Dear Mommies and Future Mommies:

I am so blessed to have so many lovely people around me pregnant. It seems like the phase of life I'm in it's rare that there is a week where no one has announced an engagement or a baby. It's incredible to see the mommies around me, some who are first time moms others who have a few and are growing their family. Some even are moms who are praying for more, overcoming miscarriage, challenged by health issues or struggling with being on the same page as a spouse. Some are trying to work out the finances or dealing with various struggles.  Some are praying for a baby and waiting.

For me I'm not a mother to a human being and I never have been. I've never had the wonder or shock of two lines on pregnancy test, so I've never been met with the excitement or fear that comes with that. I've never lost a baby to miscarriage, I've never had to decide life. I've never tried to conceive a child so I haven't been met with the anticipation and the feeling of a negative tests that I was hoping would be positive.   So essentially I have no form of expertise on the subject of motherhood unless you need tips on mothering a dog, in which case I've got plenty.   The roller coaster of our life hasn't brought us to a season of these things just yet but has brought us to a season of NFP and baby stickers and figuring out Billings vs. Creighton model and maybe I'll do a post one day about how that all works but for now just know that we don't know but He does.

But Mommies, know that my heart is with you. As I dream and hope that one day God will open the door and timing to motherhood for me,  I know we can all relate to one thing: the unknown. No matter what road your walking whether its TTC, TTA, TTW, or currently pregnant - none of us know what tomorrow with hold. We literally have no control over conception, our ability to carry a pregnancy or not or our ability to safely birth a baby into the world. It's the lack of control that for so many is so challenging and I'll even admit at times the details for us on when to think about trying for a baby or what we hope for that child have kept me up at night. Prayerful discernment is where I am at this moment. Praying for God to prepare me for whatever His plan is and prayer for our marriage that we can grow in holiness through whatever His will is.

It's all been advised but many women in my life:

"your doing the right thing finishing school and getting an education first."
"there's never a perfect time just go for it."
"enjoy your marriage wait for babies."
"if you plan for it will never happen."

But I know the One who has the plan.
I know the one who knits together life.
I know the Great I am. I know the King. I know the Maker and Giver.

So while I have NO IDEA what He has planned... I know what He's put on my heart which is the hundreds and thousands of other mommies that I can pray for in this season of life.  I can pray for the sweet women who welcomed baby number 8 on the day she lost her husband. I can pray for those I know that have been waiting for years for God to give them a baby. I can pray for those who wait for the arrival of their baby and pray for safe delivery. I can pray for those who are mommies to children who may be both healthy and unhealthy and for the challenges and gifts each child can bring.

 I can pray for the children I hope to have: their lives and that God would start growing their faith even now before they have even been conceived. I pray that He will grow me in the ways He needs to so that I could be a mother that parents with holiness. Holy families raise holy children.  I know motherhood will be the most important thing outside of being a wife that I ever do and I'm excited to see what that looks like someday.

You see friends the unknown isn't easy, in some ways I think it's harder than what's known. For my life though, it's the seasons of unknown that have helped me grow to rely on Him for He's never forsaken me.

Mommies. Count it all joy. The path of motherhood is one of the biggest paths of unknowns and one
of the paths of greatest reward. Steward your gift of motherhood to the best of your ability. The days might be hard in many ways but joy comes in the morning. No matter the challenge or the day, no matter the good news or the hard news He can do more than we ask or imagine. Nothing is impossible and nothing is out of His care so bring it all to Him. All the hurt, all the impatience, all the joy and laughter, all the pain and fear. Drop it at the alter. Drop it at the foot of the cross. Drop it at the feet of Jesus.

Even if you end up looking like Hannah who cried so hard the priest thought she was drunk thats ok. Drop it.

1 Samuel 1:10-19

In her bitterness she prayed to the LORD, weeping freely,11and made this vow: “O LORD of hosts, if you look with pity on the hardship of your servant, if you remember me and do not forget me, if you give your handmaid a male child, I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life. No razor shall ever touch his head.”12 As she continued praying before the LORD, Eli watched her mouth,13for Hannah was praying silently; though her lips were moving, her voice could not be heard. Eli, thinking she was drunk,14said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Sober up from your wine!”15“No, my lord!” Hannah answered. “I am an unhappy woman. I have had neither wine nor liquor; I was only pouring out my heart to the LORD.16 Do not think your servant a worthless woman; my prayer has been prompted by my deep sorrow and misery.”17Eli said, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have requested.”18She replied, “Let your servant find favor in your eyes,” and left. She went to her quarters, ate and drank with her husband, and no longer appeared downhearted.19 Early the next morning they worshiped before the LORD, and then returned to their home in Ramah. When they returned Elkanah had intercourse with his wife Hannah, and the LORD remembered her.

Hannah brought it all. Her bitterness. Her weeping. Her misery. And most of all she wanted a Son to give to the Lord. In verse 18 she "no longer appeared downhearted." She left it all there in the temple knowing He sees and hears. It doesn't say how long Hannah was barren but earlier in the passage it says "year after year"  so we know that her journey wasn't short.  Like Hannah, I hope to leave everything I have at the feet of Jesus trusting that His timing is perfect and His will is best.

For Hannah- God answered her prayer which you can see through 1 Samuel 1 and 2. But what not only stands out to me is that He answered and she praised Him but He gave her more than she asked for. She asked for a son and 1 Samuel 2:21 says "The LORD favored Hannah so that she conceived and gave birth to three more sons and two daughters, while young Samuel grew up in the service of the LORD."  She asked for 1 son and got 4 sons and 2 daughters.  He alone knows what we need and the timing for what we need. He's never early or late. So on the days when the desires of my heart for children seem weighty I'll count it all joy and choose to trust Him.

<3

(note : TTC= Trying to Conceive TTA= Trying to Avoid Pregnancy TTW= trying to whatever)

No matter where you are trust Him.