For It Is When I am Weak That I am Strong

As a convert, one of the things I wish I had known so much earlier is the saints and their writings. I enjoy not only writing but reading and the beauty and timelessness of the words of the saints help me through many a tough day. Their words and writings grow me and challenge me because they were real people with real struggles, real sin, real misunderstandings and real failures. The saints were people like you and me who in the midst of all their mess and struggle aimed to live a life that pointed to heaven and challenged others by word and deed to do the same.  We see so many stories of the saints that show them as less than perfect and their humanity shows me that it is possible that I too could grow to love God the way they do despite my sin and failures. The saints aren't to be worshiped but they are a wonderful help and example.

While reading Interior Castle by Teresa of Avila I have been challenged so much. It's not a book to breeze through but a book to slowly work through, mull over and let the words grow you. Teresa of Avila lived from 1515-1582 and was a Spanish nun and lead a Carmelite Reform. Today Teresa of Avila would have been 500 years old. When she was 2 Martin Luther would nail the 95 thesis to the Wittenberg door and in her lifetime she would see many including herself become lax in the pursuit of God. However, God woke up her faith through many illness and challenges so when you read her works your reading not only an encouragement in spiritual growth but its peppered with her own autobiography. She was Canonized as a saint in 1622 and elevated to Doctor of the Church by Pope Paul VI in 1970 being the first women to be honored as such. Teresa was a mystic. She knew there was more than just what could be intellectualized and yet she possibly was one of the most intellectual female saints I've read.

Interior Castle explains union with God and the stages in which spiritual perfection could be reached. "I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many mansions." - Teresa wrote. Such a picture is beautiful to me as I explain God in a similar way as a diamond that can reflect a beautiful light in different colors and directions depending on your angle of looking at Him. Through the book she describes mansions where "the most secret things pass between God and the soul." While I haven't finished the book despite I've been reading it a while, I am slowly working through the mansions and reflecting on them. Now in the sixth mansions I've grown and been challenged to be closer to God and so much of what I read challenges me to love and care for those around me in a much more humble way. One such portion I've read over and over is the following :

"The Lord is also in the habit of sending the most grievous infirmities. This is a much greater trial, especially if the pains are severe; in some ways, when they are very acute, I think they are the greatest earthly trial that exists- the greatest of exterior trials, I mean- however many a soul may suffer; I repeat it is only to very acute pains that I am referring. For they affect the soul both outwardly and inwardly, till it becomes so much oppressed as not to know what to do with itself, and would much rather suffer any martyrdom than these pains. Still, at the very worst, they do not last so longer- no longer, as a rule, than other bad illnesses do. For, after all, God gives us no more than we can bear, and He gives patience first." 

Such a thought has been wrestling in my heart as I have been seeing patients with both acute and chronic pains. Moreover, I've had sweet friends go through some incredibly painful conditions.  As I think back to the many patients and people I've seen go through severe physical pains her explanation of the acute pains being some of the most severe are so true. I find those I've known with chronic pain  have grown to learn to manage the aches and pains not that that lessens the challenge but they have grown in strength to manage the interior and exterior difficulties.  In the acute however I've seen the look of despair. I've seen the fear. I've see the challenge to know if their next breath will be followed by another or not. There is something that happens in these acute pains and infirmities. The severe pain that does shake the sufferer to not know what to do. It's amazing and something that has grown me in compassion to see. It's so sad to see that look of fear and so challenging when you experience it yourself.

During the time I've spent shadowing and then during my ER rotation I learned so much about this. So often health care providers look at a patient who comes in, confused as to why their here when they aren't having what we would deem as a medical emergency. However, I learned quickly that people run to the ER when they are past their ability to cope with whatever pain that has happened whether interior or exterior. In their hearts and minds it is an emergency because they don't know what is next. Others, they should come to their doctor or the ER so much sooner than they do but the physical and emotion pain of the acute situation cause them so much fear that they can not clearly chose to seek proper care, or their fear of what could happen keeps them away.  At times the physical can be so painful, as can the emotional. It's no secret that physical pain can cause emotional pain and emotional pain can cause physical symptoms. Both are not easy to handle and both can shock us to a moment of not knowing what to do or where to turn.

Terese explains so perfectly ...they do not last long... and "For, after all, God gives us no more than we can bear, and He gives patience first." I am so thankful for this truth. The acute sharp pain that causes panic does not last long. We either are given the strength to bear with it for its duration or the infirmity is lifted by various means (medication, treatment, God's healing).

Friends I'm praying for you in these challenges. Please do not believe the lie that your illness or suffering is because of a lack of faith or belief. Friends that is NOT true. Do not look to the verses of "you reap what you sow" and go to the place of thinking your sick or injured or hurting whether interiorly or externally because of what you've sown. God allows many things in His timing for His purpose. At times our choices do lead to illness and injury but at times God allows challenges to grow us. He allows the hard times because He loves us and wants to give us His grace and gifts. For many also these challenges help them turn back to God which is His desire. He desires that ALL would know and love Him.
Friends on the good days and bad: Love Him. Don't turn away on the hard days but turn toward Him. He alone will be your strength, He will give you no more than you can bear as He will give you what you need.

"but He has answered me, 'My grace is enough for you: for power is at full stretch in weakness.' It is, then, about my weaknesses that I am happiest of all to boast, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me; and that is why I am glad of weaknesses, insults, constraints, persecutions and distress for Christ's sake. For it is when I am weak that I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 

Happy Birthday St. Teresa of Avila. Thank you for your example and encouragement. 

Teresa's Bookmark Prayer:


Nada te turbe,
nada te espante;
todo se pasa,
Dios no se muda.
La pacientia todo lo alcanza.
Quien a Dios tiene nada la falta:
solo Dios basta.


meaning:

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

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