Let's Support What God Has Joined Together

Dear Friends,

Since Paul and I met we have had people doubt our calling to marriage. Before we were married we had friends caution us to wait longer, to have financial agreements before marriage, to question what our hearts knew was true. We did none of this, we trusted God and walked in His timeline. I can understand their concern, Paul proposed 59 days after I met him and we were married 6 months from meeting which may seem like a strange timeline compared to most our age who date for years and are afraid of "I do's." We didn't plan for failure, we prayed for help.  We are blessed because we have gotten so much help and support and couldn't be more thankful.

Now that we have been married a bit, it's not often but at times we have others make comments that have told us that when we had challenges, that the easier thing to do would be to quit. When our journey caused us to grow in our faith, we were encouraged by some that it would be okay to leave since our views changed, rather than encouragement to work to come together as one to discover where God wanted us to go together. We have had people who barely know us tell us that our marriage is beautiful, and others tell us that if it gets too hard it's okay to leave, as if some of the most beautiful things in the world aren't made under pressure. The ring on my hand with its sparkly diamonds was made under pressure and that pressure helped to produce the first piece of jewelry my husband ever bought me. It's our challenges and pressure that have helped us grow, and confirmed that not only did I marry who God had for me, but I married my best friend.

It feels like the world is attacking marriage in a variety of ways. From other Christians encouraging couples to walk away at the first sign of trouble to the times we see the media, politicians and the secular world attempt to rip apart the values and strength of marriage to paint it as an outdated contract rather than a holy covenant. It's heartbreaking to watch and even more challenging to understand.

I am human and imperfect but God has grown my heart to want to put my husband Paul first, to love him even when its hard, to care for him even when it requires me going without as marriage is about many things, but selfishness is never one of them. He has taught me that marriage is a multitude of things, and can give us so many beautiful lessons, more than I could write even, but I'll share a few.

Marriage is about sacrifice. True love is pictured as Christ loves the church and as He laid down His life for the Church, so too my husband loves me with a love that resembles that. The church however is called to love Christ in a Holy and beautiful submission. I am growing each day to love Paul in that way. Marriage is about love and it's important to have a picture of what kind of love.

Love is patient. I'm learning to be patient
Love is kind. I do my best to be kind.
Love does not envy or boast. I do not envy or compare Paul to anyone and I try not to compare myself.
Love is not rude. I do my best to not be rude to Paul but to consider him, to value him, to trust him, to respect him.
Love does not seek it's own interests. It's sacrificial and I'm growing in loving him more.
Love is not quick tempered or brood over it's own injuries. God is growing me in these all the time and it's amazing the ways He has grown me.
Love does not keep a record of wrongs. I try and leave the shortcomings in the past and look to how God is growing us.
Love rejoices in the truth and Paul and I are truthful with each other and even when it's painful we follow the truth of what God is showing us.


Most importantly.
"It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things"

Love is not something that we just walk away from, or get out of.  Our marriage is a covenant with God. It's a promise that we made, and until death do we part. So even if He and I fail at loving each other in this perfect God honoring way, we will bear and believe and hope and endure with the strength from Christ. What God has joined together we will not separate.

Marriage is a path to holiness. It's not about happiness all the time, though together we are happier than we have ever been, but it is about holiness, a growth to learn more about what love is. As Paul and I grow to love each other we learn more about what God's love for us really looks like.

While I have only been married 2 years, 4 months and 27 days God has grown my heart for marriage and it's beauty and on the days where I fail, He reminds me with each new day that He is not finished teaching me through this most beautiful vocation. I pray He will give me all 73 years that my husband and I hope to be married, and more if that is what we need to love each other and God more closely.



Please friends, support marriage. In our country it is vastly under attack and treated as a commodity. There is so much confusion in the world as to what marriage is and is not, and to it's importance. It's described as a "ball and chain" or a "piece of paper." Yet, marriage is so much more than an object it's a vocation. The greatest vocation I will ever have is to be Paul's wife, because it's in my vocation that I can serve God more and fulfill His calling for my life.  I would caution you in charity not to suggest ending a marriage at the first sign of trouble or difference but rather encourage you to encourage couples as marriage is hard. Push married couples to do whatever it is to make it work. Encourage counseling, encourage help, encourage accountability, encourage date nights and prayer together and church attendance and growth in what love is. Don't help them come up with excuses to leave, help them remember their vows and their wedding day. If Satan is ripping apart the church with a directed effort, he's ripping it apart at the most incremental level: the level of the family.

I've in the last year met many who have challenging marriages. Women who have husbands with addictions, men who are married to women who won't respect them, couples who hold different beliefs or have different parenting approaches than their spouses. I've met couples who are challenged  and who's friends and families help pull them apart instead of pushing them together. I've met all sorts of people through my life and my patients and while safety comes first, let's be a society that redeems the families, encourages them, loves them. Let's not be people that look at other relationships and families and talk about them, let's talk with them and help them.

I pray for the couples and families that can't be together because it isn't safe. The circumstances vary but the reality is the same and my prayers and love are with you.

Please know that no marriage or family is perfect.
Perfect isn't required: even our beautiful Holy family was not perfect. Mary had an unexpected pregnancy, Joseph found the circumstances challenging and wanted a quiet divorce, they had to flea for safety and hide to protect their child. It's amazing what they went through and yet we call them the Holy Family not for their perfection, but for the strength they displayed in the challenges, and for the heart that their family ran on
"Lord let it be done to me according to thy word."

For our family, we hope to be holy. We hope to honor God. We hope it would be done to us according to God's word and plan.

Your encouragement would be welcomed wholeheartedly, because even if it meant that our marriage was imperfect, know that you wouldn't be revealing anything we don't know. We are imperfect people and asking God to have mercy on us so that we might grow in grace and love to love each other and God better.


God bless you,
Anita