40 days

For 40 days a group of some of the most amazing women I know and I are going to pursue after God and His presence. We aren't going to be seeking out of curiosity, we aren't going to be seeking comfort or finances or gifts or anything else but just His presence. I know God will bless us in these others ways in this time, but my hope and heart is that each one of us would find a new appreciate for just moments with our savior.

There are some days where my heart just breaks for our world and today was one of them. It is so hard to hear people have so much hate and anger toward God and His word. While I can be praying, it still saddens me that they might never know Gods love and comfort and reminds me how many times I take it for granted precious moments that I could be spending growing and learning more about my savior and His word.

I'm guilty. 

I'm a sinner. 

I go to God for comfort, for answers to my growing list of questions, for help. None of this is sinful but what I hope to seek is just His presence. Just Him. 

I found myself today calling on God many times. For patience as I saw patients. For help to see them as He sees them, for comfort as my heart was breaking, for understanding, for answers, for help. But not once did I ask "God what would you have me say" "God what would you have me do." Each time I went to Him was with an agenda of what I wanted, and I hope to develop a heart of thankfulness that says "Lord whatever you want." 

There are so many places in my life right now where that is a question. 

--In my work as I am a new rotation in an urgent care center with new clients, new people I'm working with, and with new challenges. The hours are longer than my other rotations. 

--In my church, or lack there of. The last year or so of church has been one that has left me both with questions and convictions. I thought we had found it until two sundays ago some things the pastor said really made it clear it wasn't the church for us. 

-In my future job that I will have

-timing for things like puppies, babies, moving, act

-where we are going to live after August. 

A lot of unknowns. 

But I need to obey in the known first. What's known is that I need to spend more time with God, and in His word. What's known is I need to write more and what's known is that I need to really put that first. What's known is that the only way I'm going grow is going to be to surrender to God, and to let Him lead the way. 

So for the next 40 days that's what I'm doing. 

Starting today and ending on easter. I hope to keep you all updated. Please feel free to join in if you would like and keep me updated as to how you are going to commit over these 40 days. 

Keep me in your prayers please and let me know how I can pray for you. 

<3

Anita