And as I talked with God and drove home eyes filled with tears a real ness was there. I kept praying for comfort and to get home safe. I wish I could tell you her death was a joyous announcement to me with the hope she would be in heaven but rather it was an announcement of sadness over what I lost. It has been a while since she was mentally coherent but somehow even in all she lost she still had so much to give. She had a bible that was falling apart and she could play the piano by ear without music copying the song on the radio.
I remember this rocking chair she had which I wish so much I could have. She would sit me on her lap no matter how much bigger than her I got and sand this old song "my baby just cares for me". It's memories of Klondike sandwiches and BBQ at the park and using the corded phone in the kitchen way after wireless were popular. These things have flooded my mind and sent waves of joy and sadness.
I worked today which kept my mind busy but was difficult. I'm one to run and not think, one to busy myself until the time passes. But God knew what I needed. He blessed my day even with its challenges. He gave me strength. He timed one of my closest friends coming home this weekend and had a trip planned for that to busy my weekend. But then. Then he gave me a boss who gave me no option but to take bereavement time. No option but to think and process. My mind has swirled with ways I can fill that time but I'm certain those last two days of advent are to be still. To let Him teach me and grow me. To spend time in the word to shut out the world and to listen.
Friends in these remaining days of advent take time to be still. Take time to prepare your heart for the joy of the kings birth.
If I know anything it's that life is full of uncertain twists and turns and God is the only certainty. In this season spend time in that certainty.
Praying for you friends as I know many of you have lost loved ones. God is the only certainty, trust Him in this time.
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