For the Tough Days When God Gave You More Than You Could Handle.

There have been too many times I've heard "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I bet many of you can attest that God has given you more than you can handle, I know He's challenged me. The truth is He does give us too much at times, and while alone it is too much He can give us immeasurable strength to help us in any situation. It's trust in that that keeps us moving on the days when it feels like an uphill battle in the pouring rain through the mud.

and friends... there are days where thats me and let me tell you...
I don't like mud.

It's great to know we aren't alone friends isn't it? You ever felt like that? stuck in the mud?

I've been reading about Anthony of Egypt, who thankfully is recognized by pretty much everyone for his faith.  He wanted to purge himself of everything not of God so he went into the desert and hid in caves and tombs. What we know about him is that demons attacked him physically and spiritually.
St. Athanasius who lived around the same time chronicled his life, in a work that is respected by all christians and we see a beautiful answer from God as Anthony cried out in challenges:

Where were you God?’ Antony asked, ‘Why
didn’t you ease my temptations and pains?’
And a voice came to him: ‘Antony, I was
here, but I waited to see you fight.’”
-St. Athanasius

From the picture below depicted by Michaelangelo St. Antony sure was fighting.

Michaelangel's first painting

The Torment of St. Antony

image link

Friends. There are times where I feel I'm in the desert, in the mud, in the rain, in whatever element we wanna call it, and while at times our God asks me to be still while He fights for me, at other times our  Lord pushes me and wants to see me night like He pushed Antony.

Friends that fight is almost always spiritual and almost always internal for me.  While there have been times I've endured physical issues, the challenge to be faithful and self controlled in a storm is great. It's in the moment's that challenges arise that I must control my heart, my mind and my tongue.

Please know that whether He is fighting for you, or watching you fight He is always there. He will never leave you or forsake you and He has the perfect plan. While I can't always see the plan, and my the directions seem fuzzy, I know taking a step toward God is always leading me to the right path.

So when the days are hard and work challenges you, health challenges you, relationships challenge you, or whatever the challenge is, know that He will give you the strength, and you will overcome. It might not be graceful and you might end up covered in dirt, He is with you.
Friends I'm praying for you. If I can be praying for you specifically let me know.
I'm in a season where He's given me way more than I can handle but I know it's not too much for Him. In this season I feel He's called me to fight so I'm not giving up, no matter how much mud.
<3
Anita

The year of Love

For the last several years I've prayed for a word of the year. It's not a limit on God to teach me one thing but a challenge for me to see what He is teaching me in one area. I pick an area I need to grow in,  He has taught me so much each time I've done this. I could sum up what He taught me in a million words as He is so faithful to grow us if we ask Him too... but in 2014 I wanted to grow in Love. 

It's not that I didn't love, or I didn't want to love. It's that I knew that so much of my heart wasn't filled with a love that I wanted it to be filled with, a love like Christ. 

In 2014 God challenged what I thought love was. 

He challenged me to love my patients in a radical way. To love them the way Christ would, but also challenged me to see Christ in each of them so that I could see that as I serve and love my patient I am serving our Lord. This didn't hit me at once, but slowly permeated me. I found myself holding the hand of many, having them bear their souls to me, and being challenged to look past whatever they were saying and just love them. Just encourage them. At times that was challenging as not all our charitable, and at times I argued with God "are you sure you want me to say that... do that?" And yet He was faithful to reassure me. It was amazing and as I did I found that that He produced such joy in my heart. 

He challenged me to love my husband more. To trust him more and to grow in my patience. Patience doesn't come easy for me, and all sorts of circumstances have challenged me to make that harder but I consistently prayed for my heart and for my husband in 2014 and I found He did grow me so much. I know that part of this growth has been because of the physical encounter with Jesus in the Eucharist, but I will explained that more in a bit. 

He challenged me to love people that at times felt unlovable. I find it is hardest to do this with people I know well, but I know that no one is unlovable, all are God's handy work and beautiful even if I struggle to see the beauty. I felt convicted when I knew my heart wasn't what it should be toward a given person or situation and yet I know that that feeling of conviction was God loving me enough to grow me. Such a report is challenging but so helpful. 

He's shown me that He loves me in so many ways. It's not only in the ways where He works out something in some miraculous way, or does what I want, but sometimes putting me somewhere challenging is His way of loving me to grow my faith, and help me grow my dependence on Him. I never wanted to look at it that way because it seemed difficult.

Encountering Jesus in the Eucharist has been amazing. Seeing Him love me to sacrifice His life for me, and then loves me enough to never leave me is an incredible miracle that is the ultimate example of love. I was confirmed in 2014 and got to partake for the first time. It's amazing and definitely a huge testament of love. I'm so thankful for it.

For 2015 I'm letting God continue to teach me and help me to TRANSCEND or : Go beyond the limits. Beyond the limits of what I think I know or can do, and beyond the barriers that I've set for myself. 

What is your word of the year friends?

<3

Anita

10 Things I wish I Knew The First Time I Went To Mass

Dear Friend,

I remember my first mass. I saw a "nun" for the first time that was real and not dressed up for Halloween. I didn't know much about what would call her to the church, nor did I knew she should be called a sister not a nun but I loved her beauty that was nothing physical.

I remember walking in and seeing people dressed at varying levels some casual some dressy. A water bowl at the door and people kneeling to the front before sitting. I got in a pew in the back, see I didn't want to sit to close to the front to look like I was apart of it. I wanted a seat to observe. I refused to sit and stand and kneel when the people around me did because I didn't know why they were doing it. I had to know the reason behind the ritual. Thankfully there were answers that I've learned. So top 10 things I wish I knew before I went to mass the first time.

1. Everything in the mass is about Jesus. It's not about you, the priest, your how many people we can attract. It's about Jesus and His glory. We kneel for Jesus, We bow for Jesus. We ask for His mercy and forgiveness, we celebrate His life, death and resurrections. It's about Him.

2. The homily is not intended to blow your socks off. While it might, the mass is not sermon centered like in the protestant churches. It's supposed to be a short concise reflection on the readings to teach you one thing to apply to your life that ANYONE in that room can understand. It's not to grow head knowledge but to grow your heart. You don't even have to like the homily because that's not what the mass is for or about.

3. Holy water: there is a little bowel (font) by the door and a bigger one for baptism filled with water. Don't drink it. Don't be surprised when people are sprinkling it on themselves. They didn't forget to shower, it's holy water. How is this water different? It's been blessed and is the water we use for baptism.

4. The priest is not wearing a dress. It's a vestment. It's color coordinates with the liturgical calendar. It looks like a dress but it isn't. The priest is there to say the mass. He's not to be worshiped and neither are the statues and pictures you see around. While you may see people kneeling in front of statues or art, know that they are praying. We only pray to God but we do ask our family, friends, brothers, sisters, angels and saints to pray for us. God alone answers prayer but we are all a family of God. Death does not separate us from our family.

5. Eucharist: Catholics believe that the bread and wine, through a miracle of the Holy Spirit becomes the body and blood of Jesus. It's not symbolic it's literal but yet it doesn't look like or taste like flesh and blood. It still have the form of bread but yet it contains within it the body, blood soul and divinity of Jesus. You will see some people just take the bread, and not the cup. Jesus is fully present in both so you don't have to take both to have all of Jesus.

If you are not catholic, or have committed any mortal sin that has not been absolved in confession, then you can not take the Eucharist. However, we are all welcome at the altar. It doesn't matter what you've done or failed to do, who you are or are not you are welcome. You simply go up and cross your arms across your chest so the priest or Eucharistic minister knows to bless you and not feed you.  Don't feel like you need separate in the pew. Be part of the community and come up if you feel comfortable. Because it is our Lord we protect it. Only those in full communion of the Catholic church are given the Eucharist. There are a lot of details and explanations but this isn't the blog post for that.

Because it is Jesus: I recommend you sit as close as you can. I want to be as close to His presence as I can get.

6. We stay until the final hymn. You will see people duck out after the Eucharist, or walk out behind the priest. However the mass doesn't actually end until the final hymn. Angels attend the mass so out of respect for them we try not to talk in the church. It is COMPLETELY appropriate to kneel and thank God for the mass before you leave and after the hymn.

7. When you come in you will see people getting on one knee toward the front. It's called genuflecting. We do that to recognize the King of Kings is present. The red candle up front will be lit if Jesus in the form of the Eucharist is there. He's there almost every mass except a few special ones. When you sit we then kneel and pray God will prepare our hearts for the mass. I use it as time to pray for all the people I said I was going to pray for. I want to leave that with Jesus before the mass so I'm focused.

In the pew you will see all sorts of things. EVERYONE is welcome at mass. No matter your race, religion, sexual orientation, beliefs, social status or anything else you could think of to divide over. The Catholic Church opens their pews and doors to everyone, with no exception. It doesn't matter what you wear, but try and dress in a way that is honoring to God.

The children are invited to mass. You will hear babies crying, children fussing and talking. They are learning so be patient with them. Enjoy their presence. We want everyone to come to mass and be part of the family.

8. There isn't a bible in the catholic church pew, but there is a book that has the specific readings from the bible printed in it so you can easily follow along. It's not that we don't like the bible, we do, it's our book. We know that everyone doesn't know the order of it though or how to find things so we want everyone to be able to follow along. Simply find the date in the book and it will get you through the readings. Still having trouble? Can't read? The early christians didn't have any of this. Simply sit and listen and soak up the words. Listen to them as though you know you won't hear this part in mass again for 3 years. You see the church reads through the bible in 3 year cycles (year A, B and C). We then start over.

9. Don't worry about missing what's happening at your parish mass: the mass is the same all over the world. On the given day you go: everyone around the world is reading the same readings. We read from the old testament ,psalm,  new testament and gospel. Daily mass is shorter than Saturday vigil or Sunday but remember the mass is about Jesus and the Eucharist. That happens every mass. Mass is being said every minute of the day somewhere in the world and you can use great resources like masstimes.org to help you find one wherever you are.

10. Tithe- We don't demand 10% in the catholic church like many churches do but we know that everything is Gods and we give "as each is able." The Catholic church feeds and clothes more than anyone other organization in the world. That money is stewarded well and know there are a lot of people looking and checking to make sure the funds are being used appropriately. None of the priests live in big fancy houses. Most priests make about $25,000 a year to cover their living expenses. Sometimes they take a second collection toward the end for a special intention: like a group of sisters who need help, for the bishops project, the mortgage on the church. God loves a cheerful giver and wants you to give what you can. Make it a priority. Let it be the first check you write out of your budget. All of the activities of the church, maintenance, electricity, ect

There is more I could say on each of these individually and more points I could share on all of it but I'll leave it here.

Friend I love that you are taking the step to attend a mass. Don't be worried. Just go and if you even just stand there the whole time no one will be concerned because it's not about you it's about Jesus.

I hope this helps you in your journey to explore mass. No matter what mass you attend it will be beautiful because Jesus is there.

God bless
Anita

Dear John Pavlovitz and People Leaving Churches:

I read an article from John Pavlovitz which you can read here Dear Church Here's Why People Are Really Leaving You.

John,

I'm going to write to you like my brother, because that is what you are my brother in Christ. First I wanna say thank you. Thank you for recognizing and sharing some of the challenges that the Church is undergoing. Your right. There are many issues. I did a little check on your blog and some of the ones you touch on are big. We have a lot of people walking a lot of different directs and all of them seem to be away instead of walking together.

About 2 years ago I had a similar struggle. I grew up Southern Baptist with a myriad of visits to non-denominational, community, Lutheran, and other churches. I could not understand how Jesus called us to be 1 and yet there were 30,000 denominations of the Christian faith and yet I didn't really know who to ask.  I got tired of your same complaints: the Sundays where "worship" meant music and lights, when some of my greatest moments of worship of God have been in complete silence in the dark. Where truth meant finding someone who had a bigger bible than I did and asking their opinion which may completely contradict with the guy I asked the same question to with an equally big bible. Somehow I found spiritual blindness was so real to me, because just as soon as questions would enter my heart on the history of the church, or what did the church being the foundation and pillar of truth in 1 Timothy 3:15 really look like? They would disappear as if  old Screwtape was helping me remember my hunger and have a bus pass by so I would forget all about it. I came to the place where you are. Frustrated. I  asked God was this what He really wanted? Did He want a rock show, an emotional experience to the tune of whatever artist was  now popular, with the quiet words of a preacher hushed and asking me to come forward and rededicate my life as if I wasn't called to pick up my cross and dedicate my life daily. Don't get me wrong, I love good music and I don't mind lights, but what I wanted was the spotlight on my savior, what I wanted was meat and not milk.

As I talked with friends they would say things like "So you think we need to ask God how we can love Him more each day?" and were bewildered when I said "Yes." I found that the words I read in my bible didn't seem to be taught.  Paul wrote of a desire to finish the race well lest he be disqualified. David wrote of his love and devotion for God that he hoped would carry him all of the days. Ephesians says we are 1 body with 1 baptism, 1 Lord. ONE. Perhaps my math needed some help or perhaps 30,000 didn't equal 1. I learned that when it says we are saved by grace through faith that somehow many dropped the grace claiming we are saved by faith alone... and it's the grace I needed. 

Brother when I got to where you are people said "your just thinking about it too much"  or "God left a spiritual church" as if the Holy Spirit was ever not literal.  There is no harm in looking and questioning and I am praying for you that you will find a home in the body of Christ. I don't want anyone homeless because here's the deal we are all on the same team if Jesus is Lord. You don't need John MacArthur's study notes, or the latest version of the most watered down version of the bible with the most decorated cover. You need Jesus. You need a bible you can read and you need an honest heart and brother I see that heart in you.

So where did I land? The last place I ever wanted to be. I humbly asked God to lead me and help me and I told Him I would go anywhere He led. He took me literally and tested my "anywhere" and called me home to the Catholic Church. It's not what I thought it was in anyway (turns out Catholics are Christians which I didn't know). I found some of the things your looking for: Jesus, love, a reaching hand, acceptance and meat.

I found a people who get on their knees to worship Jesus. I found a church that didn't have a stage but an altar. I found pastors that weren't trying to be bigger than God but rather were trying to magnify God to be bigger for me. They challenged me to be humble, to trust Him, to turn every stone on the path I was on. They weren't afraid of my questions and didn't get impatient. Did I meet sinners in the Church? ABSOLUTELY. People will fail you consistently brother just as Peter, James and John fell asleep when Jesus asked them to pray outside the garden. God was and is faithful and helped me grow in the same love and acceptance I was looking for. The pieces started to fit together and I found that when I striped away what I thought the Catholic Church did and taught I found the Church that I was looking for.

The Church is as big as you want or as shallow as you want. We don't pull out the greek and jump in the depth during the homily (sermon), but rather encourage you to dig as deep as you want when you want. The mass is about Jesus, not about me. It's not about appealing to my feelings or growing my head knowledge or about having the perfect song. We sing the psalms, we read the scripture, we worship Jesus and then we are charge to Go. We are sent on a mission into the world to share Jesus and be His hands and feet. See when we encounter Jesus we might go back to the same place but we don't go back the same way. The Church is open 7 days a week and the encounter with Jesus has been life changing.

What you speak of reaching outside the building: that's Charity and that's what we do. The Catholic church clothes and feeds more than any organization in the world. It's not an option to give but just as the bible says God loves a cheerful giver and we each give as we are able. The two silver coins of the woman are just as beautiful as me giving everything I can. We don't restrict to a percentage but each give as much as we can.

The battles many churches have chosen are just what you said "Lousy," When planned parenthood was opening up an office in my neighborhood we all came together and do you know how many pastors and churches weren't with us because they were afraid standing for the unborn would divide their church? A lot. In fact I was amazed at how many weren't with us, and surprised at the Catholics who agreed to pray around the clock for these babies. We stand for life from conception to natural death and we do our best to defend it. This is one example but I'm with you. Let's stand and fight for the noble causes and if we are the only 2 on the front line I'll be there.

You last point is possibly the most beautiful: "Love seems like a pretty big deal to you but we aren't getting that..." Amen. I can't tell you the number of people I have met that have left the church because they were "voted out" or asked to leave from a particular denomination for whatever reason and I want to scream and ask ARE WE ALL NOT THE WOMAN AT THE WELL? And if we are, and treated others like Jesus treated that woman, wouldn't we do what she did and repent and RUN and tell the whole town about Jesus? We forget that belief comes before behavior but we all belong at the foot of the cross whether we believe or behave. Some forget that though and instead we draw lines of what sins or appearances aren't good enough to sit in the chair next to us. That is why I love my church. We keep the kids in church because everyone is welcome. We keep the elderly and carry them in when can't walk down the isle. We keep the loud and rude and tattooed and various sexual beliefs or marital statuses or social classes. We welcome the homeless in and invite all to the hospital for the broken because brother you and I both know we are all broken and let's just be honest it's  not because of our lack of belief. It's because of my beliefs that I see my brokenness and that I can hold the pieces together, offer my brokenness to our Lord because he can make beauty out of anything, even me.

So John and all who agreed with your words: Brothers, sisters, I'm praying hard for you. I'm praying that you will know you do matter and you are welcome. I am praying that you will know we don't want you walking away but please don't give up the search. We are called as brothers and sisters of Christ to not separate. Please lets stop dividing and start building.

I don't want to tolerate you, I want to love you like Christ would have me love my own hand. I want to encourage you that you aren't alone in your feelings and I'm sure that there are many of us that agree with you. Let me say this YOUR ABSOLUTELY RIGHT TO BE HURT and I am so sorry that you are. We know that our tears are precious as He counts them and collects them in Jars. If God can do that for my tears how much more and I to catch and care for those around me.

I'm reaching out and so is the whole Church with me. I'm happy to help anyway I can and I hope you will take this with the love that it was written with and accept my sincere apology for our brothers and sisters who too are still growing and learning. Be patient with them.

I pray that the peace of Christ would be with you. That God would bless you and keep you and shine His face upon you.

Let's Support What God Has Joined Together

Dear Friends,

Since Paul and I met we have had people doubt our calling to marriage. Before we were married we had friends caution us to wait longer, to have financial agreements before marriage, to question what our hearts knew was true. We did none of this, we trusted God and walked in His timeline. I can understand their concern, Paul proposed 59 days after I met him and we were married 6 months from meeting which may seem like a strange timeline compared to most our age who date for years and are afraid of "I do's." We didn't plan for failure, we prayed for help.  We are blessed because we have gotten so much help and support and couldn't be more thankful.

Now that we have been married a bit, it's not often but at times we have others make comments that have told us that when we had challenges, that the easier thing to do would be to quit. When our journey caused us to grow in our faith, we were encouraged by some that it would be okay to leave since our views changed, rather than encouragement to work to come together as one to discover where God wanted us to go together. We have had people who barely know us tell us that our marriage is beautiful, and others tell us that if it gets too hard it's okay to leave, as if some of the most beautiful things in the world aren't made under pressure. The ring on my hand with its sparkly diamonds was made under pressure and that pressure helped to produce the first piece of jewelry my husband ever bought me. It's our challenges and pressure that have helped us grow, and confirmed that not only did I marry who God had for me, but I married my best friend.

It feels like the world is attacking marriage in a variety of ways. From other Christians encouraging couples to walk away at the first sign of trouble to the times we see the media, politicians and the secular world attempt to rip apart the values and strength of marriage to paint it as an outdated contract rather than a holy covenant. It's heartbreaking to watch and even more challenging to understand.

I am human and imperfect but God has grown my heart to want to put my husband Paul first, to love him even when its hard, to care for him even when it requires me going without as marriage is about many things, but selfishness is never one of them. He has taught me that marriage is a multitude of things, and can give us so many beautiful lessons, more than I could write even, but I'll share a few.

Marriage is about sacrifice. True love is pictured as Christ loves the church and as He laid down His life for the Church, so too my husband loves me with a love that resembles that. The church however is called to love Christ in a Holy and beautiful submission. I am growing each day to love Paul in that way. Marriage is about love and it's important to have a picture of what kind of love.

Love is patient. I'm learning to be patient
Love is kind. I do my best to be kind.
Love does not envy or boast. I do not envy or compare Paul to anyone and I try not to compare myself.
Love is not rude. I do my best to not be rude to Paul but to consider him, to value him, to trust him, to respect him.
Love does not seek it's own interests. It's sacrificial and I'm growing in loving him more.
Love is not quick tempered or brood over it's own injuries. God is growing me in these all the time and it's amazing the ways He has grown me.
Love does not keep a record of wrongs. I try and leave the shortcomings in the past and look to how God is growing us.
Love rejoices in the truth and Paul and I are truthful with each other and even when it's painful we follow the truth of what God is showing us.


Most importantly.
"It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things"

Love is not something that we just walk away from, or get out of.  Our marriage is a covenant with God. It's a promise that we made, and until death do we part. So even if He and I fail at loving each other in this perfect God honoring way, we will bear and believe and hope and endure with the strength from Christ. What God has joined together we will not separate.

Marriage is a path to holiness. It's not about happiness all the time, though together we are happier than we have ever been, but it is about holiness, a growth to learn more about what love is. As Paul and I grow to love each other we learn more about what God's love for us really looks like.

While I have only been married 2 years, 4 months and 27 days God has grown my heart for marriage and it's beauty and on the days where I fail, He reminds me with each new day that He is not finished teaching me through this most beautiful vocation. I pray He will give me all 73 years that my husband and I hope to be married, and more if that is what we need to love each other and God more closely.



Please friends, support marriage. In our country it is vastly under attack and treated as a commodity. There is so much confusion in the world as to what marriage is and is not, and to it's importance. It's described as a "ball and chain" or a "piece of paper." Yet, marriage is so much more than an object it's a vocation. The greatest vocation I will ever have is to be Paul's wife, because it's in my vocation that I can serve God more and fulfill His calling for my life.  I would caution you in charity not to suggest ending a marriage at the first sign of trouble or difference but rather encourage you to encourage couples as marriage is hard. Push married couples to do whatever it is to make it work. Encourage counseling, encourage help, encourage accountability, encourage date nights and prayer together and church attendance and growth in what love is. Don't help them come up with excuses to leave, help them remember their vows and their wedding day. If Satan is ripping apart the church with a directed effort, he's ripping it apart at the most incremental level: the level of the family.

I've in the last year met many who have challenging marriages. Women who have husbands with addictions, men who are married to women who won't respect them, couples who hold different beliefs or have different parenting approaches than their spouses. I've met couples who are challenged  and who's friends and families help pull them apart instead of pushing them together. I've met all sorts of people through my life and my patients and while safety comes first, let's be a society that redeems the families, encourages them, loves them. Let's not be people that look at other relationships and families and talk about them, let's talk with them and help them.

I pray for the couples and families that can't be together because it isn't safe. The circumstances vary but the reality is the same and my prayers and love are with you.

Please know that no marriage or family is perfect.
Perfect isn't required: even our beautiful Holy family was not perfect. Mary had an unexpected pregnancy, Joseph found the circumstances challenging and wanted a quiet divorce, they had to flea for safety and hide to protect their child. It's amazing what they went through and yet we call them the Holy Family not for their perfection, but for the strength they displayed in the challenges, and for the heart that their family ran on
"Lord let it be done to me according to thy word."

For our family, we hope to be holy. We hope to honor God. We hope it would be done to us according to God's word and plan.

Your encouragement would be welcomed wholeheartedly, because even if it meant that our marriage was imperfect, know that you wouldn't be revealing anything we don't know. We are imperfect people and asking God to have mercy on us so that we might grow in grace and love to love each other and God better.


God bless you,
Anita

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015

In 2014 so many things happened. When I was younger I used to divide a page and write the leaving year on one side and the new year on the other and make a list of what happened and what I hoped for in the next year. As I've gotten older I find the years pass so fast that just as soon as one starts it seems it's ending.

Turned 25

friends came to visit

family fun

Amelia Rose joined the world

Easter Vigil- SO BEAUTIFUL!

Riley joined the world

Amelia became a christian

We had our marriage blessed

I was confirmed Catholic

visited grandma

went shooting in TX

Houston adventures...man I want a Kolache.

made new friends

dates with my husband

2 trips to New Hampshire

Anniversary trip and found a new favorite restaurant. 

became a jewelry lady

Had one of my best friends get engaged!!!

Bought our first home

So many amazing things and yet so many challenges. In 2014 I had my faith challenged and tested. I had challenges at work. I learned how much I needed to learn about love as that was my word for the year, and if anything I learned how unloving I can be. I grew a lot in this, and pray God will continue to help me love. While I made new friends, some faded. While I grew, I learned so many more ways I need to grow. 

This is the beauty of life. That while we may only take pictures of the things we celebrate, some of the most beautiful moments are wrapped in the most challenging. I'm so thankful for 2014 and while I don't know all the 2015 will hold I know that God is with me, and will go before me and lead me. 

God bless you,

Anita