In August of 2012 I married the love of my life. We had a small wedding which was a perfect day for us and exactly what we wanted. I planned the wedding and reception and my husband was on honeymoon duty. I told him nothing. no preference.
After being sent off we stopped by CVS in our wedding attire. We got snacks and went to my apartment which became ours to change and grab our stuff. We hit to road and I fell asleep. I woke up to not knowing where we were but I knew we were at a hotel and we were together. Fast forward to the next day we got up and went to breakfast. I still had no idea where we were until my husband finally spilled the beans: we were in St. Augustine Florida.
This trip was perfect. We ate great food, saw the sights and had an amazing time making memories together. One night we were walking down Charlotte street after dinner and were greeted by a man and his wife: Gary and Michelle. They owned a fudge and ice cream shop and had bubble wands and kindness. They gave us some suggestions for places around town. We had plans to go back for dessert with them that night, but time got the best of us and we didn't make it. The next night my husband had planned a carriage ride on one of those beautiful horsedrawn carriages that ride through the city. We had dinner at Harrys seafood, and we had wanted to stop at Fudgebuckets to grab dessert for our ride...but again time got the best of us. We went on the ride, and what was supposed to be an hour ended at 40 minutes. Normally this would have bothered me (for someone to say one thing and do another) but on this night it meant we had 20 minutes to get to that fudge shop. We ran. literally. And little did we know what we were running to.
Gary and Michelle are a sweet sweet couple. Not only did they feed us ice cream and fudge but we noticed that they had a cross above their exit door. We mentioned liking it and got to hear about their wonderful testimony. We stayed talking until well past 11 with these great people. The next day we were headed back home.. stopped by to say farewell and said we would keep in touch.
and...we did.
We have been up to see them 3 times in the last year. They have opened their home to let us stay, fed us and encouraged us. We have gotten to see them take a leap of faith, run after God's will and go from a small fudge and ice cream store to a big restaurant a few streets over called "the Sandcastle cafe". A wonderful place with great food. AMAZING food is more accurate. (I recommend the fried chicken, the burgers, homemade potato chips, crab cake eggs benedict, garys philly cheese steak...basically everything I've tried.) But more than great food...it's a treat to go there to see the great people.
God truly blessed us with this couple and friends if your ever in the area I pray you will stop by and visit them as well. We just returned last night from spending thanksgiving with them and while in the fudgeshop Michelle referred to us as her guests to a customer. The woman asked how we were all related and my husband said "In Christ." While a simple answer it describes so perfectly our friendship with them. God chose us for each other and did a great job in the choosing.
While personally I'm excited to see what else God does with their business, I'm thankful for their friendship and for their hearts for God. Please support them if you get a chance and don't leave without a fudge bucket (I recommend peanut butter but she has a ton of flavors).
Friends you never know where you will meet great friends. I met my husband at a concert, Gary and Michelle on the street, and I can't wait to see what other ways God intersects my life with great people.
<3
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Thanksgiving Comes Out of a Heart of Joy.
Hello friends.
Being that my word of the year is thankfulness- I can't very well NOT post on thanksgiving..right?
It's been a tough week, and it would be easy for me to focus on places I'm not thankful.
As I wrote last time: thankfulness is God's will for us. That is a lesson that has amazed me in the last few weeks. When I'm uncertain about where I should be or what I should be doing I come back to this truth. This beautiful beautiful truth that He has called me to thanks in all circumstances. And it's that calling that got me through this past week. Was I thankful in each moment. No. far from it. But have I grown in my ability to be thankful. Absolutely. And it is as thought God knows I need a little nudge in the right direction that He provides so much.
After the roughest day of work so far- my last patient ended up being a blessing. I was able to share love and encouragement with her. I was able to see that God had me there for a reason even when I feel like I'm in over my head, God is there giving me hope to hold on to.
In a morning of frustration with an uncooperative patient, where I felt like I knew nothing- - I was given a kind woman who thanked me for my wisdom.
He gave me some of the best people in the medical field to work with. The woman who helps me with billing is so kind and encouraging. The nurses are so willing to help no matter if they are "my" nurse for the day or not. The providers are helpful and the staff overall is very sweet. Are they perfect: no. But no one is. I'm thankful for them and how they teach me even when they don't know it.
God sent me a dog to warm my spirit in September of 2011 when life was hard, my faith was trying to grow, and my life was a whirlwind that I was trying to make sense of. It's a cold day and we are ignoring the "no dog on the couch" rule. She's cuddled up beside me and I can feel her cold nose pressed against me. Every once in a while she takes in a deep breath and her legs twitch with puppy dreams next to me. She's past due for a hair cut but she's the best 4 legged friend I've got. She truly is a joy and a light to my life.
God sent me my husband in 2012 and what a gift that has been and what perfect timing. I have grown so much in our marriage. It's been tough at times, but it's never been tough to know that God chose us for one another. Hands down I could not have picked someone as amazing as my husband is without help. Nor do I deserve the love he gives me each day but I can't be thankful enough for it. Even on our toughest days we grow stronger and what a blessing that has been.
And in all He has given me over the years there much He hasn't. I don't have a family to call my own truly outside of my husband and puppy dog. I don't have parents that will be grandparents to our kids. I have debt not riches. I have asthma and hearing loss and a continual battle with skin issues. And if I focused on these things..the things I don't have... it would be easy to not be thankful for the good I do have. It would be easy to blow the have nots out of proportion to what I do have. If I have learned anything at all it's to know that we are all missing something. There is not one perfect family, one perfect situation. God carefully allowed what He has in my life to shape me and grow me and give me a testimony that can bring glory to Him alone. What's the best is He brings me moments to share this testimony and proclaim His love and provision often and when I get to do that for a moment I can see why each imperfection was perfectly allowed.
Wisdom 5:21 says "Bolts of lightning will strike right on target as if the Lord had made a bow out of the clouds and was shooting arrows." What a beautiful image that God knows not only the hairs on our head, but He orchestrates each strike of lightning. Sometimes lighting illuminates a summer night sky on the beach. Sometimes it accompanies a strong rain storm. Either way, God is in control.
As advent approaches and the church prepares for the celebration of the birth of our Lord, we have much to be thankful for. No matter how many lightning strikes or joy and devastation in our lives, Christ came to redeem us. The greatest gift of all.
So friends lets not buy into the cheap commercialism the world is selling you this time of year. There is so much more that God has for us than food and objects. Let's not settle for the things of the world but rather have our hearts renewed with a sense of gratitude and joy that comes only from the Lord.
Praying for that blessing for you friends. For joy and peace for you and that you will see how much there is to be thankful no matter what the circumstances. Let's let the next lightning bolts God allows to light us on fire with a thankfulness that makes us overflow in a way that is uncontainable. The very essence of this day is thanks-giving. An overflow of thankfulness that leads to giving. A heart of such gratitude that praise is all we have.
<3
Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Being that my word of the year is thankfulness- I can't very well NOT post on thanksgiving..right?
It's been a tough week, and it would be easy for me to focus on places I'm not thankful.
As I wrote last time: thankfulness is God's will for us. That is a lesson that has amazed me in the last few weeks. When I'm uncertain about where I should be or what I should be doing I come back to this truth. This beautiful beautiful truth that He has called me to thanks in all circumstances. And it's that calling that got me through this past week. Was I thankful in each moment. No. far from it. But have I grown in my ability to be thankful. Absolutely. And it is as thought God knows I need a little nudge in the right direction that He provides so much.
After the roughest day of work so far- my last patient ended up being a blessing. I was able to share love and encouragement with her. I was able to see that God had me there for a reason even when I feel like I'm in over my head, God is there giving me hope to hold on to.
In a morning of frustration with an uncooperative patient, where I felt like I knew nothing- - I was given a kind woman who thanked me for my wisdom.
He gave me some of the best people in the medical field to work with. The woman who helps me with billing is so kind and encouraging. The nurses are so willing to help no matter if they are "my" nurse for the day or not. The providers are helpful and the staff overall is very sweet. Are they perfect: no. But no one is. I'm thankful for them and how they teach me even when they don't know it.
God sent me a dog to warm my spirit in September of 2011 when life was hard, my faith was trying to grow, and my life was a whirlwind that I was trying to make sense of. It's a cold day and we are ignoring the "no dog on the couch" rule. She's cuddled up beside me and I can feel her cold nose pressed against me. Every once in a while she takes in a deep breath and her legs twitch with puppy dreams next to me. She's past due for a hair cut but she's the best 4 legged friend I've got. She truly is a joy and a light to my life.
God sent me my husband in 2012 and what a gift that has been and what perfect timing. I have grown so much in our marriage. It's been tough at times, but it's never been tough to know that God chose us for one another. Hands down I could not have picked someone as amazing as my husband is without help. Nor do I deserve the love he gives me each day but I can't be thankful enough for it. Even on our toughest days we grow stronger and what a blessing that has been.
And in all He has given me over the years there much He hasn't. I don't have a family to call my own truly outside of my husband and puppy dog. I don't have parents that will be grandparents to our kids. I have debt not riches. I have asthma and hearing loss and a continual battle with skin issues. And if I focused on these things..the things I don't have... it would be easy to not be thankful for the good I do have. It would be easy to blow the have nots out of proportion to what I do have. If I have learned anything at all it's to know that we are all missing something. There is not one perfect family, one perfect situation. God carefully allowed what He has in my life to shape me and grow me and give me a testimony that can bring glory to Him alone. What's the best is He brings me moments to share this testimony and proclaim His love and provision often and when I get to do that for a moment I can see why each imperfection was perfectly allowed.
Wisdom 5:21 says "Bolts of lightning will strike right on target as if the Lord had made a bow out of the clouds and was shooting arrows." What a beautiful image that God knows not only the hairs on our head, but He orchestrates each strike of lightning. Sometimes lighting illuminates a summer night sky on the beach. Sometimes it accompanies a strong rain storm. Either way, God is in control.
As advent approaches and the church prepares for the celebration of the birth of our Lord, we have much to be thankful for. No matter how many lightning strikes or joy and devastation in our lives, Christ came to redeem us. The greatest gift of all.
So friends lets not buy into the cheap commercialism the world is selling you this time of year. There is so much more that God has for us than food and objects. Let's not settle for the things of the world but rather have our hearts renewed with a sense of gratitude and joy that comes only from the Lord.
Praying for that blessing for you friends. For joy and peace for you and that you will see how much there is to be thankful no matter what the circumstances. Let's let the next lightning bolts God allows to light us on fire with a thankfulness that makes us overflow in a way that is uncontainable. The very essence of this day is thanks-giving. An overflow of thankfulness that leads to giving. A heart of such gratitude that praise is all we have.
<3
Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
God's Will for us.
For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it- luke 14:28
As a type A personality, I can tell you... I'll sit and plan that tower...count the cost...recount the cost..plan some more...count again... and when I'm double and triple sure- I'll build. I've done this most of my life as I grew up with not a whole lot of consistent support and throughout highschool, college, and graduate school didn't really have anyone to lean on other than God. Yet God provided, in miraculous ways. And I found that when He made it clear that I was going to be a PA...that I didn't really have time to sit and count and recount before I built because I had 3 weeks before classes started, and I had no way to pay for it than student loans. So I avoided counting. I avoided looking at my interest rate. I avoided watching the debt add up each semester because I knew there was nothing I could do about it until I graduated.
Now. I'm graduated.
Now they e-mailed me "we are so excited for your graduation.....your student loans are coming to haunt you." Ok so maybe they don't use the word haunt, but they do email me reminding me that I do have loans and I do owe more than I make. But that cost- while great- while maybe not counted and recounted by me- God knew the cost. God knew where He was sending me and God helped me to succeed and survive the program.
I wish I could tell you I just barely survived. But I didn't. I graduated with honors and was chosen for Pi Alpha. God didn't just bring me to it and bring me through it He grew me, shaped me, and made me the person I am today. He allowed me to succeed, gave me the strength to get through the long weeks, and provided a job for me. I've gotten 2 real paychecks so far and I have to tell you that while meeting with a financial planner yesterday he just kept reminding us that we are starting off the right way and that we are in the beginning steps. There is a way out. But its going to take diligence. It's going to take sacrifice. It's going to take trust in the Lord for the unseen. And all the while our financial planner said two things to help us "you know prayer works...and fasting does too." Encouragement from an unlikely place. A reminder to return to where God pushed me for the year: thankfulness. Eucharisteo.
And in this year He has stretched me in a way I couldn't imagine. From pushing me to find truth in faith and not just what sounds good, to learning more about a church than I knew and realizing everything I've been told hasn't always been true even if it made me "feel" good. A church that observes the eucharist and don't think I don't notice that work being the very word of thanks. The very thing I wanted in 2013 as I know His word teaches over and over again :
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
Wanna know Gods will: thanks. in all circumstances. Even when the tower is built and you didn't count the cost. Even when you can't see the end in site. Even when you seem crazy to the rest of the world. Even when all you have is tears. thanks. thats Gods will. You don't have to discern it...search for it ... try and figure out the celestial morse code. You don't have to claim a dream or vision to know it. He spelled it out.
Thanks. In all circumstances. Period.
Friends please pray that you and I will be thankful. that you and I will pray and fast in a way that causes thankfulness to pour out of us with no hesitation.
thanks.
in all circumstances.
Even if you owe more than you make.
even if you made a mistake.
even if the things you can't mention.
thanks. in all circumstances.
As a type A personality, I can tell you... I'll sit and plan that tower...count the cost...recount the cost..plan some more...count again... and when I'm double and triple sure- I'll build. I've done this most of my life as I grew up with not a whole lot of consistent support and throughout highschool, college, and graduate school didn't really have anyone to lean on other than God. Yet God provided, in miraculous ways. And I found that when He made it clear that I was going to be a PA...that I didn't really have time to sit and count and recount before I built because I had 3 weeks before classes started, and I had no way to pay for it than student loans. So I avoided counting. I avoided looking at my interest rate. I avoided watching the debt add up each semester because I knew there was nothing I could do about it until I graduated.
Now. I'm graduated.
Now they e-mailed me "we are so excited for your graduation.....your student loans are coming to haunt you." Ok so maybe they don't use the word haunt, but they do email me reminding me that I do have loans and I do owe more than I make. But that cost- while great- while maybe not counted and recounted by me- God knew the cost. God knew where He was sending me and God helped me to succeed and survive the program.
I wish I could tell you I just barely survived. But I didn't. I graduated with honors and was chosen for Pi Alpha. God didn't just bring me to it and bring me through it He grew me, shaped me, and made me the person I am today. He allowed me to succeed, gave me the strength to get through the long weeks, and provided a job for me. I've gotten 2 real paychecks so far and I have to tell you that while meeting with a financial planner yesterday he just kept reminding us that we are starting off the right way and that we are in the beginning steps. There is a way out. But its going to take diligence. It's going to take sacrifice. It's going to take trust in the Lord for the unseen. And all the while our financial planner said two things to help us "you know prayer works...and fasting does too." Encouragement from an unlikely place. A reminder to return to where God pushed me for the year: thankfulness. Eucharisteo.
And in this year He has stretched me in a way I couldn't imagine. From pushing me to find truth in faith and not just what sounds good, to learning more about a church than I knew and realizing everything I've been told hasn't always been true even if it made me "feel" good. A church that observes the eucharist and don't think I don't notice that work being the very word of thanks. The very thing I wanted in 2013 as I know His word teaches over and over again :
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
Wanna know Gods will: thanks. in all circumstances. Even when the tower is built and you didn't count the cost. Even when you can't see the end in site. Even when you seem crazy to the rest of the world. Even when all you have is tears. thanks. thats Gods will. You don't have to discern it...search for it ... try and figure out the celestial morse code. You don't have to claim a dream or vision to know it. He spelled it out.
Thanks. In all circumstances. Period.
Friends please pray that you and I will be thankful. that you and I will pray and fast in a way that causes thankfulness to pour out of us with no hesitation.
thanks.
in all circumstances.
Even if you owe more than you make.
even if you made a mistake.
even if the things you can't mention.
thanks. in all circumstances.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
like a waterfall.
Overwhelmed doesn't cover it.
I'm sitting at the bar area of our new home (a house that we are renting) staring at my kitchen in which the dining room table from our apartment fits comfortably.... so comfortably i could fit two of the same set in there with room to walk around still. It's an overwhelming sight for me as I can think back to times I've lived in my car, or times when my room was nothing more than a small walk in closet. To say He has multiple my blessings in an understatement when we now live in a 4 bed 2 bath house with a garage from the 1 bed 1 bath apartment we moved from. And the thing is...
i know there are millions of people who are homeless and it breaks my heart. So I'm praying, praying for God to lead, praying for this house to be a home filled with God and ministry and life. A house filled with the word of God, kindness, peace and patience. A house filled with laughter, and the sounds of a puppy playing. Most of all I want it to be a home that is open, where we can invite one more for dinner unexpectedly and where people are always welcome to stay if they need. To say I see this as just a house would be so wrong. I see it as a mission field. I see it as a ministry. I see it as a blessing, but I know God gives great responsibility with the blessings and I want us to meet that in whatever God has planned.
My cup runneth over.
like a waterfall not just a little dribble.
and heres what I know. No matter how many people tell me I worked for it or earned it I will not believe that because I know that I serve a God that is the giver of every good and perfect gift. I came to this world with NOTHING and I will leave here with the same and everything is a gift. So please keep those lies to yourself because it's God that provided the opportunity, gave me the grace and drive and skills to get through PA school and God alone who has been by my side through the whole thing. All I can say is that my heart's desire to honor Him and to go where He leads. He led me to this moment, this blog post and this house and I know that He won't be finished with me until the day of Jesus Christ.
I couldnt be more thankful. I couldn't be more prayerful. And this was my year to focus on thanksgiving and man has God not only tested my ability to be thankful in the trials and struggles of life, in the fear of trials, but He overwhelmed me with blessings and I'm not just talking houses and a job. He gave me my first appointment in 2 years where they found no skin cancer or pre-cancer when the PA I saw used a special tool and was sure 2 of the spots were going to be abnormal. He had his hand over me when they thought I had a brain tumor (acoustic neuroma for the medically inclined). He showed me to trust Him with the results good or bad. He's given me patience and strength and grace and understanding and helped me to say I'm sorry when I fail. He's given me sweet moments with my husband and has given us so much help in our trials. And I can't help to be completely broken by all He has done and by how much I don't deserve any of it. I don't deserve health, wealth and prosperity like some will try and tell you and any gifts He gives me is not based on my belief but on His kindness alone. My trials also have not been a result of a lack of faith because that heretical gospel inadvertently has you "working" for gifts and yet preaches faith alone.
I pray that God will help you to be thankful no matter where you are..whether you are sleeping in a car or on a park bench or if you live in a mansion. Whether you are healthy or sick, whether happy or sad. Remember that each experience is God perfecting us and training us. Sometimes He says no when He has something else better in mind. Sometimes we can't see what He is doing but He is working it out. Trust Him friends . Love Him. Thank Him. Glorify Him alone.
<3 Anita
I'm sitting at the bar area of our new home (a house that we are renting) staring at my kitchen in which the dining room table from our apartment fits comfortably.... so comfortably i could fit two of the same set in there with room to walk around still. It's an overwhelming sight for me as I can think back to times I've lived in my car, or times when my room was nothing more than a small walk in closet. To say He has multiple my blessings in an understatement when we now live in a 4 bed 2 bath house with a garage from the 1 bed 1 bath apartment we moved from. And the thing is...
i know there are millions of people who are homeless and it breaks my heart. So I'm praying, praying for God to lead, praying for this house to be a home filled with God and ministry and life. A house filled with the word of God, kindness, peace and patience. A house filled with laughter, and the sounds of a puppy playing. Most of all I want it to be a home that is open, where we can invite one more for dinner unexpectedly and where people are always welcome to stay if they need. To say I see this as just a house would be so wrong. I see it as a mission field. I see it as a ministry. I see it as a blessing, but I know God gives great responsibility with the blessings and I want us to meet that in whatever God has planned.
My cup runneth over.
like a waterfall not just a little dribble.
and heres what I know. No matter how many people tell me I worked for it or earned it I will not believe that because I know that I serve a God that is the giver of every good and perfect gift. I came to this world with NOTHING and I will leave here with the same and everything is a gift. So please keep those lies to yourself because it's God that provided the opportunity, gave me the grace and drive and skills to get through PA school and God alone who has been by my side through the whole thing. All I can say is that my heart's desire to honor Him and to go where He leads. He led me to this moment, this blog post and this house and I know that He won't be finished with me until the day of Jesus Christ.
I couldnt be more thankful. I couldn't be more prayerful. And this was my year to focus on thanksgiving and man has God not only tested my ability to be thankful in the trials and struggles of life, in the fear of trials, but He overwhelmed me with blessings and I'm not just talking houses and a job. He gave me my first appointment in 2 years where they found no skin cancer or pre-cancer when the PA I saw used a special tool and was sure 2 of the spots were going to be abnormal. He had his hand over me when they thought I had a brain tumor (acoustic neuroma for the medically inclined). He showed me to trust Him with the results good or bad. He's given me patience and strength and grace and understanding and helped me to say I'm sorry when I fail. He's given me sweet moments with my husband and has given us so much help in our trials. And I can't help to be completely broken by all He has done and by how much I don't deserve any of it. I don't deserve health, wealth and prosperity like some will try and tell you and any gifts He gives me is not based on my belief but on His kindness alone. My trials also have not been a result of a lack of faith because that heretical gospel inadvertently has you "working" for gifts and yet preaches faith alone.
I pray that God will help you to be thankful no matter where you are..whether you are sleeping in a car or on a park bench or if you live in a mansion. Whether you are healthy or sick, whether happy or sad. Remember that each experience is God perfecting us and training us. Sometimes He says no when He has something else better in mind. Sometimes we can't see what He is doing but He is working it out. Trust Him friends . Love Him. Thank Him. Glorify Him alone.
<3 Anita
Monday, September 16, 2013
Faith alone.
Dear Friends,
A topic that has come up a lot of late is this idea of faith
vs. works. My husband and I enjoy asking people what they think and believe as
a way to get different perspectives. Not to judge, not to compare, simply to
inquire. Doing this has led us to think about all sorts of issues that maybe we
wouldn’t have put much thought into previously. However, doing so has opened us
up to a great community with others and ability to learn and grow.
Recently we have been asking people that we meet what they
think or what they have been told or what they think the bible says about what
is required for salvation. We have gotten all sorts of answers: baptism,
prayer, repentance, be a good person… the list note I would like to tell you
that salvation is from the Lord and the Lord alone. No group of people have
ever been given the authority to determine what is requires. Moreover I want to
make a distinction between what God has said is required, what God has said is
a sign of obedience, and what it is that none of us can be sure on. I would
also like to say I have my masters in medical sciences: not theological study.
So know that the conclusions I’m about to draw won’t take you back to the
original greek or anything of that sort.
So.
One of my favorite books of the bible is the book of James.
I can’t tell you when my love for James writing started but I think it was
while I was engaged. The letter is quick to tell you not to doubt God when you
ask for judgement, it reminds you to keep your mouth quite, that anger is not
from God, that kindness and mercy are seen as beautiful to God…any many other
beautiful things that I find I go over and over again now that I’m married.
But each time I read it something else sticks out to me and
today it was in James 2… James 2:24 says “You see then that it is by people’s
actions that they are put right with God, not by their faith alone.”
There was an entire protestant reformation that one of their
founding doctrines was Solo Fide or faith only. But James here is telling us
it’s not faith alone and I think that when the protestant reformation happened
they were probably speaking to what many of us get caught between on this idea
and that is if we say works are included that when Paul writes to the Ephesians
in 2:8-9 and says we are saved by grace through faith it is a gift so that no
man can boast. By saying works are included doesn’t that take away from the
idea of grace ? “a gift given with no merit”
No it doesn't because the very definition of faith is that it is active not passive.
James is simply giving what I believe to be a zoomed in
version of this verse. He is zooming in on the word faith and defining it. Like
many words we use so flippantly faith is one that can’t just mean something
abstract or arbitrary to each of us but yet should have a definition.
(paradoxically I find it interesting that it doesn’t’ say we were saved by
grace through our love for God it says
by our faith.) James goes on to make clear this idea by giving examples of
Abraham and Rahab. He concludes chapter 2 v 26 with “So then, as the body
without the Spirit is dead so also faith without actions is dead.”
He is reminding us that if the Holy Spirit is moving and
dwelling in us we should be different. Now let me clear I still believe belief
comes before the behavior and I’ve got blog posts on that, but once you at any
point recognize God as existing or being someone to pay attention to there is a
faith grows and that faith is manifested by the change in your life. To be
clear I will emphasize that the change you make, the actions you do are not you
earning your salvation because as we said it’s a gift from the Lord, but it
does say that we are saved through faith and it is therefore impossible to
tease apart the web of faith that is completely a marriage of the belief you
have and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit in your life in the form of actions.
There are lots of places for people to debate on salvation
and I’m not going to cover baptism or some of these other requirements people
have imposed on other people, but I will say that God is a mighty and active
God and He is continually WORKING in our lives. That beautiful display is
absolutely going to stir a response in those that see the beauty. When you
realize how amazing it is that He sent His son to die for you, there is no way
you don’t want to live for Him. Again salvation itself is a gift from the grace of God but the bible does give us information as to some of what goes into that. We can't know everything about it as God has only given so much information, and we can't speculate. On some things we must say as Zachius did : Salvation is from the Lord- and praise Him for that beautiful gift that He provided and is working out in us each day.
Please keep me in your prayers as I wait to see how I did on
my pance, and unpack my new home. In a few weeks I will be starting a new job
and I ask for prayer for that as well that God
would prepare me to love and help others.
<3
Anita
Thursday, August 29, 2013
footprints and mountain climbers
I feel like so much has happened so I need to do a quick update.
I've graduated: I am a Physician Assistant with a Masters in Medical Sciences.
We applied to rent a house.
I found a job that I'm just finalizing papers with.
...did I mention I graduated?
while that only takes up a few lines. its several years in the making. I've been in school my whole life and towards the end of high school I decided I wanted to be a PA. I had a lot of people tell me:
-you should be a doctor instead- no thanks.
-you won't get in without working as a nurse/emt/other healthcare professional (they were wrong)
-you should get your phD instead- no thanks.
-you won't like living 3 hours away from home- they were wrong...
and now here I am in a hotel in Texas as my best friend has her first day of work as an engineer and I'm stricken with the fact that I'm done. I think its the first time thats really sunken even though graduation was like 5 days ago.
and I have to say. I couldnt' have done it alone. I couldn't have done it without the strong support of my husband and the overwhelming abundance of blessings and provision from God. The first really is part of the latter.
Honestly- from giving me a seat in the program....to helping me get through the 2.5 years with many surgeries for skin issues...and many recoveries...and many moments where I felt like I couldn't do it...God got me through. You know that story with the footprints in the sand and at the end it's like "when you see one set of footprints it was then I carried you?" ...
God didn't just carry me: At times I feel like He dragged me kicking and screaming and at other times I feel like He carried my hopeless self the next couple steps and threw me in the water with a loving sentiment of "sinking isn't an option you better swim." And I did with His help: I just kept swimming. And in the middle of the program He threw me a curveball: an amazing husband. And I am so thankful for Paul and the blessing he has been in my life.
I don't know if you watched the Price is Right ever...but when I was a kid (and maybe still) there was a mountain man on there.
I've graduated: I am a Physician Assistant with a Masters in Medical Sciences.
We applied to rent a house.
I found a job that I'm just finalizing papers with.
...did I mention I graduated?
while that only takes up a few lines. its several years in the making. I've been in school my whole life and towards the end of high school I decided I wanted to be a PA. I had a lot of people tell me:
-you should be a doctor instead- no thanks.
-you won't get in without working as a nurse/emt/other healthcare professional (they were wrong)
-you should get your phD instead- no thanks.
-you won't like living 3 hours away from home- they were wrong...
and now here I am in a hotel in Texas as my best friend has her first day of work as an engineer and I'm stricken with the fact that I'm done. I think its the first time thats really sunken even though graduation was like 5 days ago.
and I have to say. I couldnt' have done it alone. I couldn't have done it without the strong support of my husband and the overwhelming abundance of blessings and provision from God. The first really is part of the latter.
Honestly- from giving me a seat in the program....to helping me get through the 2.5 years with many surgeries for skin issues...and many recoveries...and many moments where I felt like I couldn't do it...God got me through. You know that story with the footprints in the sand and at the end it's like "when you see one set of footprints it was then I carried you?" ...
God didn't just carry me: At times I feel like He dragged me kicking and screaming and at other times I feel like He carried my hopeless self the next couple steps and threw me in the water with a loving sentiment of "sinking isn't an option you better swim." And I did with His help: I just kept swimming. And in the middle of the program He threw me a curveball: an amazing husband. And I am so thankful for Paul and the blessing he has been in my life.
I don't know if you watched the Price is Right ever...but when I was a kid (and maybe still) there was a mountain man on there.
This little mountain man you watched on the show as he climbed up this giant mountain as part of a game. A person is shown several small prizes and is asked to guess the retail amount. There are 25 steps to the mountain and the climber goes up 1 step for ever dollar the guess is off. If the climber falls over before the person guesses correctly the prices then the contestant looses the game. While I wouldnt' say the game it self really correlates with my experience the idea of this mountain, and this little yodeling mountain man slowly climbing up is very accurate. And now I'm at the top of one very big mountain I've been climbing and yet at the bottom of the mountain of my career. It's an interesting place to be and one that leaves me both amazed at how far of come and a little unsure of if I know enough to climb the next mountain. I have my PANCE exam in 16 days and so I have a lot of studying to do.
In summary: I am so thankful for the accomplishments that I have reached, but I definitely wouldn't be here without the God. I am so thankful to Him for His unfailing love of me and help with pursuit of such an amazing goal that He put on my heart so long ago. He worked all things together and in that process I learned so much more about Him and about love. So excited to see what He has planned next.
Be praying for me friends and let me know how I can pray for you.
Love,
Anita
one of the newest Physician Assistants :)
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
If.
Hi Friends,
Another update in the Order in the Bible series. Last time I did Psalm 37:4. Check it out if you didn't get to read it. Today I have another one for you:
Proverbs 1:23 If you turn at my reproof,behold, I will pour out my spirit to you;
I will make my words known to you.
So whats the order here?
1. Repent
2. God will pour out His spirit and make His words known.
How often are we looking for God to speak, to show us the way or to give us a sign? If your me: often. I'm always asking Him to make my path clear, and to give me wisdom. (hint for the next post). But how often to I fail to repent first: often. In this version it starts with "IF" which I think is so perfect (note my opinion on whether or not I like what scripture says is not important). I think it is perfect though in that it demonstrated that there is a choice to be made. If we turn at His reproof. If we repent. If we humble ourself. IF. Meaning for the latter to happen, the former must happen first. A beautiful order.
Repentance. A turning from sin to God. How often do I fail to repent. How often does God with hold His spirit and His thoughts due to my lack of repentance. Friends what is God asking you to repent? What are you clinging to instead of Him? I find int he times where I walk away from God, I feel like He is distant though I know I'm the one that took those steps away whether quickly or slowly, I moved He didn't. And He knew He would need to tell me to come back if I want to hear Him. Come back if I want to feel His strength and comfort. He is continually calling us back.
Friends are you feeling distant from Him? He's calling you to come back in the most patient and gentle way and when we return His call He welcomes us with love. with warmth, with wisdom. What has God been asking you to turn from? What are you putting before Him?
Let me know how I can pray for you.
<3
Anita
Another update in the Order in the Bible series. Last time I did Psalm 37:4. Check it out if you didn't get to read it. Today I have another one for you:
Proverbs 1:23 If you turn at my reproof,behold, I will pour out my spirit to you;
I will make my words known to you.
So whats the order here?
1. Repent
2. God will pour out His spirit and make His words known.
How often are we looking for God to speak, to show us the way or to give us a sign? If your me: often. I'm always asking Him to make my path clear, and to give me wisdom. (hint for the next post). But how often to I fail to repent first: often. In this version it starts with "IF" which I think is so perfect (note my opinion on whether or not I like what scripture says is not important). I think it is perfect though in that it demonstrated that there is a choice to be made. If we turn at His reproof. If we repent. If we humble ourself. IF. Meaning for the latter to happen, the former must happen first. A beautiful order.
Repentance. A turning from sin to God. How often do I fail to repent. How often does God with hold His spirit and His thoughts due to my lack of repentance. Friends what is God asking you to repent? What are you clinging to instead of Him? I find int he times where I walk away from God, I feel like He is distant though I know I'm the one that took those steps away whether quickly or slowly, I moved He didn't. And He knew He would need to tell me to come back if I want to hear Him. Come back if I want to feel His strength and comfort. He is continually calling us back.
Friends are you feeling distant from Him? He's calling you to come back in the most patient and gentle way and when we return His call He welcomes us with love. with warmth, with wisdom. What has God been asking you to turn from? What are you putting before Him?
Let me know how I can pray for you.
<3
Anita
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Delight THEN Desire
As a type A personality, who is slightly OCD, there is something that I always pick up on: order.
Things without order, I tend to create one. But thankfully God knew that there would be people like me reading His word and He gave an order.
In Psalm 37:4 He says "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." (ESV).
So whats the order :
1. Delight yourself in the Lord
2. He will give you the desires of your heart.
So often we ask God for things, we expect the second without doing the first. I'm so guilty of this. Despite my love of order, I want to go out of order with this.
Now people debate on this verse does it mean : He will give you what your heart desires? OR does it mean He will make your heart desire His will? I've read great commentaries claiming each side, and it comes down to this I believe: I think its kind of both. The more you delight in God the more your heart desires the right thing, but the more you honor God the more He honors you.
Friends, let's encourage each other to delight in the Lord. Lets hold each other accountable, share experiences and thoughts, lets come together and delight Him together. It's that delight that will change our hearts, and lead us down the path He is blessing.
Things without order, I tend to create one. But thankfully God knew that there would be people like me reading His word and He gave an order.
In Psalm 37:4 He says "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." (ESV).
So whats the order :
1. Delight yourself in the Lord
2. He will give you the desires of your heart.
So often we ask God for things, we expect the second without doing the first. I'm so guilty of this. Despite my love of order, I want to go out of order with this.
Now people debate on this verse does it mean : He will give you what your heart desires? OR does it mean He will make your heart desire His will? I've read great commentaries claiming each side, and it comes down to this I believe: I think its kind of both. The more you delight in God the more your heart desires the right thing, but the more you honor God the more He honors you.
Friends, let's encourage each other to delight in the Lord. Lets hold each other accountable, share experiences and thoughts, lets come together and delight Him together. It's that delight that will change our hearts, and lead us down the path He is blessing.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
A lesson in Faith from a Ford Fusion
So I take my car to the dealership to get an oil change and I mention that one of my tires has been saying it needs air even when I put it in but it hasn't gone flat. So we get there and the guy is like the whole side wall of your tire is cracked and there is a nail in it. The fact it didn't blow out is a miracle they tell me. So they tell me than can patch the nail, but that the wall of the tire could fail and I should know that. They tell me they can do 1 tire, 2, 3, or 4. Now I should tell you those tires have been on my car since I bought it (its at about 40,000 miles and I bought it with 37 agree to fix it but they say they don't have the tires and will send me home in a rental until tomorrow. Tires are expensive and that sucks but I decided to do all 4 because I needed them anyway in the next 5000 miles. So they call me today saying something happened and they can't get my tires until tuesday but they will give me better tires and charge me less if thats ok with me. can we talk about God working things out. also the guy who helped me yesterday used to work at Miami hospital as a scrub tech for like 20 years and knew exactly what I was doing as a PA student and was such a help. He kept saying "everything happens for a reason"
I gotta tell you friends. Just this morning I was thinking about when I got the car... and how God worked out me getting a really nice car at a crazy low price and worked out all the details. I have to tell you, I'm spoiled with the car He gave me and I realized that yesterday as I drove away in my rental 2013 ford focus. I realized the difference in the leather in the car, the difference in the size, how smoothly my 6 cylinder sports car drives. I've offered to trade it in for a less expensive car countless times as I sometimes feel guilty for having such a nice car when people don't have food, or clothes or homes. But yesterday God showed me how that was a gift He gave me, and it's not wrong to accept a gift from my heavenly Father. I was thinking as I was driving this morning that I missed my gift and couldn't wait to get it back from the dealership. I thought about how God knew me when He gave me that car- He knew me better than I knew myself because the car I affectionately call Grace was not one I thought I wanted at all and yet God was so clear that that was the car and this was the price and here's someone to buy your old honda civic.
So this morning when my phone rings I'm worried because it's a number I don't recognize but I know its from where the car dealership is. It's a gentleman named Anthony who tells me my tires (which were going to cost me $745 for 4 (hello sports car tire price)... that they weren't available until Tuesday (let me tell you how much my schedule wouldn't allow me to make it to the dealership by 5 on Tuesday). I took a deep breath as Anthony continued. He goes on to say they are going to upgrade my tires for free, not going to charge me labor or to mount the tires, and they are going to let me pay $700 for 4 tires that are over $200 each.
In what world does that happen?
Let's recap:
1. My original tire should have blown out. Getting to the dealership was a miracle.
2. The tires I picked they were already giving me a deal on
3. They are giving me better tires for a lower price. Seems backwards.
And it was as if this whole time God has been saying to me : LOOK I show you time and time again I know what I'm doing. You seem to have forgotten. Let me just remind you that I can work miracles big and small. I have never forsaken you.
And my heart just replied: Father, forgive me.
If the God of the universe can work out my tire situation, which lets be honest in the grand scheme of the worlds problem is so minor, than how much more can I trust He is going to work out my job situation, our living situation, my husbands golfing, ect. If He has proven faithful in the small things, how much more can I trust He can do the bigger things.
So today I'll have Grace the Ford Fusion back.
But more importantly today I was reminded of Grace. I was taught thankfulness. I was reminded to have Faith.
A very unexpected lesson of faith from my Ford Fusion
Saturday, June 29, 2013
What My Colorectal Surgery Patients are teaching me.
Hello Friends,
I typically do posts about the things I'm learning in my rotations, and I'm two weeks in and ready to share. So far my rotation has been great. I have learned a lot, gotten to participate in surgery which I always enjoy. If surgery had a better schedule I would want to do it hands down. I enjoy it. I enjoy that what should hurt someone- cutting, and cauterizing and removing tissue or parts of organs does the opposite: It heals and helps. It's such a beautiful paradox that I can't wrap my mind around and I love it. I love the cleanliness of the OR, and the structure. Somehow, poop is less disgusting in the OR. It's almost like stepping into another world when you go through the OR doors and I love that.
But I also love seeing the lady on the 3rd floor at 7 am. Talking to her and her husband and finding out how she is doing. I love being on the 14th floor at 6 am and getting to tell our patient from yesterday that she is NOT humpty dumpty as she so suggested but rather no matter what her abdomen looks like, she is beautiful. I like talking to the elderly woman who teared up after she was told she was having surgery. I liked encouraging the man afraid of a colonoscopy, and seeing him believe me and schedule one with the doctor not even indicating he was afraid to begin with. I enjoy talking to the gentlemen who needs surgery as I'm walking him to the waiting room and having him want to know my opinion on if the doctor is a good one. (which I was able to honestly assure him that he is). I like meeting people where they are and getting to talk to them, encourage them, and let them know they are seen.
What I have gotten to see most is that a situation is what you make it. You can choose to focus on the solution or the problem. I see it in our patients all the time. They focus on the pain of the operation rather than the cure to their cancer. They focus on the fear of the colonoscopy rather than the reassurance that they don't have cancer. The worst part: I do the same thing.
I focus on the lack of finding the perfect job, rather than seeing that there are thousands that don't have a job, or a home or food. I'm selfish at my core and it shows me that June is no different: God is still hammering thankfulness into me this year and while I would like to say I'm thankful in all circumstances reality is I'm not. And that breaks my heart. I'm sure it also breaks God's heart and but thankfully He is still working on me. :)
Hope your doing well. Let me know what your learning from the unlikely places :)
<3
Anita
I typically do posts about the things I'm learning in my rotations, and I'm two weeks in and ready to share. So far my rotation has been great. I have learned a lot, gotten to participate in surgery which I always enjoy. If surgery had a better schedule I would want to do it hands down. I enjoy it. I enjoy that what should hurt someone- cutting, and cauterizing and removing tissue or parts of organs does the opposite: It heals and helps. It's such a beautiful paradox that I can't wrap my mind around and I love it. I love the cleanliness of the OR, and the structure. Somehow, poop is less disgusting in the OR. It's almost like stepping into another world when you go through the OR doors and I love that.
But I also love seeing the lady on the 3rd floor at 7 am. Talking to her and her husband and finding out how she is doing. I love being on the 14th floor at 6 am and getting to tell our patient from yesterday that she is NOT humpty dumpty as she so suggested but rather no matter what her abdomen looks like, she is beautiful. I like talking to the elderly woman who teared up after she was told she was having surgery. I liked encouraging the man afraid of a colonoscopy, and seeing him believe me and schedule one with the doctor not even indicating he was afraid to begin with. I enjoy talking to the gentlemen who needs surgery as I'm walking him to the waiting room and having him want to know my opinion on if the doctor is a good one. (which I was able to honestly assure him that he is). I like meeting people where they are and getting to talk to them, encourage them, and let them know they are seen.
What I have gotten to see most is that a situation is what you make it. You can choose to focus on the solution or the problem. I see it in our patients all the time. They focus on the pain of the operation rather than the cure to their cancer. They focus on the fear of the colonoscopy rather than the reassurance that they don't have cancer. The worst part: I do the same thing.
I focus on the lack of finding the perfect job, rather than seeing that there are thousands that don't have a job, or a home or food. I'm selfish at my core and it shows me that June is no different: God is still hammering thankfulness into me this year and while I would like to say I'm thankful in all circumstances reality is I'm not. And that breaks my heart. I'm sure it also breaks God's heart and but thankfully He is still working on me. :)
Hope your doing well. Let me know what your learning from the unlikely places :)
<3
Anita
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Who says it has to be itsy bitsy?- Jessica Rey
There is a video floating around the internet on the Evolution of the Bikini. Many videos float around the internet but I have to tell you I am often skeptic to click and watch whatever "everyone" is posting. However, after ignoring it, a friend encouraged me to watch this video:
"We need to teach girls that modesty isn't about covering up our bodies because they're bad. Modesty isn't about hiding ourselves; it's about revealing our dignity." -Jessica Rey
What Jessica Rey talks about here is how the bikini evolved, it's initial impact and what has now evolved from the bikini today. She touches on the beautiful topic of modesty, and is using her talents to afford women more choices for modest bikinis in her bathing suit line. http://www.reyswimwear.com/
Personally I can't wait to order one of these swim suits and encourage you to support her business as well.
Personally I can't wait to order one of these swim suits and encourage you to support her business as well.
I can remember back to my teen years of watching MTV, and there was an episode where they were coving the MTV summer beach bash speaking about bathing suits and telling everyone that when it comes to swimwear : Less is more. As a fair skinned, lanky teen who was awkward- the idea of wearing strings for a bathing suit made me completely uncomfortable. I can't tell you how many times I've heard a discussion about clothing being too skimpy or revealing for one person's taste and the person desiring to wear the clothing retorts "It covers more than a bathing suit."
While I understand that some people enjoy showing off their lady bits on the beach, perhaps listening to Jessica Rey and her report of Princeton Universities findings on how men view women in small amounts of clothing should make the ladies of the world really do a double take.
When I was single I came to a place where I realized that how men talked to me or treated me was largely dependent on what I wore. In college I wore more clothes on the immodest side of things. I grew up in south Florida, and the beach was in walking distance from my university making shorts, tank tops and flip flops a staple in my wardrobe. The type of men that I would attract seemed to be guys who were more interested in my body than my heart. As I realized this, I decided I wanted to attract my husband my heart, because when I'm 80 and wrinkled and I've had 5 kids I am not going to look like I do now, and I wanted my future husband to still love me. So, I started to coverup. I found that the type of men I attracted then were more polite and patient. When I said I was waiting for my husband they weren't scared off, and honestly I think it's because when I was dressing in a revealing way, I was saying something with my attire, and saying I wanted a man to love and treasure me with my mouth. I was sending a mixed message.
I was blessed to meet my husband, because if you ask him he will tell you that when we first met, and while we were dating, he couldn't tell you what curves my body had. He was pursuing me because he saw something more than outside appearance: he saw me, he saw my heart.
1 Peter 3:1-4 says Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
Now I've heard countless women read this verse and think: I'm supposed to wear a potato sac, not brush my hair, and not accept a diamond ring. No. What I believe it is saying here is don't focus so intently on the external appearance, because while you might have the perfect outfit if you don't have a gentle and loving and kind spirit, than clothes and jewels and hairstyles won't change that. What Peter is writing about is character. He is telling women to be beautiful not just from the inside, but from the outside as well. He is sharing the very sentiment of God, who tells us He knows the number of hairs on our heads, He has our name written on His hand and He knows our heart and intentions. Peter is reminding wives in particular but truly all women that makeup washes away, clothes wrinkle and fray, but joy can't be hidden.
Ladies, true beauty is not only skin deep. True beauty is in a heart after God. So don't break out the potato sacs and moo moos, but remember that you send a message with your clothing and you can make that message say whatever you want. Why not let it say more?
In this post I'm not going to go into the other facets for modesty: the importance of not tempting men, the importance of knowing your body is a temple for the Lord, ect. I wanted to just cover the idea of beauty. If you would like me to write more on these other topics, or on something else feel free to comment and let me know.
Friends: what makes you feel beautiful? Let me know
xox
Anita
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Wrong Numbers
Hello friends,
It's been a bit of time, but I have been busy with ER and studying and life really.
God is still teaching me about thankfulness this year... and specifically humility lately.
I had a funny story so I thought I would do a quick post.
So as a PA student soon to be PA I have been applying for jobs. To be honest I've only applied to ones I've really wanted and there really has only been one job thus far I really wanted. Sure I've talked to a few people who have mentioned some options to me, but I've been praying for direction and clarity. So I e-mailed a gentleman about this job a while back, and I don't really hear much, but I figured well I'll follow up because it sounds like something special. When I do a conversation is started. Phone calls, text messages, e-mails are exchanged with questions being asked of me to figure out how much I want to make, what my experience is, what languages I speak and such. All of these questions culminated in what I hoped for : We would like to interview you on Saturday.
A second gentleman for this office contacts me by e-mail this morning stating he was given my resume and has been trying to call me but it's not going through.
my first thought was: Is something wrong with my phone? did my resume not e-mail correctly? The idea that something on my resume could be wrong after how many times I had read it and edited it was not a first thought in my pride.
but what was really the problem: my number was incorrect on my resume.
After going back through I still can't figure out what happened because when you open it on my computer the number is correct, but when you "quick view it" (sorry windows friends this is a mac feature) it's wrong. An extra 1. A mistake. And as to how this happened I have no idea but honestly it's neither here nor there. The truth is mistakes happen, no matter how many times you proofread your resume or how many other people you have look it over.
And this extra number, this mistake, well it's kind of like life. Mistakes happen no matter how much you try and prevent them but I believe in a God who makes messages out of messes and who loves me no matter how many mistakes I make.
I should tell you I was completely embarrassed at this incident. (not quite as embarrassed as in the fourth grade when my pants fell down in front of my class, but perhaps a close second.) There was no way to explain it, and all I could do was take responsibility for it that no matter what happened I failed to get an accurate number transmitted.
Thankfully God is gracious, I was e-mailed of this problem and asked to call or send the correct number. Grace.
It would have been easy for the mistake to have ended communication, but it didn't. And while I will probably apologize a couple more times for this with a genuine sorrow for the confusion, I'm thankful. I thankful that the God of the universe is so patient and caring and kind that even when I mess up, He loves me just the same.
I called, apologized, and talked with the gentleman. He made a joke about it, but was extremely nice. Extremely kind. He showed me grace and even if He doesn't hire me I'll always appreciate that.
Grace.
Yesterday was a demonstration of that when after almost 2 years my first dermatologist biopsy results came back benign. A miracle as I had been told "surgery was coming" and yet we prayed. My husband prayed. My friends prayed, I prayed, and God answered.
So to the wrong number: you better believe I'll self e-mail my resume to double check probably for the rest of my life, but will I ever be perfect: no. I'm human. But I have the creator of the universe directing my steps, and showing me mercy. I did of course read the whole resume very slowly one more time before sending an apology and a corrected copy.
Hopefully the job works out despite the mishap, as the more I pray about it the more I feel like this could be it. It's where we want to be, doing what I want to do, giving me an opportunity to educate patients, and allowing me the ability to learn from a large practice of doctors and other PAs. If I learned anything in ER is that no matter who your patient is there is a need to meet them right where they are and love them in their brokenness.
Isaiah 41:10 -Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
It's been a bit of time, but I have been busy with ER and studying and life really.
God is still teaching me about thankfulness this year... and specifically humility lately.
I had a funny story so I thought I would do a quick post.
So as a PA student soon to be PA I have been applying for jobs. To be honest I've only applied to ones I've really wanted and there really has only been one job thus far I really wanted. Sure I've talked to a few people who have mentioned some options to me, but I've been praying for direction and clarity. So I e-mailed a gentleman about this job a while back, and I don't really hear much, but I figured well I'll follow up because it sounds like something special. When I do a conversation is started. Phone calls, text messages, e-mails are exchanged with questions being asked of me to figure out how much I want to make, what my experience is, what languages I speak and such. All of these questions culminated in what I hoped for : We would like to interview you on Saturday.
A second gentleman for this office contacts me by e-mail this morning stating he was given my resume and has been trying to call me but it's not going through.
my first thought was: Is something wrong with my phone? did my resume not e-mail correctly? The idea that something on my resume could be wrong after how many times I had read it and edited it was not a first thought in my pride.
but what was really the problem: my number was incorrect on my resume.
After going back through I still can't figure out what happened because when you open it on my computer the number is correct, but when you "quick view it" (sorry windows friends this is a mac feature) it's wrong. An extra 1. A mistake. And as to how this happened I have no idea but honestly it's neither here nor there. The truth is mistakes happen, no matter how many times you proofread your resume or how many other people you have look it over.
And this extra number, this mistake, well it's kind of like life. Mistakes happen no matter how much you try and prevent them but I believe in a God who makes messages out of messes and who loves me no matter how many mistakes I make.
I should tell you I was completely embarrassed at this incident. (not quite as embarrassed as in the fourth grade when my pants fell down in front of my class, but perhaps a close second.) There was no way to explain it, and all I could do was take responsibility for it that no matter what happened I failed to get an accurate number transmitted.
Thankfully God is gracious, I was e-mailed of this problem and asked to call or send the correct number. Grace.
It would have been easy for the mistake to have ended communication, but it didn't. And while I will probably apologize a couple more times for this with a genuine sorrow for the confusion, I'm thankful. I thankful that the God of the universe is so patient and caring and kind that even when I mess up, He loves me just the same.
I called, apologized, and talked with the gentleman. He made a joke about it, but was extremely nice. Extremely kind. He showed me grace and even if He doesn't hire me I'll always appreciate that.
Grace.
Yesterday was a demonstration of that when after almost 2 years my first dermatologist biopsy results came back benign. A miracle as I had been told "surgery was coming" and yet we prayed. My husband prayed. My friends prayed, I prayed, and God answered.
So to the wrong number: you better believe I'll self e-mail my resume to double check probably for the rest of my life, but will I ever be perfect: no. I'm human. But I have the creator of the universe directing my steps, and showing me mercy. I did of course read the whole resume very slowly one more time before sending an apology and a corrected copy.
Hopefully the job works out despite the mishap, as the more I pray about it the more I feel like this could be it. It's where we want to be, doing what I want to do, giving me an opportunity to educate patients, and allowing me the ability to learn from a large practice of doctors and other PAs. If I learned anything in ER is that no matter who your patient is there is a need to meet them right where they are and love them in their brokenness.
Isaiah 41:10 -Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Ill accept His plea to fear not. I'll accept humbly the responsibility for my mistakes and I'll be thankful and count it as joy the lessons He is patiently teaching me. I'll remember that no one ever actually died from embarrassment and that if God has a plan sometimes it's not just a plan to get me to a destination sometimes it's a plan to teach me a lesson or two as well.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Consider the Lilies.
Life always comes with challenges. Some days there are more than others, some days we can ignore the challenges but in reality there are challenges to each day. Some days it's a challenge to put one foot in front of the other, other days, it's a challenge to get everything done in the time you want. Some days it might be a challenge for motivation, other days it's patience that others don't have the motivation you do. Regardless each day is a challenge.
But something I've been trying to focus on knowing is that no matter how hard my challenges, that God is for me. That He has a plan, and that He knows the way. It's hard for me to remember this at times, when I get caught up in my feelings or my emotions, but God knows my heart and my worries, and what does He say in matthew "Consider the Lilies"
For a type A personality thats hard, but the problem is not what Jesus said, the problem is me. I need to repent of my worry, of my fear. I need to believe Gods will is best for me and that no matter what He calls me to that He will never leave me or forsake me. I need to search the pages of scripture and remember His promises and believe them. The problem is my unbelief and that influences my behavior. If I'm honest I'm not believing God to meet every worry I have. If I'm honest, I'm not bringing Him my heartbreak and my hurts in the way in which He calls for and if I'm honest, I know that in keeping these things to myself, keeping my pride, that I'm not drawing nearer to Him, and thus He is not drawing nearer to me. He hasn't moved, I do. I run away in small parts, in the places I'm scared, and I keep them all for myself. And yet He is so patient to extend the hand and remind me that He is there, and I need to "fear not" and consider the lilies. The beautiful lilies which are anchored in and have no need to move. The lilies who stand find no matter the winds.
So thats my goal. To be thankful for the lilies and to focus on them , but most importantly focus on God.
<3
But something I've been trying to focus on knowing is that no matter how hard my challenges, that God is for me. That He has a plan, and that He knows the way. It's hard for me to remember this at times, when I get caught up in my feelings or my emotions, but God knows my heart and my worries, and what does He say in matthew "Consider the Lilies"
For a type A personality thats hard, but the problem is not what Jesus said, the problem is me. I need to repent of my worry, of my fear. I need to believe Gods will is best for me and that no matter what He calls me to that He will never leave me or forsake me. I need to search the pages of scripture and remember His promises and believe them. The problem is my unbelief and that influences my behavior. If I'm honest I'm not believing God to meet every worry I have. If I'm honest, I'm not bringing Him my heartbreak and my hurts in the way in which He calls for and if I'm honest, I know that in keeping these things to myself, keeping my pride, that I'm not drawing nearer to Him, and thus He is not drawing nearer to me. He hasn't moved, I do. I run away in small parts, in the places I'm scared, and I keep them all for myself. And yet He is so patient to extend the hand and remind me that He is there, and I need to "fear not" and consider the lilies. The beautiful lilies which are anchored in and have no need to move. The lilies who stand find no matter the winds.
So thats my goal. To be thankful for the lilies and to focus on them , but most importantly focus on God.
<3
Monday, March 25, 2013
Prayer circles
Today was my first day on my Obgyn rotation. It was a thought provoking day, a difficult day and a good day all in one.
It gave me questions that I don't have answers to, but most of all moved my heart to prayer.
My job today was to find the heartbeat of the baby. And that heartbeat once I found it produced a joy in me that I can't explain. It tugged at my desire for children like a hard jerk, while I know now is not the time. It pulled at my heart to circle the babies God has given me desire for in prayer. I feel like I prayed all day.
I prayed for my future babies heart, with each heartbeat I found. I prayed for their growth with each ob patient I had. I prayed for their kidneys when a lady told me of her child's kidney issues. I prayed for their toes when I saw little baby toes as for their nose when I saw a cute baby nose. I prayed for my body and its ability to grow the baby, and I prayed for the delivery that I hope to one day experience. I prayed for that baby that they would love God and I prayed the God would prepare Paul and I for the day we become parents.
While I am not pregnant, not trying to be pregnant and it won't be for a whole util I finish school and start a job I am so thankful that if anything, the next 6 weeks will be spent wrapping my future babies in prayer. I can wait for these babies a but I want to be able to give them what they need and we can't afford that now not would it be healthy for a baby to be conceived during clinicals due to the demand on the body and what my rotations require. But like I spent time praying for my future husband, I'm going to commit to praying for my future children.
I want to also pray for these women that they would see the gifts they are growing and that they would love them. I'm excited to get to pray for them and see God work.
What are you praying for?
Xox
Anita
It gave me questions that I don't have answers to, but most of all moved my heart to prayer.
My job today was to find the heartbeat of the baby. And that heartbeat once I found it produced a joy in me that I can't explain. It tugged at my desire for children like a hard jerk, while I know now is not the time. It pulled at my heart to circle the babies God has given me desire for in prayer. I feel like I prayed all day.
I prayed for my future babies heart, with each heartbeat I found. I prayed for their growth with each ob patient I had. I prayed for their kidneys when a lady told me of her child's kidney issues. I prayed for their toes when I saw little baby toes as for their nose when I saw a cute baby nose. I prayed for my body and its ability to grow the baby, and I prayed for the delivery that I hope to one day experience. I prayed for that baby that they would love God and I prayed the God would prepare Paul and I for the day we become parents.
While I am not pregnant, not trying to be pregnant and it won't be for a whole util I finish school and start a job I am so thankful that if anything, the next 6 weeks will be spent wrapping my future babies in prayer. I can wait for these babies a but I want to be able to give them what they need and we can't afford that now not would it be healthy for a baby to be conceived during clinicals due to the demand on the body and what my rotations require. But like I spent time praying for my future husband, I'm going to commit to praying for my future children.
I want to also pray for these women that they would see the gifts they are growing and that they would love them. I'm excited to get to pray for them and see God work.
What are you praying for?
Xox
Anita
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Count it all joy.
Friends, Sometimes in life we have trials, whether big or small. How do you deal with trials? sometimes I pray. Sometimes I ask why. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what I want and whats not fair about the situation or how if only this or that had happened this would have been prevented. But what does Gods word say I should do
"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.- James 1:2"
Joy?
Thats what I'm supposed to call it?
When I think of joy I think of a sense of peace and pleasure. A kind of sunshine rainbows nothing is going to rain on my parade sorta sensation. Joy is not the "why,crying,blaming,frustrated,don't understand,wanttorunaway" sort of feeling I get when trials come my way.
But Nehemiah 8:10 gives us some insight. "The joy of the Lord is your strength."
Ever felt week in a trial, powerless? Were you lacking joy?
Joy is not based on circumstances it is based on God. It's knowing Him and knowing that He was the perfect plan and having faith that He will see you through.
James goes on to say in verse 12 "Blessed is the man who preservers under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
We are to have joy. We are to love Him. We are to know that in verse 3 when it says why He allows trials "because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
Oh.
So. The testing of my faith produces perseverance and the perseverance produced gives a crown of life, but to do that I gotta stand the test have count it as joy? How do I do that.
Practice thankfulness.
It's God's will for us that we be thankful and that realizing of what God has given will produce in us a joy and a hope that knows that as God has provided for us before, He will provide again. It's what the Israelites missed when God brought them out of Egypt. Thankfulness.
So what am I thankful for? In no particular order.
"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.- James 1:2"
Joy?
Thats what I'm supposed to call it?
When I think of joy I think of a sense of peace and pleasure. A kind of sunshine rainbows nothing is going to rain on my parade sorta sensation. Joy is not the "why,crying,blaming,frustrated,don't understand,wanttorunaway" sort of feeling I get when trials come my way.
But Nehemiah 8:10 gives us some insight. "The joy of the Lord is your strength."
Ever felt week in a trial, powerless? Were you lacking joy?
Joy is not based on circumstances it is based on God. It's knowing Him and knowing that He was the perfect plan and having faith that He will see you through.
James goes on to say in verse 12 "Blessed is the man who preservers under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
We are to have joy. We are to love Him. We are to know that in verse 3 when it says why He allows trials "because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
Oh.
So. The testing of my faith produces perseverance and the perseverance produced gives a crown of life, but to do that I gotta stand the test have count it as joy? How do I do that.
Practice thankfulness.
It's God's will for us that we be thankful and that realizing of what God has given will produce in us a joy and a hope that knows that as God has provided for us before, He will provide again. It's what the Israelites missed when God brought them out of Egypt. Thankfulness.
So what am I thankful for? In no particular order.
- A wonderful God that loves me enough to save me.
- A wonderful husband who loves me no matter what I do.
- A puppy dog by my side that is curled up and sleeping peacefully.
- a yummy chinese food lunch, when so many don't have food
- Pop. (caffeine really).
- the word of God and the promise that it has.
- great professors at my school.
- the opportunity to be in school.
- my health
- the tattered yarn wrapped around my wrist symboling a beautiful connection with amazing women
- great friends.
- my hearing aid.
- my car that got me safely to and from school.
- knitting
- the pretty roses that my husband got me last week for no reason.
- Gods faithfulness in my life.
- Well done by Moriah Peters.
- dinner on Monday night with my friend Kelly.
- A visit from my friend is coming this weekend.
- Gods love for me is not based on my performance.
- God rewards our faithfulness. God has a plan
- that my doggie is so well behaved.
- that we have the written word of God to read. not everyone has had that in the past.
- the ability to study
- the life I've lived. The good the bad the ugly. It all worked out beautifully.
- that God continues to teach me.
- that I have a home.
- that God has blessed me with a wonderful career field.
- that I don't know everything.
- that when I feel like I know everything I'm reminded that is not true, but God does.
- That I have such a giving husband.
- That God has given me a heart of compassion for people
- That God changed my heart, and is still changing it.
- That God gives good gifts.
- That God encourages me.
- That no matter what happens that this world is not my home, and that one day I will see the beautiful gates of heaven.
- Confidence knowing that God put in me in PA school.
- Knowing that when I ask for forgiveness God is just to forgive.
- The puppy that is now keeping my toes warm in this sort of bipolar weather we have been having
- That beautiful role models that God has placed in my life.
God has blessed me and this is just a small glimpse of some of the ways. Some big things, some things, but there is no doubt that He is behind it all.
Friends. Pray that God will give you the strength to count it all joy.
Practice thankfulness
Remember the Joy of the Lord is your strength.
Know that every good gift is from above.
and know that no matter what He's not finished with you yet, He's sharpening you and growing perseverance in you.
"because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
Love Him. Love Others.
<3
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Submission isn't easy but obedience rarely is.
Hello friends,
My life has been a whirlwind of seeing patients, studying for exams, and interviewing for jobs, but I see how much of my life could change depending on the job I take, and I see the desires that God has put in my heart and I pray that He will continue to light the path.
Submission to God's plan is the first thing I have to do. Trust that He has the plan and trust that He knows what is best. Jesus was perfectly submitted to God.
My life has been a whirlwind of seeing patients, studying for exams, and interviewing for jobs, but I see how much of my life could change depending on the job I take, and I see the desires that God has put in my heart and I pray that He will continue to light the path.
Submission to God's plan is the first thing I have to do. Trust that He has the plan and trust that He knows what is best. Jesus was perfectly submitted to God.
| |||
Jesus is our example and if Jesus came to do the work of the Father, then our goal should be to do what Jesus did and do the work that God directs whether thats showing kindness, praying for people God puts on our hearts, giving of our time and money, giving everything we can and have to God.
Submission comes in other forms.
Ephesians 5:22 says " Wives submit to your own husbands as you do the Lord."
How do we submit to God? in everything. The writer of Ephesians (Paul) knew we would have questions so he wrote in verse 24 "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." There is the clarity we need. Wives submit in everything. Now if I were to take a survey on who thinks that is easy...no one would raise their hand is my guess. Just as submission to God takes effort and desire and time to learn. The bible speaks of spiritual infants and similarly I think there is an infancy in marriage that occurs. You mature (hopefully) in your ability to communicate and relate to your husband and you learn to trade milk for meat. The little lessons of your first weeks of marriage come and grow to bigger lessons, bigger realizations, and I say this in still an "infancy of marriage" as I have only been married for 7 months. However, I can tell you that the 7 months has stretched me from selfish and unaware to selfish and aware. Once aware, we are charged with praying and studying to grow and learning how to put the other person before you, learning how to be patient, learning how to be understanding. The days I fail out number the days I succeed but as with God I don't' earn my husband's love he gives it freely no matter how much I mess up or fail. And yet just as I struggled with submitting in everything to God, I struggle in submitting in everything to my husband. But, I'm growing and trying.
When you get married you can't predict the things that will be hard to submit in. The places that your husband will want to lead you, won't always be the places you want to go. The things your husband wants to teach you, won't always be what you want to learn. (sound familiar to how God is with you?) Lately my husband has been leading me to really examine what I think and believe. He is pushing me to know the word, to study it, to ask questions and not just to take an answer but to search for truth. Its a wonderful and frustrating experience all at the same time. And yet I see God teaching me as my husband is teaching me. It's a stretching experience but one that I am confident will lead me to a deeper relationship with my husband and with God.
Ladies, if your husband is leading you you have to trust that God is leading Him to the right place. Will it be easy always ? NO. But I encourage you to meditate on the verses the bible gives on submission to God and pray that God will help you to submit to your husband as to the Lord. (Note your husband is NOT your God, or savior. Jesus is Lord, but Jesus has told you to submit to your husband and out of obedience to Christ you are to submit. Not if you want to, but it's a mix of repentance and prayer that will help you do what you are to be obedient in.)
Well friends, I have a pie in the oven that needs to come out, and dinner with friends I need to get to. I encourage you ladies to pray that God will help your heart be open to what I am saying and open your hearts to honoring your husband and the Lord.
xoxo
Anita
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Hebrews 3
Hebrews 3
English Standard Version (ESV)
Jesus Greater Than Moses
3 Therefore, holy brothers, you who share in a heavenly calling, consider Jesus, the apostle and high priest of our confession, 2 who was faithful to him who appointed him, just as Moses also was faithful in all God's house. 3 For Jesus has been counted worthy of more glory than Moses—as much more glory as the builder of a house has more honor than the house itself. 4 (For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God.) 5 Now Moses was faithful in all God's house as a servant, to testify to the things that were to be spoken later, 6 but Christ is faithful over God's house as a son. And we are his house if indeed we hold fast our confidence and our boasting in our hope.
7 Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says,
“Today, if you hear his voice,
8 do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion,
on the day of testing in the wilderness,
9 where your fathers put me to the test
and saw my works for forty years.
10 Therefore I was provoked with that generation,
and said, ‘They always go astray in their heart;
they have not known my ways.’
11 As I swore in my wrath,
‘They shall not enter my rest.’”
12 Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. 13 But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. 14 For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end. 15 As it is said,
“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.”
16 For who were those who heard and yet rebelled? Was it not all those who left Egypt led by Moses? 17 And with whom was he provoked for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies fell in the wilderness? 18 And to whom did he swear that they would not enter his rest, but to those who were disobedient? 19 So we see that they were unable to enter because of unbelief.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Hello Friends,
This morning I am reading in Hebrews 3 which speaks of how Jesus is greater than Moses and urges us to hold firm in our confidence until the end. The History Channel has been doing a series on "The Bible" which started last Sunday and I find it so applicable to have watched that and now be reading this.
Moses, as we see in the old testament, was one of Gods most faithful servants. He trusted God no matter the situation. Moses was faithful, but we know that Jesus was more faithful. The Hebrews writer tells us to "consider Jesus" and it's something I have been trying to do more and more, moment by moment. I think it's a process of giving your life over to Christ, a surrender of your time, your talents, your desires, your fears, and while I would like to say I just handed them all over in one big swoop, the reality is some things I held on to, some things I gave Him and then took back, and some things He pried out of my hands. I'd like to tell you I have now mastered the surrender to God but if I said that I would be lying. So to be honest, some days I am better at it than others, but my heart is that I would be able to give God all I can, and that I would be a faithful servant to Him.
I love verse 4: For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God. I love the truth there. God is the builder of everything. The giver of every good and perfect gift and the giver of the very life and breathe we have. How beautiful and wonderful. I am so thankful for my gifts, and I wonder if I find this verse particularly fitting since I am focused on thankfulness this year. How important for us to remember- He is the builder of all things. All the good in me was put there by God, it's not of myself.
Finally this passage encourages us to stand firm in our pursuit of the Lord, to encourage each other each and every day and to share the hope that we have. The evince of a Christian truly partaking of Christ's salvation involves endurance to the end. Definitely a push to examine ourselves that we are remaining steadfast and not having our hearts become hard. I pray friends that your hearts are open that you are pursuing the Lord.
Today I'm trusting that as God led His people out of slavery by Moses, that He will lead me today through this world to the places He wants me. I'm praying for wisdom and discernment and trusting He will give it and I am above all thankful for Him and His faithfulness.
<3
Monday, March 4, 2013
A moment of thanks
At my new rotation Mondays and Fridays I start my day next door to a Barnes coffee. I've learned to love a ginger peach tea and the calm nature of the start of the day. It's as though my heart and soul long for the quiet moment before the day. The moments to reflect on God and His goodness before starting the crazy momentum of the day.
It gives me a moment to be thankful for the breathe I have this morning, the healin God is giving me from my cold, the opportunity to study and grow and learn, the opportunity to read on my iPhone and drink a tea when there are people who have no home. The moment to focus on my thankfulness for my clothes, and for the hair on my head and for my toes that are nicely pedicured from yesterday. I can be thankful for my husband and his help, the breakfast I ate and the promise that I have a home. But all these blessing while wonderful are nothing close to the blessing of my savior and His sacrifice for me.
I am so thankful for my Lord and I am so thankful to know him.
<3 data-blogger-escaped-br=""> Anita
It gives me a moment to be thankful for the breathe I have this morning, the healin God is giving me from my cold, the opportunity to study and grow and learn, the opportunity to read on my iPhone and drink a tea when there are people who have no home. The moment to focus on my thankfulness for my clothes, and for the hair on my head and for my toes that are nicely pedicured from yesterday. I can be thankful for my husband and his help, the breakfast I ate and the promise that I have a home. But all these blessing while wonderful are nothing close to the blessing of my savior and His sacrifice for me.
I am so thankful for my Lord and I am so thankful to know him.
<3 data-blogger-escaped-br=""> Anita
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I'm not just looking for answers I'm looking for truth.
I've been learning so much about the word of God, and about God himself. In the last 6 days my eyes have been opened to a lot of new things and I have to say it is a little scary I quick I have been to believe just what people tell me instead of researching it myself. I'm not just looking for answers I'm looking for truth.
This puts me at a crossroads.
But then I remember Amy Carmichael.
"If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand," or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love."
At times I'm afraid to share truth and yet what I should care most about is the other's good. them knowing the truth. Unfortunately truth isn't always met with a smile or welcoming ears.
This puts me at a crossroads.
But then I remember Amy Carmichael.
"If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand," or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love."
At times I'm afraid to share truth and yet what I should care most about is the other's good. them knowing the truth. Unfortunately truth isn't always met with a smile or welcoming ears.
And yet I know that Jesus didn't sugar coat truth to not turn people away.
He wanted them to know the truth. To know the God of the bible and the more I read and the more I learn about the God of the bible the more I see that the story that is being told about Him by much of the world is incorrect.
All I can say is thank you.
Thank you God for what you have been showing me.
Thank you God for allowing me to seek and find you.
Thank you for all that you are and all that you do.
<3
Saturday, February 23, 2013
New Lessons through Marriage
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about the way...
He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about the way...
He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves.
This song- How He loves by David Crowder Band is one that I have heart in several churches. Its a beautiful song, but one that for a long time I had a hard time grasping. How could God be jealous for me? Isn't jealousy bad? These were the sorts of questions I had.
My husband has been teaching me a lot about righteous anger and the type of jealousy this song talks about. He has been showing me what a heart that is completely full of love for me looks like and has shown me what sinking in grace might look like. Does he loves me as much as God? No. not possible. But he loves me more than anyone ever has and that love, that picture he draws for me each day, is one that continues to help me understand that if my husband can love me as much as he does, and that times a billion or more is how much God loves me and I have to say its that picture that has really grown me. We have been married a little over 6 months now and I'm amazed at what a picture marriage is and I am so thankful for God providing such an amazing man for me to see just a glimpse of His love for me.
It's that love that I feel in His presence and its that love i'm pursuing.
<3
Anita
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