a medical condition where you don't have a cycle?

I would recommend you do the Creighton method and I know an awesome instructor that teaches over Skype. If you want her info shoot me any e-mail and I'll help you get connected. (note I don't get paid or anything to send you. But having had friends who went through that I know it can be hard and I wanna help you). 

As a PA if you don't believe in birth control do you prescribe it?

No. Personally I'm Catholic and as such prescribing it would be a mortal sin. I do not at this time work in a field though that would require me to prescribe it. 

Do you teach NFP?

I do- sort of. I am NOT a certified instructor in any method and I'll always refer to an expert but what I do is teach what I know, share resources and help encourage. I wish I would have had someone to talk to because honestly at the time I really didn't. 

Alright that's a lot of information for one post and a lot of things that could be covered more specifically that I shared a snapshot on. This isn't meant to be all inclusive but helps to answer the questions that I get most. Do you have more? Feel free to comment or e-mail me at beautifulgoodtrue@gmail.com . Honestly I'm happy to share and realize that some of this you may have never heard of and I'm happy to share/answer questions you may have. I'm not an expert I'm just sharing what I've learned and encourage you to research NFP, the methods and to truly pray and ask God to open your heart to the truth. The holy spirit will guide you as He did me because much of this was hard for me to be open to. I thought honestly no birth control = babies and that I needed "protection." I've learned I don't need to protect myself from my husband. He loves me freely, and fully. No need to protect from that.  I won't say it has always been easy but I will tell you it has been worth it and our marriage is closer now because of NFP. I am thankful for it and would recommend it even if you don't have religious implications for looking into it. 

<3

Anita

Love As If There Is No Tomorrow.

On Thursday at 10:17 am my husband sent me a text. We had been laughing and joking back and forth and it ended as we both were busy with work. I didn't hear anything the rest of the work day which wasn't unusual because we are both busy but I called on my way home with my 35 minute commute and I called...no answer at 5:15 pm or so. My heart began to hurt as I listened the voicemail play back.

My husband doesn't disappear, and rarely does he not answer my call. If he doesn't answer I get a text almost immediately saying something like "hey I'll call in a minute." I pressed the button for the elevator and rode down 3 floors to the bottom. I walked to the parking garage where normally I'm updating my sweet husband on my day. Today, I walked in silence.

I got to the car and pulled out of the garage and tried to call again. Voicemail.

I thought it was strange but figured well maybe he is doing something but he will call me right back. My 35 minute commute was a little longer due to traffic and such. I got on the interstate and as each mile marker passed and my phone didn't right I felt myself get more worried. 10 miles in... I called.

Voicemail.

 Another few miles I dialed again. Voicemail. I found myself starting to worry. What if? What if something happened? And just as the thought hit my head my heart began to pray. A few more attempts and I left a voicemail, sent a text and nothing. The more miles I drove I was realizing that truly something could be wrong. I called his best friend to see if he had talked to him past 10 am. No--- 8 am they talked. I called his work. No answer meaning he wasn't there.

 God allowed me to feel the weight of what it would be like if something happened to my husband and all in a mile or two I felt an immense heart break for the possible. I've never been so worried for Paul, because like I said- He doesn't disappear. I prayed "God please let him be ok and if he isn't give me the strength for whatever the circumstances." With each mile the tears began to fall until I was completely for a moment overwhelmed with fear. I prayed that God would calm my heart until I could get home.

Of course it felt as though my car was moving in slow motion and I tried calling again. Finally getting off the interstate I called my best friend Suzanne to tell her that I didn't know if he was ok and as I'm racing to tell her that I don't even know who else to call..my phone beeps and his name appeared on the screen. A mix of joy and "I can't believe you, don't do that again" hit me but oh man was the joy sweet to hear his voice.

 Turns out...he plugged his phone in the other room. (He agreed not to do that again.)

 It wasn't easy that drive home but sitting now on the couch with my dog and husband I'm reminded at how grateful I am. How I hope to love my husband in such a way that should anything happen my heart will know that I loved him as if today was the last day I had with him. It's not an easy view to keep and I'll be honest I fail at it often. I like routine and the dependability of him always answering the phone and today reminded me that our lives are so short and anything could happen : good or bad. I know that with God I can get through anything but the thought of loosing my husband is so sad just to think of. It breaks my heart for those who have lost their spouse. I can't begin to imagine how painful that is and I pray that God will grant peace and grace to those who are widowed.

 As I drove the last little stretch I wondered what would I have done differently had I truly loved Paul as if yesterday was the last day. I would have given him the cookie dough in the ice-cream instead of letting him give it to me. I thought about how waiting for the perfect timing for a baby sounds ridiculous if you don't know if you get tomorrow. I thought about how I would have let him have the "spot" on the couch with the 2 pillows vs the 1. I would have said I love you a few more times and shared more of the cookie dough chunks when splitting ice-cream. While most of these things seem meaningless they are things that came to mind as I continued to drive praying he was ok.

Since then I've been thinking about it and how easy it is to forget that our lives occur in the blink of an eye and no one is promised tomorrow. It's easy to project and assume that we will all be given happily ever after living to rock next to each other in our old age. That's not the reality for everyone. While I pray that my husband and I will have 73 beautiful years of marriage and die peacefully in our sleep at the same time after having a big family, and serving those around us, I don't know what God's plan is. I do know no matter what it is that I am so blessed to have an amazing husband for as long as God let's us serve Him together.
 <3

 "Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we shall go into such and such a town, spend a year there doing business, and make a profit”—you have no idea what your life will be like tomorrow. You are a puff of smoke that appears briefly and then disappears. Instead you should say, “If the Lord wills it, we shall live to do this or that.” But now you are boasting in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil." - James 4:13-16

<3 Anita

Altar Call

As many of you know I grew up southern baptist. I remember each sunday amid the beautiful organ playing as we sang "I surrender all" or some other beautiful hymn, we would all get quiet for a moment to listen to the preacher. He would share a thought, a kind word, a reminder and then he would say.

"Now I know some of you haven't accepted Jesus. I want you to come up here and pray with me and accept Him as your savior." 

Each sunday we did this and we would celebrate anyone who went down to the front as we believed that they were choosing Jesus for their savior and then they were saved. Now as a child I didn't ask questions about this practice but I found it beautiful. People who were genuinely ready to love Him and accept Him walked down, met the pastor and He prayed for them. As we finished singing we stopped and were introduced to the person who now was to proclaim Christ and we waited a Sunday or two for them to be baptized so we could celebrate again. The words might change but the message was the same:

Come forward.

Accept Jesus.

Jesus Saves- let Him save you.

I remember the Sunday I walked up. I was nervous as I knew all eyes were on me but I knew God loved me and I believed Jesus lived, died and was buried and rose again from the dead. I knew He shed His blood to pay the price for me sins and I knew that if He died for me, I needed to live for Him. I was 9 years old and while I couldn't tell you all the theology behind what I believed I with my child-like faith was certain about the truth of Jesus. 

As an adult and now a catholic I see the priest call us to the altar every mass.  All of us. 

I grew up learning Catholics believed they could worked for their salvation and was told it's a gift you can't earn. Now as a Catholic I see how untrue that is- Catholics believe it is a gift too! Each day that I can attend mass I kneel and as a choir we say "Lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the words and my soul shall be healed." These words echo the words of the Centurion in Luke (7:1-10) asking for the healing of his servant. Just as the slave was healed we too ask to be healed despite our sin and failures. We know this is a gift as catholics and we please Jesus with humility. 

We as a church are called:

Come Forward

Accept Jesus.

Jesus Saves- let Him save you.

As I approach the Eucharist, I know I'm approaching the throne of God. I bow and accept the gift and grace of Christ that He freely gives in the divine mystery of the sacrament. I leave my heart there with Him and wait for the next time I can come forward and accept Jesus knowing that He alone saves and knowing that His love alone will help me. 

Friends: whether your catholic or protestant we all have some sort of alter call. Some sort of opportunity to come forward and accept Jesus. I pray that as we accept Him that we will see how beautiful He is and how loving He is and none of us are worthy of the love He so freely gives us. I'm so thankful that every day the opportunity to come forward and accept Jesus is available in the Catholic Church and every day I rededicate my life to Him, asking each day for Him to guide me and grow me in holiness. 

Friends. Let's not become complacent to accept Jesus. Let's accept Him everyday, in every deed, in every word. Let us not simply stand for Him once, but give our lives to Him. Let us see in just a few verses early in Luke 6 as He says 

"Why do you call me "Lord Lord" but not do what I command? I will show you what someone is like who comes to me, listens to my words and acts on them. That one is like a person building a house who dug deeply and laid the foundation on rock, when the flood came, the river burst against that house but could not shake it because it had been well build. But the one who listens and does not act is like a person who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the river burst against it, it collapsed at once and was completely destroyed." - Luke 6: 46-49

Let us be a people that come to Him, listens to Him, and acts accord to His words. 

Let us all remember :

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God;9it is not from works, so no one may boast.10For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them. - Ephesians 2:8-10.

Saved by GRACE, through FAITH, for good works. We can not separate these. 

So friends:

Come Forward

Accept Jesus.

Jesus Saves- let Him save you.

<3

Everything Beautiful In The Church Is Veiled

I remember sitting in mass about a year ago and seeing an elderly woman with a white lace doily which she wore atop her head, and which she removed at the end of mass. I had never seen anyone do such a thing and wondered if maybe the mass intention was for someone who died that was dear to her, or maybe she got hot and that's why she took it off... or maybe she just liked lace on her head? As a protestant I NEVER saw anyone do anything like that. I thought it was pretty, but was too shy to ask her why she did it.

I then noticed a few times over the course of the last year seeing women with hats on in church. My very first mass a woman wore a hat and I couldn't understand how she could be so disrespectful (because I didn't understand I assumed like men, women shouldn't wear hats in church...assuming is usually a bad idea). I saw women with veils sometimes white, sometimes black, or other colors but there was usually only one woman who I would see do it and I usually saw it at a local shrine (a place for visitors). Just as quickly as I noticed, I dismissed it.

About a month or two ago, I started to notice that Mary, nuns, and various saintly women are always pictured with their hair covered. I wondered about the reasoning behind this as I know nothing in the catholic church is based on "just because I felt like it" but I never looked in to it. Then I saw an article: Veiled for the sake of angels . It gives a great overview and explained a lot to me but I wasn't sold on doing it.

It made me start praying about it. I wasn't even confirmed yet, I couldn't take the Eucharist so I figured I had time to think about it. I got Confirmed on May 17th (you can read about that here) and on that day walking up to the Eucharist truly the beauty of the moment hit me. It is indescribable what it is like to take the Eucharist. I grew up with bread and wine but it wasn't actually Jesus. While He was spiritually apart of it, it wasn't physically Him. I knew right away that how I respond to Christ should be different than I responded to the Lord's Supper in the Baptist church, or communion in nondenominational churches I went to. It was always important and special but now, it's a physical encounter with Christ.

So I went to Houston, TX to visit a friend and my grandmother. For 8 days I got to go to mass daily and it truly was an amazing experience to get to encounter Christ daily and it is something my heart yearns for now that I'm home and work prevents me from going to daily mass. My friend Kelly went with me and each day going with her was wonderful. It touched my heart so much to share something so important to me with a friend.  I had explained veiling to her and expressed that whenever we go to church we should always dress in a way that is ready to meet Jesus and that grew in my heart more and more.

The first mass we went to in Houston was a St. Matthew's Catholic Church. It was beautiful and God overwhelmed me with how sinful I am and I sat for some time on my knees in tears after mass and had nothing but tears for God. Tears of joy for my gratitude and tears of sorrow for my sinful ways, but God comforted me.

The second day in Houston we went and tried to go to Maximilian Kolbe Catholic Church but a wrong turn meant we would have been 20 minutes late. Clearly, that's most of a weekday mass so a quick search and I found St. John Vianney Catholic Church and it s 5 minutes away. Mass was at 9 am it was about 8:20am at this time.  We were able to get there early and pray in a beautiful chapel and then went into the main church for mass. Sitting in mass I was so thankful to be in mass another day. A woman in her late 70s or so walks in wearing a veil to which Kelly says "see that lady is dressed to meet Jesus you should talk to her."  I thought about it and had talked myself out of by the end of mass. After mass she says "alright I'm going to pray in the chapel you go talk to her and left." So ... At that prodding I walked up and said "hello I wanted to ask you about your veil and just how long you have done it and what your experience has been." She starts off telling me that she lived up north and it was the normal at one time everyone wore it and then ladies stopped slowly wearing them, she says it really made her evaluate wearing it and she realized if she stopped it would be to follow the majority. She said the majority will more often lead you to hell than heaven. She realized Mary would have never walked in a Church without a veil and she wanted to follow mother Mary more than the lady next to her in the pew. She said that she gets a lot of questions and for her it's about honoring God as she remembers when a woman's hair was her crown and the world says our bodies are the crown and that's not of God. She told me the fearless are the ones who become saints and no one ever became a saint by holding on to her fears. She said that I should be an example as probably many women would veil and are afraid to be first. She kept emphasizing that following the world does not lead to heaven or to sainthood. I wasn't saying anything during this 5 minute or so talk but I felt overwhelmed by her words. Mary hadn't crossed my mind. Fearless sainthood hadn't either. We started walking out and I asked her name.  Mary Jean. She asked mine and then said "I'm glad you came to me. I encourage you to do it it will bless you as it brought my daughter back to the church as  she grew up with me veiling and she slowly fell away.  She came back saying she missed the reverence and peace and humility she felt at Catholic Church with her veil and Christ." She in her sharing probably told me 3-5 times to do it. So that wrong turn... Maybe not so wrong. Her words are still overwhelming to me and definitely pierced me and moved me to tears.

The next morning at Christ the Redeemer church I met Jacqueline who is a 20-30 year old mom with 3 little ones in tow. She wore a veil in mass and was a woman after my own heart who didn't remove her child from mass when he got a little fussy. So I talked to her- same question as for Mary Jean and she said "women are called to veil no one told us to stop and women just did but during mass we are lifted to heaven and in that we are before God so out of reverence and humility we are called." She pointed out men are Gods glory and women are mans glory and we need to embrace our unique femininity in a culture that pushes immodesty, in that we can connect with God . As she spoke I thought of Martha using her hair to wash the feet of Jesus and how beautiful that is, how reverent and how much glory that brought our Savior. She pointed out some churches in the area that require it and that as servants of Christ we are to be reverent in anyway we can and in mass as women veiling is a way we can do that. She explained with a heart that made you really think and left me with the question: If this honors God why wouldn't I do it?  I told her about Mary Jean.

These two women really rocked my heart and I know there is no coincidence that I met them.

The next day we went to mass in this small chapel and there were many women who veiled and I prayed that God would continue to grow in my heart the courage to veil. By this time I knew I wanted to do it but I was nervous I would distract people by veiling. I kept praying and I felt God continue to circle in my heart that everything beautiful in the Church is veiled: the chalice containing the precious blood, the alter, the Eucharist in the tabernacle, the priest in his vestments. It kept overwhelming my heart that during mass we are lifted up to heaven and how I wanted to present myself before God. While I know He accepts me and loves me no matter what I wear, I want to give Him my best, I want to save things just for Him just as I saved things just for my earthly spouse.

I ended up buying a veil at a Houston bookstore which was a leap of faith for me and decided I would try it. One week after my confirmation we went to St Francis De Sales church for a Saturday evening mass (Note: my confirmation saint was St. Francis De Sales.) I decided to go for it and wear a veil for the first time.  It was a gorgeous church and the priest had an amazing exuberance and was so welcoming and aiming to connect. I wore a veil and I was the only lady in church with one. No one asked me why or pointed. No grenades went off. In fact, mass occurred seemingly untouched. I did have several older ladies smile and nod at me. The homily was about how the grace of each sacrament should overwhelm our hearts each time we take part in them. Each time we take the Eucharist joy should overflow in our spirit as we physically encounter Christ. He shared if the sacraments don't amaze us, then something is wrong. So true.  When I shook the hand of the priest on the way out he asked me lots of questions such as my name and where am I from, what is my vocation, how did I find the church and when am I coming back. I am not sure if that's just how he is with visitors but the kindness was encouraging to my heart.  So while none of this is extraordinary ...the experience of wearing the veil was. There was a beauty and a humility that pierced my heart through the mass, and when I approached the Eucharist I could feel a difference. An overwhelming feeling of peace that I felt everyday that week, but it amplified. It felt natural and it felt joyful. It felt as if it was meant to be this way. Definitely a beautiful grace comes from this that is possibly as indescribable as the Eucharist. The church defines graces that come from sacraments and while veiling is not a sacrament if I had to guess at what grace would be assigned to veiling it would be the knowledge of pride. It makes me so aware of how prideful I am.  I would definitely recommend trying it. I understand better everything Mary Jean and Jacqueline shared with me. I see why the church changed it from being mandated to optional. Wearing a veil should be something you do out of honor and respect, out of humility and love of God. It shouldn't be forced but should be a calling and something you pray about and discern if you want to do it. It's a devotion and a gift.

I've had people tell me that Mary had to wear a head covering because of the time she lived in but I don't believe that. Mary was a Christian and that violated everything of her culture, to uncover her head would have been nothing short of the general pattern of the radical steps she and other followers of Christ were taking. She chose to continue to veil. While I may never know exactly why, I know she could have chosen the opposite.  I find it beautiful that she and many holy women before me have veiled.

“Woman, because she was created by being drawn from man’s side, is constantly trying to return to him. She desires the original unity of one flesh and one bone. The desire for unity between man and woman is a mirror of the relationship between Christ and the soul. As woman longs for union with man in human relationships, she is also drawn to unity with God. He calls her to become one with Him: to come under His side and become flesh of His flesh and bone of His bone. This occurs during reception of Eucharist. The covering of the head with a veil symbolizes the reality of woman sheltered in the side of her Source and becoming one with Him. She becomes covered and hidden in her Divine Spouse.” ~ St. John Chrysostom, Doctor of the Church

There are many different ways to veil. A scarf, a hat, a pretty headband, a lacy large or small veil. Remember veiling is a devotion, there aren't rules, but there are some traditional guidelines. Traditionally married women wear black and unmarried white, but veiling is something you should do in the way you feel called no matter if it is black, white, pink, glittery, or however else you might want to wear it. However you do it, know that it is for the glory of God and to present yourself to Christ in a humble way. It's is NOT to attract attention, but some people might notice you doing it. Make sure whatever you do is for God and not for others. Further, don't let the fear of others stop you from what God is calling you to. Remember only the fearless are saints.

  I want to include some pictures of some beautiful women from a group I am part of on Facebook. They show some of the beautiful different ways to veil. Veiling is a calling and if you don't feel called to veil that's okay :) It's a choice, a gift and a devotion but I completely understand that many people are respectful and honoring to God and don't veil. For me I felt God leading me to it as I know when I stand before the Eucharist, before Christ's physical presence on earth, that everything about the experience is a heavenly encounter and I wanted to present myself in a way that would be different and would be special just for Christ.

If you have any questions please feel free to e-mail me at beautifulgoodtrue@gmail.com
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 Angeline in a stretch lace headband

Theresa in an infinity scarf

Valerie in a scarf

Mantilla from silverhilltreasures.com used with permission from Karen

I encourage you to pray about it and veil if you feel called in the way you feel comfortable. It's a beautiful devotion that has blessed my heart and I hope it will do the same for you. 

God bless,

Anita

Thank you to those who sent me pictures to share. I would love to add you to this post! Feel free to send your photos my way 

The Last Thing I Ever Wanted To be...

The last thing I ever wanted to be was Catholic. I grew up in a southern baptist church that while doctrinally does not teach catholicism is evil, the members of my church sure felt that way. I can remember being told that catholics worshipped satan and believing that as I had no reason to question it.

About a year and a half ago my husband and I had been going for 9 months to a nondenominational church. We had tried so hard to get plugged into to the community, he was serving with the youth and I was helping teach a woman's group. We went to bible studies but we still felt as though it wasn't a good fit. We didn't want to be people who just went to what "felt good" so we stayed until God was clear that wasn't our home. Newly married we wanted couples to pour into our lives and help us in this new stage of life. I wanted older women to learn from and Paul wanted men he could grow from and with. We didn't find that where we were and so we left around thanksgiving of 2012. We honestly had no plan of where we were going to go but prayed God would lead us.

We started going to another nondenominational church in Lake Nona, FL. This church had what we wanted: a great marriage ministry and lots of woman who loved God and wanted to know the bible. We got plugged in but still found that some things didn't add up. Doctrinally little things bothered us but nothing had been said that was too far out there. Around this time (January 2013) I was beginning my pediatric neurosurgery rotation.

I can recall just before I started I kept meeting people who were telling me that their bible had more books in it. Growing up baptist I never questioned where the bible came from because if you asked me I would have said "It's the inspired word of God." That's true, but how did it get put together? Did it drop out of a cave ? Did someone find it on an archaeological dig and did it look like my Kids Application Bible or was it more like my grandmothers King James? These questions bothered me but I didn't look much into it as I kind of chalked it up to them being "catholic." No need to look into that.  I rationalized that perhaps they had all the books after hours and hours of research on how the bible was put together and I was certain I was probably missing a few, but I didn't want to be catholic and at least I could say that everything in my bible was inspired but maybe I didn't have the whole bible... so what? Using that logic now I'd tell you that if someone tried to rip out Hebrews or James or Revelation today I'd claim them a heretic (but thats exactly what was done...these three... 4 more for the new testament and 7 from the old. The new testament was fixed but the old testament never was.)

First day of my neurosurgery rotation my preceptor mentions she's Catholic and I should read books by Scott Hahn to learn about the Catholic church. I wrote it down, and forgot about it. I didn't want to read them because I didn't want to be catholic. A few weeks later at her house for lunch she gives me Rome Sweet Home to read. Dr. Hahn is an engaging writer and it took no time to get through the book, and no matter the subject I don't turn down books. I remember thinking some verses he mentioned were puzzling like "the church is the pillar and foundation of truth." Which begs: Which church? I was willing to overlook this information though, until my husband read Rome Sweet Home. We returned the book but couldn't return the ideas. That sunday at church our preacher got up and was speaking on Ephesians 5. He said we were all "predestined in love." He explained this meant that God doesn't love everyone and that He only loves those who are predestined. As we then all stood and sang a song about how God loves us, Paul and I looked at each other knowing we could never go back to this church. It was heretical to say God doesn't love everyone as it destroys the nature of who God is.

Not too long after that Paul and I both felt God putting on our hearts that birth control was not His plan. This culminated in me coming home and sharing what I learned in school that day. As a physician assistant student we discussed all sorts of topics but what we learned about birth control shocked me:

Birth control has 3 functions
1. Ovulation- birth control inhibits ovulation
2. Cervical Mucus- birth control thickens cervical mucus to limit the sperm from getting to the egg should ovulation occur
3. Abortifactant - birth control thins the uterine lining to prevent implantation should the first two mechanisms fail.

I remember not being able to wrap my mind around that third one. "Prevents Implantation." Implantation of what? A baby. Life begins at conception: a baby is made with Gods guidance when egg and sperm meet. It travels down the fallopian tube and ...implants in the uterine lining.  I came home and told Paul I couldn't take it anymore and my heart broke for the babies God might have given that the medication didn't allow to live. This though still breaks my heart and I pray often that one day if that did happen to any that I'll meet them in heaven and be able to honestly apologize because I didn't know. Had I known, I never would have taken that medication. I later learned that birth control starves and suffocates the baby to death even if it does implant. Talk about cruel and no one told me.

Of course no birth control for a newly married couple ...and we started asking people what we should do? At the time I thought babies were made like cakes even though my medical training told me otherwise. Put in the ingredients and wait.  They told us "pray about it." No advice. No answers. I began to research these functions of birth control to learn that the Catholic church knew these functions and thus encouraged natural family planning through a variety of methods (note: the rhythm method is not natural family planning.) I came to a place where I believed what the church said about birth control but I didn't want to be catholic.

We did around this time meet with a Protestant pastor from my baptist church who I respected. I figured he would tell my husband the catholic church is wrong and that would be the end of it. Instead he recommended Sex Love and Marriage by Christopher West and told us the Catholic church has it right on these subjects and we should follow them but ignore the last page on Mary. I couldn't believe my ears and couldn't appreciate that book more...even the last page.

By this time we were attending mass but it wasn't a happy experience. I hated it, Paul felt bad for going but we were certain we didn't want to be separated and when I asked my husband where we should go to church he said : the Catholic church. I'm thankful now that he had an answer because I truthfully didn't. I could tell you why we shouldn't go to many of the other churches in the area but my reasons for not wanting to go to mass were that it was boring as if church was ever for our entertainment rather than for worshipping God. By this time I had figured out they didn't worship satan as they said "Do you renounce Satan and all his works? - I do." It was tough for me to want to stand and kneel and bow to what I wasn't sure. I used it as time to pray that God would either show me the truth of the Catholic church or He would change my husbands heart and take us away from the Catholic church. I found myself defending Catholic doctrine as to dispel misconceptions as I talked to people being clear that I wasn't Catholic but that Catholics do NOT worship Mary, they do NOT worship satan, they DO believe Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist, they do believe marriage is a sacrament... I was clarifying but not sharing, I was reading a lot but much of it I found confusing to what I knew.

It took a lot of prayer, and time for God to open my heart to the Catholic church. I didn't blindly follow Paul and I didn't make it easy as I was questioning everything down to that I wouldn't cross myself without good reason and I wouldn't bow just because everyone else did. I wanted to know why and how and when it started and then decide if I felt we should do it. I won't go into all these things here but what I will tell you is the tipping point was not all of these things, it was the Eucharist.

I read many books during my journey but maybe the two most important were "The Jewish Roots of the Eucharist" by Brandt Pitre and "The Sign of the Cross" by St. Francis De Sales. In the book by Dr. Pitre a trail between the manna of the old testament and the Eucharist of the new testament was carved out showing me truth that I had never encountered and an explanation of scriptures that have baffled people for centuries.  God led me many other places during the reading of that book and I went on a quest to prove that in some way the Eucharist was either true or false as there could be nothing in between. I read books, I scoured scripture, I prayed and through grace God showed me that when Jesus said "My body is true food and my blood is true drink" it wasn't a metaphor or a symbol. It was true. Learning that helped me during mass quite a bit as the mass is all about the Eucharist: it's all about Christ. To claim its Jesus either has to be true or the church is the biggest heretical place out there because they bow to a cracker. Either they are right, or they really are wrong and NOTHING in scripture could show me that it wasn't Jesus and rather all of scripture screamed that it IS Christ.

I'm still learning and growing and I truly could make a whole book out of this story as it was such a journey but my take home message would be to look into it. Look into what they teach and why they teach it and know why you don't believe it. All I was doing was looking for a way out and God slowly brought me in. I'll be confirmed on May 17th in the Roman Catholic Church and it seems like it can't come soon enough.

To say this is the last thing I ever wanted to be would be an understatement, so if you think I'm crazy I completely understand. My husband can attest that this was the hardest decision I have ever made not only in the amount of time it took to come to this conclusion, but also in what it has cost me. It has cost me the ability to practice medicine at a lot of offices as I am a pro-life provider.  It has cost me friends, who have asked me not to be their friend if I'm catholic, or not to talk about it if I am going to be catholic. I've had friends, family and strangers, bosses and potential employers challenge and question my decision to be catholic. It definitely has not been the convenient option. I can tell you it was the right option, because it is following the truth and God's leading.  It's truly a miracle that God has brought me here, where I least wanted to be but I know that He has a plan for me and my faith.

I'd be happy to answer any questions you have please e-mail me at beautifulgoodtrue@gmail.com
I'll tell you it's a journey to the church just as it's a journey to faith in God.